Christmas!

This Christmas was amazing.

I love the feeling of Christmas morning,

I love the lessons we have in church,

I love the feeling of it all around.

It's a time to remember the birth of our Savior and all he has done for us.

Christmas is by far my favorite Holiday.

We had my grandparents over on Christmas morning too which is always an adventure (those of you that know my Oma and Opa know what I'm talking about.) They are very entertaining. I love them!

Just a few pictures:

My Sister and Brother in Law's New puppy

...

I'm a very stubborn person.

When something upsets me and I'm in a stressful moment of my life...

I don't give in easily.

especially when someone TELLS me to do it.

like,

forgive someone.

and it was definitely hard for me to get over the comment from "Anonymous".

In all reality,

it wasn't even that bad.

I over reacted.

but,

I was hurt nonetheless.

Unfortunately,

that comes with having a blog. Especially one like this.

I need to accept that and learn to respond more...appropriately.

I was feeling really guilty the other day, driving home from work and had decided I was going to make a post to apologize for the way I reacted.

Then,

I got home and read this:

Anonymous said...

Lechelle thank you for your point of view. I very much understand what you are saying. I would like to apologize to the original blog owner/poster for the previous comments I made. I didn't mean for them to be as offensive as they came off. I think I may have taken some of the context the wrong way. I don't think adoption is a negative, selfish or easy thing to do at all. I was just offended by the thought that someone would suggest it was easier than parenting a child. Anyway I will leave it at that as what I say seems to rub a lot of people on this blog the wrong way. :/

After reading this,

I felt even more guilty.

So,

here's my sincere apology for the way I acted to everyone... including anonymous.

I need to accept the fact that not everyone will agree.

I should have responded better than I did.

So,

I'm sorry. I will definitely work on not blogging when I'm angry!!

To Anonymous/why I love my ward.

DISCLAIMER:

To my blog supporters.

This is a very mean post.

read at your own risk.

In Gospel Doctrine today,

we learned about the importance of families.

I have mentioned "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" before,

but I'm going to do it again.

We focused on this the entire time.

-set that aside for just two seconds,

I have been troubled by "Anonymous" who feels it is necessary to let me know how wrong she thinks I am...boy am I glad I went to church today.

Back to my the Lesson.

we were talking about the Proclamation.

a discussion arose about how others interpret families and children.

Here is why I love my ward:

People, one after another, started going off about what a blessing it is to be a parent.

They went on to say that although it is a hard job, it is also very rewarding.

they focused on the positive.

Back to Anonymous,

here is your problem Anonymous (who btw, is obviously ashamed to put your real name),

You focus on all the negativity that comes with being a mother.

You never focus on the good, which causes you to become very ungrateful for what you have.

There was a woman in the class thats Husband died about 2 years ago.

They were only able to have one child on their own, so they adopted their other two.

Since her Husband died,

she said that she doesn't know what she would do without her kids.

they have kept her going.

She is SO Greatful to be a mother

Not one person said something negative about being a parent.

I am SO LUCKY to be surrounded by those kinds of people all the time, instead of people like you, Anonymous.

You say that I'm being self-righteous for asking others not to complain to me about being a mother?

HOW is that self-righteous???

I placed Avery with Dustin and Andrea WILLINGLY, because that was what was best for her!

It in NO WAY was what I wanted.

I want to be a mother, more than ever now because of this experience.

DO NOT criticize me and make me (and other birthmoms) feel the way you have made me feel for the past 24 hours unless you have been in my shoes.

Unless you have experienced what I have experienced, DO NOT judge me.

You don't know me.

I never said that being a mother isn't hard,

but I do know that it is a lot more rewarding.

I don't care if I have never experienced it, I know that much.

I can't believe I contemplated never blogging again because of you.

I don't know why I allow people like you to make me feel the way you have.

Quite frankly,

I recommened you be grateful for what you have.

It seems you have children of your own.

Be grateful for them.

Some people would die for what you're so unappreciative of..

Mary's Dream

I've had a harder time than usual getting in to the Spirit of Christmas.

