Another Storm......

I have come to the conclusion that dating is not worth the pain.

Today is my birthday.

Today Jake and I broke up.

Today my eyes were opened.

(even though they are quite swollen from stupid no good, not worth it tears....)

My life changed after I met Jake.

it was perfect....

So perfect that I refused to look at the ONE issue that I had with him.

It was a pretty important issue though and one that I couldn't just ignore.

so I brought it up yesterday....

he seemed to understand..really.

I thought we were on the same page.

However,

Later that night,

something happened that brought that issue to the surface and we got into a heated arguement.

That was yesterday at 8pm.

4 hours before my 20th birthday.

It was the last time I felt like my life was perfect.

After that conversation, he left after saying he needed to think about things.

I understood that.

I mean this issue isn't something that can just change with the snap of your fingers.

Then today came.

I didn't hear from him.

I cried my eyes out all day long.

I couldn't even do my make up.

You see,

we had plans for my birthday.

I was SO excited for my birthday.

I couldn't wait.

He was going to meet Avery.

His family and I got along so well.

THEY even had plans for it

....but that changed quickly.

Those plans flew right out the window just hours before all of the things I had been anticipating were going to happen.

Just hours before my being "patient" would pay off...hmm...

it didn't.

I seriously haven't cried so hard since the day I left the hospital empty handed...without Avery.

Experiencing physical pain.

I didn't think Jake was going to talk to me.

I didn't even think he was going to wish me happy birthday.

Then,

He finally said he was coming over at 7:45pm to talk.

He came over and the first thing he said when he got out of the car was

"I'm not here to break up with you."

however,

That is exactly what we decided after talking.

...to break up.

After he left, I felt as if my life was over.

I ran down to my room and layed on the floor and just began to sob.

I cried forever.

I learned today that

the second I finally trust someone with my heart,

they rip it out,

stomp on it,

and

then shred it to pieces.

The last person I gave my heart to was Keltson...

then he passed away.

I've said this before and I'll say it again...

Independence is always the best way to go.

BE INDEPENDENT!!!

(that is something some people need to hear.)

.........

While I cried my eyes out all day long,

I had constant supporters by my side.

Since the plans I had for my birthday had been cancelled,

my amazing family took matters into their own hands.

We were just going to celebrate it tomorrow...

but we decided to celebrate it twice.

Today AND Tomorrow.

They talked to me ALL DAY.

I swear I didn't make it 5 minutes without breaking down today...

and someone was there every time to talk to me.

I LOVE MY FAMILY.

I got a camera for my birthday...this is the first picture I took...these are the people in my life that will always be there for me. Especially on days like today that I feel I can't live another minute.

not pictured: Emilee.

(you see my mom back there right?? she of course was a huge part in this support)