Wish I have parented?

I received a question on my last post,

that is a question I have also been asked a lot so I decided to answer it in a post as well.

The question was:

I can't help but wonder, now that you are married and a mom do you ever wish you could have parented Avery since now you have a two parent household for her? In hindsight, do you regret it or do you (or her adoptive parents) worry she might wonder why she was adopted and her sibling (through birth/blood) was not?

Short Answer: No.

Long Answer:

For those of you that are also LDS,

it's probably easier for you to understand this.

But I will try my best to explain it if you are not.

We understand that families can be together forever. The way to do that is to be sealed together for time and all eternity in the Temple. When we are married, instead of parting at death, we are sealed together for Eternity. Even After death.

This is something that I have a strong Testimony of. I am so grateful that we can be together forever. I can't imagine thinking that if my Husband or Family Member or Child were to pass away that we wouldn't be a forever family! It is so comforting to know that when a family member passes on, we WILL see them again and we WILL be a family forever.

So now let me explain something as far as Avery goes.

Avery's Birthfather and I would not have stayed together.

Our marriage would not have lasted. 

We wouldn't have been sealed in the Temple, which means we wouldn't be a forever family.

How do you think Avery would feel,

if she was the only one that was not sealed to her family?

Because Tyson and I were Sealed in the Temple when we were married,

Kalista was born into the Covenant which means she was born already sealed to us.

When Dustin and Andrea adopted Avery,

they were able to take her to the Temple and be sealed to her.

The only way that Avery would have been able to be sealed to us,

is if her Birthfather allowed Tyson to adopt her and let me tell you right now,

I know for a FACT that he would not have allowed that.

So that is one Major reason that I still know that Avery is where she is supposed to be.

Not once have I wished I had parented her now that she would be living in a stable environment.

Another reason is that just because she would still have a two parent home,

she would still be going to her birthfathers home every weekend.

She would still be passed back and forth.

I gotta say,

I'm having a hard time leaving Kali at my parents house over night for mine and Tysons Anniversary...

I would DIE having to do it every single weekend!

I hope this makes sense and that I'm not just rambling,

but marrying Tyson just confirmed to me that Avery is in the right place.

She is sealed to her parents.

and I know that as long as you are sealed to your family,

that everyone is a family in heaven anyway.

We're all brothers and sisters.

SO no,

I don't wish I had parented her.

not for one second.

But I love that girl so dang much!!

Which is why I don't regret placing her.

She is better off!

and when I see a post like THIS,

it just confirms my feelings even more :)

When the time is right...

I have a really good friend.

We met through blogging.

I feel like we've become pretty good friends

especially since we both got married about a month apart.

I'm sure most of you know her or at least her blog.

I've mentioned it before.

Stefanie.

Yesterday she made a post that really affected me.

Please read it before continuing to read this.

I can honestly say I never experienced this desire so strongly.

Granted,

after Avery was born,

I couldn't wait for the day that I could get married and have Children.

But I think after I got my job at the hospital,

that feeling was greatly 'watered down'.

It was still there, just not as strongly.

I think mostly because when I felt like I wanted a baby,

I would just go cuddle one of the babies in the nursery and get my fix for the day.

(I hope that doesn't sound wrong or offensive. I don't know how to explain it any other way. I pretty much just needed to at least cuddle a tiny body in my arms, feed them or change their diaper. After that the intense urge/pain simmered) 

This wasn't because I remembered how hard it would be, but because I was able to do just a small amount of what a mother does. Which is what I so badly wanted/want to be.

So,

I did feel this pain to a degree, but I never experienced being married and wanting a baby SO BADLY, but knowing it wasn't the right time.

I haven't told very many people what I'm about to say.

I have told very very few,

but after Stefanie's post, I've decided that I want to share it.

This is why I KNOW that even though it has happened very quickly,

I know that this baby is supposed to come right now.

I KNOW that this pregnancy was no "accident".

A couple of weeks after getting married,

Tyson and I went to the temple.

We went because we wanted to specifically pray about a concern of ours.

We weren't sure what to do as far as housing and most importantly,

his job. I'll leave it at that. It was just something we were stressing about immensely.

While sitting in Celestial room,

we both started praying, pondering and asking about this issue we had.

About five minutes later,

I just couldn't figure out why, no matter what,

I could only think about one thing.

Starting a family.

I thought that maybe, it was just because it's me

(and everyone knows how I feel about wanting to be a mother.)

SO,

I leaned over to Tyson and whispered

"What do you think?"

After sitting there for a few seconds,

her turned to me and whispered

"I don't think we should wait until we're 'ready' to have kids."

keep in mind,

that this was the FARTHEST thing from our minds when we entered the Temple.

I was suprised by his answer because it was EXACTLY what was going through my mind.

On the drive home,

our conversation consisted of one thing

Starting a family.

My concern kept turning to what other people would think.

Yes, I know. That shouldn't matter.

But I worried that we would be seen as irresponsible,

or that people would think I talked Tyson into it because I wanted to "replace" Avery.

