Monday, November 30, 2009

Wrap Up

For the last day of National Adoption Month,
I am going to name 30 things I'm grateful for.
(since there are 30 days in the month)

Because ADOPTION is definitely something to be grateful for.

  1. Adoption
  2. Avery
  3. Dustin and Andrea
  4. Family
  5. Friends
  6. My Bishop
  7. That I have a job
  8. that I have a job I love
  9. School
  10. my car
  11. The Gospel
  12. My dog :-)
  13. My Laptop
  14. A home
  15. Good Neighbors
  16. A Good Ward
  17. An Open Adoption
  18. My Health
  19. The Prophet
  20. My blog supporters
  21. Technology
  22. A brother in law that is good with Microsoft Word
  23. That my best friend is a Math Major
  24. Letters from Paul
  25. Our Country
  26. Food
  27. The mailman
  28. My cell phone
  29. Dennys

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Hoping to Adopt: Kevin and Danya

Kevin and Danya were married March 19th 2006,
and decided to start their family through adoption about two years ago.

They don't have any kids yet, but they know that their little one is somewhere out there waiting for them to find him/her!

They live in Southern California in a city called Hemet and they absolutely love it there.

Kevin is a Deputy Sherrif with Riverside county and LOVES his job.

Danya is currently a volunteer coordinator for a non-profit international volunteer organization.
She also loves her job, but she cannot wait until she can make being a mommy her full time job!

Kevin and Danya are happy to be members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,
and have a very loving and supportive extended family.

Some of their hobbies include hanging out with their family, which is very important to them, going to Disneyland about twice a month!!, Road trips, playing with their little dog "Tank", reading, watching "their shows" together, and going on spontaneous"secret adventures" (they are secret because they don't even know where they're going! They just enjoy driving around together listening to good music or talking about everything under the sun)

Danya says:
"Kevin and I are like two puzzles pieces molded specifically for one another. Heavenly Father definitely knew what he was doing when he brought us together. We are VERY similar in our likes and dislikes but it's our differences that help us to compliment one another so well."

To read more about Kevin and Danya, you can visit their blog by clicking HERE,
or their website by clicking HERE

Saturday, November 28, 2009

TRYING to Adopt: Nick and Michelle

This post is a little different from the others.
Let me tell you a little about

Nick and Michelle have been married for 7 wonderful years.
After 5 years of several unsuccessful attempts to have biological children,
they decided that Adoption was the route they were to take to start a family.

In May of 2008, two months after another miscarriage,
Michelle learned of her friends cousins friends sister (mouthful right?)
who was 18, pregnant with her second child, and was looking for a family to place her child with.

July 30th,
Their beautiful daughter Kayla was born and placed into their arms.

Kayla is now 16 months old:

ADORABLE right? oh my goodness

Nick, who is in the air force,
 just recently returned home from Afghanistan on October 10th.


About three months ago,
Michelle began feeling strongly that she needed more kids.

a couple of week ago she discovered that Kaylas birthmom is pregnant again.
and then just a few days ago, she announced to Nick and Michelle, that she wanted to place this baby boy with them as well.

You can imagine their excitement right?
The baby is due February 7th.

There is just one problem.
They are short with finances this time.

They had the money saved up for Kayla,
but this time they don't.

They feel strongly that this is their child.
He would biologically be Kayla's half brother.

She is currently holding an "Adoption Fundraiser"
Check it out!

To read more about Nick and Michelles journey through this adoption, Go HERE

Friday, November 27, 2009

Hoping to Adopt: Shawn and Alicia

I didn't post yesteray because it was thanksgiving...and I slacked off!!
really sorry about that!

But here is the amazing couple hoping to adopt today:

Shawn and Alicia were married August 24, 2001 in the San Diego Temple.
They were High School Sweetheart who just celebrated 11 years of dating on November 25th.

They have two cute biological boys, Blake (6) and Cole (5).
Both Blake and Cole can't wait for another sibling.


Alicia is a Photogropher and Shawn is a Police Officer.

They just barely went through a failed placement and still strongly believe that their child is out there and that they will find them through adoption.

