Thursday, August 27, 2009

I'm writing a book...

yes, you read that right.
I am writing a book.
(laughing yet?)

It IS on my list, so I decided I should get started since it may take 2 years to finish.
This book is about my life.
haha suprised?

I sound so conceded or like the world revolves around me or something,
but here is why I'm making it about my life.

First because I have absolutely no imagination at all.
like not any whatsoever so there is no way I would be able to write one that is imaginary and completely fictionous,

and Second, because back when I was about 16 years old I read the book Megan by Jack Weyland.

Jack Weyland is an AMAZING LDS author and I have read many of his books.

This particular book is about a girl that finds herself pregnant.
It tells the story of how she decides to place this child for adoption.

It goes back and forth between her story,
and a couple that is suffering from infertility.

It tells of the pain and heartache that comes from infertility.
It also tells of the pain and heartache that comes from placing.
I haven't read this book since I was 16,
(I think I'm going to start reading it again tonight)
but I really think that this book had an impact on my decision to place.

I remember when I was trying to figure out whether or not to get married or place Avery for adoption, this book came to my mind on more than once. I kept remembering this couple that was longing for a baby. I remembered the heartache that this family felt. I remembered crying for this mother as she longed for a baby.

I also remembered crying at the end of the book when Megan was going through the emotional and very difficult to place this child. I cried and I thought after I finished that book "good thing I will never have to deal with something like that. I don't know how I could ever place my child. It would be so incredibely hard."

Little did I know...I would be doing JUST that 3 years later.

yes. This book had an impact on me.

So the second reason I am writing this book about my life,
is because I'm hoping that MAYBE..if I can even (by that SMALL chance) get this book published..
maybe I could make someone think more about adoption if they find themselves in this situation.
(and it's most likely going to be more than just my adoption story...I really hope that's not a mistake..I'm thinking that could help someone too?? maybe??)

Crazy thought?
But it's worth a try.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Adoptive Families.

I just want to make something clear.
If it wasn't for Dustin and Andrea,
Avery would be suffering from my mistakes right now.
Adoptive parents are AMAZING.
They go through SO much to have children.
It can't be easy.
I heard something on Adoption Voices today that made my blood boil..Hence, the purpose of this post.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The biggest Loser.

Okay here's the deal.

My mom, dad, sisters and I are all having a biggest loser contest.
Who ever loses the most weight, get's $60
(money that we all contributed).

It goes until November.

We have been doing this for about a week and a half now.

Last week,
I lost four pounds.
I hadn't had a 'dieting' plan set up because I was SOO busy last week,
but I hardly had time to eat.

I was very surprised that I had lost so much though..

THIS week,
I HAVE been strictly dieting.
Let me tell you something...I am NOT a fan of it.
I have been SUPER grumpy,
very emotional (for good reason though..I think they are very legitimate reasons)
REALLY tired all week.

if I don't post for a couple weeks...
it may be because

1. I'm grumpy and don't want to let it show when I blog
2. I'm sleeping
3. I'm just really DOES start this week you know..

Right now I am currently in a good mood, because I quit dieting today.
I was having a really bad day and at about 5 o'clock..I couldn't take it I got some food in my stomach to help change my mood..

Thank Heaven for wonderful parents.
They make me feel SOO much better when I have my emotional breakdowns...

on to another 3 months of dieting...


I took that birthmom to the Airport today.
She flew back home and there is a 99.9% chance I will never see her again.
I have come to love that girl.
It's hard for me to see HER leave...
I think that may have been a reason for my emotions today...
I think that is going to be one of the hardest things about this job.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


It's hard to put how I feel in

so many emotions and feelings..yet so
little words that can express any of them.

Friday, August 21, 2009

I experienced...

My first 'relinquishment' as a case manager today.

at 2:30 am,
I received a phone call from the birthmom I have been taking care of.
Her water broke.

we go to the hospital
and within 2 hours, they were prepping her for a C-section.
I am quite shocked as to how well I was able to control my emotions.
The only time I have cried even a little through this process, is when the baby was born...

This birthmother broke down when the baby cried for the first time.