I don't know why, but it was really starting to bother me.

Then, the other day in Institute,

I had sort of a harsh reminder.

A girl got up and read something that really got to me.

I want to share.

Mary's Dream

I had a dream, Joseph. I don't understand it, not really, but I think it was about a birthday celebration for our son. I think that was what it was all about. The people had been preparing for it for about six weeks. They had decorated the house and bought new clothes. They'd gone shopping many times and bought elaborate gifts.

 It was peculiar, though, because the presents weren't for our son. They wrapped them in beautiful paper and tied them with lovely bows and stacked them under a tree. Yes, a tree, Joseph, right in their house. They'd decorated the tree also. The branches were full of glowing balls and sparkling ornaments. There was a figure on the top of the tree. It looked like an angel might look. Oh, it was beautiful.

 Everyone was laughing and happy. They were all excited about the gifts. They gave the gifts to each other, Joseph, not to our son. I don't think they even knew him. They never mentioned his name. Doesn't it seem odd for people to go to all that trouble to celebrate someone's birthday if they don't know him? I had the strangest feeling that if our son had gone to this celebration he would have been intruding.

 Everything was so beautiful, Joseph, and everyone so full of cheer, but it made me want to cry. How sad for Jesus - not to be wanted at his own birthday celebration. I'm glad it was only a dream. How terrible, Joseph, if it had been real.

Christ is the reason for the season. It's not the presents, the lights, or the shopping.

It's about giving, helping others and remembering the birth of our Savior.

It's hard for me to remember sometimes and I am so grateful I heard this when I did. 

It really put things into perspective for me.

Really??

I don't understand people sometimes.

My What Not to Say to a Birthmom post has really upset some people.

I don't know what it is.

maybe it's hard for them to accept that complaining about being a mother is offensive/hard for some people to hear?

I don't know,

but I just want to clear something up.

5. Don't complain about being a mother

I'm sure this goes for adoptive parents too. I know that when the time is right for me to have my own kids, I will be so eternally grateful that I can be their mother. I will cherish every moment with them. So don't complain to me about how hard motherhood is. It's harder to give birth to your child and then willingly relinquish your rights as a mother. Until you have done that, don't complain.

This number has really upset a few people.

I want to say right now that I did not make that post to cause angry feelings.

I made that post to help others understand what is hard for birthmothers to hear.

I can't emphasize enough that hearing someone complain about being a mother is hard to hear. It's simple enough.  I'm not saying that it's horrible to complain about it because I know it is not an easy job.  I never ever said it was.

I'm saying I don't like to hear it.

So don't complain to me.

It's as simple as that.

I just wanted to make that clear.

The last comment I received about that issue has really offended me.

I feel like this person really misinterpreted what I'm saying.

It upsets me that people can't understand how that would be hard to hear.

But apparantly I have offended them.

So, I wanted to clear it up.

If they still don't understand,

then they don't have to read my blog...or talk to birthmothers.

It wasn't me.

I had a conversation with my mom today while were running errands.

I have been trying to figure out how to respond to all of the compliments from people telling me that I'm amazing for placing Avery for adoption...especially when it's face to face.

It's hard to come up with a response to that.

They are the sweetest comments I have ever recived,

and believe you me, I am very very flattered and feel good hearing it,

but it's hard to respond because of the way I feel about the whole thing.

After talking to my mom though,

I was able to find the words I needed,

and I'm going to try to explain here.

There is so much I want to say...but here is my attempt.

It's not me that is amazing.

It is This Gospel.

I was carried through the entire adoption process.

I look back today and think "How did I do that?"

But then again,
I know how.

It wasn't just me doing it alone.

The minute I realized that adoption was the right decision,

The minute I met Dustin and Andrea,

I was carried through it all.

Prayer.

without it, I wouldn't have felt the peace I felt.

I just want to quote a scripture.

1 Nephi 18:3

And I, Nephi, did go into the mount oft, and I did pray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord showed unto me great things.

Not only was I constantly praying, but other were praying for me. 
I was told that all of the time and I have so much gratitude for all of them.

