Time for an apology

Here's another post, with my poor, very poor writing skills.

But I"m gonna try k? haha

When I'm pregnant, I'm so much more moody than anyone can even fathom.

I've been feeling pretty bad about this for quite some time,

but now I'm going to just suck it up and admit that I was wrong.

THIS is the post I'm talking about.

I don't take back the way I feel about the subject,

but I do take back the way I went about writing it.

I understand that there are good and bad ways to go about things and I know I went about this the wrong way.

I could have been more sensitive to other peoples feelings.

But in all honesty,

I have the HARDEST time understanding how someone can sit there and think Abortion is okay.

I don't get what goes on in their brains and I never will.

Here's the thing.

I get my point across when I keep my temper under control.

When I get angry about something,

I can be MEAN.

Not just rude, downright mean. Not on purpose.

I just get so frustrated that I say EXACTLY what is on my mind.

Yes I'm one of those people.

I don't really sugar coat anything. When I feel a certain way, I just say it.

That get's 10x worse when I'm pregnant.

I understand that it's bad but in all honesty, I would LOVE if people were always completely honest with me.

 That way, if they didn't like me, I wouldn't have to waste my time. Plus can you imagine that great communication!?

haha I'm serious.

Sometimes I just hate it when people don't tell me if I'm bugging them, or if they like something I said, or anything like that. I just would absolutely love it if everyone just always said what was on their mind. BUT. That's not how the world is and everyone wants to think that everyone thinks they're perfect.

Crap. I did it again.

Sorry.

Anyway,

back to why I am making this post.

That Abortion post I made was very blunt and not sugar coated at all.

I don't sugar coat the way I feel about adoption, so I figured I shouldn't sugar coat anything...cause it's the way I am!

But I am writing to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for the Harsh words. I'm sorry for being so blunt.

I know this is my blog. I know I should be able to say what I want, but I have not been able to get that post off of my mind since I posted it. It's the reason I stopped writing on here so much.

It was because I was so hormonal and pregnant.

That's not a good excuse, but seriously. I'm mean when I'm pregnant.

Ask my husband. Bless him for putting up with me.

Nobody is perfect okay?

But this is my sincere apology.

I'm sorry for offending those that I offended.

I'm not saying that I agree with you, but I am saying sorry for the words that I said and the way I went about it. I should not have been so harsh.

<3

Eternal Writers Cramp

I was just reading some of my posts from 2009,

and I gotta say...

I've really lowered my writing standards since then haven't I?

I feel as though I am not even the same person as I was back then.

Which, I'm not...

but can't I still have my same writing techniques?

I'm so BORING now and I just barely realized it!

I apologize to everyone for this mishap.

It's disappointing to the max.

Pretty sure college was helping me sound intelligent.

Maybe I should go back...

haha

I feel like my life has changed so much since then and I've had so much going on,

that I've put my blog on a back burner.

So when I DO update,

it's more like word vomit.

It's not pretty.

I hope that everyone can forgive me.

I'm really not the grumpy girl that's been updating the last year...

I've just lost my writing inspiration I guess :(

Just in time

I'm back!

Turns out,

the WiFi on my computer decided to break.

Fixing it was cheaper than we thought though.

It just took a bit to figure that out!

and we did.

Just in time for Christmas :)

Not much has been going on with the pregnancy.

Everything it pretty much the same.

Our next Dr Appointment is next week.

For now,

we are going to enjoy the Holidays this weekend!

I'll update more afterwards.

Merry Christmas!

CRAZY BUSY!

I have completely abandoned my blog lately.

I have hardly had any time so, my apologies!! :D

So we've been married for almost a month

and it only feels like a week!!

We have been so incredibely blessed through all of this and I really don't know how I'm going to thank everyone.

We weren't sure how we were going to afford everything we needed for our house,

but after the wedding we discovered that we didn't need to purchase ANYTHING that we needed.

It's amazing how generous people are and I am SO GRATEFUL!

We are currently looking for a house.

Right now we're living in an apartment,

and feel like we're just throwing our money away!

So we'll see how this all plays out.