It sounds ridiculous,

but sure enough, some have already said this to me.

When I would say this to Tyson, he would say what is so obvious

"who cares?"

He was right.

It's our decision. WE are the only two people that can receive an answer for our family.

When we were almost home,

we decided that yes,

we shouldn't stress so much about birth control or anything.

Two weeks later,

I found out I was pregnant.

I STRONGLY believe that the Lord was preparing us for this moment.

He was telling us that our family needed to start.

This child needs to come now.

I know that because of that experience in the Temple,

I was prepared to see the positive pregnancy test.

That experience helped me to know that we will be able to provide for this baby now.

It helped calm my nerves.

That doesn't mean that I never stress, it just means that I know the Lord will provide a way for us to have what we need to raise this baby.

So,

Stefanie,

although I know that you're aching so immensely to have a baby,

just know that the Lord will tell you when the time is right.

and when the time finally IS,

you will be so happy you waited until you were an eternal family.

I just know it.

and I cannot wait for that day to come for you.

I'm slow...I know

Sorry ...I know I take forever to blog lately.

LIFE IS BUSY!!

Okay,

So we're getting married August 20th.

We seriously considered waiting until next summer...but then I decided that's stupid.
I don't want this extravagant wedding.

I just want to get it over with.

I HATE planning weddings.

They're WAY too stressful thanks :)

Then we thought maybe we'd wait until like October or November.

That's about as long as I think engagements should be.

But,

I don't want it to be cold!

August is the warmest month here in Utah.

I want a backyard reception.

So,

we're doing it in August.

for the right reasons.

If he had come home from his mission in January,

The wedding would have STILL been in the summer.

July or August.

Just so you all know.

We're getting married in the Salt Lake temple.

That is also something that took us a while to decide on.

It was originally Oquirrh Mountin Temple...

But my whole life I've imagined myself getting married in the Salt lake Temple.

and Ernesto doesn't care either way.

So we changed it :)

I'm Just SOO thankful that we CAN get married in the Temple.

It's a goal that I've had since I was a little girl.

That will NOT change.

It's important to us both and it will stay that way!

I know a lot have asked for a picture of us.

I put one up a couple of posts before...but none of you knew that was him!!

So,

I'll add some others.

We tried playing in the rain a couple of days ago.

That's what these are from.

(Sorry...this one is kinda blurry)

My week

The past week and a half has been CRAZY!
This post is to wrap it all up:

Family Reunion at Lagoon:


Me and my Uncle Danny and Aunt lisa's baby Jace.
(I had just gotten off the cliffhanger in this picture, so I was EXTREMELY wet. Jace was very sweaty...so I was holding him to cool him off)


My cousin Buddy, Emilee and Me

FSA:

The day after Lagoon, I went to the second day of FSA with Stefanie.
I met her there..
when we saw eachother..we realized that we were matching.

It was quite embarrassing, especially when random people would walk up to us and ask us if we matched on purpose.
haha.

Conner James:

I just had to put this picture on here. It was taken on Wednesday.

I am still babysitting this adorable little boy.

He just learned to crawl and he crawls EVERYWHERE!

In this picture he is trying to stand up and he sat there on one knee forever. It was so cute.

The Timpanogos Temple:

On Wednesday Keara, Chelsey and I went to the Temple.

We went to the Timpanogos one and it was BEAUTIFUL.

Probably one of my favorite.

Anyway, I was able to cross another goal off of My list because of this which was very exciting!! ;)

Josh and Kati's Wedding:

My good friend Josh and his wife Kati were married on Thursday.

It was a nice wedding and she looked beautiful!
I am SO happy for them!!

Dustin and Terri's wedding:

you may remember THIS post.

My best friend got married yesterday and the wedding was absolutely BEAUTIFUL.

I don't know what I was thinking but I didn't actually get a picture with her and her husband together, looking at the camera but I did get MANY exciting pictures.

The Beautiful Bride

The BEAUTIFUL reception.
This was done at a church..I have never seen such pretty decorations.


yes I did catch the bouquet!


Keara Terri and Me


This was the most diappointing part because...


She didn't stuff it in his face!!!!

It was a good week..but I have to say I could sleep forever now..I was SOO tired when I got home from the wedding, I slept for like..10 hours last night and I still feel like I could go longer.

Anyway,
Congrats to my two MARRIED friends!!
I love you guys

You Know Why!

So Keara, Terri and I had a girls night tonight.
I completely forgot how much fun they were.
I missed them INCREDIBELY.

At around 6:30,
Keara and I went to the temple to do Baptisms.

It was a much needed trip.
It was so comforting and so refreshing.

I seriously needed it.
I haven't gone in so long and forgot how amazing it is.
I love this Gospel.

Afterwards,
we decided to go to Chili's for dinner.
As we were leaving,
Terri called and said that she was free (FOR ONCE) and wanted to do something.

So she met us at Chili's and we had SO MUCH FUN.
I can't even tell you how much I missed it.

We had A LOT to catch up on.
it's been a while since it has been just us three.

