Sunday, July 5, 2009

Another Storm......

I have come to the conclusion that dating is not worth the pain.

Today is my birthday.
Today Jake and I broke up.
Today my eyes were opened.
(even though they are quite swollen from stupid no good, not worth it tears....)

My life changed after I met Jake.
it was perfect....
So perfect that I refused to look at the ONE issue that I had with him.

It was a pretty important issue though and one that I couldn't just ignore.
so I brought it up yesterday....
he seemed to understand..really.
I thought we were on the same page.

Later that night,
something happened that brought that issue to the surface and we got into a heated arguement.

That was yesterday at 8pm.
4 hours before my 20th birthday.
It was the last time I felt like my life was perfect.

After that conversation, he left after saying he needed to think about things.
I understood that.
I mean this issue isn't something that can just change with the snap of your fingers.

Then today came.
I didn't hear from him.
I cried my eyes out all day long.
I couldn't even do my make up.

You see,
we had plans for my birthday.
I was SO excited for my birthday.
I couldn't wait.
He was going to meet Avery.
His family and I got along so well.
THEY even had plans for it
....but that changed quickly.

Those plans flew right out the window just hours before all of the things I had been anticipating were going to happen.
Just hours before my being "patient" would pay off...hmm...
it didn't.

I seriously haven't cried so hard since the day I left the hospital empty handed...without Avery.
Experiencing physical pain.
I didn't think Jake was going to talk to me.
I didn't even think he was going to wish me happy birthday.

He finally said he was coming over at 7:45pm to talk.
He came over and the first thing he said when he got out of the car was

"I'm not here to break up with you."
That is exactly what we decided after talking. break up.

After he left, I felt as if my life was over.
I ran down to my room and layed on the floor and just began to sob.
I cried forever.

I learned today that
the second I finally trust someone with my heart,
they rip it out,
stomp on it,
then shred it to pieces.

The last person I gave my heart to was Keltson...
then he passed away.

I've said this before and I'll say it again...
Independence is always the best way to go.
(that is something some people need to hear.)
While I cried my eyes out all day long,
I had constant supporters by my side.

Since the plans I had for my birthday had been cancelled,
my amazing family took matters into their own hands.

We were just going to celebrate it tomorrow...
but we decided to celebrate it twice.
Today AND Tomorrow.

They talked to me ALL DAY.
I swear I didn't make it 5 minutes without breaking down today...
and someone was there every time to talk to me.

I got a camera for my birthday...this is the first picture I took...these are the people in my life that will always be there for me. Especially on days like today that I feel I can't live another minute.
not pictured: Emilee.
(you see my mom back there right?? she of course was a huge part in this support)


Keara said...

I'm sorry andee. You'll always have me there too.

[I wasn't pictured in that photo either haha]

Nicole said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I'm sorry you didn't have a good day but I'm thinking and praying for you..Hope tommorrow is better! Love ya!

EMILEE said...

Andee, he's NOT even worth it! What kind of guy breaks up with you on you BIRTHDAY! you are going to find THE most AMAZING MAN in the world. you deserve so much BETTER. Any guy would be lucky to have you! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

StefanieJinelle said...

What the heck man? I'm pretty sure I know 100% how you feel. I won't go into detail because I'm sure you know. Bad boyfriend, then I met Nic, we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. I'm just BARELY realizing it now that Nic wasn't good enough. I know right now you feel like Jake was the greatest thing in your life and breaking up sucks. But, you do eventually move on and realize he wasn't the greatest thing and the reason why he isn't in your life now. You deserve the best birthday ever! Happy belated birthday. :) I'll celebrate it today for you. I'll eat some ice cream or something. Ha.

Mrs. Black said...

Break-ups suck. There is no simpler way to say it. The one thing about it though is it means you are one break-up closer to never breaking up again! You will find your prince charming one of these days. I think your Heavenly Father has the perfect one in store for you. Heaven knows you deserve it : )

Andrea said...

So sorry Andee. That's no way to spend your birthday. We will be there to celebrate with you tonight :) We love you!

Mae AJ and Conner said...

No guy is worth all those tears.. I promise you will find him . you are an amazing girl, and what perfect guy wouldn't want you. You are Beautiful and have an amazing personality.. I love you. and I hope you have fun tonight. :) and just know that I am always here for you!!

Discount Divas said...

I love you to pieces - I almost called you last night to wish you happy birthday but was afraid it was too late in the day - You are in my prayers - I love you to pieces and you will find Mr. Right and it will all work out - Love you - Love you - Love you

Lechelle said...

I'm so sorry Andee, that really sucks!
I agree with Emilee, you will someday find the most amazing man ever. Maybe this one issue that you two fought about was needed in order for you to go seperate ways so you can find your REAL prince charming.
Happy Belated Birthday.

Mandy said...

oh My GOSH. Andee.. I'm so sorry :( I hope you are ok. That ultimately sucks and I could punch him in the face. LOVE YOU! and HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!

Adam and Andrea Daveline said...

Andee, you are amazing and deserve all the good things life has to offer. As bad as break-ups are and as much as they hurt, they are far better than getting too involved and then having these serious issues come up after you are married.

I love you and hope you are having some wonderful times with your family. I wish I was there with a giant tub of ice cream. We could do some serious damage.

Cory and Becca said...

Happy Belated Birthday...sorry to hear it was a total down in the dumps man drama!