Saturday, January 15, 2011

I think I've made the decision...

I'm 99.9% sure I'm going to delete this blog...
and create a private one for my family.

I will make that final decision by the end of next week.
I think I'm done dealing with all of the negativity that comes with blogging Publicly.

When I first created this blog,
it was SOO helpful.
A lot of healing took place.
A lot of growing and learning did as well.

But I've noticed,
as time has gone on,
it's turned in to something that I don't really care for.

Something that I don't want to be involved with anymore.
I don't like feeling attacked.
I don't like feeling the way I feel when I decide to "blog stalk",
and discover things in this world that are so evil I get physically ill.

THEN,
when standing up for my beliefs,
beliefs of mine that are SOOO obvious...
I'm criticized for THAT.

A blog is supposed to be like a journal.
It's supposed to be something I can write my thoughts and feelings on.
It's what I made it for in the first place...and it's no longer that.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to constantly stand up for things that seem so obviously right...
but for some reason,
aren't to other people.

I can't live of this world anymore.
I can only live my life,
with my family,
knowing what I know to be true.

I am just so focused on what really matters in my life,
which is my family and what is best for them,
specifically my sweet daughter that will be entering this harsh world soon.

I can't continue to take part in that. 

As I write this blog,
I think that I've already made my decision.
It's just getting myself to do it that is difficult. 

This blog has been my life for two years.
Almost exactly. 
It's going to be really hard to just delete it all and create my own private one. 
But I think I've come to the conclusion that it is what's best for my family.

I really appreciate the people that support me.  
I really love the people I've met through blogging and I wouldn't change it for the world.

But it's what's best for me and my family.
So it will be deleted by next week.  

This is really hard to do and is not an easy decision.
But I believe it is the right one.

Oh.
and
Promoting adoption?
well,
that's being done just wonderfully.

I don't need a blog to do that.

30 comments:

Heather said...

Speaking of "blog stalking" I found your blog on a friends! I am sure you already know this but there are places that you can print your blog into a book... before you just delete such a BIG part of your life and who you are today print it out, someday you may want to look back!!! I don't know them all but Heritage Makers is one place! Congrats on your new little one thats on its way!!!

birthmomforever said...

I'm so sad to hear you could be deleting your blog. I love reading your thoughts. You are amazing! Just a suggestion why don't you just make this private and only invite family and friends? or if you don't do that make sure you save this it really is like a journal and would be so sad for you to lose all that.

Katie said...

I have loved reading your blog and seeing your progression over the past few years. You have posted a lot of very powerful things that have touched me to the core. best of luck to your little family, what a lucky spirit to be born into your family. It's unfortunate that people are so negative. As the person above said, I'd recommend making your posts into a blog book or at least printing them off :)

Krista Eger said...

BOOOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOO!!!! Your blog is my favorite! I hope by "family" you mean "family and friends" :D I seriously get SO excited every time I see that you've posted a new one.
I totally don't blame you though I understand why you would want to do it! However, Is there ANY way you could just put your adoption story somewhere public in any way? I refer people to it sometimes and I think that it really shows how beautiful adoption is!

Shawntae said...

you should approve all your comments. It helps a lot. Going private on a blog is tuff. You can only have so many people who read your blog and everytime you update they can't see it on their dashboard or google reader. Mean people suck! I don't know you but I lovvvveeee your blog and you. You are an amazing person and i'd be super sad to see you go private!

I get a lot of negitive feedback on my blog but since i approve my comments now, when they come up I just laugh and delete them.

The Lynd Family said...

DOOOOOOOOOO IT!!!!! Seriously, if you're feeling this way then DO IT!!! I'm going to be absolutely heartbroken to not be able to read your posts anymore but I figure I'll still be able to see how you and your little family are doing via Facebook.