That moment.
Just that small moment.
hearing the sweet baby cry, and seeing this birthmom break down in tears,
brought back the memories of the first time I saw Avery and heard her cry.

It brought back the feelings I felt.
The "How in the world am I going to do this?" feelings.
I was completely choked up and all I could do was hold her hand and rub her hair as this baby continued to cry.

Since then,
I have not shed another tear.
(at least not yet..!)

Even today when I was in the room as she signed relinquishment papers,
everyone was able to control thier emotions.
This birthmother is an awesome girl.

most of the people in her life do NOT support this adoption, including her mother.
It amazes me how people can do this without very much support.
I sat in her room with her yesterday as she cried. She kept saying how she wanted so badly to parent this child. She wanted so badly to just be this childs mother.

She called her mom for comforting words and all her mom said was "bring me my grandbaby home. You don't have to do this." (her mom wasn't ANGRY at her for placing, but she didn't agree with it)

It broke my heart to see her have to deal with all of this without even her mother telling her that she could do it and being there for her when she just wanted encouragement.

Still as she talked to me,
she started naming off all of the reasons that she SHOULD place.
she named off the reasons that would make it hard for her TO place, but the reasons as to why she should, outnumbered the reasons as to why she shouldn't.

I have learned a lot from this girl in the past few days.
She is a very strong person. Stronger than I could ever be.

When I placed,
I had 100% support from like 99% of the people in my life.
This girl had support from about 10%..and that includes me, her social worker, the adoptive parents and everyone that I work with.

I think my favorite part of this whole experience so far has been seeing this birthmom interact with the adoptive family.
I loved seeing both of them relax as they began their first conversation.
I loved watching as the adoptive mother held her baby for the first time and seeing the relief in her eyes as this birthmom explained to her that she was still 100% sure about her decision.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Zombie Chicken!

My lovely, wonderful, amazing talented friend Brittany has presented me with another award!!


The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words.

I was VERY flattered and VERY excited to receive this award.
The unfortunate thing is that I can only choose TWO people to give this award to.

Deciding who to tag has been really difficult for me.
I just love EVERYONE'S blogs..which is why I have a LINK to them on my blog.

After much thought,
I have chosen the two I would like to nominate.

I LOVE these two. They really do well at giving their blog it's own personality and uniqueness (is that even a word??)


Tuesday, August 18, 2009


I guess I forgot to mention this...
but I am no longer going back to Utah State.

LONG story and you don't want to hear it.
trust me.

SO I'm going to Salt Lake Community College instead.
because of this I am a little sad.

My best friend Keara is going to China along with Chelsey.
My other best friend Terri is married.
Brittany, Mandy, Megan, Elicia and all of the rest of my friends are up at Logan.

This is really not the best thing ever.

I've been having a really hard time with this.
Especially with Keara leaving.
Thank heaven for Skype.

I haven't really posted very much lately because I don't want to be a horrible pessimist all of the time when I blog and I don't have much good to say.

So sorry about that!

My Case Manager job is going that's good.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Fun Weekend

After a VERY busy week,
I had an EXTREMELY fun weekend!
On Friday Night,
I went up to Mandy's Cabin with a bunch of friends.

We had SO much fun.
We roasted Marshmallows and hot dogs, stayed up late and
Stargazed (which I can now cross off my list)!

6 of the 8 of us around the fire.

This is the best picture I have of Mandys Cabin.
(please ignore us on the deck...haha)
It is 100 years old! I never would have guessed.
it was so pretty!

The view on the drive up..

The View from the Cabin. Isn't it GORGEOUS!?

Saturday night.
We had a going away party for Keara and Chelsey.

They are leaving to China on Wednesday to teach kids English so we had another hotdog/marshmallow roasting party.
They also did a pudding slip n slide!

It was really fun even though I am so sad that after Wednesday I won't see Keara or Chelsey for 4 months!!
I'll miss them SO much!!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

In Memory..

You may remember me talking about my close friend Keltson that passed away last year.
Let me tell you a little about him...

He was 19 when he passed away and was just about to leave to serve a full time mission in Charlotte, North Carolina.