I think back to how I felt during the whole process.

the peace that was in my heart,

the surety that I was doing the right thing.

I wouldn't have felt that way if it was just me doing it alone.

This Gospel was my help.

I couldn't and wouldn't have done it without it.

I wouldn't have had the strength.

I asked, and I received this strength.

3 Nephi 14:7

Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened.

Prayer is such a powerful thing and so is This Gospel.

Dustin and Andrea don't have me to thank,

they have The Savior; The Gospel.

The love I have for Avery is so real.

I love her more than anything else in this world.

But I know she is not mine.

She is, and always has been, Dustin and Andrea's Daughter.

She was meant for them and their family for eternity...

and thanks to The Atonement and This Gospel,  she is.

It is so hard to explain how I feel about it.

Don't get me wrong,

It makes me feel good when people tell me I'm amazing!

I helps the self confidence a little.

But I just felt like I needed to make this clear.

I am a different person because of this experience,

but I am in no way amazing.

I didn't do it alone.

I couldn't have done it alone.

So those of you that think you could never do it,

I assure you that if you allowed the Spirit into your heart,

you could.

Because with the Saviors help,

We can overcome anything.

When it rains, it pours, and then...

SO,

this has been a very crappy week.

(and it's only Tuesday!!)

VERY.

I have had the worst car trouble.

seriously.

Let's just say,

the car I was driving, has died.

When I say died,

I mean it broke down at a stop light in the middle of the road.

and I was freaking out and scared and by some miracle, it moved just barely in order for me to get it to the side of the road.

The clutch went out.

That was the car I was driving.

The car that is currently under my name,

that I have a loan under,

has been kidnapped/stolen.

It's a long story though and I really don't want to go into it

(mostly because I would be really negative and mean about the suspect...and I don't want to go there...she was a 'friend' of my moms.)

anyway,

I am currently hitching rides from my parents and others.

sounds pathetic right?

it is.

Okay so back to the point of this post--

I was on the verge of tears tonight after work.

I had gotten a ride home from my parents (who had just been out searching for my stolen car :'( )

I was realizing that I don't know WHEN I will get my car back

and

I was realizing that I will not be going out this weekend.

all the while knowing that I can't just go get another car, because I already have a LOAN under my name.

I was pretty upset.

I was on the verge of tears,

when I got on my computer. (which is also breaking down...not sure how much longer it's going to work).

It all seemed to happen at once

I had emails, facebook wall posts/messages and all together just a lot of good things from people I love.

Then I started realizing what GOOD things have happened this week.

I passed my math class.

I wasn't cancelled from work.

I was blessed to have the most AMAZING family become a part of my life through adoption.

(seriously. I'm not kidding. I'm SO lucky)

((well, that didn't just happen this week, but they have all done things (even Avery's Aunts, and Grandma) this week that have helped tremendously with my mood/sanity))

So,

even though I'm stranded,
and have to use my parents and their cars, (and I'm 20. yes, 20. pathetic)

and even though my credit is in the hands of someone that could care less,

I'm blessed.

and that's really all the matters.

Now excuse me while my little sister and I go rent a chick flick and eat a gallon of ice cream.

She had a bad day too...and even though we're both blessed, Ice cream and a chick flick won't hurt. ;)

(apart from the weight gain. Don't worry, we are aware of this...!)

FINALS!!

I have my last final on Monday!!

then,

hopefully,

I won't be such a slacker with blogging!!

It's my math final.

I'm super nervous.

Let's hope I pass!!!

P.S.

I want to just say,

Carrie Underwoods new CD is amazing.

(play on)

I love it!

If you haven't heard it yet,

I highly recommend you get it. 

now. :)

She is amazing!

"Nanee"

Dustin Andrea and Avery came over yesterday.

My family hadn't seen them in a while, so they were all shocked at how big Avery is!

13 months!? crazy.

While she was here we kept telling her to say different things (cause she is talking a bit too!)

She was saying things like Wow, pretty, doggie (we have a dog), daddy, mommy, etc..

