Sunday, December 20, 2009

To Anonymous/why I love my ward.

To my blog supporters.
This is a very mean post.
read at your own risk.

In Gospel Doctrine today,
we learned about the importance of families.

but I'm going to do it again.
We focused on this the entire time.

-set that aside for just two seconds,
I have been troubled by "Anonymous" who feels it is necessary to let me know how wrong she thinks I am...boy am I glad I went to church today.

Back to my the Lesson.
we were talking about the Proclamation.

a discussion arose about how others interpret families and children.

Here is why I love my ward:
People, one after another, started going off about what a blessing it is to be a parent.
They went on to say that although it is a hard job, it is also very rewarding.
they focused on the positive.

Back to Anonymous,
here is your problem Anonymous (who btw, is obviously ashamed to put your real name),
You focus on all the negativity that comes with being a mother.
You never focus on the good, which causes you to become very ungrateful for what you have.

There was a woman in the class thats Husband died about 2 years ago.
They were only able to have one child on their own, so they adopted their other two.

Since her Husband died,
she said that she doesn't know what she would do without her kids.
they have kept her going.
She is SO Greatful to be a mother
Not one person said something negative about being a parent.

I am SO LUCKY to be surrounded by those kinds of people all the time, instead of people like you, Anonymous.

You say that I'm being self-righteous for asking others not to complain to me about being a mother?
HOW is that self-righteous???

I placed Avery with Dustin and Andrea WILLINGLY, because that was what was best for her!
It in NO WAY was what I wanted.
I want to be a mother, more than ever now because of this experience.

DO NOT criticize me and make me (and other birthmoms) feel the way you have made me feel for the past 24 hours unless you have been in my shoes.
Unless you have experienced what I have experienced, DO NOT judge me.
You don't know me.

I never said that being a mother isn't hard,
but I do know that it is a lot more rewarding.
I don't care if I have never experienced it, I know that much.

I can't believe I contemplated never blogging again because of you.
I don't know why I allow people like you to make me feel the way you have.

Quite frankly,
I recommened you be grateful for what you have.
It seems you have children of your own.
Be grateful for them.
Some people would die for what you're so unappreciative of..


Michelle said...

Wow wow wow, VERY well said Andee. Dont let people like this get you down. Your doing a WONDERFUL job!

Karilyn said...

Dearest Andee,

I hope I get to meet you someday, because you are a light in this ol' world!

#1: please get the garbage out which some idiot put into your dish.... I don't know why or how some people dare do or say the awful things they do, and I hate to say "get used to it because that's the way it is in life", but.... I just turned 49 the other day, and yesterday I was able to attend a gorgeous wedding for a very dear niece. At this wedding, a person who I thought was a dear person in my life (up til this point) got all snarky with me, right there in front of everyone! And nobody at all said anything to this other person, and it was just a terribly deflating event.

I still love this other person, I always have, I always will, but I seriously think some folks take great pride in hurting other people's feelings.

Don't know why, just know it happens... and if you point it out to them, somehow they turn it around and make you into some kind of horrible person for defending your right to have peace in your life.

Andee, you are an amazing person, in SO many ways, and for SO many reasons. I am so glad my niece 'found' you at college - she is another miracle in many people's lives, if she only but knew it. She is a treasure.

Please take the garbage which some moron (I really don't make a habit of name-calling, but when the shoe fits...) dumped into your lap and permanently place it in a garbage receptacle - then throw it to Mars. Don't just place it on the shelf, because a shelf is too nearby, and we tend to take things off the shelf every once in awhile and let it hurt our feelings all over again - toss it to Mars, where it can't hurt you anymore, and know that Heavenly Father is very proud of you.

As are so many of us here on this earth with you.... it's a pretty rough journey at times, keep your friends close.

I know this is kinda long, but I wish someone had told me this same stuff when I was your age -

Now - don't ever let someone like that "Anonymous" (there are few of 'em out there, and I agree totally with your call on this, seems like they're hiding behind a tag instead of facing you and all) keep you from your writings - you express yourself beautifully, and you add so much to my life, personally, and I know you do to others.