They can't wait to find their little one!

To find out more about Shawn and Alicia, read their blog HERE or their adoption profile HERE

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Hoping to Adopt: Josh and Savannah

Josh and Savannah were married on February 9th 2001,
and were approved to adopt in January of 2009.

They love doing things outside like Camping, Fishing and Star gazing and the also love cuddling up on the couch on cold nights to watch a movie

Josh and Savannah believe that there can never be enough people to love a child, which is why they believe open adoption is such a wonderful thing.

They both love to cook, although Savannah says the highlight of the week is when Josh controls the kitchen and does the cooking!

They love kids and can't wait for the day they can share that love with their own children and to join in on the family fun.

To lean more about Josh and Savannah, you can visit their adoption blog HERE and their Profile HERE

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Hoping to Adopt: Tom and Shian

Tom and Shian:

Tom and Shian met at work where Tom was installing a new phone system and have been inseparable since.
They are the parents of 8 year old Gavin who wants so badly to be a big brother!

Tom and Shian started the adoption process in may and were approved in October.
They can't wait to expand their family through adoption!

A few words from Gavin:
"My mom and dad are the best parents you could ever dream of.  My dad is really fun.  He likes playing with me.  We play pillow fight and try to scare each other.  My mom is the best person I know.  She saves me from dad when I get tickled.  I just yell "supermom" and she dashes around the corner..."

To read more about Tom and Shian, Click HERE and HERE

Monday, November 23, 2009

Hoping to Adopt: Kelly and Lechelle

Kelly and Lechelle were married 3 1/2 years ago in the Salt Lake Temple and are still very much in love.

Kelly is currently in Dental School. He loves learning new things, doing anything out doors and travelling to new places.
Lechelle loves travelling outside the country to see other cultures.  She loves Decorating cakes and arranging flowers.  She makes all the corsages and boutonnieres for her sisters school dances.

They love spending time with family and can't wait for the day that they can finally start a family of their own.

To read more about Kelly and Lechelle, visit their Adoption Blog HERE or you can read their profile HERE

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Hoping to Adopt: Ryan and Helen

Ryan and Helen adopted their adorable daughter, Emily 2 years ago.
(don't you LOVE her dimples?)

They were approved to adopt again shortly after Emily turned one.

Ryan and Helen have an open adoption with Emily's birthmom.
They exchange pictures, letters and even have occasional visits.

They were sealed to Emily on May 3rd 2008 in the Mt. Timpanogas Temple.

As you can see, they love this sweet little girl, and they can't wait to add to their family.

To learn more about Ryan and Helen, you can fine ther adoption profile HERE and HERE

Saturday, November 21, 2009

"Here you go. Maybe this will help."


So early early Friday morning,
Me, My two younger sisters (Emilee and Kaitlyn), my Mom, my aunt MaryJane, my cousin Courtney and my friend Terri and her Husband all went to the the opening night of Twilight.

You have NO idea how long I had anticipated it.
I'm in love with Jacob.

I'm a Jacob fan ALL THE WAY!
We went to the 2:45am showing.
We bought the tickets two months ago..the 2:45 showing was the only one left!

Let me just say,
I was NOT disappointed.
Really. I saw it again last night with my little brother.
haha I LOVE it.
Jacob is so attractive!

Emilee, Kaitlyn and I made shirts on Thursday night before the movie:

All three of us are Jacob Fans.
(Emilee's shirts says "Not Me" on the case you were wondering ;))

Me, Emilee, MJ, and Courtney

It was SO fun.
SO worth the money (both times)
and SO worth being up until 5:30 am.

You should go see it.

Yesterday I was in class.
The whole class was having a discussion.
One girl started talking about her son.
(she's about my age)

Usually I would be fine.
But for some reason that started a stream of emotion.
I began REALLY missing Avery and started wishing I had a daughter to tell stories about.
It was just one of those moments. I couldn't relate to this girl, because I am not the mother of the little girl I gave birth too. 
(I had about 6 hours of sleep, which is usually the amount of sleep I've been getting.)