I will update soon with pictures from the wedding!

June -- Funny Conversations

Cassidy - Cathy, you have beasts as kids

Mom - I know Cassidy, I know. It's beauty and the beasts

Emilee - Mom, you had to ADOPT a child to even get your eye color...

Me - yeah...and you had to adopt two to even get that.

Mom - What does that have to do with anything?

***

Me: Mom you have the wierdest facebook profile

Mom: Why

Me: this quote you have "As I lay in bed at night staring up at the stars, I can't help but wonder "where in the heck is the ceiling"

Mom: It's the story of my life! Seriously. Everytime I go to bed, I lay down and go "Ahh" and then I open my eyes and think "wait a minute..."

***

(While writing our guest list for the wedding)

Mom: did you invite Dudu?

Ernesto: What did you just say?

Mom: haha it's my Grandma

Ernesto: You call her Dudu?

Mom: Yes, someone called her that once and it just stuck

Ernesto: Bless her heart.

***

SORRY! Not very many funny ones this month...but only because I forgot to write them down!!

I blame him!

It's funny.

I've really had a hard time blogging lately.

You can't blame me though.

I'm planning my wedding and all of my free time consists of...Ernesto.

I don't have TIME to blog!

I have to say though,

I was telling him tonight about all the bad luck that I had when I was dating.

and remembered,

for the second time since he came home,

WHY I had such luck.

I didn't date one decent guy since Before Kris.

(and I started dating Kris right before Ernesto left on his mission) 

I will just give you the first letters of their names while I tell this story...since these are not good things,

but I will go into a little detail of the history.

L-- The first guy I dated after Avery was born. She was four months old. We dated for approximately 3 weeks.  My roomates, specifically ONE, HATED him. I couldn't figure out why at first, but quickly realized what kind of guy he was and broke it off. The way he treated me afterwards wasn't what I would call nice. I ended up crying because of it, but quickly realized he wasn't worth it and moved on.

J-- He was very soon after L. We became pretty serious. I thought I was in love with him. We went ring shopping on the 4th of July, then, on the 5th of July (my birthday), he Broke up with me. I was COMPLETELY heartbroken.  He was the first guy I've ever had break up with me and I don't think that helped the situation at all.  However, now that I look back at it, I realize I only dated him because I wanted to be married. I thought that once I was married, dealing with Avery would be easier.  I realized a few months after we broke up that this was not true. I also realize now that I was DEFINITELY not in love with him. Not even close. He wasn't my type, and he has his priorities messed up. I feel sorry for him, but I hope that one day he can figure it out. I really do.

A-- After J, I quit dating. I was done with guys and planned on just never dating again. I didn't want a boyfriend. I knew that one day I wanted to be a mom, but for about 8 months, I didn't think it was worth the pain. I went on a few blind dates here and there, but never really made an effort with them. Then, one day my aunt said some things that made me decide that I should probably start dating again...even if I wasn't ready to get married, dating was the only way I would find my future husband when the time was right.  SO, I put myself out on the market. A, was the first guy I started dating after this.  I kept telling him that I didn't want anything serious, but he didn't get the hint. I told him that I wanted to date other people, but he still didn't get the hint...THEN, the day before Ernesto came home from his mission...was the day I found out he was coming home.  A asked me if he should be worried, since Ernesto was an Ex and immediately my response was "NO!" I didn't think there was anything there between me and him anymore so I seriously didn't think he had anything to worry about.  Obviously I was wrong. A didn't take it well. I didn't end things very well with him, but I know that he is find now so it's okay :)

I'm sure you're wondering why I tell you this.

WELL,

Ernesto told me that while he was on his mission, he prayed that I wouldn't get married while he was out. He PRAYED for this. I blame HIM for my bad luck while he was gone. Seriously. I BLAME HIM!!

haha.

He's sitting here,

waiting for me to stop typing cause he wants to cuddle.

SO please excuse me,

I would like to cuddle with my future husband.

But,

Blame him for my bad luck these last two years.

Because it's seriously ALL HIS FAULT!!!!

:D

It's okay though.

