Sunday, December 5, 2010

When the time is right...

I have a really good friend.
We met through blogging.
I feel like we've become pretty good friends
especially since we both got married about a month apart.

I'm sure most of you know her or at least her blog.
I've mentioned it before.

Yesterday she made a post that really affected me.
Please read it before continuing to read this.

I can honestly say I never experienced this desire so strongly.
after Avery was born,
I couldn't wait for the day that I could get married and have Children.

But I think after I got my job at the hospital,
that feeling was greatly 'watered down'.
It was still there, just not as strongly.

I think mostly because when I felt like I wanted a baby,
I would just go cuddle one of the babies in the nursery and get my fix for the day.
(I hope that doesn't sound wrong or offensive. I don't know how to explain it any other way. I pretty much just needed to at least cuddle a tiny body in my arms, feed them or change their diaper. After that the intense urge/pain simmered) 

This wasn't because I remembered how hard it would be, but because I was able to do just a small amount of what a mother does. Which is what I so badly wanted/want to be.

I did feel this pain to a degree, but I never experienced being married and wanting a baby SO BADLY, but knowing it wasn't the right time.

I haven't told very many people what I'm about to say.
I have told very very few,
but after Stefanie's post, I've decided that I want to share it.

This is why I KNOW that even though it has happened very quickly,
I know that this baby is supposed to come right now.
I KNOW that this pregnancy was no "accident".

A couple of weeks after getting married,
Tyson and I went to the temple.

We went because we wanted to specifically pray about a concern of ours.
We weren't sure what to do as far as housing and most importantly,
his job. I'll leave it at that. It was just something we were stressing about immensely.

While sitting in Celestial room,
we both started praying, pondering and asking about this issue we had.

About five minutes later,
I just couldn't figure out why, no matter what,
I could only think about one thing.

Starting a family.

I thought that maybe, it was just because it's me
(and everyone knows how I feel about wanting to be a mother.)

I leaned over to Tyson and whispered
"What do you think?"

After sitting there for a few seconds,
her turned to me and whispered
"I don't think we should wait until we're 'ready' to have kids."

keep in mind,
that this was the FARTHEST thing from our minds when we entered the Temple.

I was suprised by his answer because it was EXACTLY what was going through my mind.

On the drive home,
our conversation consisted of one thing
Starting a family.

My concern kept turning to what other people would think.
Yes, I know. That shouldn't matter.
But I worried that we would be seen as irresponsible,
or that people would think I talked Tyson into it because I wanted to "replace" Avery.

It sounds ridiculous,
but sure enough, some have already said this to me.

When I would say this to Tyson, he would say what is so obvious
"who cares?"

He was right.
It's our decision. WE are the only two people that can receive an answer for our family.

When we were almost home,
we decided that yes,
we shouldn't stress so much about birth control or anything.

Two weeks later,
I found out I was pregnant.

I STRONGLY believe that the Lord was preparing us for this moment.
He was telling us that our family needed to start.
This child needs to come now.

I know that because of that experience in the Temple,
I was prepared to see the positive pregnancy test.

That experience helped me to know that we will be able to provide for this baby now.
It helped calm my nerves.

That doesn't mean that I never stress, it just means that I know the Lord will provide a way for us to have what we need to raise this baby.

although I know that you're aching so immensely to have a baby,
just know that the Lord will tell you when the time is right.

and when the time finally IS,
you will be so happy you waited until you were an eternal family.
I just know it.
and I cannot wait for that day to come for you.


Seth and Deb said...

I don't think any child is an accident. That's why it is so wrong when people use that excuse to justify abortion. I don't feel like Anna was a mistake. She was a gift from God to help straighten up my life.

For those who are telling you that it was an accident and that you are replacing your's just not true and I can only guess that those who would make that claim could just be jealous, that you are happily married and having a baby.