Merry Christmas, and know how wonderful you are,

DanyaLynd said...

WHOOT! WHOOT! I felt like yelling, "Ya!" and throwing in a little fist pump when I read this! You go girl! Take the power in our own life! We love you, anonymous is ignorant, and YOU COMPLETELY ROCK!!!!!!


swimmingviolist said...

Andee! I couldn't agree with you more! I've heard so many times(especially from my mom) of women that are grateful for their children! I had a lady came in about a year ago to my work to pick up prescriptions, and she started venting on me, not exactly complaining, but full of gratitude(I hope this isn't too sensitive for you and other birth mothers, but I guess it is in response to Anonymous also), she told me her life story(which happens no matter the situation... all the time ) anyways, she talked about how she's had 2 marriages that were pretty abusive Marriages, and she talked about how grateful she was for the gospel, and how she looked up to Joseph Smith(don't worry, I'm getting to the point here), she has I think about 5 Kids that are Married and live in Texas or something, and she told me that she is ever so grateful for my Kids! They have saved my life during those times where I almost thought I was going to be a goner! I Love them with all my heart! Anonymous! I am not a Mother neither can I relate to all the Birth Mothers out there! But, I do know that whenever we meet someone new they've had a harder trial than we have. Again, I agree with Andee! I someday want so much to be a Mother It's pretty much every girl's Dream! Literally! And I look up to those that have placed for adoption because they have a Big Warm Heart! They'll always be a better mother than me because of the experiences they have gone through!

Andee! again I don't know you! And I hope to meet you because you are one amazing girl like Stefanie! I look up to you both! And I hope what I talked about above isn't too sensitive for you guys... :(

Anonymous said...

Andee !!
You are amazing. I don't know you but I have to tell you that you are my hero,I admire you and I admire your courage .Whoever said that . Please know you don't need her and she is wrong.She is jealous of your courage your strength and your desire to do good .
Hang in there .
Love you

Lechelle said...

So glad you have a good ward that gave you what you needed!

Please don't ever stop blogging because of fools like annonymous. You also have an army of supportive bloggers who are here to lift you up and validate you when mean comments come your way. you aren't fighting annonymous alone, we are all here with you.

As a hopeful adoptive parent, I completely agree with your point, I hate it when people complain to me about their kids. It's inappropriate, uncomfortable, and sometimes painful.

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

This person obviously does not understand adoption and doesn't want to understand adoption. She's just coming around here to try to put you down and hopefully make herself feel better. This is someone not worth your time.
I'm sorry she's lurking around, causing trouble on your blog. :(

Our Happy Family said...

I loved this post...of course, I pretty much love all your posts. Thanks for sharing.

Queen Mama said...

Andee, Listen, you made the right choice that was right FOR YOU and Avery. FOR YOU, nobody else made that decision. You made the RIGHT one in my eyes as well. This anonymous person has something else going on with them to even comment on something and be negative. That post was specifically how you felt, as a birthmother, and the things that YOU thought were very hurtful to be said to. You have to look at it in all situations, for instance, there are races that don't like to be called names that others like to call them, or people with weight issues, etc. The list goes on and on. The basis of a blog is a personal place. Yes, it is on the world wide web, but people have a choice to read or pass it up. Why belittle themselves and get blasted. They should have never commented. You have a rally of folks to support you and that stand behind you. I for one do. And I have 3 children. God placed Avery in your stomach to provide for Dustin and Andrea. Please don't let people like this get to you. I know there is something called freedom of speech and it resides on both ends. But there's also, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And for you anonymous, be very thankful if you have kids, and don't judge anyone. There's only 1 judge, and I am sure he is not ANONYMOUS!!! I love you Andee... Keep your head up, your mind focus, and know you have lots that have your back.

