Heart of mine

A friend of mine that is adopted,
sent me this yesterday.

I couldn't help but get tears in my eyes as I read the words.
Thank you Chelsea for this beautiful poem.

Heart Of Mine

I listened to you, Heart of Mine
For nine months of the year
I called you Little Sweetheart
Darling, Dumpling, Angel Dear

I loved you more than life itself
I prayed for you each day
And when you came all pink and warm
I gave my heart away

I couldn't bear to lose you
But I couldn't keep you fed
I couldn't be the mom you'd need
So I picked one out instead

I trusted her to do for you
What I couldn't do alone
So I kissed your cheek and bid you well
And gave my heart a home

I know that some day you will see
The love that held me tight
To know you had all I could give
And know that I did right

And so I listen still, my heart
Not nine months but all year
And know you know I love you so
You're still my Angel Dear

AHH..tissue.

I love this poem. I had never heard it before until Chelsea sent it to me, and I'm SO glad that she did

To my friends...

Friday is the last day of Spring Semester 2009 here at Utah State University.

Although I'm incredibely stressed about finals this
week,

and am SO excited to be done with school for a few
months,

I can't help but feel a little sad to leave my friends.

After I leave on Friday,

we will no longer ALL be roomates together.

So I decided to take a moment to thank all of my roomates for such an awesome semester.

Elicia

I'm gonna miss living with you! I feel like we connected super well. I'll miss going grocery shopping together and making "split meals" between the two of us if we couldn't decide exactly what we wanted to eat that day. I'm going to miss your laugh, and most definitely playing jokes on you. Remember how you tried to play that joke on me with my mattress and then started freaking out about how I would react when I came home in a horrible mood that day? Remember how I didn't even NOTICE something was wrong with my matteress until we were sitting in my room on my bed for a good 10 minutes? Remember how you then felt so bad for doing it that you fixed it all by yourself? Thank you for always going out of your way too see how I'm doing almost everyday and Thank you for always being willing to just "talk" when I wanted to vent, or just to tell you an awesome story. I'm going to miss you waking me up every tuesday and thursday morning to make sure that I was going to class. I am ever so greatful that you generously got out of bed and drove me to class on the mornings I was running late and couldn't catch the bus in time. I love you Elicia!!

Maren

You are one of the NICESET people I know. I have never met someone that is so genuinely nice to everyone she comes in contact with. You get a long with all types of people and I admire you for that! You were definitely the peacemaker of the apartment and I will FOREVER appreciate that. Thank you for dealing with me as a roomate when I always went to bed way later than you. you SAY that I never woke you up...but I secretly think that I did and you were just trying to be nice like always. I am going to miss hearing you talking in your sleep every night. It gave me a good laugh everytime. One of the things I will always remember about you is the time Megan Bell and I found out that you paid for the persons drink behind you in a drive through because they honked at you and you thought "oh they must be having a bad day." Let me just say that I don't know ANYONE that would react that way. you really do love everyone and it doesn't matter if they are rude to you or not. I'm going to miss talking about the absolutely CRAZY things you learned in school, and more importantly the "random facts" you would always just say out of the blue. Thank you for being such a great example to me. You are the sweetest person I have ever met. I love you Maren!

Megan

You are an incredibely hard worker. I admire how dedicated you are at something. I really admire how you never just give up with anything and succeed 100% at everything you do. I remember calling you when I wanted to come check out the apartment because I had just found a place to live and you were so nice. From that moment I knew that I was going to have the best roomates ever. I'm going to miss the crazy and random dance parties we had together all of the time. I'm going to miss watching you dance to music everytime it came on. Know that that songs womanizer & love story will forever make me think of you whenever I hear them. Thank you for always letting me steal your envelopes, or use something of yours because like always I would forget to buy them! Thank you for always setting the example in the house. You really were the example of hard work and dedication. Thank you for always pushing me to go a little further at the gym and for always telling me how "good" I looked or for telling me that you think I'm losing weight. It meant more to me than I let on! You're awesome Megan and you will be an INCREDIBLE Elementary School teacher. I love you incredibely!!

