Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Eternal Writers Cramp

I was just reading some of my posts from 2009,
and I gotta say...

I've really lowered my writing standards since then haven't I?

I feel as though I am not even the same person as I was back then.
Which, I'm not...
but can't I still have my same writing techniques?

I'm so BORING now and I just barely realized it!

I apologize to everyone for this mishap.
It's disappointing to the max.

Pretty sure college was helping me sound intelligent.
Maybe I should go back...
haha

I feel like my life has changed so much since then and I've had so much going on,
that I've put my blog on a back burner.

So when I DO update,
it's more like word vomit.
It's not pretty.

I hope that everyone can forgive me.
I'm really not the grumpy girl that's been updating the last year...
I've just lost my writing inspiration I guess :(

Sunday, December 5, 2010

When the time is right...

I have a really good friend.
We met through blogging.
I feel like we've become pretty good friends
especially since we both got married about a month apart.

I'm sure most of you know her or at least her blog.
I've mentioned it before.

Yesterday she made a post that really affected me.
Please read it before continuing to read this.

I can honestly say I never experienced this desire so strongly.
Granted,
after Avery was born,
I couldn't wait for the day that I could get married and have Children.

But I think after I got my job at the hospital,
that feeling was greatly 'watered down'.
It was still there, just not as strongly.

I think mostly because when I felt like I wanted a baby,
I would just go cuddle one of the babies in the nursery and get my fix for the day.
(I hope that doesn't sound wrong or offensive. I don't know how to explain it any other way. I pretty much just needed to at least cuddle a tiny body in my arms, feed them or change their diaper. After that the intense urge/pain simmered) 

This wasn't because I remembered how hard it would be, but because I was able to do just a small amount of what a mother does. Which is what I so badly wanted/want to be.

So,
I did feel this pain to a degree, but I never experienced being married and wanting a baby SO BADLY, but knowing it wasn't the right time.

I haven't told very many people what I'm about to say.
I have told very very few,
but after Stefanie's post, I've decided that I want to share it.

This is why I KNOW that even though it has happened very quickly,
I know that this baby is supposed to come right now.
I KNOW that this pregnancy was no "accident".

A couple of weeks after getting married,
Tyson and I went to the temple.

We went because we wanted to specifically pray about a concern of ours.
We weren't sure what to do as far as housing and most importantly,
his job. I'll leave it at that. It was just something we were stressing about immensely.

While sitting in Celestial room,
we both started praying, pondering and asking about this issue we had.

About five minutes later,
I just couldn't figure out why, no matter what,
I could only think about one thing.

Starting a family.

I thought that maybe, it was just because it's me
(and everyone knows how I feel about wanting to be a mother.)

SO,
I leaned over to Tyson and whispered
"What do you think?"

After sitting there for a few seconds,
her turned to me and whispered
"I don't think we should wait until we're 'ready' to have kids."

keep in mind,
that this was the FARTHEST thing from our minds when we entered the Temple.

I was suprised by his answer because it was EXACTLY what was going through my mind.

On the drive home,
our conversation consisted of one thing
Starting a family.

My concern kept turning to what other people would think.
Yes, I know. That shouldn't matter.
But I worried that we would be seen as irresponsible,
or that people would think I talked Tyson into it because I wanted to "replace" Avery.

It sounds ridiculous,
but sure enough, some have already said this to me.

When I would say this to Tyson, he would say what is so obvious
"who cares?"

He was right.
It's our decision. WE are the only two people that can receive an answer for our family.

When we were almost home,
we decided that yes,
we shouldn't stress so much about birth control or anything.

Two weeks later,
I found out I was pregnant.

I STRONGLY believe that the Lord was preparing us for this moment.
He was telling us that our family needed to start.
This child needs to come now.

I know that because of that experience in the Temple,
I was prepared to see the positive pregnancy test.

That experience helped me to know that we will be able to provide for this baby now.
It helped calm my nerves.

That doesn't mean that I never stress, it just means that I know the Lord will provide a way for us to have what we need to raise this baby.

So,
Stefanie,
although I know that you're aching so immensely to have a baby,
just know that the Lord will tell you when the time is right.

and when the time finally IS,
you will be so happy you waited until you were an eternal family.
I just know it.
and I cannot wait for that day to come for you.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

This is why I love Carrie Underwood.