Cause in the end, he was worth it!

Not meant to be...

FIRST of all,

I would like to announce that Dustin and Andrea were finally approved to Adopt again!

Spread the word!

You can find their profile HERE!

I'm so excited for this!

****

Okay now on to what this post is for:

Last night, I worked until 11.

My mom called me at about 9 and wanted to know if I could stay up until 2:30 to pick up my little brothers because they were going to the midnight showing of Ironman 2 and she had to wake up early. 

I agreed to this and then I texted a VERY good friend of mine to see if he could do something with me until then. He agreed and that was the plan.

By the time I met up with him After work it was about midnight. I told him I was hungry. I know that eating late is SUPER unhealthy, but I was STARVING. I had been working all day. So I suggested that we should go get food at village inn. They're open late right?

He agreed. So we drove to Village inn and as we were walking in the door, the employees were walking out. It closed at Midnight. What the Heck!??! Since when!?

So,

We decided to see if IHOP was still open.

They weren't

SO,

we decided to try Wendys.

We pulled into the drive through and I began looking at the menu.

I found what I wanted and it looked SUPER good.

We were about to order when the lady came on the microphone and said

"sorry, we're closed."

I was SOO mad.

I wanted those Chicken Fingers!!

So, after thinking about it,

We decided to go to Mcdonalds.

I don't like Mcdonalds.

The only thing there that I eat are their snack wraps.

BUT I know they're open for 24 hours.

So,

we drove to Mcdonalds and pulled into the drive through.

the guy came on the Microphone and asked if he could take our order.

I was about to order when he came back on and said

"Oh, before I take your order, we are currently only taking cash. is that okay?"

umm...no. It wasn't okay.

again,

I was MAD!!

I WAS HUNGRY.

apparantly it wasn't meant to be.

haha.

But I didn't care.

I was hungry.

SO,

we decided to try Burger King.

When we got to the drive through for the place,

the lights were on.

After about 30 seconds of sitting there,

the lights all turned off.

At this point, 

we were laughing really hard. 

we were driving all over the valley to get food...this was getting ridiculous

So, 

we decided to try ONE more place. 

We went to a diffrerent Mcdonalds.

and FINALLY,

they were open and both cash AND cards were being accepted!

At least that bought some time right? 

and we had fun.

Midterms. CHECK

I just turned in my last midterm today.

{insert sigh of Relief!}

Now...3 more days until SPRING BREAK!

I can't wait.

It's gonna be relaxing.

All I'll be doing is work.

Maybe I'll have time to clean my room?

ALSO,

I would like to thank Andrea for my new blog...

she spent like 2 hours helping me make three columns

(well...more like doing it FOR me)

Whatdya think?

oh and uh,
I'm gonna be...

blogging more.

Hopefully.

;)

Sister Sister

I had a question on Formspring asking me to tell a little about my siblings.

I thought that was a good idea.

(especially since I seriously am slacking on ideas lately!)

So, I would like to introduce you to My Family:

(Dustin and Andrea took this picture in December. It's our most recent family picture!)

BreeAnn and Blake:

BreeAnn and Blake were married December 13th 2008,

a little less than two months after Avery was born.

They were both SOO good through the birth and very senstive during my emotional breakdowns.

Blake is the best brother-in-law to ever exist.

BreeAnn and I are only 11 months apart (EXACTLY)

and

it's so wierd how incredibely different our lives are.

She's the perfect role model and I'm so grateful to have both of them in my life.

They have a blog and I love it.

Read it by clicking here

Emilee:

Emilee is my best friend.

I go to her whenever I have a bad day

and she deals with all of my crap.

ALL OF IT.

when I'm in a bad mood,

she just smiles and knows not to take it personally when I take it out on her.

She listens to me complain when I have a hard day.

She is the perfect person to go to when you just need to VENT.

I love her and can count on her for anything.

She is the peacemaker in the home.

She is 18 years old and I can't wait for her to graduate so we can move into an apartment together...if she doesn't leave me for Utah State that is! :(

Kaitlyn:

Kaitlyn just turned 15, but looks way older.

