Thursday, November 19, 2009

I am sorry

The last couple of weeks, I feel like I have (subconsciously) removed myself from the adoption world.
I think that my mind/body/spirit needed a break from the pain that I have felt lately.

Adoption is an amazing thing.
truly amazing.
I'm so grateful to be a part of it.

But I think that I removed myself to try to heal my heart.
It's been hurting.

Of course I have continued reading Dustin and Andrea's blog,
and I continue to think about Avery everyday.

But,
I feel that I have disconnected from the adoption world.
It's too hard to think about sometimes.
It's too hard to relive the experience.

But I've come to realize that adoption is a part of me.
I can't live without it.

I guess what I am trying to say is

I am sorry.

I'm sorry if I have seemed distant.
I'm sorry if I have not read/commented on your blog lately
I'm sorry if I have disappointed my blog readers, who have been an endless support to me.

It's hard to explain how much it means to me that I have such incredible support through blogging.
It's really, very comforting.

I hope I have not let you down.
and it's NOVEMBER; Adoption Awareness Month nonetheless!

I'm going to work on doing better.
and for the rest of the month,
I'm going to try to dedicate a post to a couple trying to adopt. Everyday.

Afterall,
you never know who could be reading :)

7 comments:

Rick & Liz said...

Andee it breaks my heart to know that you have been having a hard time lately. You have nothing to apologize for at all. I think it is also good that you have shared the feelings you have been having. I am sure there are others who are reading your blog who can relate and I'm sure that it helps them to know they are not alone. I think of our birth mom going through these same feelings and my heart just breaks into a million pieces. I think sometimes we all just need to take a step back from time to time. The pain involved in adoption is very real on all sides. However the joy that is there is also very real. My friend Katie made a post about the conference she recently attended and at the end of her post she said something that really hit home with me. She said, "I find that anyone involved in a positive adoption experience has been able to turn huge amounts of pain into beauty and joy." It applies to all parties involved in adoption. That doesn't mean that the pain doesn't come back from time to time though. I wish I were there to give you the biggest of hugs. Lots of love coming your way from both Rick and I.

Lechelle said...

((HUGS))!

I'm sorry you have been hurting lately! But you are entitled to feel whatever you need to, to be able to heal at your own pace. In the last month or so you have gone through two major anniversary dates, I think most of us get that. Take care of yourself, and know that you are admired and appreciated.

LOVE YOU ANDEE!

The Millers said...

I know exactly how you feel. I went through a time like that in my life, it wasn't long after I placed Anna for adoption. I think it's all apart of the process of healing, its totally normal. Adoption is a major part of our lives but sometimes it can be a little too emotional at times and we need a break. Just know that you are not alone in the process and that you have every right to have a break, it can be very emotionally draining sometimes.

Michelle said...

Im sorry you have been hurting. I hope you have been feeling better. I look at you as an inspiration. I really do.

I just learned that our birth mom is pregnant....again.

Im hoping this baby ends up where the big man wants him.

I wish it could be with us.

But...our funds are pretty much cleaned out from adopting our daughter.

Please say a prayer for us. For BM and the unborn baby due in Feb.

Our Happy Family said...

You are just an amazing person to me. Here you have been going through a hard time and yet you apologize to all your blog readers. The world needs more people like you. I just love reading your blog. :)

Andrea said...

Let us know if you ever need ANYTHING! We love you Andee and hope you know that we are so grateful for the part you play in our lives. Avery is so so lucky to have you as her birth mom.

Sharon said...

Andee,
I have been reading your blog for a while now, but I haven't commented. I felt I needed to today. You are an amazing woman. You have been such an inspiration to so many. I hope you know that. You have no need to apologize. Everyone has those times when they feel like their world is crashing down. And that's o.k. The important thing is to remember that you are loved. So very loved. I know you don't really know me, but if there is anything, anything you need, please don't hesitate. I think I will call the temple tomorrow and put your name on the prayer roll. And you are in my prayers tonight, for your peace and comfort. the Lord knows you, and he knows your needs. Turn to him, and he will heal you. I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Like I said, if you need anything, I'm here. HUGS!
~Sharon