Thursday, December 17, 2009

It wasn't me.

I had a conversation with my mom today while were running errands.

I have been trying to figure out how to respond to all of the compliments from people telling me that I'm amazing for placing Avery for adoption...especially when it's face to face.

It's hard to come up with a response to that.
They are the sweetest comments I have ever recived,
and believe you me, I am very very flattered and feel good hearing it,
but it's hard to respond because of the way I feel about the whole thing.

After talking to my mom though,
I was able to find the words I needed,
and I'm going to try to explain here.

There is so much I want to say...but here is my attempt.

It's not me that is amazing.
It is This Gospel.

I was carried through the entire adoption process.

I look back today and think "How did I do that?"
But then again,
I know how.

It wasn't just me doing it alone.
The minute I realized that adoption was the right decision,
The minute I met Dustin and Andrea,
I was carried through it all.

without it, I wouldn't have felt the peace I felt.

I just want to quote a scripture.

1 Nephi 18:3
And I, Nephi, did go into the mount oft, and I did pray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord showed unto me great things.

Not only was I constantly praying, but other were praying for me. 
I was told that all of the time and I have so much gratitude for all of them.

I think back to how I felt during the whole process.
the peace that was in my heart,
the surety that I was doing the right thing.

I wouldn't have felt that way if it was just me doing it alone.

This Gospel was my help.
I couldn't and wouldn't have done it without it.
I wouldn't have had the strength.
I asked, and I received this strength.

3 Nephi 14:7
Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened.

Prayer is such a powerful thing and so is This Gospel.

Dustin and Andrea don't have me to thank,
they have The Savior; The Gospel.

The love I have for Avery is so real.
I love her more than anything else in this world.
But I know she is not mine.
She is, and always has been, Dustin and Andrea's Daughter.
She was meant for them and their family for eternity...
and thanks to The Atonement and This Gospel,  she is.

It is so hard to explain how I feel about it.
Don't get me wrong,
It makes me feel good when people tell me I'm amazing!
I helps the self confidence a little.

But I just felt like I needed to make this clear.
I am a different person because of this experience,
but I am in no way amazing.

I didn't do it alone.
I couldn't have done it alone.

So those of you that think you could never do it,
I assure you that if you allowed the Spirit into your heart,
you could.

Because with the Saviors help,
We can overcome anything.


Lissa said...


Megan said...

I award this best blog post of the entire year.

Perla said...

fantastic post. great job. excellent.

Alicia Jane said...

While I loved this post I think you should still give yourself a little more credit...I'm not saying take any credit away from the gospel and from Heavenly Father's plan, you're is what carried you through. BUT there are many people who have the gospel and know of the atonement and yet still can't seem to get to the point where they allow their lives to be guided by The Lord. You ARE amazing, for at such a young age you were able to make the hardest sacrifice. Yes, you were given strength, but in order to receive that strength you had to know that you had to rely on The Lord. That is amazing.

Our Happy Family said...

I agree with what everyone else has said in their comments. You are amazing and so is this wonderful Gospel. I am so grateful to our Heavenly Father and Savior and their love and support in all things. Our daughter's birth mom was not a member, but I had many blessings that said she would feel the spirit and know which family to place her baby with.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful thoughts on here.

Mrs. Black said...

Thanks! I love this!

brittany michelle said...

i agree with that, but don't underestimate how much it takes from you to be willing to rely on the gospel and do that. just because the gospel makes things possible doesn't mean that it makes it easy for even the weakest of us. maybe you don't consider yourself amazing in yourself, but i consider you amazing in yourself and in your reliance on the gospel. not many people have the strength to lean on something intangible like that.