She's got STYLE and everything everything looks good on her.

She could leave home in Pj's after just getting out of bed and still look good.

She is definitely the Princess of the home and knows how to get what she wants! 

She is the best babysitter out there and is great with kids!

I don't like the fact that she'll be in high school soon OR the fact that she'll be driving in a year.

Everyone drive with Caution as of February of 2011!! :)

I love her and wish she would just stay the same little 4 year old girl that yelled at everything that she ran into (it was hilarious).

She can't grow up.

She's the only little girl left.

I had the hardest time telling her about my pregnancy of any of my other siblings.

She was 13 at the time and I knew I was the big sister she was supposed to be looking up to.

I hope that she can learn from my mistakes and not be like me!

Dallin:

Dallin is my oldest little brother. 

I noticed as of last Sunday, that  is no longer my little kid brother...and that's scary.

I swear he's got a mustache almost!

Dallin is a good little brother and a good big brother for the two little brothers.

He's a gentleman and the girl he ends up marrying better know he's got 4 older sister judging her every move! She better treat him right.

Dallin is a serious BOY.

Most of the things he does grosses me out.

He is good with his money and at age 13, he already has great work Ethic!

I just gotta say that the girl that he chooses to marry, will be one lucky girl!

He has a great testimony and is a true leader.

I love my big little brotherr!!

Casey:

There are three words that can Describe Casey perfectly:

Dennis the Mennis

no joke.

in fact, I almost wrote that for his name on accident!

Casey is the funniest, cutest trouble maker that exists.

he says the funniest things.

I would tell you some,

but they're just not the same unless he says it...and some of them are kind of mean.

Talk about getting mad at him, while working as hard as you can to keep from busting out in laughter!

Whenever we go out to dinner,

and he likes what he gets,

he makes sure to ask the waiter/waitress if he can have the recipe.

Casey is currently working on acting more enthused when he see's me.

Usually he says "Hiii Andeee..." and he sounds like Eyore on Winnie the Pooh.

He does NOT sound happy to see me.

So now, after practicing with him a LOT 

whenever he sees me,

he tries his hardest to sound excited.

more like, HI ANDEE! with a grin on his face.

haha

It's working for the most part.

I just had to add that in there.

cause it's funny how hard it is for him.

I love this kid.

I don't know how I lived without him before.

Yet another reason I love Adoption.

Joey:

Oh look, even another reason Adoption is Amazing!

Joey is seriously the center of our home.

He gets whatever he wants from whoever he wants.

he is SO SPOILED ROTTEN!

It's hard NOT to spoil him.

He's SOO funny and has the greatest sense of humor already.

Example:

He was in my parents room watching cartoons one day

and I was babysitting him.

My dad walked in and went straight to his room.

When he got there he saw Joey and asked "where's mom Joe?"

without even looking away from the tv he says "She broke up with you."

my dad wasn't expecting that so he starts laughing and asked "why?"

and still, looking at the tv, he says "because I told her to."

haha!

So my dad called my mom and was telling her that story when Joey finally looks away from the T.V. and says "Dad, it was just a joke!"

He's so funny.

if I'm having a bad day, he ALWAYS knows how to cheer me up.

He's so cute. I LOVE HIMM!!

Formspring

So,

I was reading Stefanie's blog and she has this Formspring.me thing.

I thought it was weird, but after I clicked on it I thought it was a pretty good idea!

So I signed up.

You can ask me anything you want.

I won't know who you are, and I will be completely honest.

Just Click HERE

Ready, GO!

Boring.

If you didn't notice,

I've changed my blog layout again.

I don't really like any of them

and if I was creative..and smart enough,

I would make my blog unique.

BUT,

since I have absolutely no idea how to do that...

I just changed the layout again.

Anyone want to show me how to give my blog 'Uniqueness'??

(yes I'm aware that uniqueness may or may not be a word...)

*sniff*

This week I had a lot of 'getting organized' plans

However,

I feel those plans are going to be put on hold for yet, another week.

Because

I am SICK.

I haven't been this sick since...before Avery.

Fever and all.