Seriously though I know EXACTLY how you feel. I used to have a public blog in which I document my progress of infertility and adoption. I spoke my opinion openly and shared my (not so popular) beliefs often. Then, shortly after the whole Prop 8 thing went down here in California a group of angry homosexuals found a list of every name on the "Yes on 8" supporters donation list. My husband and I donated a measely $50 but we apparently made the list. They Googled our names, found my blog, and proceeded to RIP our family TO SHREDS on their popular angry No on 8 website - using out of context quotes and pictures from my blog. Even worse then that, they drug our hope to adopt in the middle of it all. It hurt so bad that people could be so vicious over something like us simply supporting our own beliefs.

I deleted my blog after that and created a private one for just friends and family where we discuss our adoption and Lilly's progress. I have to say I am MUCH happier since I've done that. Yes it was hard, yes it's sometimes tempting to put my blog public again but I don't want to make myself that vulnerable again over something as trivial as a blog. I used to wonder if deleting my blog was the coward thing to do and it just gave "them" what they wanted but then I realized there are points in your life when the time is right to fight back and stand strong - and there are points in your life where it's much better for you to remove yourself from a environment that may feel poisonous to you.

Besides you have better things to spend your time on now anyways. Listen to your gut Andee, it's usually right.

Megan said...

Andee,

although I will miss reading your words, I support you deleting your blog if you think it's best for your family. I think it makes sense that you would want to concentrate more on your family now, while simultaneously turning your back on the harshness of the world. However, I hope that you save it somehow instead of deleting it. Maybe you can just make it private so no one can see it, or maybe you can make it private and just let your family see it, and keep posting.
I just know, I've deleted posts before from certain times of my life and now wish so badly that I didn't completely erase them.

bee boo bop!

Linnea said...

As much as I dont want to see that happen I do understand. Blogging can also become like an idol just like facebook and other websites. I have trouble with that. I wish you and your family all the best. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. Being an adoptive parent it was nice to hear stories from your side. I hope that our son's birth mother and I can have the relationship yall have. Congrats on your beautiful baby girl.

Be blessed
Ashlee
http://ourjourneytoadoption.beckfamily143.com/

myshel_01 said...

Don't like. :(

Victoria Edwards said...

I love reading your blog! You are truly an amazing person! I was having a very rough day, I came across your blog.. it put a smile on my face! If you decide to delete it I would love to be invited to look at it! My email is victoriaedwards22@gmail.com..
Dont delete! :)

Our Happy Family said...

I just have to say that I have enjoyed reading your blog so much. As an adoptive mom it's always nice to read a birthmom's blog. I have laughed reading your blog and cried. Thanks for all your sweet words and feelings on here. I will miss reading your blog :( Good luck with your little family!

Helen said...

You don't have to delete your blog to go private. I will miss your blog, but have loved having mine private. I feel so much more free with what I can share.

Cami said...

I'm so sad.

A Life Being Lived said...

You are such a strong woman and amazing mother. I am thankful for being able to learn about your story and I am so sorry that you do not feel that blogging is a forum where you are comfortable. Whatever you decide, know that you have made a huge difference to a lot of birthmothers, birthparents, adoptees and adoptive parents. Thank you for sharing your story. One thing I will ask you. You are one of the very positive "success stories". You do give hope, and an example, and amazing testimony for others out there who are rebuilding or regrounding their lives. I am so thankful for being able to know your story and read about your thoughts and feelings. I understand wanting to keep some details and information private for your family, but please remember that there are other birthparents out there who love and thank you for your openness, your sincerity, and experience. Perhaps you were meant to share your story with a wider audience...

Ashley Bennion said...

You can make this one private and invite fam and close friends and then you won't lose all the history - Just a thought - Love ya - I promise we will do lunch soon!

Jennifer said...

Andee,
I am sad to hear you are having to delete this blog. Youare truly an inspiration to many people. I have enjoyed reading your blog for over a year. I understand where you are coming from and that it is necessary to keep your family safe. Just wanted to let you know that you have changed many lives with your wonderful and courageous words! You have made a difference!

Janine said...

I am the adoptive mother I am today partly because of your blog so thank you for sharing the journey so far. I wish you all the very best for the future. You are a beautiful woman inside and out. Enjoy being mummy to your precious little blessing!

