Friday, August 21, 2009

I experienced...

My first 'relinquishment' as a case manager today.

at 2:30 am,
I received a phone call from the birthmom I have been taking care of.
Her water broke.

we go to the hospital
and within 2 hours, they were prepping her for a C-section.
I am quite shocked as to how well I was able to control my emotions.
The only time I have cried even a little through this process, is when the baby was born...

This birthmother broke down when the baby cried for the first time.

That moment.
Just that small moment.
hearing the sweet baby cry, and seeing this birthmom break down in tears,
brought back the memories of the first time I saw Avery and heard her cry.

It brought back the feelings I felt.
The "How in the world am I going to do this?" feelings.
I was completely choked up and all I could do was hold her hand and rub her hair as this baby continued to cry.

Since then,
I have not shed another tear.
(at least not yet..!)

Even today when I was in the room as she signed relinquishment papers,
everyone was able to control thier emotions.
This birthmother is an awesome girl.

most of the people in her life do NOT support this adoption, including her mother.
It amazes me how people can do this without very much support.
I sat in her room with her yesterday as she cried. She kept saying how she wanted so badly to parent this child. She wanted so badly to just be this childs mother.

She called her mom for comforting words and all her mom said was "bring me my grandbaby home. You don't have to do this." (her mom wasn't ANGRY at her for placing, but she didn't agree with it)

It broke my heart to see her have to deal with all of this without even her mother telling her that she could do it and being there for her when she just wanted encouragement.

Still as she talked to me,
she started naming off all of the reasons that she SHOULD place.
she named off the reasons that would make it hard for her TO place, but the reasons as to why she should, outnumbered the reasons as to why she shouldn't.

I have learned a lot from this girl in the past few days.
She is a very strong person. Stronger than I could ever be.

When I placed,
I had 100% support from like 99% of the people in my life.
This girl had support from about 10%..and that includes me, her social worker, the adoptive parents and everyone that I work with.

I think my favorite part of this whole experience so far has been seeing this birthmom interact with the adoptive family.
I loved seeing both of them relax as they began their first conversation.
I loved watching as the adoptive mother held her baby for the first time and seeing the relief in her eyes as this birthmom explained to her that she was still 100% sure about her decision.



Mandy Jo said...

Andee your awesome:) I am sure it meant more to her by you being there then you will ever know!!

The Brady Bunch said...

what an amazing experience you are having! You are so perfect for this job and I congratulate you! one word...STRENGTH!!!

Michelle said...

Brings back a lot of memories and emotions from out adoption. You are amazing Andee. You have helped that birth mom more than you know, Im sure.

brittany michelle said...

don't diminish your own strength. i'm sure that you were one of the reasons she was so strong at the end. i'm sure you were one of her pillars of strength while she went through this.

i'm really glad you got this job. you get to help others, and they help you in return, whether they know it or not.

Ashley Bennion said...

You are going to be a blessing to so many people's lives in this job - You rock and - Love ya!

Rick & Liz said...

Andee what an amazing opportunity for you. These girls are going to be SO incredibly blessed to have you in their lives!

StefanieJinelle said...

I think it's incredible. Everything that you're doing. Even when you have 100% support, you still feel alone while going through it. And it's just so easy for her to be open with you because you have gone through that. Seeing what you're doing, changing lives because of your experience, makes me want to do the same thing. :) You rock. I totally look up to you. :)

birthMOM said...

oh how neat for you! last dec i got to be a doula for my roomie while she brought her son into the world, (i was the first one to see his head crown!) i was with her while she was in the hospital for 2 days and i witnessed her relinquishment papers with my own signature, i was there during placement and i was with her at her parents house immediately after placement being 'dr desha'. (i prescribed a hot shower, sage tea to dry up breastmilk and SLEEP! lol)

i too cried right after the baby was born, it didnt bring up emotions like i had thought it might, it didnt pull at my heartstrings the way i think most would have anticipated, but i cried for HER, her strength and her love and knowing what she would have to do in 2 days, i cried for joy for the Aparents, they were there too, and i cried because birth is so beautiful. i didn't cry for me, they weren't sad tears regarding my own placement 5 months previous, it wasnt my moment, it was hers.

birth is so incredible, as is motherhood, as is adoption! im so glad you got to experience it from 'the other side', you and i are lucky as most dont ever get to do that!

Andrea said...

She is so lucky to have you. As you were writing about the birth, I was thinking about the first time we saw Avery. It was so sacred. You are going to be a strength to so many girls. I continue to be amazed by you. We love you!

Lechelle said...

Andee you are amazing. I am sure God matched you with this girl for a reason. Perhaps you were the suppport she needed when she couldn't get it elsewhere. Your experiences as a case manager will surely bless others as much as yourself.