We as Birthmoms feel a stronger need to have children not to replace our birthchildren, but because WE want SO badly to have that experienced that was just not right for us at that time. I waited 4 years to have my "first" child because I wasn't emotionally ready to have a child. Now that I have 2 sweet little boys (and one sweet birthdaughter) I couldn't be happier! Motherhood is such an awesome wonder you were so excited and anxious to start a family.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. We are on this earth to have children, that is our calling as women, whether one chooses to believe it or not.

A Life Being Lived said...

Hi Andee....thank you for this's so heartfelt! I also feel the desire to have children (once I get myelf a husband) and know that when I do get married I am not going to waste time waiting for the "perfect" time either. Having had my daughter it opened up my eyes to realizing what is really important and what I truly want in my life- if I am so blessed- a family. That means raising children. If I had not had my daughter I may have spent the rest of my 30's focusing on a career or travel or being single and wake up one day in my 40's and realize that it's too late or more difficult. There is never a perfect time to have a child, not at all. I placed my daughter because I couldn't provide what she needed. But she was the biggest "wake up call" to me in how I am living my life. I'm glad you listened to the voice at the Temple. I am so excited for you both!

StefanieJinelle said...

Awww. Andee, I love you :) you make me all teary eyed and such.

People who think that you are pregnant now just to "replace" avery are just naive. You can never replace the baby you didn't get to take home from the hospital.

me and my sister were pregnant at the same time. I don't know how she felt during the whole thing. I ended up seeing her a month after I had olivia and she had her son a month before I had olivia. But it totally makes sense about holding a little baby to take the pain away. I wasn't exactly glued to him because I didn't want my sister to think I was going to kidnap him (HA!)

But thank you for this post. I love that we both received an answer for our prayers. I know ours may be different but we don't know when the time is right for us. He does.

You're an awesome friend! I love hanging out with you!! And I love that we met through blogging. You have helped me more than you will ever know. :) and I may or may not take you up on your offer on holding your little one ;) loves!

Krista Eger said...

I felt the spirit a lot reading this post! You are so amazing! Before Phil and I were married, although I had no plan to get pregnant soon I knew that we would our first year. I really felt like Nathan NEEDED to be here for some reason that would manifest later in life. It may not be something I ever find out why, but I know there is someone or something he is going to change. He is a really challenging toddler, but all of the things that make him challenging I KNOW are amazing qualities that he has! He just hasn't learned how to control them yet. Reading this made me realize how big of a blessing being a parent is. It is absolutely the most incredible thing you can ever experience. Audrey was just blessed today so I'm still a little emotional. I'm just SO grateful to be blessed with children! I know a lot of people have judged me for having kids before we have a house or degrees, but I just don't care anymore. A lot of people aren't settled when they have kids and kids help them do that quicker and more efficiently. In 20 years you'll be glad you had them young because when you have grandkids you'll still be young enough to play with them! I see how much my mom is enjoying life now at age 54 with 11 grandkids and she was a young mom just like us! :D It is SOOOOO worth it and guess what! You're entitled to want to have a baby quick!

tjay Kirk said...

Wow Andee, i cant think of what to say other than your post gave me the biggest chills ever! I love reading your blog and im so happy for you! What a neat experience to have! You are one amazing girl!

Short Leg Lucy said...

God is good and there is something so beautiful about him communicating with us. Good for you guys. Listening, obeying and living out his word. You're gonna be an awesome momma

swimmingviolist said...

Aww! Andee That's so sweet of you! And I agree with Stefanie! People are ridiculous to think that you're "replacing"Avery! I agree with your husband, Who Cares what people think! The decision to start a family is simply between you, your Husband and Heavenly Father! You did the correct thing to go to the temple and pray about what to do! And I'm excited for your new addition to come! :) My mom had struggles to have kids... :( She had miscarriages after miscarriages between before me, between each of my younger siblings... My parents eventually accepted the fact that they were done, my mom worked as a RN in the Nursery and NICU the only comfort she got was holding onto newborns in the Nursery. As well as the fact When one of my cousins was born she just had a really good comfort that everything will be fine. 10 1/2 years after having my younger brother she had My 6 year old sister and 17 months after that my youngest sister that's 5 now! They are such a joy to our family and so grateful that they came into our family when they did! :D