Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Whole story. Part 2

The next few days, I had a hard time getting up in the mornings. I had to force myself to go to work everyday. I just wanted to stay in bed. I was so depressed. Everyday my mom would tell me that I needed to start looking at profiles. She kept saying
"the sooner the better. The sooner you find someone, the easier things will be."
Every time she would say that I would think "yeah right! once I find someone, it will mean that I really am placing this baby. it will be even worse." I cried myself to sleep every night, and every night my mom would come lay next to me, talk to me about my situation and tell me that I would feel better after finding the adoptive couple.

A couple days after I called off the wedding, we met with LDSFS to start the adoption process. My case worker asked me to write a list of the kind of family I wanted my baby to go to. I remember writing a huge long list. I wrote in many different ways that I wanted them to be in love.
I wanted my baby to be loved unconditionally.

I wanted the adoptive couple to love each other unconditionally.

My mom kept telling me that I needed to be realistic, and that what I was writing was not realistic, because I wrote a lot of really picky things. But I knew what I wanted, and they were out there. It was just hard to put it in words on paper.

After meeting with my case worker, I finally decided that I needed to start searching for the perfect couple. I got on itsaboutlove.org and started looking through the thousands of families looking to adopt. for the first couple of days, I wrote down every couple that I liked and that impressed me. I probably had at least 50 written down. About three days later, I decided I needed to start narrowing it down. This took hours to do, but I finally narrowed it down to my top five favorite. These 5 couples were all amazing and their profiles really impressed me.

After that I set the list aside, and didn't look at it for a couple of days.
About 2 days after I wrote my list, my mom received a phone call from one of her close friends sisters, Lisa. Lisa told her that she knew a couple that was trying to adopt and that she felt impressed to tell us. My mom received calls like this every day, so she didn't think much of it. But when Lisa told her that I could look up their profile on itsaboutlove.org, and that their names were Dustin & Andrea, it caught her attention.
My mom had heard their names before. After getting off of the phone with Lisa, she went to look at my list. Dustin & Andrea were my number 2. My mom couldn't believe it.
When I arrived home from work that day my mom told me the story. The second she said Dustin & Andrea I became excited. I knew I liked them.
The next day I met with Melissa and brought my list with me. I told her that I wanted to set up an appointment to meet with both Dustin & Andrea and my #1 couple. She agreed and told me she would call me when she had a date and time set up.
The next day Melissa called me and explained that she had gotten ahold of Dustin & Andrea immediately and that I was to meet with them Tuesday April 15th, at 6:00 pm. She then went on to tell me that she could not get ahold of the first couple, but that she would try again after I met with Dustin & Andrea.
I agreed and was really excited, yet really scared to meet them. I arrived at the agency at 5:30 to meet with Melissa first. She asked me if I had come up with any questions I was going to ask them. I had thought about it, but I mostly just wanted to get to know them. I wanted to know about them.
At 6:00 Dustin & Andrea's case worker Pam, walked in and said they were there. I felt this overwhelming feeling of comfort. My whole body relaxed as I walked into the room we were going to meet in and sat down on the couch.
About a minute later I saw a beautiful girl walk past the room. I stared at the door. I knew that was her. Sure enough she turned around and walked into the room. She was holding a bouquet of flowers and had the sweetest smile on her face I had ever seen.
The second she stepped into the room I felt the spirit overcome me. I stood up and hugged her. "Hi, I'm Andrea." she said.
It's hard to put in words the way I felt after that. I knew her from somewhere. I felt like we had been lifelong friends.
I knew her.
She gave me the flowers and sat down on the couch next to mine. Just seconds after that Dustin walked in. I knew I had seen him before as well. He gave me a hug, said "Hi I'm Dustin" and sat on the couch next to Andrea. I stared at both of them in amazement.
This was the couple I had been searching for.
The conversation began flowing, and continued to the entire time. We talked , laughed and shared interests. They told me everything I wanted to know about them, not only by words but by the way they presented themselves. You could tell they were absolutely amazing people by just looking at them. I could tell they were truly in love; Best friends.
When what seemed like minutes, an hour had gone by. Our caseworkers told us it was time to wrap things up. Melissa asked Dustin and Andrea to write their email address down in case I had anymore questions and that we would let them know when I made my decision.