Well, about 10 minutes before they left, my sister was holding her and showing her the ornaments on the tree, and she kept saying "pretty".

So I said "Avery, say Andee"

and she looked at me said "Nanee"

Awesome huh!?

I was so excited, so I brought her to Dustin and Andrea and had her say it again.

I LOVE THAT LITTLE GIRL!

You should see her dance too...that girl's got some moves!

I'm so blessed to have an open adoption with them.

I Love Dustin and Andrea and am so grateful that they are willing to have an Open Adoption with me.

THEY ARE AMAZING.

Wrap Up

For the last day of National Adoption Month,

I am going to name 30 things I'm grateful for.

(since there are 30 days in the month)

Because ADOPTION is definitely something to be grateful for.

1. Adoption
2. Avery
3. Dustin and Andrea
4. Family
5. Friends
6. My Bishop
7. That I have a job
8. that I have a job I love
9. School
10. my car
11. The Gospel
12. My dog :-)
13. My Laptop
14. A home
15. Good Neighbors
16. A Good Ward
17. An Open Adoption
18. My Health
19. The Prophet
20. My blog supporters
21. Technology
22. A brother in law that is good with Microsoft Word
23. That my best friend is a Math Major
24. Letters from Paul
25. Our Country
26. Food
27. The mailman
28. My cell phone
29. Dennys
30. THAT I HAVE A BLOG

Hoping to Adopt: Kevin and Danya

Kevin and Danya:

Kevin and Danya were married March 19th 2006,

and decided to start their family through adoption about two years ago.

They don't have any kids yet, but they know that their little one is somewhere out there waiting for them to find him/her!

They live in Southern California in a city called Hemet and they absolutely love it there.

Kevin is a Deputy Sherrif with Riverside county and LOVES his job.

Danya is currently a volunteer coordinator for a non-profit international volunteer organization.

She also loves her job, but she cannot wait until she can make being a mommy her full time job!

Kevin and Danya are happy to be members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,

and have a very loving and supportive extended family.

Some of their hobbies include hanging out with their family, which is very important to them, going to Disneyland about twice a month!!, Road trips, playing with their little dog "Tank", reading, watching "their shows" together, and going on spontaneous"secret adventures" (they are secret because they don't even know where they're going! They just enjoy driving around together listening to good music or talking about everything under the sun)

Danya says:

"Kevin and I are like two puzzles pieces molded specifically for one another. Heavenly Father definitely knew what he was doing when he brought us together. We are VERY similar in our likes and dislikes but it's our differences that help us to compliment one another so well."

To read more about Kevin and Danya, you can visit their blog by clicking HERE,

or their website by clicking HERE

TRYING to Adopt: Nick and Michelle

Okay,

This post is a little different from the others.

Let me tell you a little about

Nick and Michelle:

Nick and Michelle have been married for 7 wonderful years.

After 5 years of several unsuccessful attempts to have biological children,

they decided that Adoption was the route they were to take to start a family.

In May of 2008, two months after another miscarriage,

Michelle learned of her friends cousins friends sister (mouthful right?)

who was 18, pregnant with her second child, and was looking for a family to place her child with.

July 30th,

Their beautiful daughter Kayla was born and placed into their arms.

Kayla is now 16 months old:

ADORABLE right? oh my goodness

Anyway,

Nick, who is in the air force,

 just recently returned home from Afghanistan on October 10th.

 

About three months ago,

Michelle began feeling strongly that she needed more kids.

Well,

a couple of week ago she discovered that Kaylas birthmom is pregnant again.

and then just a few days ago, she announced to Nick and Michelle, that she wanted to place this baby boy with them as well.

You can imagine their excitement right?

The baby is due February 7th.

There is just one problem.

They are short with finances this time.

They had the money saved up for Kayla,

but this time they don't.

They feel strongly that this is their child.

He would biologically be Kayla's half brother.

She is currently holding an "Adoption Fundraiser"

Check it out!

