Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Whole Story. Part 3

That night, I received an email from them. I was so excited and immediately emailed them back. I asked them if they wanted to go to Dinner that weekend, and that I wanted to bring my parents so that they could meet them. Sure enough we set up a day and time and we met at Olive Garden. The meeting went well and we talked non-stop the entire time. They gave me their phone numbers as we were leaving, and Dustin texted me while we were on our way home.

"I just wanted to let you know that I always told Andrea that when she got pregnant, I would get her anything she was craving at any time of night. The same goes for you."

I laughed, and thanked him.
These really were some AMAZING people.

A couple of days later, I asked them if they wanted to come to the Doctor Appointments with me. I wanted it to seem like Andrea was the one pregnant. I wanted her to experience the pregnancy with me. It made things easier for me. It helped me feel that she would bond with the baby as much as me. It made it easier for me to call her the mom and not me. So they did. I was only 14 weeks along when we met, so they only missed the very first appointment. When we got to the hospital, and went back into our room, our nurse told me that we were going to hear the heartbeat. I was So excited. When the doctor came in and put the monitor on my stomach, it became silent.

He moved it around for a while and we kept hearing little thuds. "Do you hear that?" said Dr. Terry. "That is the baby kicking." I was speechless. This was so wierd! he moved it around a little more and stopped. "There's the heartbeat" he said.

Andrea and I both looked at eachother and smiled. W O W.

we listened for about 15 seconds, and the doctor started talking again. "Well, from the sound of the heartbeat, I predict it's a girl!" I laughed. "How often are you right?" He looked at me and smiled. "About 50% of the time".

A week later, we decided to go to Fetal Foto to find out the sex of the baby. They said that they could find out as early as 15 weeks, so we went as early as possible. That's the most exciting part of a pregnancy! My mom came with me to this, as well as Dustin & Andrea (of course). When the Ultrasonographer put the camera on my stomach, and I saw the profile on the screen in front of me, I stared in shock. Up on that screen was a baby. a baby! It had not actually hit me that I was having a baby until that moment.

First Ultrasound

As she went on to look at the profile of the baby, my throat became really tight. I could not believe that there was a little child inside of me. I looked at Dustin and Andrea, and their eyes were fixed on the screen. They were seeing their baby for the very first time. All of the sudden the Ultrasonographer said

"okay it looks like you're having a little girl."

My head spun around to look at her. "what?" I asked. "look" She said, pointing at the screen. I looked back at Dustin and Andrea and they were grinning. I was so happy for them, but at the same time I ached. I LOVED girls. I wanted this baby! I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. I wanted her. I smiled at them. It took everything in me to hold back tears throughout the rest of the ultrasound. I looked at my mom and she was looking at the screen. I couldn't read her expression but I knew she was feeling the pain as well. I looked back at Dustin and Andrea and they were staring at me. I smiled at them again and then quickly looked back at the screen to hide the tears in my eyes.

When we were done, we went back to the waiting room while they created the video and printed off the pictures. I sat on the couch. Andrea sat next to me on one side and my mom on the other. "how are you doing?" my mom asked. That was it. I couldn't hold it in anymore. "This sucks." I said as I burst into tears. Andrea began to cry as well and put her arm around me.
She hugged me.

I couldn't stop crying. I tried as hard as I could to stop. I didn't want them to worry about me. They were supposed to be enjoying the moment. They had just found out they were having a girl. I didn't want to ruin the moment.

"I hope she looks just like you" said Dustin.

I looked at him and smiled. "thanks." I said. Here they were trying to make me feel better. They didn't have to do this. I wished I could stop. I didn't want to make them feel like they couldn't be excited. They needed to be excited.

When they finally brought the pictures and video out, we walked out the door. Andrea hugged me again and we stood there for a while. I was crying. She was crying. These people were amazing.

When I got in the car I looked at my mom. I knew she was trying to be strong for me. We both began to cry and gave eachother a hug. My mom is a strong person.
As the weeks went by, we saw each other more and more.

I worked at eBay, and after about a month, Dustin and Andrea started bringing me dinner. They did this almost every night. We talked about everything during these dinner breaks, and learned so many things about each other. These were amazing people.
(did I mention that these are AMAZING people?)

One day I was sitting at work and texting them. I was talking to Dustin and I asked him if they had decided on what they were going to name the baby yet. When he texted me back I was not expecting the tears that came after I read it. He told me that they had decided on the name Avery Leigh.

Leigh is my middle name.

He said that they wanted to give meaning to her name, and they wanted her to remember her birth mom. I didn't know what to say. All I could do was thank both of them through text, and cry.

The months went on, and by the time I was 9 months along I was ready to have the baby. I was getting so anxious, and felt as ready as I would ever be. My due date was October 25th. I got to my weekly checkups, and everytime I would leave in a bad mood. Every appointment they would tell me that nothing was happening. I hadn't even started thinning.

Let's just say, the people that I came in contact with the last few weeks of my pregnancy... I owe each and every one of them an apology.

I was in a bad mood everyday.

I didn't know why this baby wasn't coming. I was an emotional wreck.

I felt fat,
I wasn't dilated or even THINNED,
every doctors appointment was bad news,
I was WAITING to go through something I was not looking forward too when I would rather get it over and done with,
on top of all that
my best friend had just died.

I felt like It would be easier to cope if I could deal with all of it at once; especially when I knew I was going to have to soon.

October 25th came and nothing.

was I ever going to have this baby?

Okay, I PROMISE Part 4 is the last one.
Thanks for being patient.. :)


Our Happy Family said...

I have really enjoyed your adoption story. I look forward to each part that you post. As an adoptive mom it's nice to hear the other side. Reading your story brings back all the feelings I had when we were meeting our daughter's wonderful birth parents.
I know I said this in another comment, but I am so thankful to all you wonderful birth mom's out there and for the choice you made.

Ashley Bennion said...

Hey And - You are truly one of my hero's. It has been neat to read this all back through from your feelings- Just wanted you to know how much I love you and how admired you are!

Dustin and Andrea said...

Thanks Andee. I get teary with every post. It brings back so many feelings. We were so excited to get Avery, but never dreamed that we would love her birth mom so much. It has been so bitter sweet. I give Avery extra hugs and kisses every day from you.

Lucy said...


I read your story because itr was posted on "Adoption...changing Lives from beginning to end"...and I started recognizing your story. I sat next to you at the Christmas party for group- I had my baby a few weeks later and placed him for adoption. My name is Lucy- I don't know if you remember me, but I hope that I will see you again at group. I've been in CA since I delivered the baby, but will be back at the beginning of March. You were such an inspiration to me at that time- and still are! Thanks!

Ann Marie said...

You are so beautiful Andee! You have so much to look forward to in life. I am oh so inspired by your wisdom. You are simply amazing!

(I've been good friends with Andrea for 11 years)

Alexis said...

Andee don't apologize for the length of this couldn't be long enough, in fact it isn't--it's not ever over. I LOVE reading this. Dustin get's brownie points forever for the "craving "comment...and Beautiful Avery Leigh does look like you! I think I'll get another box of tissues for part 4. Thank you so much for sharing, well, EVERYTHING!

Adam and Andrea Daveline said...

Wow, Andee! I am amazed that you were able to go through all of this. You have so much strength. I love you little cousin!

Rachelle said...

same thing... crying, sobbing - actually had to pause to clean my glasses. i don't want your story to end! again, what an amazing woman you are and what a beautiful story.