Once she said that I realized that no one knew I had already made my decision. The moment they walked into the room I had made my decision.
There is nothing I can say that could describe the overwhelming feeling I felt. There are not words that will emphasize how much I knew this couple was my babys parents.
I just knew.
I looked at Meilssa, then back at Dustin and Andrea. Andrea was writing their email address on a piece of paper. "Actually." I said "I already made my decision." Andrea looked up from writing and sat back. Dustin looked at her and then they both looked back at me. "can I tell you my decision now?" I asked Melissa "oh yeah of course." she said
I didn't know how to say it. Dustin and Andrea were just staring at me. I couldn't read the emotion in either of their faces. "I want you guys to be the parents." I said as tears filled my eyes. It was all I could get out.
Andrea covered her mouth with her hands and started crying. Dustin just stared at me I could now see emotion in his face.
I couldn't stop staring at either of them. I was looking at the parents of my child. I don't remember what was said after that. all I remember was there was whole lot of hugging and many tears. Happy tears.

Okay this is a long story I know.
So part 3 will be tomorrow.
(and I will finally get to include some pictures)


Dustin and Andrea said...

I've been checking your blog all day for Part 2. It's funny, because I know the story so well, but I still LOVE hearing it. You told it beautifully. I look back on that day with reverence and peace. It was truly a miraculous and special day. Three friends reunited. We knew that we knew you too. Truly the beginning of a wonderful friendship and the fulfillment of a long time dream. Thank you for choosing us!!

Dustin and Andrea said...

This is Dustin. I remember stepping on your foot as I was giving you a hug and thinking, "Oh great. I just ruined our chances."

Alexis said...

I am BAWLINg right now with those "happy tears" you talked about. I remember hearing this story over the phone from Andrea...there was seriously beaming hapiness coming out of the phone on my end. i called evryone i knew (who didn't know Andrea) to tell them about this amazing Birth mom and this wonderfully Spiritual Experience. From the contact with Lisa, the flowers, e-mail exchange to the final 'telling of the decision' I remember hearing all of that coming from Andrea, who was sooo happy, excited and grateful.Thank yo soooo much for sharing this.

Adam and Andrea Daveline said...

Oh Andee! What a wonderful and sweet experience that must have been. I am so amazed at how quickly and wonderfully the Spirit can work.

Todd and Rachel Crane said...

Hi Andee-

Andrea and Dustin are good friends of mine. It has been so touching to watch them go through this whole process with you and I have to tell you, they are so incredibly happy! It was heart breaking to watch them struggle to get pregnant and such a blessing when they announced that you had picked them to be Avery's parents. I am so happy for them and I promise you that Avery is in a good, loving home where the gospel will be taught.

I know you will also be blessed tremendously for your dilligence and faith during this whole process as well. How brave of you! The Lord will be mindful of what you have gone through and will reward you for your faithfulness.

God bless you! Thank you for coming into the Millers lives!

Rachel Crane

Rachelle said...

still crying...sobbing, on to part 3. what an answer to my prayers you are tonight. thanks!

Sarah said...

I am cousin to the Alexis who commented above. I cried through Part 1, sobbed through Part 2, and am sure to cry through the rest. All I can say is that you are a person of true courage and selflessness. I also admire your parents for being encouraging and supportive in you making your decision. You are all amazing people and an example to others. I know you will be blessed for making the best out of a painful and difficult situation.

The Millers said...

Here I am again, lol. I love part 2 because those feeling of KNOWING without being able to explain are the same feeling I had when I chose my adoptive couple, I JUST KNEW.....and I connected with them like I had known them for a while, it was awesome! I love them dearly! I am so happy that I had divine help in making that decision otherwise I am not sure I would have been able to. Thanks again, onto part 3!