On October 11th, 2008,
(10 months ago today)
He was driving home from a hunting trip that he had been anxiously anticipating for months
(and I mean REALLY anticipating. He talked about it constantly.)
while he was driving home,
he was in a fatal car accident and he died at the scene.

No one really knows what happened, but something caused him to overcorrect which rolled his truck and he was killed instantly.

Keltson was a huge part of my life during my pregnancy.
When I discovered I was pregnant he was the only friend that was there for me from the beginning.

He was my best friend.

He is the reason I became close friends with Josh and Terri (both of the friends that were married last week). At least once a week he would invite people over to my house and we would watch a movie. Josh and Terri came the most and those 3 were the only friends I had towards the end of my pregnancy.

Keltson truly cared about others.
He was a great guy and I cannot even express in words how much he helped me during the most difficult time of my life.

He died 2 weeks before Avery was born and I know he was there when she was born. He promised me before he died that he would be there in the hospital every day if I wanted him to be..and he was.

I just can't even explain to you what a part of my life he was

the point of this post.

His sweet mother has put together a 5K walk/run in honor of him.
All of the proceeds go towards a Scholorship for a student at Riverton High School.
(the high school we went to.)

It is September 19th, 2009 at Butterfield Park in Herriman
(14200 South 6212 West)
and starts at 9:00 am

Click HERE for details.

Keltson was an amazing man and deserves to be remembered.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

My week

The past week and a half has been CRAZY!
This post is to wrap it all up:

Family Reunion at Lagoon:

Me and my Uncle Danny and Aunt lisa's baby Jace.
(I had just gotten off the cliffhanger in this picture, so I was EXTREMELY wet. Jace was very I was holding him to cool him off)

My cousin Buddy, Emilee and Me

The day after Lagoon, I went to the second day of FSA with Stefanie.
I met her there..
when we saw eachother..we realized that we were matching.

It was quite embarrassing, especially when random people would walk up to us and ask us if we matched on purpose.

Conner James:
I just had to put this picture on here. It was taken on Wednesday.
I am still babysitting this adorable little boy.
He just learned to crawl and he crawls EVERYWHERE!

In this picture he is trying to stand up and he sat there on one knee forever. It was so cute.

The Timpanogos Temple:
On Wednesday Keara, Chelsey and I went to the Temple.

We went to the Timpanogos one and it was BEAUTIFUL.
Probably one of my favorite.

Anyway, I was able to cross another goal off of My list because of this which was very exciting!! ;)

Josh and Kati's Wedding:
My good friend Josh and his wife Kati were married on Thursday.

It was a nice wedding and she looked beautiful!
I am SO happy for them!!

you may remember THIS post.
My best friend got married yesterday and the wedding was absolutely BEAUTIFUL.

I don't know what I was thinking but I didn't actually get a picture with her and her husband together, looking at the camera but I did get MANY exciting pictures.

The Beautiful Bride

The BEAUTIFUL reception.
This was done at a church..I have never seen such pretty decorations.

yes I did catch the bouquet!

Keara Terri and Me

This was the most diappointing part because...

She didn't stuff it in his face!!!!

It was a good week..but I have to say I could sleep forever now..I was SOO tired when I got home from the wedding, I slept for like..10 hours last night and I still feel like I could go longer.

Congrats to my two MARRIED friends!!
I love you guys

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

the final video

Thank you everyone for your comments on the video!!!

I have edited it a little more after getting different peoples opinons and here is the final one!

It's ALMOST the same, but I wrote a little more about my experience, and I shortened the video at the end..mostly.


Which means,
the more views it receives,
the higher my chances are of winning!!

So I just HAD to post the final one!!

Find more videos like this on Adoption Voices

Thanks again!! :)

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Adoption Voices

So is having a contest.
It's an adoption story video contest.
The winner gets $100.

I made this video for the contest and I need some opinions.

I was wondering if I should take out the last song or not?
or should I Just take out the video at the end?
or is it good as is?

Any other advice???

I WANNA WIN!! hehe

What do you think of it??