Friday, November 13, 2009

Film and Culture

My goal this semester has been to get a 4.0.
I have been taking only 3 classes this Semester (11 Credits)
(not including Insititute)
so It wouldn't be that hard.

One of those classes are Film and Culture.
It is a Humanities credit.

Here is a little how the first day of class went:
I walked in, looked over and noticed my teacher was a girl
(which kind of caught me off guard since the name on the schedule was a mans name)
When I was about to sit down this teacher started talking.
It was at the moment that I realized this was not a girl.
It was a man.
A transvestite.

I looked around at everyone in the class trying to figure out if I was the only one shocked by this discovery and somewhat nauseas. 
I did notice a few big eyes but nothing as shocking as I felt.

Then we started going over the Syllabus.
The teacher went on to explain that most of the movies we would be watching in this class were going to be rated R and that if anyone was uncomfortable with that, they should drop out now.

If we missed class, our grade would drop half a grade.

I remember sitting there arguing with myself.
I KNEW that I should probably drop out.
Here was my way of rationalizing myself into staying in the class.
and that's exactly what happened.

"There are no other humanities classes that I can take that aren't filled. I need to get this over with.  The movies won't be that bad since they all pertain to culture. It's for class so watching a rated R movie won't go against my values."

yeah I know. Pathetic.

After choosing to stay,
we have watched movie after movie that made me physically sick almost every time.

I managed to get through the movies that were rated R mainly because of the language
(which still bothered me).

I did NOT however, appreciate the movies about homosexuality.
It was just promoting homosexuality, and bringing the Church into it.

I have already missed class one time.
(because I forgot about class due to my busy schedule and I was kicking myself for it all day afterwards.)

So there went my 4.0
I would have an A- in that class, but it was close enough.

But today,
When I went to class.
The teacher announced the movie, which was a film about Christ.

We have already watched one movie about Christ that brought probably the worst feeling to me that I have EVER felt and I will NOT allow that feeling again.

I have a testimony of this Gospel.
I have a testimony of Christ and what He did for us.
So when we were sent to get food before the movie I started feeling very emotional.
I wasn't sure why.

I called my mom and asked her if she had any information about this movie and if she thought it would be okay to see.
My mom looked up the reviews and tried to decide with me on whether or not I should stay to see it.
I was praying silently while I talked to her for an answer to what I should do.

While she was looking it up I had this really strong emotion come over me and I started crying.
I started to realize that the only reason I wanted to stay was because of my grade. That was it.
The reasons I would leave was because of my Testimony of the Gospel.
If this movie was going to be anything like the last one we watched, I didn't even want a HINT of that horrible feeling I felt.  I told my mom I didn't think I was going to stay and I couldn't stop crying. I don't know why I just couldn't stop crying.

I was emotional all the way home because I was so angry with myself for taking this class.

When I got home,
my emotion left.  I prayed that if I had made the right decision not to go, then to help me forget about that class for the next couple of hours that I was supposed to be in class.

and that's exactly what happened.

I made the wrong decision to take this class.
I should have just dropped out.
I knew that taking it was the wrong decision, but I was doing it because I needed a Humanities credit NOW for some reason.

I'm embarrased to say I even allowed myself to watch some of the things I saw in that classroom.
It opened my eyes to how scary this world is.

Although the homosexuality video angered me and I would have been better off NOT seeing it,
the other movie about Christ angered me more.  The feeling it brought was one I have never felt before and one I will NOT let myself ever feel again.


Mrs. Black said...

Way to go Andee. Your dignity got an A that day!

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

Oh! My friend Marie has that same teacher and has similar issues with that class. :( Ugh. I'm not sure if she's still in it or not though.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that class at all.

Lechelle said...

What a horrible teacher! Good for you. Your self respect is worth more than any stupid grade that teacher will give you. I'm way proud of you.

brittany michelle said...

you seem to be learning a lot of hard lessons lately. sorry your life has been so stressful lately. i'll come visit you to help you destress. ha ha. destress is not a word. distress is a word. but we don't want you doing that! :)

Our Happy Family said...

I completely agree with the first comment. You may not have an A in that class because of not staying for the movie, but you got an A for doing what you knew was right and leaving!!! :)

Michelle said...

You did the right thing by not going.

Steven & Blythe said...

I took that class. Luckily I did not have that teacher but it sure left me with the same kind of feelings. There were a lot of times that I would look away from the screen and sing church hymns in my head. I never had to watch movies about Christ or I am pretty sure I would have dropped the class immediatley. Good for you!

The Millers said...

Cancel that last comment, I read the rest of the post and realized you were watching them IN CLASS! That's not fair if you ask me. Anyway, if you are ever concerneed about having to watch R movies for classes in the future might I suggest getting a Clearplay anyway, they are great. I am sorry to hear about your class, I have so far not had that experience with any classes I have taken, but I know one thing for SURE, my gut feeling is always 99% correct. Good luck!