Paul & Amy said...

Yeah, I'm with basically everybody else. Take this blog private and don't give anybody else access to it, but don't just delete it. That would be tragic. You should save this for the future.

Good luck with everything!

Love,
Amy

Coley said...

I'm so sad that you are deleting your blog and I won't be able to check in on you anymore.

You don't really know me but I've commented a few times and read periodically.

I do understand though and wish you the best of luck with your new little family!

Amander said...

So, I know you don't know me, but I've been reading your blog for a long time (found it through Que and Brittany's blog).

I understand your reasons for deleting your blog - but I'm still bummed by it. I love your blog - whether it's about adoption or not. But I wish you all the best!

Sharon said...

Oh Andee, I totally understand why you would want to do that. I'm sad though. I have loved reading your blog. Like many others I get excited when I see that you've posted. You're amazing! I like the suggestion by others to keep the blog, make it private for just you and put it in a book. I think not only would it be important for you, but I think Avery would love to read it someday. As if she wouldn't already know it, it will solidify to her how amazing and wonderful and special you are. It may also be a help to Kali. It will help her to know how brave and fabulous her mommy is. I'm so glad to have gotten to know you and to be your friend. And I'm glad we get to keep in touch on fb. I would be so sad if you weren't in my life. You helped me so much when we were starting our process, to not only not be afraid of open adoption, but to embrace it. And for that I thank you. We need to do lunch SOON! HUGS sweetie! If you need me, I'm here! Love you!

Anonymous said...

I am sad you will be leaving. I want to thank you for being such a amazing example and for sharing your stories with us .. You inspire me !! but I understand and I wish you the best of luck in your amazing journey that you are on. !! Thank you for sharing your strength's , joys and love with me and others. I am proud of you !!!

Booth Family said...

I am sad you are deleting your blog :( Your thoughts have helped my family as we go though our adoption. Best of luck to you and your family

Claresa and Darin said...

I am so sorry that the stupid people of this world have pushed you to make this decision... I am sad to see such a strong girl torn down. I will definately miss reading about how you and your little family are doing. Good luck and God bless!

Kate said...

Sorry that people are so judgemental. I would not deleate this blog- I think you should make it into a book- it is such a huge piece of who you are and your daughter that you placed.

Maybe it is time to close that chapter and start a new one?

Sorry you are in this position. Hugs.

Ryan and Holly said...

Andee! Wow, I just found your blog as I was reading some other blogs and saw your YouTube video and I totally recognized you! I was really needing to read some of your posts. Thank you! I love your story and could hear it a million times. Sorry to hear you may be deleting it, but I can only imagine the things you've had to deal with. I had know idea you did this blog and shared so many awesome things. You never cease to amaze me! ~Holly (the crazy girl who schedules the school presentations!)

Terra May said...

I will miss reading your blog. I'm a total blog stalker! I admire you and have enjoyed having a peek into your life. I admire your parents as well. They seem so in tune with the spirit. I hope I can be like that with my kids. Good luck to you in the future!!

hope2adoptbaby said...

NO!...I love reading your blog. But, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!

I'm with everyone else...you should totally make it into a book before you delete. Its part of your history and might be a nice gift for Avery someday.

Shelby

Danielle & Clint said...

It will be soooo sad to see you go. You are such a sweet girl and you give positive inspiration to so many. I will miss reading your thoughts and updates.

Mrs. Ardiano said...

I am a blog stalker. just becasue I dont know the right things to say to you or anyone.. I peek into stefanies too but we are FB friends so I comment a little on her FB. I am going to be so sad to no be abl eto reasdy your thoughts andq wise words. Your blog has helped me so much and I know has helped others so much. I am a teen mom. I had my child at 16 and your story has complimented my life. I enjoy your comments and thoughts and your journey. god bless you and I wish you nothing buy joy and happiness. i hope all is well wiht yo and your have a healthy happy baby girl. if you do keep this blog up please keep me and if not your always be in my prayers.