When the time is right...

I have a really good friend.

We met through blogging.

I feel like we've become pretty good friends

especially since we both got married about a month apart.

I'm sure most of you know her or at least her blog.

I've mentioned it before.

Stefanie.

Yesterday she made a post that really affected me.

Please read it before continuing to read this.

I can honestly say I never experienced this desire so strongly.

Granted,

after Avery was born,

I couldn't wait for the day that I could get married and have Children.

But I think after I got my job at the hospital,

that feeling was greatly 'watered down'.

It was still there, just not as strongly.

I think mostly because when I felt like I wanted a baby,

I would just go cuddle one of the babies in the nursery and get my fix for the day.

(I hope that doesn't sound wrong or offensive. I don't know how to explain it any other way. I pretty much just needed to at least cuddle a tiny body in my arms, feed them or change their diaper. After that the intense urge/pain simmered) 

This wasn't because I remembered how hard it would be, but because I was able to do just a small amount of what a mother does. Which is what I so badly wanted/want to be.

So,

I did feel this pain to a degree, but I never experienced being married and wanting a baby SO BADLY, but knowing it wasn't the right time.

I haven't told very many people what I'm about to say.

I have told very very few,

but after Stefanie's post, I've decided that I want to share it.

This is why I KNOW that even though it has happened very quickly,

I know that this baby is supposed to come right now.

I KNOW that this pregnancy was no "accident".

A couple of weeks after getting married,

Tyson and I went to the temple.

We went because we wanted to specifically pray about a concern of ours.

We weren't sure what to do as far as housing and most importantly,

his job. I'll leave it at that. It was just something we were stressing about immensely.

While sitting in Celestial room,

we both started praying, pondering and asking about this issue we had.

About five minutes later,

I just couldn't figure out why, no matter what,

I could only think about one thing.

Starting a family.

I thought that maybe, it was just because it's me

(and everyone knows how I feel about wanting to be a mother.)

SO,

I leaned over to Tyson and whispered

"What do you think?"

After sitting there for a few seconds,

her turned to me and whispered

"I don't think we should wait until we're 'ready' to have kids."

keep in mind,

that this was the FARTHEST thing from our minds when we entered the Temple.

I was suprised by his answer because it was EXACTLY what was going through my mind.

On the drive home,

our conversation consisted of one thing

Starting a family.

My concern kept turning to what other people would think.

Yes, I know. That shouldn't matter.

But I worried that we would be seen as irresponsible,

or that people would think I talked Tyson into it because I wanted to "replace" Avery.

It sounds ridiculous,

but sure enough, some have already said this to me.

When I would say this to Tyson, he would say what is so obvious

"who cares?"

He was right.

It's our decision. WE are the only two people that can receive an answer for our family.

When we were almost home,

we decided that yes,

we shouldn't stress so much about birth control or anything.

Two weeks later,

I found out I was pregnant.

I STRONGLY believe that the Lord was preparing us for this moment.

He was telling us that our family needed to start.

This child needs to come now.

I know that because of that experience in the Temple,

I was prepared to see the positive pregnancy test.

That experience helped me to know that we will be able to provide for this baby now.

It helped calm my nerves.

That doesn't mean that I never stress, it just means that I know the Lord will provide a way for us to have what we need to raise this baby.

So,

Stefanie,

although I know that you're aching so immensely to have a baby,

just know that the Lord will tell you when the time is right.

and when the time finally IS,

you will be so happy you waited until you were an eternal family.

I just know it.

and I cannot wait for that day to come for you.