Perla said...

andee, i too have had anonymous comments that really upset me and made me think i should quit blogging or go private. but i got over it quickly as i thought about what a very sad person must be reading blogs and then anonymously making mean comments. that cannot be a happy person.

i think that anonymous missed the point of your post. it was to help people understand your position as a birth mother. as an adoptive mother, i sincerely appreciated. i have my own lists of things that i have used to help people understand how to be sensitive to adoptive parents and to bald women. i tell people it is not appropriate to complain to me about their "bad hair days". it doesn't mean they can never complain to anybody about that. its not appropriate to complain to me.

and i think she missed a real point about the choice. she seems to feel that because the spirit prompted you to make the choice that you did, then you should just quietly live with any pain associated. sometimes the hardest things we go through are because of good choices we make. i have had to learn that, too, in my life.

anon missed the boat by insisting that since you had the choice to make one way or the other then you should just quietly suffer with your feelings. that is not the point at all. your post was to help other understand how to be more sensitive and loving and kind to somebody who has had to make a huge sacrifice.

but don't be angry or let yourself spend any more time feeling upset about this person because it is obvious that they are not very happy in their lives and that is just really too bad!

Anonymous said...

Birth moms should rule the world!

The Millers said...

Andee, I agree with what everyone says, its best just to feel sorry for the ignorant people in the world and just focus on the blessing that adoption is, don't let some ignorant person ruin your day, I know that's hard, I am like you, people get to me easily on things I am passionate about. When I read that comment I wanted to react with a pretty good response, but I decided it wasn't worth my time. Truth is, people like that aren't worth your time.

AS you may know, I am an actual parent now and I have been able to look at my adoption from two different perspectives. NO ONE can talk about being a birthmom or how important (or not) their decision was until they walked in your shoes.

My husband was deployed to Iraq for the second time (a total of 26 months altogether) when Jaxon was only 5 months old, for the next year I got a good taste of being a single parent AND a Mom WITH a husband deployed. And I can TELL YOU THIS....ADOPTION is STILL the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Being a MOM is a blessing, not something I take for granted and I'll be damned if anyone tells me its harder than placing a child for adoption, because SO FAR (of course, I am only 2 years into this) it has not been even remotely as difficult and painful as placing my daughter for adoption and nor will it ever be.

I'll stop blabbing and sorry for it being so lengthy, but that's my point. I thoroughly enjoy being a Mom and I feel so blessed to have this opportunity. If that's one thing that being a birthmom has allowed me to do is NOT take being a Mom for granted. There isn't a day that goes by where I am not completely and utterly grateful for being a Mom.

The Millers said...

P.S. You can go to your settings and make it so that you have to approve a comment before its published, its a good idea.

Nicole said...

Oh my gosh I haven't read your blog for a while and wow...some people are crazy! I for one, LOVE your blog and would be devastated if you stopped blogging!! So don't, ok?! It is SO true hearing people complain about motherhood is hard! I completely agree, it's like a stab in the heart every single time. No one will understand unless they've walked a mile in our shoes! Some people are so judgmental and ignorant about adoption it's sad. Hope your doing good besides this! Love you!!

deannalynnc said...

I think what you are doing here is amazing. I am just recently a new birthmom myself and it is so nice to be able to read the thoughts of other really helps me process my situation and see that I'm not alone. I've read on other birthmom sites that they used to really get hurt by some comments other people have made to them about adoption and how they have to just filter those out. I know that it is a lot easier said then done...I just went through a situation that wasn't the funnest last night. But we do need to remember that for some bad comments we get there are always about double to triple that which are good comments! Try to remember those when people try to put you down and make you feel bad. I'm glad you shared your feelings here makes me realize I'm not alone in those either. :-)

The Hawks Family said...

As an adoptive parent I will never forget that someone suffered for my Joy.. birth moms and dads you give so much.. So much respect for anyone and everyone who has done it. I love our son to pieces and without someone suffering and giving thier child up I would not have him It's a beatiful think birth parents do and the ultimate showing of LOVE