Mandy

You Rock my world! I'm going to miss goofing off with you all of the time. I love how you always talk about how you "hate facebook", yet are on it way more than you like to admit. I love how you worked at curves, but always casually talked about how much you hated it. I'm going to miss the nightmare stories you always had about the mean people there. I am going to miss how whenever I would come home, and walk into the kitchen with you there you would say "Andee! I'm so happy it's you!" or how whenever I would leave to go somewhere, you would say "Bye Andee, MISS YOU ALREADY" it always made my day and never failed to make me smile. Your personality has seriously rubbed of on me. I find myself talking just like you, and then laughing after I do it. (it's really only because I've always wanted to be a punk rock princess like you) Thank you for making this semester an adventure for me. I will never forget that night that we went to the illusionist. You were so upset and to this day whenever you see or hear about "Mike Super" you talk about how much you hate him because you didn't know how he did the things he did. I love you Mandy and I MISS YOU ALREADY!

and although she isn't technically our roomate, I consider her one..

Megan Bell (This is the only picture I dared put up because you hate every picture of you.)

I don't know how I lived life without you before. I seriously have never met someone that has made me laugh to the point of tears every day without fail! Thank you for always joking around and making the mood 'light' when it was quite intense in the apartment. Thank you for always making me feel really cool about my car whenever you got in it (it's like it was your first time ever seeing a VW jetta everytime you saw it). I'm going to miss hearing your jokes every day. Within the first few weeks that I met you I started calling you the "laugh of my life" because it's true! I'm going to miss laughing that hard every day. I'm going to miss watching American Idol with you and hearing you laugh when someone would say something stupid. I love how whenever you would leave the apartment (even for 5 minutes) you would go stand by the door, turn around and say, "well, it was nice meeting you all" like it was the first time we had ever met each other in our lives. I love how you always laugh at my jokes. It made me feel super loved when without fail, I would say something, and you would crack up hysterically (while criticizing me at the same time but that's beside the point). I don't know what I'm going to do without you making me laugh every day this summer. Until Next semester Megan, "It was nice meeting you!"

and just a few more memories:

Megan Kings Birthday

All nighters. (those of which I never survived and ended up going to sleep every time)

True Aggie night! (right before we left)


I love you all! thanks for such a great semester!!!

6 Months Old

Avery Leigh. Just minutes old.

Avery Leigh 6 months Old.

It feels like just yesterday that this beautiful Angel came
into this world. I can't believe how fast time flies.

in just a few more days,

Avery will be blessed and sealed to her family,

FOR TIME AND ALL
ETERNITY.

What a day that will be.

Happy 6 months Princess!

It looks different...

I changed my Layout..

Cause I was tired of the other one and
wanted something different.

What'dya think?

Some People..

I know I talk about this subject a lot, but I just gotta say something.

I had an experience tonight that was far from pleasant.

It involved a conversation with a certain person.

It involved the subject of Abortion.

Now if you know me at all, you know that I am extremely passionate about this certain subject, and anyone that portrays even remotely that Abortion is good....well....they are gonna hear it from me...

One thing he said was:

"I don't understand why you would put yourself through all this pain and suffering when you could simply just abort the thing."

I was driving when he said this and I about pulled over and pushed him out of the car.

my blood with boiling.

HOW CAN SOMEONE THINK THAT WAY!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Maybe because if I had gotten an abortion, that would have been MURDER! maybe because yes, I wouldn't have gone through the pain and suffering that placing for adoption causes, but I would have had to face with the fact that I had killed an innocent little child. Maybe because of the incredibely deserving GUILT that I would feel all the time for not allowing this Innocent child into this world.

I KNOW I would have always wondered what this child LOOKED like, what their INTERESTS were going to be, What they were going to ACCOMPLISH in life, what their PURPOSE in life was, what they would CONTRIBUTE to the world. what their PERSONALITY would be like.

....I could go on and on forever.

Abortion never crossed my mind when I discovered I was pregnant, and when someone would mention it, I got very angry.

Abortion is MURDER.

I love sweet little Avery. It makes me literally sick to my stomach to even THINK that she wouldn't be here right now.