Please excuse me now while I go to sleep.

I wish to not wake up until I am better.

wish me luck!!

:)

My list Update

Sorry about the lacking on my blog.

I have one of the worst computers on the planet,

and

I have been SOO busy.

Anyway,

I have accomplished many of the goals on my list so far this year.

I've been really proud of myself actually!

here are just a few of the things I have done in the past month (give or take ;))

*Learn how to make Cafe Rio pork (Which I did today. It is SO much more work than expected)

*Dye my hair and include the color red

*Befriend a complete stranger

*make a CD of all of the pictures on my computer

and I also went to IKEA today.

To find a desk

I'm moving in to a house with 5 other roomates in May

 decided that is the perfect oppertunity to "remodel" my bedroom!!

;)

I'm really sorry I'm slacking on my blog lately.

My life has been pretty uneventful lately

(which is NOT a bad thing!)

Anyway,

I'm speaking at a middle school about adoption on Monday.

It will be the first MIDDLE school,

Usually it's high schools.

Hopefully it will go well!!

Dr. Laura

I love this Woman

Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

Ever heard of her?

She has a "talk show" I guess is what you could call it.

She 'gives advice'

I agree with her on about 99% of the things she says.

She is a very very wise woman.

I was on her show once.

I called her when I was pregnant.

Of course it was back when I didn't know Dustin and Andrea very well.

I had probably met them like two months prior to calling her.

My question was How to bring up to Dustin and Andrea how open the adoption was going to be.

really.

ha.

Dustin and Andrea get full credit for how open they have allowed this adoption to be,

but Dr. Laura gets the credit for giving me the guts to bring it up to them.

For the record though,

It's a hilarious question now.

I know Dustin and Andrea. If I knew then what I know now,

I would laugh hysterically at myself for calling her with that question.

Dustin and Andrea are easy to talk to.

If I am worried about something or if I have a question,

I just ask them.

Why?

Because communication is a HUGE part of it all,

and because Dustin and Andrea were the best choice I ever made.

Moral of the Story:

Dr. Laura is genius, and Communication is Key.

P.S.

Dustin and Andrea had no idea that I was on Dr. Laura...until now. :)

sorry guys.

It must have slipped my mind.

[no really. it did.]

FINALS!!

I have my last final on Monday!!

then,

hopefully,

I won't be such a slacker with blogging!!

It's my math final.

I'm super nervous.

Let's hope I pass!!!

P.S.

I want to just say,

Carrie Underwoods new CD is amazing.

(play on)

I love it!

If you haven't heard it yet,

I highly recommend you get it. 

now. :)

She is amazing!

Busy Week!!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.

I can't BELIEVE how busy I have been.

I started my Job at the hospital THE DAY AFTER my birthmom had her baby.

My first day working the FLOOR however,

was Avery's birthday.

It was SO wierd to go back into the room where I got to spend time with her as her mom exactly a year ago that day.

I almost started crying when I walked in...it brought back so many precious memories.

Right after work,

I went to Dustins parents house to celebrate Avery's birthday.

It was a BLAST.

I love all of them.

I loved watching how much they love Avery and I loved watching how spoiled she is!!

I took lots of pictures including a video that had her saying "doggy" for the first time.

(I gave her a build a bear dog for her present and she said Doggy after opening it.  It was the cutest thing I've ever seen.)

Unfortunately,

When I was loading them to my computer I accidentally DELETED all of them!!!

So these next two pictures from Andrea's blog...Thanks ANDREA! hehe

I can't help showing these...

She was a ladybug for Halloween and was in her costume:

I love this little girl so much!

Here is a picture of the bear I got her for her birthday...I LOVED it so I just have to share:

(If you push one arm, it says "I love you Avery Leigh" and if you push the other arm it barks)

The next day Andrea sent me this picture through text:

I love this little girl!!

Anyway,

My birth goes home Thursday.

Not sure how I'll handle it.

She is the sweetest girl I think I've ever met and she has a little boy and he is ADORABLE.

I'm also giving a presentation with Andrea tomorrow at Alta high,

then working a grave shift until 8, then I have a meeting at 10 and school at 3:30.