 Such an Amazing, Talented, AWESOME Woman.
She's my Idol.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dr. Laura



I love this Woman

Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
Ever heard of her?

She has a "talk show" I guess is what you could call it.
She 'gives advice'
I agree with her on about 99% of the things she says.

She is a very very wise woman.

I was on her show once.

I called her when I was pregnant.
Of course it was back when I didn't know Dustin and Andrea very well.
I had probably met them like two months prior to calling her.

My question was How to bring up to Dustin and Andrea how open the adoption was going to be.
really.
ha.

Dustin and Andrea get full credit for how open they have allowed this adoption to be,
but Dr. Laura gets the credit for giving me the guts to bring it up to them.

For the record though,
It's a hilarious question now.
I know Dustin and Andrea. If I knew then what I know now,
I would laugh hysterically at myself for calling her with that question.
Dustin and Andrea are easy to talk to.
If I am worried about something or if I have a question,
I just ask them.

Why?
Because communication is a HUGE part of it all,
and because Dustin and Andrea were the best choice I ever made.

Moral of the Story:
Dr. Laura is genius, and Communication is Key.


P.S.
Dustin and Andrea had no idea that I was on Dr. Laura...until now. :)
sorry guys.
It must have slipped my mind.
[no really. it did.]

Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Room

Sorry the layout to this post is so weird...I don't know what is wrong with it!

I had a really good visit with Keltson's Mom on Wednesday.
She is one the strongest people I know.

She gave me a Christmas gift that put me in tears
(suprising huh? I never cry! ;) haha.)

It was a gift basket.
with all sorts of thing to remember Keltson by.

One of the things inside was a poem Keltson wrote.

About a year before Keltson passed away,
I became aware of the amazing writer he was.

He wrote a story about a dream he had and I was so intrigued the whole time.
He was an amazing writer.

This poem he wrote was about Christmas.
It showed his amazing Testimony of our Savior.

That is not the point of this post though.
The reason I tell you this is to understand how I came across the story that I am about to share.
I was showing/telling my little sister about this basket.
When I showed her the poem, she said that it reminded her of a young man that passed away.
She was told about this in Seminary a few weeks ago.

She found it on the internet and showed it to me.
I couldn't resist posting it on my blog.
It was so good.
It really made me think

Before I share the poem though, I am going to share the story behind it; About the Author:


About The Author


Procrastinating as usual, 17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to
write something for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting. It was his
turn to lead the discussion. So he sat down and wrote.

He showed the essay titled "The Room" to his mother, Beth, before he headed
out the door. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father Bruce. "It's a killer.
It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote." It was also the last.

Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while
cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teays Valley High school.

Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every
piece of his life near them-the crepe paper that had adorned his locker
during his senior football season, note from classmates and teachers, his
homework.

Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering
Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen'
life.

But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that
their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact that
people want to share it. You feel like you are there," Mr. Moore said.
Brian Moore died May 27, 1997-the day after Memorial Day. He was driving
home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in
Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck
unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted. Brian
seemed to excel at everything he did. He was an honor student. He told his
parents he loved them "a hundred times a day", Mrs. Moore said. He was a
star wide receiver for the Teays Valley football team and had earned a
four-year scholarship to Capital University in Columbus because of his
athletic and academic abilities. He took it upon himself to learn how
to help a fellow student who used a wheelchair at school. During one
homecoming ceremony, Brian walked on his tiptoes so the girl he was
escorting wouldn't be embarrassed about being taller than he was. He adored
his kid brother, Bruce, now 14. He often escorted his grandmother Evelyn
Moore, who lives in Columbus to church. "I always called him the deep
thinker," Evelyn Moore said of her eldest grandson.

Two years after his death, his family still struggles to understand why
Brian was taken from them. They find comfort at the cemetery where Brian is
buried, just a few blocks from their home. They visit daily. A candle and
dozens of silk and real flowers keep vigil over the graveside. The Moores
framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the
living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to
find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and
her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy
for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him again someday,"
Mrs.Moore said. "I just hurt so bad now."

The Story...




The Room


By Brian Keith Moore
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.
There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with
small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list
titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which
stretched from floor to ceiling and right to left as far as the eye could
see, had very different headings.