I then started tuning everyone out.
I was working on keeping the tears from falling out of my eyes.
So I began texting a birthmom that I have not met IRL yet, but we text all the time and she always makes me feel better.  Her name is Nicole.

after her first reply,
Andrea texted me asking how I was doing.

She always does this.
It's like she knows when I'm having a hard time and I can't take it anymore.

So I just replied telling her I was fine and asked her a question about when they will be approved and on LDSFS site to adopt again.
She answered the question and then said "Are you sure you're okay?"

I swear I stared at the text for a whole two minutes.
I was trying to figure out if I had said anything that made her think I wasn't.
We had been texting each other a couple hours before that and I was fine.

So I replied asking her what made her text me.
and then told her how I was feeling.
She said she just sometimes got fleeting thoughts to contact me and see how I'm doing.
I Love her.
we talked for a few more minutes and then about a half hour later, Dustin texted me.

(At this point,
I was doing better.
Both Nicole and Andrea had calmed me down and I wasn't trying to hold back tears anymore. )

He said that he was sorry I was having a hard time.
I replied letting him know that I was doing better...
and this was his response:

"Here you go. Maybe this will help."

haha I lauged for about 10 minutes and was suddenly completely fine.
I love them.

Dustin and Andrea always know what to say.
and Dustin knew I had seen Twilight the night before and that I love Jacob/Taylor Lautner.
(he's only two years younger than me..that's not bad. lol)

I came home after class, took a nap and when I woke up I was feeling so comforted.
I had to say a silent prayer in thanks for Dustin and Andrea.

Andrea is so close to the spirit.
She is always listening and acting on the promptings she receives.
I know that's how she knew something was wrong.

Hoping to Adopt: Jacob and Sharon

Jacob and Sharon:

Jacob and Sharon have a beautiful 14 year old Daughter, Tammy and a dog Sirius, who they named after Sirius Black on Harry potter.
(They are huge Harry Potter fans!)

Jacob Sharon and Tammy love to travel and are currently planning some vacations for the summer, including going to Yellowstone Wyoming, and Sea World and Disneyland in California!

Jacob has spent the last 6 years serving as active duty in the army and is now working full time at a salt plant and going to school at the University or Utah for his Bachelors degree.

Believe it or not, Sharon already has a Nursery set up.
They cannot wait for the new addition of their little one!

To read more about these wonderful people, go HERE

Friday, November 20, 2009

Hoping to Adopt: Dustin and Andrea

I couldn't help but start this off with the people that are the reason I am involved in adoption.
The people that have made this a positive experience for me
and the people that are like Family to me.

Dustin and Andrea Adopted their first child in October of 2008.
They named her Avery Leigh, and (I don't mean to be biased or anything but) she is Darling.
Avery just turned one and Dustin and Andrea are now hoping to adopt again.

Dustin and Andrea were married 6 years ago in the Salt Lake Temple and were sealed to Avery on May 1st 2009.
They are so in love and amazing parents. The love they have for Avery is pretty obvious, isn't' it?

For Dustin and Andrea's Adoption Blog, Go Here

To find out more about Dustin and Andrea, simply read through my blog.
I'm sure you will see how incredible this family is.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I am sorry

The last couple of weeks, I feel like I have (subconsciously) removed myself from the adoption world.
I think that my mind/body/spirit needed a break from the pain that I have felt lately.

Adoption is an amazing thing.
truly amazing.
I'm so grateful to be a part of it.

But I think that I removed myself to try to heal my heart.
It's been hurting.

Of course I have continued reading Dustin and Andrea's blog,
and I continue to think about Avery everyday.

I feel that I have disconnected from the adoption world.
It's too hard to think about sometimes.
It's too hard to relive the experience.

But I've come to realize that adoption is a part of me.
I can't live without it.

I guess what I am trying to say is

I am sorry.

I'm sorry if I have seemed distant.
I'm sorry if I have not read/commented on your blog lately
I'm sorry if I have disappointed my blog readers, who have been an endless support to me.

It's hard to explain how much it means to me that I have such incredible support through blogging.
It's really, very comforting.

I hope I have not let you down.
and it's NOVEMBER; Adoption Awareness Month nonetheless!