Haha I'm a little worried about how I'll handle that...wish me luck!

I'm super tired, so sorry if this post doesn't make sense...and is really random!

I am now off to bed!! Goodnight! :)

Mr Warm Fuzzy

has someone ever done something for you that you appreciated?

SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD at mrwarmfuzzy.com

I couldn't help thinking of this website during President Monsons first talk during General Conference on Sunday morning about the "Warm Fuzzies"

Definitely made my day.

and it makes my day to ready all of the things "Mr Warm Fuzzy" has done for others.

Megan Bell

This is Megan Bell (along with all of her incredible art work behind her)

You've heard me speak of Megan before right?

well,
I'm hear to do it again.
(partly because Megan begged me for like 20 minutes to dedicate a post to her..and partly because I just love her. She completes my life. :D)

Anyone that knows Megan LOVES her.

Seriously.
I have never met someone that can change my mood from being grumpy and sad to happy and laughing within seconds.

I don't know what it is about Megan..

I'm pretty sure it's the way she says things.
but she is the FUNNIEST person I know.

Her sense of humor is HILARIOUS.
I'm not kidding.

I am laughing right now just thinking about how incredibely funny she is.
like I said before, she is the laugh of my life. haha. seriously.

I was thinking a while ago about how I moved away for school way too soon after placing Avery.. but I really don't regret it. Although I didn't get the BEST GRADES in the world, the people I met helped me cope with it all.

On the hard days while I was in Logan (and believe me..I had plenty), Megan would walk in, crack a joke, and I would completely forget the way I felt for the time being.

Megan is awesome.
I just wish that all of you knew her..because if you did, your lives would be oh so entertaining.

It's hard to understand how completely awesome this post is...unless you know Megan!

So read her blog!

this will give you at least a glimpse into Megan Bells complete awesomeness.
MISS YOU MEGAN!!

For Mae:

Conner took a few steps today and I got it on camera!!
(unfortunately, I didn't get the best footage..and the time he took the most steps..I didn't catch on camera. But he's SO adorable!)

Here's what I got:

haha wow I say come on a lot..
Yes I am aware that he is only in his diaper..he hates it when I get him dressed...so i let him roam free for a while. lol

I put this on here for Mae (Conners mom)

you think he'll be walking by October??

The Ugly Truth.

This post has been sitting in my drafts for a couple of days now...
I am forcing myself to have the guts to post it...

Throughout the past couple of weeks I have been slowly realizing something that I should have realized a long time ago.

It seems I always have to experience something horrible in order for me to understand anything. I can't ever just learn from others experiences...it has to personally happen to me.

I really wish I could get over that..because I will forever struggle if I don't.
(I have really contemplated making this post..let's hope I don't regret it)


This is me and Avery's Birthfather, Kris
(got this off his myspace account...good thing he doesn't use it anymore..haha I wanted a picture for this post)

Here's the thing.

I have had VERY bitter feelings towards him for more than a year now for pretty much two reasons:

1. Because he was against the adoption from the beginning and at times was very close to trying to stop it
and
2. Because he wasn't there through pretty much the entire pregnancy. My life was put on hold for almost a year and he didn't feel the need to put his on hold like me. He had the easy way out.

But seriously....
He DIDN'T stop the adoption.

He let it happen even though he didn't agree with it because he knew that it's what I knew was best for Avery and he trusted me.

I should be SO grateful to him for that

I wasn't able to realize this until I experienced heartbreak myself.
Jake was the first person I have ever had break up with me and let me tell you...it hurts. physically.

It hurts to feel like you're not wanted.

Kris wanted to get married.
We were ENGAGED...and I just called it off and didn't want anything to do with him anymore.....

I can see why he would want to stop the adoption now..
I'm just SO SO Grateful that he didn't.

I guess that this post is just about realization...??

The way Kris has made me feel about myself is NOTHING compared to the way Jake has made me feel about myself...

I owe Kris an apology...
I'm just not sure how to do it without sending the wrong message.

Any Suggestions?