I GOT IT!!

So for the past couple of months I have been working on getting a specific job that I have wanted...since I heard about it.

Job:
Case Manger.

Description:

A Case Manager takes care of birthmoms that come to Utah to deliver their babies because of the Utah adoption laws.

A Case Manger does the following:

• Picks Birthmom up from the airport
• Takes her to her apartment,
• Takes her grocery shopping
• Takes her to her Dr. appointments and any other appointment she may have
• Entertains her by going to a movie, dinner or something entertaining twice a week
• Takes her to the hospital for delivery
• Is there for her during Delivery and when requested and Is there for relinquishment
• takes her back to apartment
• Is there for emotional support
• takes her back to the airport to go back home.
• and helps with anything else the birthmom may need.

&

GUESS WHAT!?!?
I GOT THE JOB!!

I am now officially a Case manager for birthmoms.

I meet my first birthmom on Sunday,

and

I CAN'T WAIT!!

9 Months

Averys' ponytail :)

Avery is 9 months old today.
I can't believe how fast time has gone.

She will be ONE in 3 months

Whether I like it or not.

It's SO hard to believe.

The Ugly Truth.

This post has been sitting in my drafts for a couple of days now...
I am forcing myself to have the guts to post it...

Throughout the past couple of weeks I have been slowly realizing something that I should have realized a long time ago.

It seems I always have to experience something horrible in order for me to understand anything. I can't ever just learn from others experiences...it has to personally happen to me.

I really wish I could get over that..because I will forever struggle if I don't.
(I have really contemplated making this post..let's hope I don't regret it)


This is me and Avery's Birthfather, Kris
(got this off his myspace account...good thing he doesn't use it anymore..haha I wanted a picture for this post)

Here's the thing.

I have had VERY bitter feelings towards him for more than a year now for pretty much two reasons:

1. Because he was against the adoption from the beginning and at times was very close to trying to stop it
and
2. Because he wasn't there through pretty much the entire pregnancy. My life was put on hold for almost a year and he didn't feel the need to put his on hold like me. He had the easy way out.

But seriously....
He DIDN'T stop the adoption.

He let it happen even though he didn't agree with it because he knew that it's what I knew was best for Avery and he trusted me.

I should be SO grateful to him for that

I wasn't able to realize this until I experienced heartbreak myself.
Jake was the first person I have ever had break up with me and let me tell you...it hurts. physically.

It hurts to feel like you're not wanted.

Kris wanted to get married.
We were ENGAGED...and I just called it off and didn't want anything to do with him anymore.....

I can see why he would want to stop the adoption now..
I'm just SO SO Grateful that he didn't.

I guess that this post is just about realization...??

The way Kris has made me feel about myself is NOTHING compared to the way Jake has made me feel about myself...

I owe Kris an apology...
I'm just not sure how to do it without sending the wrong message.

Any Suggestions?

Pioneer Day

For the 24th of July this year we had a BBQ/Swimparty with my Aunt MaryJane and her family.

It was a lot of fun and the food was YUMMY.
Here are some pictures of the event:

Boston 'diving' haha. She looks like superman.

My Cousin Deja posing for the camera


My Aunt MaryJane, Cousin Shaylee and Me.

Cambria

My Cousin Andrea and her daughter Leah

CHICKEN FIGHT:





and yes we DID win...99% of the time! :)


haha..my brother in law...he likes posing for pictures...

My mom and Sister Emilee

Beautiful Baby Brewer:





Fireworks Afterwards...

At some point during all of this,

My dad was making some corn on the cob...

he grabbed the pot off the counter and without realizing that the oven mitt was stuck to the bottom...

he set the pot on the stove and turned it on....

here's what happened:

Remind you of anything?

Like Father like Daughter :) haha

It was an AWESOME day.

way better than my 4th of July I'll tell you that!

My Hero

Joey

Yes,

I talk about this little man a lot.

But he seriously is such a sweet kid.

and yes I have another story about him.

So I guess in order to understand this story, you have to hear this one first...

about a year ago I was pregnant.

Joey and I were pretty good buddies.

He came everywhere with me.

I LOVED it.

Well,

on this particular day Joey was helping me clean my room.

I picked up a pile of laundry that I was going to go throw in the wash when I saw a spider from the corner of my eye.

Okay,

spiders are a HUGE fear of mine.

So,

Joey heard me scream and asked me what was wrong.

I showed him the spider while I attempted to push things away from it so that I couldn't lose sight of it.

well,

Joey (being 3 years old at the time),

goes into my bathroom,

grabs a tissue,

PICKS UP THE SPIDER, Throws it in the toilet and flushes it.