I'm going to work on doing better.
and for the rest of the month,
I'm going to try to dedicate a post to a couple trying to adopt. Everyday.

you never know who could be reading :)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Film and Culture

My goal this semester has been to get a 4.0.
I have been taking only 3 classes this Semester (11 Credits)
(not including Insititute)
so It wouldn't be that hard.

One of those classes are Film and Culture.
It is a Humanities credit.

Here is a little how the first day of class went:
I walked in, looked over and noticed my teacher was a girl
(which kind of caught me off guard since the name on the schedule was a mans name)
When I was about to sit down this teacher started talking.
It was at the moment that I realized this was not a girl.
It was a man.
A transvestite.

I looked around at everyone in the class trying to figure out if I was the only one shocked by this discovery and somewhat nauseas. 
I did notice a few big eyes but nothing as shocking as I felt.

Then we started going over the Syllabus.
The teacher went on to explain that most of the movies we would be watching in this class were going to be rated R and that if anyone was uncomfortable with that, they should drop out now.

If we missed class, our grade would drop half a grade.

I remember sitting there arguing with myself.
I KNEW that I should probably drop out.
Here was my way of rationalizing myself into staying in the class.
and that's exactly what happened.

"There are no other humanities classes that I can take that aren't filled. I need to get this over with.  The movies won't be that bad since they all pertain to culture. It's for class so watching a rated R movie won't go against my values."

yeah I know. Pathetic.

After choosing to stay,
we have watched movie after movie that made me physically sick almost every time.

I managed to get through the movies that were rated R mainly because of the language
(which still bothered me).

I did NOT however, appreciate the movies about homosexuality.
It was just promoting homosexuality, and bringing the Church into it.

I have already missed class one time.
(because I forgot about class due to my busy schedule and I was kicking myself for it all day afterwards.)

So there went my 4.0
I would have an A- in that class, but it was close enough.

But today,
When I went to class.
The teacher announced the movie, which was a film about Christ.

We have already watched one movie about Christ that brought probably the worst feeling to me that I have EVER felt and I will NOT allow that feeling again.

I have a testimony of this Gospel.
I have a testimony of Christ and what He did for us.
So when we were sent to get food before the movie I started feeling very emotional.
I wasn't sure why.

I called my mom and asked her if she had any information about this movie and if she thought it would be okay to see.
My mom looked up the reviews and tried to decide with me on whether or not I should stay to see it.
I was praying silently while I talked to her for an answer to what I should do.

While she was looking it up I had this really strong emotion come over me and I started crying.
I started to realize that the only reason I wanted to stay was because of my grade. That was it.
The reasons I would leave was because of my Testimony of the Gospel.
If this movie was going to be anything like the last one we watched, I didn't even want a HINT of that horrible feeling I felt.  I told my mom I didn't think I was going to stay and I couldn't stop crying. I don't know why I just couldn't stop crying.

I was emotional all the way home because I was so angry with myself for taking this class.

When I got home,
my emotion left.  I prayed that if I had made the right decision not to go, then to help me forget about that class for the next couple of hours that I was supposed to be in class.

and that's exactly what happened.

I made the wrong decision to take this class.
I should have just dropped out.
I knew that taking it was the wrong decision, but I was doing it because I needed a Humanities credit NOW for some reason.

I'm embarrased to say I even allowed myself to watch some of the things I saw in that classroom.
It opened my eyes to how scary this world is.

Although the homosexuality video angered me and I would have been better off NOT seeing it,
the other movie about Christ angered me more.  The feeling it brought was one I have never felt before and one I will NOT let myself ever feel again.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Why I have a blog

I was offended by a friend the other day due to a comment made about my blog.
I felt like I was being belittled because of certain things I have had to overcome.

I was told-indirectly- that this post was inappropriate and that I should not have posted it for the world to see.  I was told to pretty much get over it.

I have been thinking a lot since this comment was made.
Then I came across an interview for Mrs. R. She said so perfectly what I have been trying to put into words. here.

(thanks Andrea for posting it.)