As I walked up to the wall of files,the first to catch my attention was one
that read, "People I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the
cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names
written on each one. And then, without being told, I knew exactly where I
was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my
entire life. The actions of my every moment, big and small, were written in
a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, mixed
with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and
exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories, others a sense
of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if
anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed". The
titles ranged from common, everyday things to the not-so-common-"Books I
Have Read", "Lies I Have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have
Laughed At". Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I Have
Yelled At My Brothers and Sisters." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I
Have Done in Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents".
I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more
cards than I expected. Sometimes less than I had hoped.

The sheer volume of the life I had lived overwhelmed me. Could it be
possible that I had time in my 17 years to write each of these thousands or
millions of cards? But each card confirmed the truth. Each card was written
in my own handwriting. Each card was signed with my signature. When I pulled
out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To", I realized the files grew to
contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or
three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so
much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew
that file represented. When I came to the file marked "Lustful Thoughts";
I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing
to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.
I felt sick to think such a moment had been recorded.


A feeling of humiliation and anger ran through my body. One thought
dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see
this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy, I yanked the file
out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But
as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could
not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only
to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly.
helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the
wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

That was when I saw it. The file bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel
With". The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I
pulled on its handle and a small box not more than 3 inches long fell into
my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the
tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my
stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of
shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves
swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I
must lock it up and hide the key.


Then as I looked up through my tears, I saw Him enter the room. No, please
not Him. Not here. Anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to
open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response.
The few times I looked at His face I saw such sadness that it tore at my
heart. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did he have to
read every one?


Finally, He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me
with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped
my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked
over and put his arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He
didn't say a word. He just cried with me.


Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of
the room, He took out a file, and, one by one began to sign His name over
mine on each card. "No!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say
was "No, no", as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these
cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name
of Jesus covered mine. It was written in blood.
He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the
cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the
next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my
side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood
up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on the door. There were
still cards to be written

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Mary's Dream

I've had a harder time than usual getting in to the Spirit of Christmas.
I don't know why, but it was really starting to bother me.

Then, the other day in Institute,
I had sort of a harsh reminder.

A girl got up and read something that really got to me.
I want to share.

Mary's Dream
I had a dream, Joseph. I don't understand it, not really, but I think it was about a birthday celebration for our son. I think that was what it was all about. The people had been preparing for it for about six weeks. They had decorated the house and bought new clothes. They'd gone shopping many times and bought elaborate gifts.

 It was peculiar, though, because the presents weren't for our son. They wrapped them in beautiful paper and tied them with lovely bows and stacked them under a tree. Yes, a tree, Joseph, right in their house. They'd decorated the tree also. The branches were full of glowing balls and sparkling ornaments. There was a figure on the top of the tree. It looked like an angel might look. Oh, it was beautiful.
 Everyone was laughing and happy. They were all excited about the gifts. They gave the gifts to each other, Joseph, not to our son. I don't think they even knew him. They never mentioned his name. Doesn't it seem odd for people to go to all that trouble to celebrate someone's birthday if they don't know him? I had the strangest feeling that if our son had gone to this celebration he would have been intruding.
 Everything was so beautiful, Joseph, and everyone so full of cheer, but it made me want to cry. How sad for Jesus - not to be wanted at his own birthday celebration. I'm glad it was only a dream. How terrible, Joseph, if it had been real.

Christ is the reason for the season. It's not the presents, the lights, or the shopping.
It's about giving, helping others and remembering the birth of our Savior.

It's hard for me to remember sometimes and I am so grateful I heard this when I did. 
It really put things into perspective for me.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hero On the Bus

I heard a story on Sunday night that really had me choked up.
Not many news stories HAVE had me like this unless I knew the person,
but this one was very different.

Most of you (especially those living in Utah/Idaho) have probably heard THIS story this week.

After I couldn't get this band instructor and her family off my mind,
I received a email from my INCREDIBLE uncle Joe.

He writes a column for a section in the newspaper called ValueSpeak.
His kids went/have gone to American Fork High school so I am sure they knew this amazing woman.
Uncle Joe sends all of the family his article every week and I would really like to share this one because it really got to me.

I recommend reading it.
Enjoy:


ValueSpeak

A Weekly Column
By Joseph Walker


HERO ON THE BUS

They’re calling her a hero. They
are correct – she is. But maybe not for the reason they’re giving.