I have to admit I felt somewhat pathetic at the fact that my 3 year old brother could easily pick up a spider and flush it down the toilet while I, 19 years old, couldn't even look at it without almost having a heart attack.

(haha but don't judge. I hate them.)

I then gave Joey a hug after that and told him that he was my spider killing hero.

He liked that and for the next couple of days he went around telling everyone that he was my hero. It was cute.

Well,

my fear of spiders has not yet gone away.

So today, when I walked into the bathroom and saw a spider, I FREAKED OUT again.

I grabbed the closest thing in sight..which was a bottle of rubbing alcohol and then a can of hair spray, and I began spraying and pouring it on the spider as it started running around. (This is my way of killing spiders...no physical contact.)

Then,

I remembered the last time I found a spider....

and yelled for Joey.

He came in and when I showed him the spider,

he did the same thing.

After he flushed it I said to him.

"Joey, you're my Hero remember?"

and he said "Yes, I remember. I'm your hero."

I smiled and said yes and then he ran out of the room and told my little brother that he's my hero.

It was cute.

I love the boy.

I love him to pieces.

He is my little spider killing man.

Funny that his favorite superhero is spider man :)

Changing my ways of thinking.

So,
for the past couple of days I have been making posts and deleting them over and over again.
I have had so much on my mind and I have not been sure how to put it in words.

So please bear with me as I try my hardest to make this post make sense.

I read Mrs. R's blog today.

THIS post was so amazingly perfect for me.
I can't even explain how much I needed it at this very moment in my life.

In this post,
she had this video:

this video was like a punch in the face for me.

I need to change my ways of thinking.

I need to change how I am dealing with the three issues I have been faced with lately.

let me point out some of the words in this video that hit me SO hard:

"In your life, there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take."

"Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul.

"God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us -- everything will fall into place."

"When you cannot love someone, look into that persons eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him."

"If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again."

"Avoid at all costs any pessimistic, negative or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm."

"Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words"

"When you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better."

Every single one of these words performed miracles on me today.

I am so grateful that Mrs. R made that post.

I feel like I have a new mindset now.

SORRY!!!!

Okay so my dad just informed me of something.

When he was reading my last post...

the 16 and pregnant one,

it showed him a PRETTY DISTURBING COMMERCIAL

(I won't go into detail to save your sanity)

I deleted the post because I'm embarrassed to have that on my blog!!

So to everyone that was unlucky enough to have to see THAT commercial...I'm SO sorry!!

It didn't do that for me!

haha forgive me.

You Know Why!

So Keara, Terri and I had a girls night tonight.
I completely forgot how much fun they were.
I missed them INCREDIBELY.

At around 6:30,
Keara and I went to the temple to do Baptisms.

It was a much needed trip.
It was so comforting and so refreshing.

I seriously needed it.
I haven't gone in so long and forgot how amazing it is.
I love this Gospel.

Afterwards,
we decided to go to Chili's for dinner.
As we were leaving,
Terri called and said that she was free (FOR ONCE) and wanted to do something.

So she met us at Chili's and we had SO MUCH FUN.
I can't even tell you how much I missed it.

We had A LOT to catch up on.
it's been a while since it has been just us three.

(please remember that we had just finished doing Baptisms and I didn't fix my hair OR makeup afterwards...)

While we were there we started talking about Terri's nail school classes that she is currently taking.

She just finished learning how to do Glitter Toes and said she wanted to do ours.
So we decided to go back to my house to watch a movie and do our nails.

So we did.
We watched the movie What Happens in Vegas.

If you haven't seen this movie,
I highly HIGHLY recommend it.

The reason we decided to watch this movie is because of our two FAVORITE scenes:




You have no idea how many different ways I have imagined doing this to a certain someone lately...
Actually, more like how many different ways Keara and our awesome friend Brittany have imagined doing this to him. I laugh hysterically everytime after listening to all their many different plans...sometimes I think (and secretely hope) that they are serious...(hehe..hey you can't blame me)

Anyway,
here's Terri in action.

Want your toes to look like these?
(they look 1000 times BETTER in person. Seriously. LOVE them.)


Call Terri!!
She only Charges $15 which is a SUPER good deal.

Make an appointment today:
209-777-3310

The second Birthday party

I would just like to say really quickly that I love all of my blog readers.

You all have been such a blessing in my life and I'm so grateful for every single one of you and the amazing support I receive from you.

