< 3

I have had a REALLY hard time doing this.

Every single comment I received on my last post,

made it harder and harder to just abandon my blog.

After reading all of the advice,

I feel like I've put all of them together and made a decision.

Before I received the 30+ comments on my last post and on formspring,

I was going to just completely move this blog to private and not allow any access...

then once we had the blog published,

I would delete it completely.

But...

now I feel like I'm being selfish.

It means a LOT to me that so many people have benefited from this

and to be honest,

I didn't realize it.

Since I still feel like it would be best for my family to have a private,

less controversial blog,

I have already created a new one and began making my personal posts there.

But I don't think I'll delete this blog.

At least for now.

HOWEVER,

I am going to moderate ALL of the comments I receive.

I will NOT publish the hurtful, mean comments.

I won't even finish reading them if I feel that they are moving to negativity towards who I am.

I CAN'T deal with those kinds of people anymore.

And,

this blog will be about Adoption.

So,

I probably won't post very much.

The only times I will is whenever I do something pertaining to adoption,

AKA speaking at high schools, on panels, attending an adoption related event, etc..

If you want to access my private blog,

comment on this post/send me and email with your blogger email address.

I can only have 100 readers on that blog.

I am HOPING I can keep it private.

I'm not sure how it will work so that my entire family can read it,

but I do NOT want negative comments on it.

We'll see how it works :S

But again, that blog will just be about my family and our lives.

I will post on there a BUNCH!

This one,

will not have as much activity. 

But I feel too guilty deleting it completly.

Especially if there are still other people out there that can benefit.

I honestly LOVE all of my readers.

I can't explain how helpful and sweet you all are to me.

I don't wanna just abandon you!!

I'm hoping this works.

If not,

I'm going to have to completely quit posting to this blog.

and I will only keep it up until I have it published.

I am grateful for all of the comments and advice received from my last post.

It really has helped me decide...

plus it's alot less painful for me to do it this way. :)

I didn't like my last decision and was having a REALLY hard time with it.

So,
I'm not going to completely delete it.
At least for now.
But if you want to read my personal blog,
comment/email me with your blogger email address
< 3

I think I've made the decision...

I'm 99.9% sure I'm going to delete this blog...

and create a private one for my family.

I will make that final decision by the end of next week.

I think I'm done dealing with all of the negativity that comes with blogging Publicly.

When I first created this blog,

it was SOO helpful.

A lot of healing took place.

A lot of growing and learning did as well.

But I've noticed,

as time has gone on,

it's turned in to something that I don't really care for.

Something that I don't want to be involved with anymore.

I don't like feeling attacked.

I don't like feeling the way I feel when I decide to "blog stalk",

and discover things in this world that are so evil I get physically ill.

THEN,

when standing up for my beliefs,

beliefs of mine that are SOOO obvious...

I'm criticized for THAT.

A blog is supposed to be like a journal.

It's supposed to be something I can write my thoughts and feelings on.

It's what I made it for in the first place...and it's no longer that.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to constantly stand up for things that seem so obviously right...

but for some reason,

aren't to other people.

I can't live of this world anymore.

I can only live my life,

with my family,

knowing what I know to be true.

I am just so focused on what really matters in my life,

which is my family and what is best for them,

specifically my sweet daughter that will be entering this harsh world soon.

I can't continue to take part in that. 

As I write this blog,

I think that I've already made my decision.

It's just getting myself to do it that is difficult. 

This blog has been my life for two years.

Almost exactly. 

It's going to be really hard to just delete it all and create my own private one. 

But I think I've come to the conclusion that it is what's best for my family.

I really appreciate the people that support me.  

I really love the people I've met through blogging and I wouldn't change it for the world.

But it's what's best for me and my family.

So it will be deleted by next week.  

This is really hard to do and is not an easy decision.

But I believe it is the right one.

Oh.
and
Promoting adoption?
well,
that's being done just wonderfully.

I don't need a blog to do that.

20 weeks

HALF WAY!!