She has changed my life. for the better.

My Amazing Mother.

me and my mom

(HORRIBLE picture of me..but the most recent)

I just finished reading some of my Journal Entries from the last couple of years.

It's so crazy how much I have grown. It's weird to think how much has happened in, really, such a short amount of time. As I was reading, I began to feel such an overwhelming feeling of love and emotion for my mom.

With all of the trials I have experience these past couple of years, she has been right there by my side the entire time. I'm just going to name a couple (of the many) things that have really stuck out in my mind as I sit here.

The night I found out Keltson died was one of the worst nights. I remember sitting there with the phone to my ear in shock. I could not believe the words I was hearing on the other end. I remember just praying with everything I had that it was just a dream. Keltson was one of my Angels during my pregnancy. He was my best friend. How was it possible that my best friend was gone? I remember just thinking "I can't handle this right now. How does anyone expect me to handle this right now? how??" During this moment with the phone to my ear, as all these thoughts were racing through my head, my mom was sitting next to me. She saw my face and was super confused.

She told me later that she wondered "what could possibly be so bad that would make you react this way?"

As I hung up the phone, I turned and started at her as tears streamed down my face. As the words "Keltson died..." came out of my mouth, her eyes got huge. I will never forget the look that overcame her face as I tried to contain my emotions. "are you sure?" She asked as if someone was playing a horrible joke on me. I wished so badly that it WAS a joke.

For the next few hours I was crying so hard that I couldn't even lift my arms. I Just sat on the edge of my bed bawling. and where was my mom? sitting right next to me. She sat and hugged me. She cried with me. (She called Dustin and Andrea to tell them the news, and they too were at my house within minutes.)

I wouldn't have been able to get through the loss of Keltson without my moms help. That night I didn't sleep. and when I say I didn't sleep, I mean I literally. I didn't even LIGHTLY fall asleep. I was wide awake. the whole night. The next day my little brother was getting ordained a deacon in church and I didn't want to miss it. I finally fell asleep at 7am, but wanted to go to at least that part of church. So my mom made sure that I was okay and made sure that I was awake in time to get to that part of church.

She was there for me during his Funeral. She was there for me when I just didn't think I would be able to take it anymore. She was patient and didn't say a word when I would talk about him for hours on end. She mourned with me when I thought that my life would never be the same and I would never feel better again....

Then Avery came into this world. I joked with my mom that she was "My husband" at the hospital. She slept on the uncomfortable bench the night that I was in labor, and let me cry to her when the contractions were so painful I could hardly talk. She was there holding my hand and coaching me when the nurse would tell me to push. She was there to hold my hand when we heard Avery's first cry. She was there to hug me when I held Avery and saw her beautiful face for the first time. (So was Keltson. He was there. I could feel him.)

Then,
my mom was there for me for the few weeks after coming home from the hospital. She was there to hold me when I cried. She was there to talk to me when I needed it, and one memory that I will never forget is the day that we went for a drive.

I remember just feeling the lowest I have ever felt in my life. I remember just feeling like I had lost two people that I loved so much in such a short amount of time and that I couldn't deal with it anymore. I just felt horrible. My mom and dad were out with their friends, on a date. I called my mom as I was getting in my car and sobbing. I told her that I needed to go somewhere because I couldn't stop crying. Usually when I'm very upset, I go for a drive. (yes that is not a good idea, but it is the only time that I can really just sit and think things through in my head.) So when I told my mom this, she told me to stay there. "Don't go anywhere. Go lay down on my bed and just try to relax, we'll be home in a second". So my mom left what she was doing. She left the dinner and night out that she was enjoying with her friends and my dad and came home to talk to me.

When she got home, she asked me if I still wanted to go for a drive. well I definitely still wanted to, So at 9:00 pm, my mom took the car and we drove around town for two hours and just talked. I cried and cried pretty much the entire time, and all she did was listen and give me great motherly advice. we didn't get home until about 11:30 pm.

I love my mom so much. I don't know what I would do without her. She is my best friend. If I am ever having a hard day or need someone to talk to, I can always count on her to make me feel better.

I love you mom

Jamba time.