*****

Today as I was getting ready (sorta) to go to dinner with my mom and dad,

my two adorable little brothers Casey and Joey walked in.

They were both holding bags of coins with little pieces of fabric in them and said

"Happy Birthday Andee"

I almost started crying.

My two little brothers have piggy banks and are very particular about what they spend their money on.

Casey handed me the bag and said "It's a dollar!"

Then Joey walked in and gave me the same thing.

I love those boys!!

Joey was SO excited about it.

He wanted me to put the money in my piggybank.

(I really need to find a coin jar...my coins are piling up!)

Then I took the fabric out of the bags.

Here is what they were:

Joey's:

Casey's:

(front)

(back)

It was the cutest thing EVER.

Casey gave me a big hug and kiss and I told him I loved him about 1000 times before he finally got away and walked out of the room, with red cheeks and a smile on his face.

Then Joey stayed with me as I finished attempting my hair.

(remember that Joey is just 4 years old).

Here is how our conversation went:

Joey: "Is Jake coming over for cake and ice cream too?"

Me: "No, Jake isn't coming over anymore."

Joey: "Why?"

Me: "Because we broke up yesterday."

Joey: "on your BIRTHDAY??"

Me: "yes, on my birthday."

**Silence**

Joey: "You need a new boyfriend"

It was the sweetest thing ever.

I have the best brothers in the world.

Then he gave me a big hug and kiss and said "I love you Andee."

He's FOUR!!

After Dinner,

I came home and had my closest friends come over for cake and Ice cream.

Dustin Andrea and Avery

My Aunt MaryJane and Uncle Scott

Keara

and

Terri and Dustin.

I wish I had pictures of all of them, but I was too obsessed with Avery and only took them of her.

But I do have pictures of some of us holding her..

Avery and Joey

Avery and My Aunt MaryJane

Avery and Me

Another Storm......

I have come to the conclusion that dating is not worth the pain.

Today is my birthday.

Today Jake and I broke up.

Today my eyes were opened.

(even though they are quite swollen from stupid no good, not worth it tears....)

My life changed after I met Jake.

it was perfect....

So perfect that I refused to look at the ONE issue that I had with him.

It was a pretty important issue though and one that I couldn't just ignore.

so I brought it up yesterday....

he seemed to understand..really.

I thought we were on the same page.

However,

Later that night,

something happened that brought that issue to the surface and we got into a heated arguement.

That was yesterday at 8pm.

4 hours before my 20th birthday.

It was the last time I felt like my life was perfect.

After that conversation, he left after saying he needed to think about things.

I understood that.

I mean this issue isn't something that can just change with the snap of your fingers.

Then today came.

I didn't hear from him.

I cried my eyes out all day long.

I couldn't even do my make up.

You see,

we had plans for my birthday.

I was SO excited for my birthday.

I couldn't wait.

He was going to meet Avery.

His family and I got along so well.

THEY even had plans for it

....but that changed quickly.

Those plans flew right out the window just hours before all of the things I had been anticipating were going to happen.

Just hours before my being "patient" would pay off...hmm...

it didn't.

I seriously haven't cried so hard since the day I left the hospital empty handed...without Avery.

Experiencing physical pain.

I didn't think Jake was going to talk to me.

I didn't even think he was going to wish me happy birthday.

Then,

He finally said he was coming over at 7:45pm to talk.

He came over and the first thing he said when he got out of the car was

"I'm not here to break up with you."

however,

That is exactly what we decided after talking.

...to break up.

After he left, I felt as if my life was over.

I ran down to my room and layed on the floor and just began to sob.

I cried forever.

I learned today that

the second I finally trust someone with my heart,

they rip it out,

stomp on it,

and

then shred it to pieces.

The last person I gave my heart to was Keltson...

then he passed away.

I've said this before and I'll say it again...

Independence is always the best way to go.

BE INDEPENDENT!!!

(that is something some people need to hear.)

.........

While I cried my eyes out all day long,

I had constant supporters by my side.

Since the plans I had for my birthday had been cancelled,

my amazing family took matters into their own hands.

We were just going to celebrate it tomorrow...

but we decided to celebrate it twice.

Today AND Tomorrow.

They talked to me ALL DAY.

I swear I didn't make it 5 minutes without breaking down today...

and someone was there every time to talk to me.

I LOVE MY FAMILY.

I got a camera for my birthday...this is the first picture I took...these are the people in my life that will always be there for me. Especially on days like today that I feel I can't live another minute.

not pictured: Emilee.

(you see my mom back there right?? she of course was a huge part in this support)