At
least, not entirely.

Her name was Heather, and she was a teacher.
Bright, articulate, hard-working, creative and fun, she probably would have been
successful at anything she put her mind to. Certainly, she could have made more
money than she was making as a secondary school teacher. But she was passionate
about teaching. Most especially, she was passionate about teaching music.

And she was good at it. Young people responded to her, as they usually
do to adults who sincerely like them and who clearly want them to be happy and
successful. They liked her because she liked them, and they listened to her
because they knew she cared.

Heather was part of a team of dedicated
teachers who helped to create a championship-caliber high school marching band.
This band was – and still is – the toast of its region, and if it isn’t the best
high school band in the United States, it is certainly in the discussion. Most
who know and respect the band attribute their success to visionary leadership,
talented kids and an extraordinary work ethic. Heather was deeply involved in
all of that, and she savored every moment she spent with her kids.

Last
weekend, for example, was spent at a marching band competition in a neighboring
state. They won the competition – as usual – with Heather alternately stressing,
encouraging and cheering from the sidelines. After celebrating their victory,
they loaded up the four buses required to carry the entire band and started for
home at about 8:30 in the evening, with Heather sitting right up front of the
bus carrying “her” kids: the woodwind section.

About an hour into the
three-hour trip home something happened. Exactly WHAT happened is still a little
unclear. According to those who were on the bus there was a medical problem with
the bus driver. Heather called out to the driver as the bus began to careen off
the side of the road. When it was clear there was a problem, Heather leapt to
the driver’s side and tried to take control of the steering wheel as the bus
bounced wildly over treacherous terrain. She wasn’t able to get the bus back
onto the road, but at least she was able to keep it from going further out into
the darkness away from the road. Still, the terrain, the speed and the steering
struggles proved to be too much for the heavily loaded vehicle, and it
eventually tipped over on its side before sliding to a stop.

As you
might expect, the students on the bus were terrified. It was chaotic and
traumatic, and a number of them were injured in the accident – thankfully, none
critically.

None, that is, except for Heather. As she battled to control
the bus she placed herself in a precarious and vulnerable position. As the
vehicle lurched and reeled and began to roll, she was thrown through the
windshield. Adults from the other buses and emergency personnel did everything
they could, but eventually the students had to be informed that Heather had
died.

The loss of their teacher and friend was overwhelming to the
students, especially after it became clear that Heather’s efforts to steer the
bus back to safety had prevented the vehicle from crashing into a deep, rocky
ravine a few yards from where the bus finally settled.

“There’s no
telling how many lives she saved,” one highway patrol officer said at the scene.
“If that bus had gone into the ravine . . .” The thought was too horrible to
complete.

So, yes – Heather’s actions last Saturday evening were heroic.
I gratefully acknowledge that. But in my mind, that isn’t what makes her a hero.
As impressive as what she did on the bus is, I’m even more impressed by the
simple fact that she was on the bus. She was there for her students. She
responded when she was needed. And she made a difference in their lives – a
difference they will remember as long as they live.

I think it’s that
way with most teachers. Sure, there are bad apples in the teaching profession,
just as there are bad lawyers, bad doctors, bad engineers and – heaven forbid –
bad newspaper columnists. But my experience suggests that teachers teach because
they care. They want to be there for their students. They are anxious and
willing to respond whenever they are needed. And their greatest desire is to
make a positive difference in the lives of their students.

When you
choose to be a teacher you’re not choosing a path that will lead to fame or
fortune. In fact, you are likely choosing to live a simple, quiet life. But you
are choosing a path that matters in the lives of students and their families –
past, present and future.

And that choice, to me, is heroic.

In
the classroom, the practice field, the auditorium, the laboratory, the
gymnasium.

Or on the bus.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

So touched and completely inspired

I'm SURE everyone has heard of NieNie, right?

Okay well,
I just have to share this amazing story.
grab tissues because I PROMISE you will cry.

First, read THIS.

Then, watch THIS video.

oh wow.
She was on Oprah yesterday.
Whenever I read or see anything PERTAINING to Nie, I have a reality check VERY quickly and becomes SO grateful for my life.

I'm so grateful for my body
I'm so grateful that I am able to pick up little kids, including my future children.
I'm SO grateful for this Gospel.

I love Nie.
She is an amazing woman.