Here is the part of Mrs. R's interview that I couldn't have said better myself:

"...There is something about writing for me that is so healing. There is power in owning your story. There's healing power in thinking about your experiences and emotions and putting words to them. It helps you define and process how you feel."

This is why I made that post.
I even said in there that I may regret posting it.

But, to be quite honest,
I didn't regret it and felt a lot better doing so...until that comment was made.

This is my blog.
because of this,
I may talk about some things that are personal to me.
(not too personal, because I know my blog is not private...for good reasons, but yes, personal)

If you do not agree with my blog do not read it.
If you do not agree with my post, don't rip on me for posting it.
Just simply click the little X on the top right hand of your screen and it will remove it from your view.

Amazing what technology does these days.
If you don't want to see it,
you don't have to.

for the most part I have such great supporters.
99% of my blog readers are SO supportive and I love you all for it.
I'm so greateful for the amazing friends and support I have found through blogging.
So thank you to the rest of you :)

Friday, November 6, 2009

My Last Birthmom.

I quit my birthmom job this week.

It was really hard to do.
I've been really emotional about it.
But it was not paying my bills...and I couldn't do that, work full time AND go to school full time.

It was depressing.
It's been hard accepting that I can't do it all,
but after almost 48 hours of no sleep, I decided that it was really my only option.

Even though I'm going to miss it,
I feel like working this hospital job is what I need to be doing and I feel like I'll also be getting birthmom experience there (a little), because there WILL BE adoptions taking place there. There's already been one as a matter of fact.

It's gone really well so far and I'm really sorry I'm slacking on posting.
My life isn't too exciting right now.

I have been REALLY lacking on sleep lately that's most of the problem.

I brought my last birthmom to the airport today.

That's the worst part.
She was a sweet girl and impressed me to no end with the strength she had during placement.

I remember while we were waiting for the second witness to arrive,
she said "I feel like I know the adoptive couple from somewhere"
(she is from the east and they are from the west.)

I wanted to cry when she said that.
I actually teared up.
I know what she was feeling,
except I knew where that feeling was coming from, and she didn't.
I wished so badly I could have just explained it all to her right there.

It's hard to keep the Gospel out of something that It plays such a big part in.
It's hard to just pretend these things are coincedence when I know that is not the case.

She felt like she knew the adoptive couple from somewhere, because she did.
I strongly believe that she did.
I strongly believe that she knew them before this.
As much as I believe that I knew Dustin and Andrea before this.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Busy Week!!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.
I can't BELIEVE how busy I have been.

I started my Job at the hospital THE DAY AFTER my birthmom had her baby.
My first day working the FLOOR however,
was Avery's birthday.

It was SO wierd to go back into the room where I got to spend time with her as her mom exactly a year ago that day.
I almost started crying when I walked brought back so many precious memories.

Right after work,
I went to Dustins parents house to celebrate Avery's birthday.
It was a BLAST.

I love all of them.
I loved watching how much they love Avery and I loved watching how spoiled she is!!

I took lots of pictures including a video that had her saying "doggy" for the first time.
(I gave her a build a bear dog for her present and she said Doggy after opening it.  It was the cutest thing I've ever seen.)
When I was loading them to my computer I accidentally DELETED all of them!!!
So these next two pictures from Andrea's blog...Thanks ANDREA! hehe
I can't help showing these...

She was a ladybug for Halloween and was in her costume:

I love this little girl so much!

Here is a picture of the bear I got her for her birthday...I LOVED it so I just have to share:

(If you push one arm, it says "I love you Avery Leigh" and if you push the other arm it barks)

The next day Andrea sent me this picture through text:

I love this little girl!!

My birth goes home Thursday.
Not sure how I'll handle it.
She is the sweetest girl I think I've ever met and she has a little boy and he is ADORABLE.

I'm also giving a presentation with Andrea tomorrow at Alta high,
then working a grave shift until 8, then I have a meeting at 10 and school at 3:30.
Haha I'm a little worried about how I'll handle that...wish me luck!

I'm super tired, so sorry if this post doesn't make sense...and is really random!
I am now off to bed!! Goodnight! :)