Wednesday, September 30, 2009

a dream ignored and a lesson learned

Last night I was on facebook.

I was on for about 5 minutes when I discovered a 'facebook tool' that allows you to see every status you have ever left on facebook.

being curious I decided to look up some of my statuses from the past.

When I got to the ones from a year ago,
I started to really miss Keltson.
he was a great friend and I even mentioned it in a status

October 2nd was the last time I ever saw him.
While we were sitting in the theater room at my house, Keltson was talking about the Elk hunt he was so very excited about going on. He was leaving the next day (October 3rd) in the evening.
Keltson then asked me if I wanted to come with him the next day to Cabela's to get the rest of the things he needed. I was quite shocked that he invited me to go, because I was, indeed, 9 months pregnant. It would have been just me and him and I guess I just assumed he had wanted to "Avoid the appearance".

I was shocked, but happy to say the least that he wanted me to go help him get the rest of his hunting gear.

I then had this strong feeling to take pictures.
So I grabbed my camera and we took pictures for the rest of the night.
(besides one picture from hunting,these were the very last pictures taken of him)

After going to Village Inn with Him Josh and Terri that night, He dropped me off at my house and gave me a hug goodbye in my driveway. I walked to my door and then turned and watched him get in his car and drive away...

That night I went to bed and had the WORST dream I have ever had in my life.
no joke.
I woke up bawling.

it wasn't just tears coming out of my eyes,
it was full on crying out loud and trying to breathe between sobs.
I couldn't believe how upset I was.

Let me tell you a little about this dream that I so clearly remember:

I was pregnant and walking down a highway with Dustin and we were both looking for Andrea.
I knew that I was going to have the baby soon
and I was worried because we couldn't find her.

when we walked into a grove of trees, Andrea walked up.
When I saw her I ran up to her and before I was able to even say a word,
she fell to the ground and started gasping for air.
both Dustin and I sat and watched helplessly as she died right before our eyes.
(I am crying just thinking about it. I love you Andrea)

That was when I woke up...
and I can't even tell you the feeling that I felt.
I was SO upset.
I texted Andrea right when I woke up just to make sure she was okay.
I told her that I had a horrible dream and that I couldn't stop crying.

Then I went upstairs to my mom and sobbed and sobbed as I tried choking out this nightmare.
I could not figure out why I was still so upset.
obviously it was just a dream,
but I could feel inside of me that something wasn't right.
I kept telling my mom that I just had this horrible feeling and I didn't know why.
I was so worried that something bad was going to happen.
She reassured me that it was probably just because Avery was almost here and that it was just in anticipation of that.

Keltson texted me.
After that dream, I didn't want to do anything and I told him how 'under the weather' I felt. (hm..I didn't really listen well to that dream OR that feeling did I??)
So he told me that he would just go by himself and that we would do something when he got back from his hunting trip.

8 days later, on his way home, he was killed in a car accident.

It has been an entire year since then and I still remember all of it so clearly...

but I never really thought much about that dream again until I read this status update last night:

[Andee] just woke up bawling from a bad dream. I have never woken up so upset in my life! I can't stop crying...:S --10.3.08 17:22:22

The way I felt afterward was definitely not a feeling I have after every nightmare...

I think that if I had listened more to that dream,
I would have gone with Keltson to Cabelas that day
and I would have been able to experience one more day with him, just me and him.

Life Lesson:
Don't turn down an opportunity to be with
someone just because you aren't in a good mood.


Andrea said...

I love you! You are one strong person to go through so much in such a short time.

Krystal said...

thank you for sharing this story and important reminder... I will never let those opportunities pass me by.