My Amazing Mother.

me and my mom

(HORRIBLE picture of me..but the most recent)

I just finished reading some of my Journal Entries from the last couple of years.

It's so crazy how much I have grown. It's weird to think how much has happened in, really, such a short amount of time. As I was reading, I began to feel such an overwhelming feeling of love and emotion for my mom.

With all of the trials I have experience these past couple of years, she has been right there by my side the entire time. I'm just going to name a couple (of the many) things that have really stuck out in my mind as I sit here.

The night I found out Keltson died was one of the worst nights. I remember sitting there with the phone to my ear in shock. I could not believe the words I was hearing on the other end. I remember just praying with everything I had that it was just a dream. Keltson was one of my Angels during my pregnancy. He was my best friend. How was it possible that my best friend was gone? I remember just thinking "I can't handle this right now. How does anyone expect me to handle this right now? how??" During this moment with the phone to my ear, as all these thoughts were racing through my head, my mom was sitting next to me. She saw my face and was super confused.

She told me later that she wondered "what could possibly be so bad that would make you react this way?"

As I hung up the phone, I turned and started at her as tears streamed down my face. As the words "Keltson died..." came out of my mouth, her eyes got huge. I will never forget the look that overcame her face as I tried to contain my emotions. "are you sure?" She asked as if someone was playing a horrible joke on me. I wished so badly that it WAS a joke.

For the next few hours I was crying so hard that I couldn't even lift my arms. I Just sat on the edge of my bed bawling. and where was my mom? sitting right next to me. She sat and hugged me. She cried with me. (She called Dustin and Andrea to tell them the news, and they too were at my house within minutes.)

I wouldn't have been able to get through the loss of Keltson without my moms help. That night I didn't sleep. and when I say I didn't sleep, I mean I literally. I didn't even LIGHTLY fall asleep. I was wide awake. the whole night. The next day my little brother was getting ordained a deacon in church and I didn't want to miss it. I finally fell asleep at 7am, but wanted to go to at least that part of church. So my mom made sure that I was okay and made sure that I was awake in time to get to that part of church.

She was there for me during his Funeral. She was there for me when I just didn't think I would be able to take it anymore. She was patient and didn't say a word when I would talk about him for hours on end. She mourned with me when I thought that my life would never be the same and I would never feel better again....

Then Avery came into this world. I joked with my mom that she was "My husband" at the hospital. She slept on the uncomfortable bench the night that I was in labor, and let me cry to her when the contractions were so painful I could hardly talk. She was there holding my hand and coaching me when the nurse would tell me to push. She was there to hold my hand when we heard Avery's first cry. She was there to hug me when I held Avery and saw her beautiful face for the first time. (So was Keltson. He was there. I could feel him.)

Then,
my mom was there for me for the few weeks after coming home from the hospital. She was there to hold me when I cried. She was there to talk to me when I needed it, and one memory that I will never forget is the day that we went for a drive.

I remember just feeling the lowest I have ever felt in my life. I remember just feeling like I had lost two people that I loved so much in such a short amount of time and that I couldn't deal with it anymore. I just felt horrible. My mom and dad were out with their friends, on a date. I called my mom as I was getting in my car and sobbing. I told her that I needed to go somewhere because I couldn't stop crying. Usually when I'm very upset, I go for a drive. (yes that is not a good idea, but it is the only time that I can really just sit and think things through in my head.) So when I told my mom this, she told me to stay there. "Don't go anywhere. Go lay down on my bed and just try to relax, we'll be home in a second". So my mom left what she was doing. She left the dinner and night out that she was enjoying with her friends and my dad and came home to talk to me.

When she got home, she asked me if I still wanted to go for a drive. well I definitely still wanted to, So at 9:00 pm, my mom took the car and we drove around town for two hours and just talked. I cried and cried pretty much the entire time, and all she did was listen and give me great motherly advice. we didn't get home until about 11:30 pm.

I love my mom so much. I don't know what I would do without her. She is my best friend. If I am ever having a hard day or need someone to talk to, I can always count on her to make me feel better.

I love you mom