Yeah,

that's crazy.

I feel like it's taken forever,

but at the same time...

thinking that I only have that same amount of time to go...

seems like it's come really fast!!

We are all ready to meet our little girl,

but then again...we are SOOOO not ready!!

haha

We still need to get into our house,

set up the nursery,

and finish buying all of the stuff we need for her!

Good thing we still have 20 weeks right??

Slowly but surely things are moving along with this house.

Once we get in,

I feel like we are going to have to hit the ground running to prepare for her.

I gotta say,

I don't think I stress more in my life than I do when I'm pregnant.

Maybe it's just the hormones...

but seriously.

I feel like everything is like...WAY worse than it is.

I'm hoping that is normal!

My Aunt MJ told me that fish oil pills or whatever those are...

are supposed to help calm you down a little.

I'm going out with her on Monday and she's going to bring me some.

I'm hoping those work!

I seriously feel so stressed out ALL OF THE TIME!!

It's starting to really make me forget about everything that is working out RIGHT...

because I'm focusing so much on all of the negative.

I hate it.

But at least I'm recognizing it right?

....I think?

haha

Things are going really well for us actually...it's just a lot at once!

The one thing I am more passionate about than Adoption...

The incredible Stefanie made a post yesterday.

I gotta say it hit home for me more than ANY other post I've ever read.

If you want me to lose complete respect for you in less than 10 seconds,

just say these four word to me:

"I've had an Abortion"

I in no way see my losing respect for you as judgemental.

WHY?

Because if you have had an abortion,

it seems quite obvious that I care more about that Child you've killed more than you.

Which is quite sad.

I can't imagine someone loving my child more than me.

Abortion is the one thing that I can honestly say I am more passionate about than Adoption.

Adoption is the BEST option!

I love it SOO MUCH!

But I would never ever say that someone was wrong,

or being selfish if they chose to single parent.

That is there decision and that is them doing what they think is best.

and it very well could be.

But Abortion??

There is NOTHING anyone can say that will make me think that is a good option to choose.

It is NOT best for that child they are carrying.

That Child isn't even being born!

Instead they are bruttally murduring it.

yeah,

I gotta say,

I don't know anyone that wants to be murdered.

Do you?

has anyone walked up to you and said

"I wish someone would murder me today."

Or better yet,

has anyone ever said

"I wish my mom had just had an abortion when she was pregnant with me."

yeah,

didn't think so.

Before I go on,

I would like to admit that my writing skills have hit the toilet.

I don't know why but I can't seem to write what's on my mind as well as I used to...

I'll call it pregnancy related. ha.

Because of this,

I've decided that I'm just going to show this video.

I am SO passionate about this that the best way for me to state my feeling is by showing this chilling video.

I watched it when I was pregnant with Avery.

I cried all day after watching it.

I couldn't believe that someone would do this to a child.

I am pregnant again.

I gotta tell you now that I can't watch it.

I have a child inside of me right now.

She is moving as we speak.

She is playing around in my belly and getting bigger every day.

It kills me to even entertain the thought that this happens to other baby's like her.

I am getting emotional just typing it.

It kills me to think that when I was pregnant with Avery,

people chose this option over Adoption.

I can't imagine EVER doing this to Avery,

to my CHILD.

To something that is COMPLETELY depending on me...

and this is how you show them that you care?

The video is long, but it's facts. WATCH IT if you don't believe abortion is murder.

After watching this,

you tell me if it's still just TISSUE that you're getting rid of.

19 Week Ultrasound

I'm 19 weeks.

(almost half way!!)

We had our 19 week Ultrasound on Thursday and things look great!

Kali hates Ultrasounds.

She's turned her back towards us in both of them, little stink!

Nonetheless,

the Ultrasound tech got what she needed and Kali is completely healthy.

and yes it's still a girl!

haha

With my dang belly getting so freaking big,

you'd think that Tyson would have been able to not only feel her kick,

but SEE her as well.

But,

my uterus just likes to grow!