(please remember that we had just finished doing Baptisms and I didn't fix my hair OR makeup afterwards...)

While we were there we started talking about Terri's nail school classes that she is currently taking.

She just finished learning how to do Glitter Toes and said she wanted to do ours.
So we decided to go back to my house to watch a movie and do our nails.

So we did.
We watched the movie What Happens in Vegas.

If you haven't seen this movie,
I highly HIGHLY recommend it.

The reason we decided to watch this movie is because of our two FAVORITE scenes:




You have no idea how many different ways I have imagined doing this to a certain someone lately...
Actually, more like how many different ways Keara and our awesome friend Brittany have imagined doing this to him. I laugh hysterically everytime after listening to all their many different plans...sometimes I think (and secretely hope) that they are serious...(hehe..hey you can't blame me)

Anyway,
here's Terri in action.

Want your toes to look like these?
(they look 1000 times BETTER in person. Seriously. LOVE them.)


Call Terri!!
She only Charges $15 which is a SUPER good deal.

Make an appointment today:
209-777-3310

What a day

Today Dustin Andrea and Avery, are officially an Eternal Family.

I have to say I was worried about the way I would handle it all.

In fact,

I was terrified as to how I would react.

I thought that I would be crying tears of sadness all day.

But that's not how it went down.

at all.

As I was driving to the Draper Temple,

I was overcome with the most comforting feeling.

It was the exact feeling I felt when I was in the hospital,

particularly on placement day.

As I walked in to the waiting room and sat down,

The spirit was there. I felt at such peace as I sat and waited for them.

As time went by,

familiar faces started appearing.

before I knew it, many people were coming up to me and telling me what an amazing ceremony had taken place.

I felt such an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude towards every one of them. I couldn't believe how many people were coming up and talking to me. Even people I had never met before were talking to me as if I was a good friend. I was so greatful for that. It meant so much to me. I don't know if any of them read my blog, but if they do, I would like to personally thank each and every person that made me feel so welcome. It meant more than you will ever know.

A few minutes later, I looked up and Dustin was walking into the waiting room. I couldn't contain my excitement. As I stood up I looked over and saw Andrea and Avery. All three of them were dressed in white. I walked straight up to Andrea and gave her a hug. As we hugged, I began to cry...but it wasn't sad tears like I had feared, it was tears of complete joy. I was so excited for them I could hardly stand it. I then hugged Dustin and we walked out of the temple so they could take pictures.

What a beautiful family they are. When the time came to take the "group" pictures, I began feeling really awkward. I felt like I was someone standing in on someones family pictures. That feeling didn't come because I felt awkward around them because seriously..they are some amazing people I can't even emphasize that enough..but because I finally realized that I really am okay with all of this. I really do truly believe that this is Avery's family and even though I love her SO much, she really isn't my family. She was sent here to be in Dustin and Andrea's family. she is THEIR child and for the first time since I discovered I was pregnant, I was 1000%, EMOTIONALLY and spiritually, CONTENT with it.

Spiritually I have known the whole time...but emotionally...there has always been a part of me that hasn't been able to cut the chord. At first that scared me. I was worried as to why I felt that way, but as I drove home, tears streamed down my face as I realized that this is a good thing. Thank you Dustin and Andrea. Thank you from the bottom core of my heart. I couldn't have ever felt this way without you.

An hour later, my mom and I went to Avery's blessing at her house.

WOW is all I can say.

more people came up and talked to me,

more people made me feel welcome,

more people amazed me.

Dustin gave Avery such a beautiful blessing.

By the time it was over,

I was bawling my eyes out.

Even though I know with every part of me that Avery is their daughter,

I still love her so much.

I think I will always have a special connection with her.

Even if she's NOT in my family.

Then Andrea bore her Testimony.

WOAH.

I think I embarrassed myself with the many tears that were coming out of my eyes.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives Dustin and Andrea and congratulations on becoming an eternal family!! I love you!

After that amazing experience, I came home and went on a not so amazing date..haha.

More about that tomorrow... for now..I'm just going to enjoy the fact that Dustin and Andrea have an eternal family, and that I am 1000% CONTENT with my life :)

6 Months Old

Avery Leigh. Just minutes old.

Avery Leigh 6 months Old.

It feels like just yesterday that this beautiful Angel came
into this world. I can't believe how fast time flies.

in just a few more days,

Avery will be blessed and sealed to her family,

FOR TIME AND ALL
ETERNITY.

What a day that will be.

Happy 6 months Princess!

It's something sacred

I am following in Mrs. R's footsteps.
my response to the BIG LOVE movie.

It upsets me that Tom Hanks is the producer behind this.
I really liked him.

Draper Temple

I had the opportunity to go to the Draper Temple Open house today.

It was amazing.

It was SO beautiful. I cannot wait until I can actually go do temple work someday.

Me, Terri, Josh, Katie, and Katie's Niece

This picture is of me and my good friends afterwards.

I absolutely loved it and definitely recommend you go if you haven't already.