So to celebrate this FANTASTIC weather we have had the past couple of days, my roomie Elicia and I have done EVERYTHING we possibly can to take advantage of it.

on Monday,
Unfortunately we had to enjoy it ourselves because both of us had opposite schedules that day.


So,
I sat out the porch and wrote the three wonderful missionary friends I have that are currently on missions. I did get quite an awesome tan in the process. I am sad to say that because of my classes, that was the only time I got to enjoy it that day.


On Tuesday,
Elicia and I sat out in front of the Library on campus soaking up the sun in between classes.
It was awesome, and we both got a pretty good tan.


On Wednesday,
we had BOTH planned on sitting on campus at the quad and getting a tan but it didn't really work out that way....stupid schedules!!

But I did sit out there with my writing class for the whole class period. we all wrote poems and were sharing them with the class while basking in the sun.


(can I just say that it would have been an extremely more enjoyable experience if, a SPIDER hadn't ruined it! It crawled on my leg and then when I flicked it off, it kept crawling back to me! I was like scooting further and further away until this kid Alex that I was sitting next to grabbed it and smooshed it with his hand. (haha gross!!) but I was very grateful for him..)


Anyway, after all of my classes I had an appointment with my class advisor. I was PLANNING on meeting Elicia back at the quad afterwards. She had gone and purchased some DELICIOUS Jamba Juice that we could enjoy as well. Unfortunately, my appointment went way longer than planned. So by the time I got out, Elicia had to go to her next class!!


fortunately,
we did have time to take a couple of pictures while I walked her to class...haha



haha. attractive...



so everytime I walk past this beautiful "work of art" I wonder what the heck it's supposed to be...


So, Elicia and I came to the conclusion they were fries.
(please disregard my fat in this picture. you would think the baby fat would be gone by now...but it most definitely is NOT..I AM working on it though..hence MY LIST)

Random?
I think so...

101/1001

Okay,

I stole this idea from my AWESOME friend Megan.

I decided it's a good idea and it will give me something to really focus on for the next two and 3 quarters of a year. so here it goes!

*************

The Mission:Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days? Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

(I'm not numbering because blogger apparantly doesn't like it when I do.
But I promise there are 101!)

HERE WE GO:

lose 30 pounds

get a 4.0 GPA

see the musical "Wicked"

Do at least 100 hours of volunteer work

read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover

go on a week long road trip

Buy all of the seasons of 24

Go to bed no later than 11 pm every night and wake up no later than 9 am every morning (of the week) for 1 month.

Meet someone Famous

Learn to play the guitar

try out for American Idol

Read all of the Harry Potter books again

Read all of the Twilight books again

Learn to play a song on the piano

Learn to play a song on the guitar

Clean my car -- including inside, outside, windows EVERYTHING..and keep it clean for 6 months.

Make a funny music video

Throw someone a HUGE suprise party

Speak at 4 different places about adoption

Attend at least 2 FSA conferences

Go golfing for the first time

Learn how to make Cafe Rio pork

Learn how to water ski

Organize and throw an Easter Egg hunt

Learn how to change a tire

Do 250 situps

Learn how to do at least 10 pushups! (I am HORRIBLE at pushups)

Scrapbook at least 20 cute scrapbook pages

Make $2,000 in a month (that's good for me:))

Exercise for an hour at least 3 times a week for a month.

Go to disneyland/california adventure again

Attend an American Idol performance LIVE

Go a month without eating sugar

Pay for the person behind me in a drive through

Watch an episode of Star Wars

Write a book

Fly a kite

Pay off my car

create a coin jar and do not cash it in until the 1001 days are up (megans idea)

Write a song

Dye my hair and include the color red/auburn

Beat Dustin in a whole round of Mario Kart on the wii

Befriend a complete stranger

Remodel my bedroom

Buy a nice swimsuit

Go skydiving

Write a Poem

Attend at least 4 missionary homecomings

Make a blanket for someone

contact someone I have lost touch with

get involved with a school activity

be on time to class for a whole month

Win something (aka a drawing, something off the radio, anything that involves receiving something for free)