However,

Kali is growing and I'm feeling her more and more.

and YESTERDAY,

Tyson finally felt her kick!

We were waiting to be seated at Chilis,

and were sitting in the front,

and all of the sudden she started moving around a whole bunch.

So I put Tysons hand on my Belly

and he finally felt her!

I was so glad.

:):)

Then,

that night,

I was taking a bath and she started kicking a whole bunch again.

and I actually saw my belly move.

I was so excited.

But it only moved the skin once so Tyson hasn't seen THAT yet.

I felt her move more than I ever had before yesterday

and today I've been feeling her a lot more...

which means she's growing...

which means it's getting closer.

In other news,

I got my hair done on Thursday too.

I changed it a lot...

more than I have in years!

It's closer to my natural color.

I little darker,

but this way I decided that if I'm unable to go get it done again,

(because we are trying to get a house...which we'll know for SURE if we are approved in less than 60 days)

Then it won't be obvious or look bad when my roots come in.

I've had a hard time getting used to it,

but most every else seems to like it...

especially Tyson. and he's really the only person I care about liking it!

19 weeks.

Christmas 2010

I know I'm a little late doing this.

But

I've been REALLY sick,

as well as my whole family.

Tyson ended up taking me to the instacare on Thursday night.

We were there for 4 long hours

because not only did they put me on a Saline IV,

they gave me TWO bags.

Apparantly I was dehydrated!!

It made me feel way better than I had all day that day,

but turns out,

I have Strep Throat + the Flu.

Not fun considering I'm not over morning sickness yet either.

After the Dr told me he was sure that was what was wrong,

My mom called me the next day saying that my little brother

(who had strep throat a couple of day before,)

was just diagnosed with the Flu as well.

My voice has been gone since Friday.

I really cannot miss anymore work.

I've missed enough with this morning sickness.

I am not going to have ANY time left to take off for Maternity leave!!

Anyway,

enough of that.

Christmas was really fun!

We went to my familys annual Chrismas eve party

and ate lots of food and had a lot of fun there as usual.

My aunt gave us a REALLY comfortable blanket.

After that we went home,

opened our Pj's and sibling presents.

Tyson got a shirt from my little sister

and

I got a gift card for Maternity clothes from my BIL Blake!!

Kali is already getting Christmas presents too!

My mom got her an adorable bracelet and a matching binky holder

and my dad

got her a UofU hat (of course! haha)

On Christmas morning

We opened presents with my family.

I got maternity clothes from Tyson

and

my parents gave us a Wii!!

Afterwards,

we went and visited Dustin Andrea and Avery.

It was the CRAZIEST thing.

I know it hasn't been that long since we've seen Avery,

like less than two months,

but I swear she got a TON bigger all of the sudden.

When we knocked on the door we heard little feet running to answer it.

and When she opened the door,

it was like she had grown two inches.

She's talking like a champ too.

It's so wierd!!

She talks to you in full on sentences.

From what I could tell,

she can pretty much carry on a conversation.

I know she's two,

but it's just wierd!

We also got a video camera,

so while I thought I recorded way more than this,

I'm glad I at least got her saying "Hi"

Even though,

she spoke a LOT more than that.

She's so funny.

Dustin and Andrea gave us a really cute blanket for Kali,

and the game Transamerica

(which is what we played in the hospital while I was in labor with Avery)

and of course Sour Patch Candy!!

For Christmas.

We love them and really enjoyed the visit!

After that,

we went to Tysons Great Grandmas house

and had dinner, opened presents and played games with his whole extended family.

I knew I married into the right family when they pulled out the games.

if you know me at all,

you know I'm a HUGE fan of playing games.

We were spoiled by his family too.

His great grandma gave us candles and $$,

his Grandma and Grandpa gave us a gift card to the movies and $$ as well

and his parents gave us a Chili's gift card.

MMMMmmm!!

We love our families

They spoiled us!

It was so fun

and even though we received so many generous gifts,

 we truly felt the true meaning of Christmas

and it was definitely a great first Christmas together!