Faith

I have been thinking about something lately

and

I want to share my feelings.

**I would like to say before though, that I would never try to talk someone into adoption.
I am an adoption advocate, but I in no way am I going to try to tell someone that adoption is the best choice for them. Every situtaion is different and unique.**

With that being said,
let me go on.

When I found out I was pregnant,
the first thing I thought of was not adoption.

In fact,
I did everything I could to avoid that because I knew it would cause a lot of pain on my end and I most definitely did not want that.
So Obviously,
my first option was going to be to get married.

The only problem was,
I wasn't in love.

Deep down I knew this, but ignored it because I wanted so badly to get married.

Two thoughts kept coming to my mind that would make it easier to go through with marriage.

1. I was probably never going to get married again if I didn't marry Kris. Why? because I knew that the kind of guy I wanted to marry was not going to want to marry someone that has already had a child.

2. I was the reason that Kris couldn't go on a mission. It would be rude just to leave him now right?

Although, neither of these reasons are good enough to marry and make the baby suffer, I wasn't thinking about that at the time.

I had to ask myself if I felt like that was a good enough reason to go through with a marriage that wont last. If it was a good enough reason to cause my child to suffer from my mistakes.

It took a bit for me to get my head on straight and to think about what mattered most in my situation.

My Baby.

So,
the best thing I could do if I really wanted to give this child the best life, was to have faith.

That was a hard concept to learn, but really, the hardest thing to handle was the question "Will I ever get married?"

I have had to constantly remind myself to have faith that the Lord will lead me to the man that I am supposed to marry.
I NEEDED faith that everything would work out in the end.
I NEEDED to have faith that what I was doing was right.

AND,
I still need to have faith.

I'm not married yet,
I don't see myself getting married anytime in the near future,
but I am just trusting in the Lord that it will happen when the time is right.

That is the hardest thing to do.
I think that FAITH is the key to placing your child for adoption.

I had to have faith that Avery was going to the right home.
I had to have faith that the Lord would bless me if I did what was right.
I had to have faith that Dustin and Andrea would be the kind of parents I wanted Avery to have.

Adoption is based on Faith,
and that is really the only thing that can get you through.

and
Eventually,
that Faith will pay off.