Attend the temple once a week for at least a month (I'm horrible at this)

Color an entire coloring book (megans idea)

Babysit someone's kids for free

Be a Maid of Honor/Bridesmaid for someone ;)

Fly in a plane

Visit a family member that lives in another state

Swim laps everyday for a week

Swim in the Ocean

Go snowboarding

Build a snowman

Go on a hike

Go camping

Win 3 games of Settlers of Catan or Monopoly in a row

Write a letter to an important person in my life every day for a week

Buy rainboots

Stargaze

Play in the rain

sleep outside on the trampoline for a night

play a prank on someone

go to the midnight showing of New Moon (and Eclipse if it comes out in time)

Watch all of the Harry Potter movies in a row

Write in my Journal everyday for a month

Give every single person I come in contact with a compliment for a week

take each of my little brothers on a "date" to the place of their choice

Go on a daddy daughter date

Go on a mommy daughter date

Go on a bike ride

buy a nice pair of sunglasses and DON'T lose them for 6 months

Don't use the computer for a week

Have another movie night with everyone that ever came..in memory of Keltson

Paint a picture

make a CD of all of the pictures on my computer

Make a DVD

wear Jewelry everyday for a month

Learn how to use photoshop

Go sledding

Go to a concert

Make a personal calender

Make some Jewelry

Read a Jane Austen book

Go Scubadiving

Go fishing

Go to a rodeo

Go to a baseball game

Ride a motorcycle

go to a Farmers Market

Make a homeade pie

Give $5 to charity for everything I do not finish by day 1001 (megans idea)

*****

I am starting this on April 25th, 2009

The last day is January 21st 2012

OKAY, NOW WISH ME LUCK!!

It's all about the weather.

The weather here in Logan today is A M A Z I N G.

It's funny how the weather can change your mood drastically.

I love feeling the heat!!!

I was feeling kind of down this morning when I woke up and really had to force myself to go to class.

But the MOMENT I stepped out the door and felt the warm weather on my face,

my mood changed.

I all of the sudden became super excited for school to get out.

only two weeks left!!

I suddenly felt relaxed,

and no longer stressed out.

I would actually ENJOY walking around campus today.

I LOVE WARM WEATHER!!!

no more snow for me!! :D

I should probably start being more optimistic now!!!

WHO ELSE LOVES THIS WEATHER????

best thing EVER.

THIS
Is the CUTEST thing I have seen all week.
I can't get enough of this baby.

Amazing

So I don't think I have emphasized this enough,

So I'm going to do it again.

I was blessed with two of the most AMAZING people in my life

ONE YEAR AGO.

Avery's mommy and daddy, Dustin and Andrea.

How was I lucky enough to be able to have the best family out there be Avery's eternal family?

like I said before, today is the one year anniversary of the day we met.

& Around 5 oclock this afternoon,

when I arrived home from dropping mandy off at Campus....

Here is what I found:

(yes I had to eat some of the sour patch kids before taking the picture)

Dustin and Andrea sent me flowers!!!

Aren't they amazing????

Sometimes I feel like I should be sending them something back because they do this all of the time.

They are SO amazing, and SO generous.

THANK YOU FOR THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS DUSTIN AND ANDREA!!!

I hope you always know how grateful I am for every. single. thing. you do for me.

INCLUDING,

giving me the peace of mind that Avery is in the best hands.

I love you guys!! :):)

April 15th 2008...

Today is the one year mark of when I finally found the couple I had been looking for to be the parents of the child I was carrying.

It's the one year Anniversary of the day I asked Dustin & Andrea to be the parents of sweet little Avery Leigh.

I will never forget that day. It was the day I discovered that God plays a huge part in the adoption process.

It was the first day that I felt the spirit so strongly. It's almost impossible to explain how completely at peace I felt about the whole thing. It was the first day since I discovered that I was pregnant, that I actually felt like I was doing the right thing.

I am still in awe at how perfectly Dustin & Andrea fit the profile of what I was looking for. I have never thought up someone in my head, and then actually found that exact person. They are EXACTLY what I was looking for.

Happy 1 year Dustin & Andrea!
Thank you for everything you do for me! I love you!!