To read more about Nick and Michelles journey through this adoption, Go HERE

Hoping to Adopt: Shawn and Alicia

I didn't post yesteray because it was thanksgiving...and I slacked off!!

really sorry about that!

But here is the amazing couple hoping to adopt today:

Shawn and Alicia:

Shawn and Alicia were married August 24, 2001 in the San Diego Temple.

They were High School Sweetheart who just celebrated 11 years of dating on November 25th.

They have two cute biological boys, Blake (6) and Cole (5).

Both Blake and Cole can't wait for another sibling.

 

Alicia is a Photogropher and Shawn is a Police Officer.

They just barely went through a failed placement and still strongly believe that their child is out there and that they will find them through adoption.

They can't wait to find their little one!

To find out more about Shawn and Alicia, read their blog HERE or their adoption profile HERE

Hoping to Adopt: Josh and Savannah

Josh and Savannah:

Josh and Savannah were married on February 9th 2001,

and were approved to adopt in January of 2009.

They love doing things outside like Camping, Fishing and Star gazing and the also love cuddling up on the couch on cold nights to watch a movie

Josh and Savannah believe that there can never be enough people to love a child, which is why they believe open adoption is such a wonderful thing.

They both love to cook, although Savannah says the highlight of the week is when Josh controls the kitchen and does the cooking!

They love kids and can't wait for the day they can share that love with their own children and to join in on the family fun.

To lean more about Josh and Savannah, you can visit their adoption blog HERE and their Profile HERE

Hoping to Adopt: Tom and Shian

Tom and Shian:

Tom and Shian met at work where Tom was installing a new phone system and have been inseparable since.

They are the parents of 8 year old Gavin who wants so badly to be a big brother!

Tom and Shian started the adoption process in may and were approved in October.

They can't wait to expand their family through adoption!

A few words from Gavin:

"My mom and dad are the best parents you could ever dream of.  My dad is really fun.  He likes playing with me.  We play pillow fight and try to scare each other.  My mom is the best person I know.  She saves me from dad when I get tickled.  I just yell "supermom" and she dashes around the corner..."

To read more about Tom and Shian, Click HERE and HERE

Hoping to Adopt: Kelly and Lechelle

Kelly and Lechelle:

Kelly and Lechelle were married 3 1/2 years ago in the Salt Lake Temple and are still very much in love.

Kelly is currently in Dental School. He loves learning new things, doing anything out doors and travelling to new places.

Lechelle loves travelling outside the country to see other cultures.  She loves Decorating cakes and arranging flowers.  She makes all the corsages and boutonnieres for her sisters school dances.

They love spending time with family and can't wait for the day that they can finally start a family of their own.

To read more about Kelly and Lechelle, visit their Adoption Blog HERE or you can read their profile HERE

Hoping to Adopt: Ryan and Helen

Ryan and Helen:

Ryan and Helen adopted their adorable daughter, Emily 2 years ago.

(don't you LOVE her dimples?)

They were approved to adopt again shortly after Emily turned one.

Ryan and Helen have an open adoption with Emily's birthmom.

They exchange pictures, letters and even have occasional visits.

They were sealed to Emily on May 3rd 2008 in the Mt. Timpanogas Temple.

As you can see, they love this sweet little girl, and they can't wait to add to their family.

To learn more about Ryan and Helen, you can fine ther adoption profile HERE and HERE

"Here you go. Maybe this will help."

DON'T FORGET TO READ THE HOPING TO ADOPT COUPLE FOR TODAY! IT'S THE ONE BEFORE THIS POST!

*****
So early early Friday morning,

Me, My two younger sisters (Emilee and Kaitlyn), my Mom, my aunt MaryJane, my cousin Courtney and my friend Terri and her Husband all went to the the opening night of Twilight.

You have NO idea how long I had anticipated it.

I COULD NOT wait.

I'm in love with Jacob.

I'm a Jacob fan ALL THE WAY!

We went to the 2:45am showing.

We bought the tickets two months ago..the 2:45 showing was the only one left!

Let me just say,

I was NOT disappointed.

Really. I saw it again last night with my little brother.

haha I LOVE it.

