Saturday, May 2, 2009

What a day

Today Dustin Andrea and Avery, are officially an Eternal Family.
I have to say I was worried about the way I would handle it all.

In fact,
I was terrified as to how I would react.
I thought that I would be crying tears of sadness all day.

But that's not how it went down.
at all.

As I was driving to the Draper Temple,
I was overcome with the most comforting feeling.
It was the exact feeling I felt when I was in the hospital,
particularly on placement day.

As I walked in to the waiting room and sat down,
The spirit was there. I felt at such peace as I sat and waited for them.

As time went by,
familiar faces started appearing.

before I knew it, many people were coming up to me and telling me what an amazing ceremony had taken place.
I felt such an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude towards every one of them. I couldn't believe how many people were coming up and talking to me. Even people I had never met before were talking to me as if I was a good friend. I was so greatful for that. It meant so much to me. I don't know if any of them read my blog, but if they do, I would like to personally thank each and every person that made me feel so welcome. It meant more than you will ever know.

A few minutes later, I looked up and Dustin was walking into the waiting room. I couldn't contain my excitement. As I stood up I looked over and saw Andrea and Avery. All three of them were dressed in white. I walked straight up to Andrea and gave her a hug. As we hugged, I began to cry...but it wasn't sad tears like I had feared, it was tears of complete joy. I was so excited for them I could hardly stand it. I then hugged Dustin and we walked out of the temple so they could take pictures.

What a beautiful family they are. When the time came to take the "group" pictures, I began feeling really awkward. I felt like I was someone standing in on someones family pictures. That feeling didn't come because I felt awkward around them because seriously..they are some amazing people I can't even emphasize that enough..but because I finally realized that I really am okay with all of this. I really do truly believe that this is Avery's family and even though I love her SO much, she really isn't my family. She was sent here to be in Dustin and Andrea's family. she is THEIR child and for the first time since I discovered I was pregnant, I was 1000%, EMOTIONALLY and spiritually, CONTENT with it.

Spiritually I have known the whole time...but emotionally...there has always been a part of me that hasn't been able to cut the chord. At first that scared me. I was worried as to why I felt that way, but as I drove home, tears streamed down my face as I realized that this is a good thing. Thank you Dustin and Andrea. Thank you from the bottom core of my heart. I couldn't have ever felt this way without you.

An hour later, my mom and I went to Avery's blessing at her house.

is all I can say.

more people came up and talked to me,
more people made me feel welcome,
more people amazed me.

Dustin gave Avery such a beautiful blessing.
By the time it was over,
I was bawling my eyes out.

Even though I know with every part of me that Avery is their daughter,
I still love her so much.
I think I will always have a special connection with her.
Even if she's NOT in my family.

Then Andrea bore her Testimony.
I think I embarrassed myself with the many tears that were coming out of my eyes.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives Dustin and Andrea and congratulations on becoming an eternal family!! I love you!

After that amazing experience, I came home and went on a not so amazing date..haha.
More about that tomorrow... for now..I'm just going to enjoy the fact that Dustin and Andrea have an eternal family, and that I am 1000% CONTENT with my life :)


Rachelle said...

you are the sweetest girl. i feel so lucky to have "met" you and so blessed to know your beautiful story. talk about an angel from heaven... an answer to prayers... a true miracle - that's you! thanks for letting us all be flys on the wall of your heavenly journey. "this" experience has changed my life and i can't wait for the moment that our sweet birth mom chooses us. happy day to you and butterfly kisses...

Discount Divas said...

I love you! Just wanted you to know that!

Andrea said...

Sweet Andee. Thank you for your words. This post gave me such great comfort and peace. You are so dear to us and we are grateful that you were able to share this special day with us. Avery is a part of our family, but she also came from a beautiful birth family as well. She will have an amazing story to tell one day. Thank you for your love and courage. I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has sent so much peace to you about all of this. What a wonderful thing. Love you!

Mandy said...

Andee, I'm super glad everything went well. see you had nothing to fret about:) i love you girl and miss you already!

Cory and Becca said...

you are an inspiration...thanks for sharing part of your journey to us all...

Anonymous said...

Okay I have been reading your blog for I'm a birthmom and just had my baby 58 days ago. You have to tell me, does this get any easier?? Your posts are always so upbeat and your so happy but I am really struggling! All I can think about all day is my baby and how much I miss him. How do you do it? Am I normal having all these down days? I have such a hard time cuz I don't really have anyone to talk to about it so I feel like such a loser..I'm only a senior so no one in school is going through this like me. What do you do to stay so positive and happy about placing Avery? Do you have super down sad days too and you just don't blog about them..or are you really as happy as you seem? What do I do to get over him? You should post about how you have gotten through all this and what you do to stay positive..I just feel so depressed and need some advice..Thanks!

Andee said...

You should email me:

I would be lying if I said that I don't ever have a hard day. You placed less than two months ago. I promise that what you are feeling is normal. But, it does get easier. I promise.
email me and we can talk :) Thanks and I promise you will start feeling better soon.

*Liese said...

I was bored and randomly "blogstalking" today and came across yours from a friend of a friend (or possibly even further than that). What more can I say? I could NOT stop reading. Adoption is something I definitely hold near to my heart (many members of my family are adopted and my husband and I are planning to adopt through LDSFS sometime soon). You are truly an amazing person and I am impressed with your maturity and honesty. It was difficult to hold in tears as I read your tender story. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know-I'm sure you're well aware that you have the capability to inspire people you never get a chance to meet. I just thought I'd publicly let you know that one of those people is me. Thank you SO MUCH for you candid approach-I'm sure you'll continue to help and inspire lots of people. I may just have to become a more permanent reader. :)