Amanda Brook Allen

Dear Mandy,
Please don't be sad.

You are one of the coolest people I know

and

I LOVE YOU!!!

be HAPPY.

The people that say you aren't "Educated enough"

to state your opinion

don't know what they are talking about

They don't see you researching immensely every. single. day.

They don't live with you.

They don't watch you reasearching BOTH sides.

They don't know how much you really DO know.

They don't know you as well as they think.

I'll ALWAYS support you and your VERY smart intelligent mind.

You really are very educated.

and

YOU'RE NOT IGNORANT!!

Love,

You're Favorite Roomate

Happy Easter

This Easter season is one of my favorites.

I am so grateful for our Savior, and his sacrifice.

Such an incredible amount of love.

I had the opportunity to go to my friend Andrews Farewell today,

and let me tell you,

AMAZING

What a great guy.

He spoke of the Savior and His sacrifice.

he spoke of the

Faith

Hope

and

Charity

the Savior showed.

but my favorite part,

was when he talked about how he knows what it feels like to not have the gospel in your life.

It's so true.

The gospel has SAVED my life.

I don't know where I would be today without it.

For the few months that I lived without the gospel,

I was miserable.

I didn't realize that until I came back to it.

I didn't realize how incredibly unhappy I was until I felt the spirit again.

I'm so grateful for it,

and most of all

I'm grateful for the Atonement.

Because of the Savior,

I can be forgiven of my sins

Happy Easter Everyone.

Seven Pounds

This is a good movie.

I have mixed emotions about it though.

It has a good message to it I think.

But,

can I just say,

I could have gotten by without seeing this scene.

I bawled like a baby when I watched this part.

I LOVED the movie,

but I don't think I will watch it again all because of this one scene

I can't handle it.

I seriously think it was too much for me.

I saw this movie last week,

and

I have not been able to get it out of my head since then.

My roomates watched it yesterday,

and

I couldn't watch it.

even LISTENING to it caused tears to stream down my face.

I know it's just a movie, but can you blame me?

It's still hard not to want to just jump through that screen,

take that headset off of him and just give him a huge hug,

while telling him what an amazing guy he is.

seriously.

does anyone else agree with me here??

(wow, I sound like such a baby...but I'm really not..I swear..lol)

I missed him!!!

I don't know about you but my family and I are HUGE American Idol fans.
We Record all episodes on our DVR just in case we aren't able to make it to the T.V. in time for 7 oclock...
plus you can fast forward through all of the commercials. :)

WELL,
Last night we recorded American Idol and didn't start watching it until about 8 oclock...

UNFORTUNATELY,
because they changed it to one hour instead of two...Idol went longer than planned.

obviously our DVR doesn't know those things,
and that resulted in me missing my FAVORITE contestant,

Adam Lambert!!

I was SUPER upset until.....
I found this on the home page of my web browser Today....

(If the video doesn't show up, you can go HERE.)

I was SO excited to see that I could actually watch his awesome performance..
This guy has got TALENT!!!!

I recommend you watch...
wait until you see Simons reaction :):)

GO ADAM LAMBERT!!!

You can't ever grow up

This is Joey.

Today is his FOURTH birthday.

I just can't believe it.

I have made some posts about him before, but never really told the story.
But,
Because today is such a special day,
I have decided to tell the story of how my family and I were blessed with him and my other adorable little brother, Casey.

It was two years ago,
in June.

Casey and Joey

At the beginning of the year 2007,
My parents decided that they wanted to adopt another child.
They researched many different places,
and after much thought and prayer, they decided to do the Foster to adopt.
After months of my parents going through adoption classes, they finally finished the preperation, and were waiting to adopt.

Three months later,
My mom received a call.
They told her that they had two little boys that needed a place to stay for only the weekend
because the plan was (of course) to get them back to their parents.

Later that day,
two beautiful little boys showed up at our house.

My mom knew that these little boys were meant to be in our family,
and even though they told us that they were going back to their birth family,
my mom believed differently.
A week later, we were happy to say, we still had them.
my mom said that if they were to take them away,
she wasn't going to do this anymore because she wouldn't be able to handle it.

well,
weeks turned into months,
and we still had these amazing little boys.