Jacob is so attractive!

Anyway,

Emilee, Kaitlyn and I made shirts on Thursday night before the movie:

All three of us are Jacob Fans.

(Emilee's shirts says "Not Me" on the back..in case you were wondering ;))

Me, Emilee, MJ, and Courtney

It was SO fun.

SO worth the money (both times)

and SO worth being up until 5:30 am.

You should go see it.

So,

Yesterday I was in class.

The whole class was having a discussion.

One girl started talking about her son.

(she's about my age)

Usually I would be fine.

But for some reason that started a stream of emotion.

I began REALLY missing Avery and started wishing I had a daughter to tell stories about.

It was just one of those moments. I couldn't relate to this girl, because I am not the mother of the little girl I gave birth too. 

(I had about 6 hours of sleep, which is usually the amount of sleep I've been getting.)

I then started tuning everyone out.

I was working on keeping the tears from falling out of my eyes.

So I began texting a birthmom that I have not met IRL yet, but we text all the time and she always makes me feel better.  Her name is Nicole.

Well,

after her first reply,

Andrea texted me asking how I was doing.

She always does this.

It's like she knows when I'm having a hard time and I can't take it anymore.

So I just replied telling her I was fine and asked her a question about when they will be approved and on LDSFS site to adopt again.

She answered the question and then said "Are you sure you're okay?"

I swear I stared at the text for a whole two minutes.

I was trying to figure out if I had said anything that made her think I wasn't.

We had been texting each other a couple hours before that and I was fine.

So I replied asking her what made her text me.

and then told her how I was feeling.

She said she just sometimes got fleeting thoughts to contact me and see how I'm doing.

I Love her.

we talked for a few more minutes and then about a half hour later, Dustin texted me.

(At this point,

I was doing better.

Both Nicole and Andrea had calmed me down and I wasn't trying to hold back tears anymore. )

He said that he was sorry I was having a hard time.

I replied letting him know that I was doing better...

and this was his response:

"Here you go. Maybe this will help."

haha I lauged for about 10 minutes and was suddenly completely fine.

I love them.

Seriously.

Dustin and Andrea always know what to say.

and Dustin knew I had seen Twilight the night before and that I love Jacob/Taylor Lautner.

(he's only two years younger than me..that's not bad. lol)

I came home after class, took a nap and when I woke up I was feeling so comforted.

I had to say a silent prayer in thanks for Dustin and Andrea.

Andrea is so close to the spirit.

She is always listening and acting on the promptings she receives.

I know that's how she knew something was wrong.

Hoping to Adopt: Jacob and Sharon

Jacob and Sharon:

Jacob and Sharon have a beautiful 14 year old Daughter, Tammy and a dog Sirius, who they named after Sirius Black on Harry potter.

(They are huge Harry Potter fans!)

Jacob Sharon and Tammy love to travel and are currently planning some vacations for the summer, including going to Yellowstone Wyoming, and Sea World and Disneyland in California!

Jacob has spent the last 6 years serving as active duty in the army and is now working full time at a salt plant and going to school at the University or Utah for his Bachelors degree.

Believe it or not, Sharon already has a Nursery set up.

They cannot wait for the new addition of their little one!

To read more about these wonderful people, go HERE

Hoping to Adopt: Dustin and Andrea

I couldn't help but start this off with the people that are the reason I am involved in adoption.

The people that have made this a positive experience for me

and the people that are like Family to me.

Dustin, Andrea and Avery:

Dustin and Andrea Adopted their first child in October of 2008.

They named her Avery Leigh, and (I don't mean to be biased or anything but) she is Darling.

Avery just turned one and Dustin and Andrea are now hoping to adopt again.

Dustin and Andrea were married 6 years ago in the Salt Lake Temple and were sealed to Avery on May 1st 2009.

They are so in love and amazing parents. The love they have for Avery is pretty obvious, isn't' it?

For Dustin and Andrea's Adoption Blog, Go Here

To find out more about Dustin and Andrea, simply read through my blog.

I'm sure you will see how incredible this family is.