The more days that passed,
the better our chances of being able to adopt them were.

FINALLY,
in January of 2008,

WE FINALIZED THE ADOPTION

My whole family, our attorney dean (who is also in our ward, AND a member of our stake presidency), and our case worker Paul.

(less than a month later I discovered I was pregnant.

I don't consider it a coincedence that we adopted them when we did.

It had a lot of influence on my decision to place Beautiful little Avery for adoption.

Knowing how much you can love the children you adopt.

I KNEW that she would be loved JUST as much by her adoptive family,

she would just have a better life on top of it.)

I cannot imagine my life without Casey and Joey.

They are the sweetest, cutest, most adorable little kids

and our family is so blessed to have them in our lives,

and most importantly, in our FAMILY

Being sealed to them was such an emotional experience.

It was SO hard to have to sit in the waiting room,

while the rest of my family experienced the amazing sealing session.

It was an emotional,

yet VERY amazing experience.

I felt Our Saviors love during that time.

I knew that even though I could not witness our family being sealed to Casey and Joey,

it felt great to know that I was still being sealed to them.

I am so grateful for this Gospel.

I'm so honered to have been born into the covenant,

and I'm so grateful for the Savior and His sacrifice.

because of Him, I can be sealed to my family for time and all eternity.

So now,

almost two years later,

I look back on those days.

Joey was 2 when he came into our lives.

He is now 4.

FOUR.

I told him that he can't grow up.

I told him that he cannot turn four,

and he responded.

"Yes I can, I HAVE to grow up Andee"

too bad he's right...

Casey will be 7 next month.

he was 5 when he came into our lives.

They are such a blessing, and I am SO grateful for them.

My testimony is stronger because of them.

Happy Birthday Joey!

I love you,

and to me,

You will always be my baby brother.

Mrs R's Ask a Birthmom Panel

Mrs. R

is an adoption Advocate.

She is seriously an awesome AWESOME person.
She is an adoptive mother of two beautiful little boys,

and is currently in a custody battle for her youngest.

She is incredibly inspiring and I DEFINITELY recommend her blog to everyone.
You will LOVE her.

Recently,

She has started an Ask a Birthmom Panel,
(AABM)

and

I am happy to say

that I am lucky enough to be on it!

If you have a question for the panel,

go to her blog or just simply click on the button to the right that says

"Ask a Birthmom"

and ask a question!

If you don't have a question,

you should still read her blog.
She is awesome.

A haunting statistic

For my writing class, we have an assignment.

It's a pretty huge assignment,

But I have been super excited about it.
we have to do a presentation on something that we are passionate about.

You all probably guessed what I'm doing it on....

that's right.
ADOPTION.
of course.
I am mainly focusing on open adoptions.

I have been working on this assignment more than any assignment that I currently have
(probably not the best idea..but this is my favorite class)

However,
I have been overcome with more emotion than I expected I would while working on it.

I am currently sitting here
in the library,
surrounded by a number of books that I found on open adoptions.

I love open adoptions.
I LOVE THEM
It has helped me heal in ways I never thought possible.

But that's not the point of this post.

while researching,
I have came across one particular fact that haunts me to the core
Here it is:

"In the United States, voluntary placement of children as a remedy for unplanned pregnancy has changed since the landmark Roe v Wade Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, prior to the 1970's, approximately 9% of all never-married women (and 19% of white never-married women) experiencing unplanned pregnancies placed their babies for adoption.

BUT,

since the 1973 Supreme Court decision [aka, when abortion became legalized] and because of changing societal attitudes about the legitimacy of single parenthood into the 1980's, fewer than 2% of unplanned pregnancies result in placing the child for adoption.."


that statistic upset me to the point where I had to stop reading and take a break due to the many tears in my eyes and the complete anger and disgust I feel towards abortion.

Lately,
I feel like everywhere I go, I am reminded of what a horrible disgusting thing abortion is.
I'm reminded of those innocent little children that are victims of this horrible selfish act.

Does anyone else find this statistic disturbing???