Christmas!

This Christmas was amazing.

I love the feeling of Christmas morning,

I love the lessons we have in church,

I love the feeling of it all around.

It's a time to remember the birth of our Savior and all he has done for us.

Christmas is by far my favorite Holiday.

We had my grandparents over on Christmas morning too which is always an adventure (those of you that know my Oma and Opa know what I'm talking about.) They are very entertaining. I love them!

Just a few pictures:

My Sister and Brother in Law's New puppy

...

I'm a very stubborn person.

When something upsets me and I'm in a stressful moment of my life...

I don't give in easily.

especially when someone TELLS me to do it.

like,

forgive someone.

and it was definitely hard for me to get over the comment from "Anonymous".

In all reality,

it wasn't even that bad.

I over reacted.

but,

I was hurt nonetheless.

Unfortunately,

that comes with having a blog. Especially one like this.

I need to accept that and learn to respond more...appropriately.

I was feeling really guilty the other day, driving home from work and had decided I was going to make a post to apologize for the way I reacted.

Then,

I got home and read this:

Anonymous said...

Lechelle thank you for your point of view. I very much understand what you are saying. I would like to apologize to the original blog owner/poster for the previous comments I made. I didn't mean for them to be as offensive as they came off. I think I may have taken some of the context the wrong way. I don't think adoption is a negative, selfish or easy thing to do at all. I was just offended by the thought that someone would suggest it was easier than parenting a child. Anyway I will leave it at that as what I say seems to rub a lot of people on this blog the wrong way. :/

After reading this,

I felt even more guilty.

So,

here's my sincere apology for the way I acted to everyone... including anonymous.

I need to accept the fact that not everyone will agree.

I should have responded better than I did.

So,

I'm sorry. I will definitely work on not blogging when I'm angry!!

To Anonymous/why I love my ward.

DISCLAIMER:

To my blog supporters.

This is a very mean post.

read at your own risk.

In Gospel Doctrine today,

we learned about the importance of families.

I have mentioned "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" before,

but I'm going to do it again.

We focused on this the entire time.

-set that aside for just two seconds,

I have been troubled by "Anonymous" who feels it is necessary to let me know how wrong she thinks I am...boy am I glad I went to church today.

Back to my the Lesson.

we were talking about the Proclamation.

a discussion arose about how others interpret families and children.

Here is why I love my ward:

People, one after another, started going off about what a blessing it is to be a parent.

They went on to say that although it is a hard job, it is also very rewarding.

they focused on the positive.

Back to Anonymous,

here is your problem Anonymous (who btw, is obviously ashamed to put your real name),

You focus on all the negativity that comes with being a mother.

You never focus on the good, which causes you to become very ungrateful for what you have.

There was a woman in the class thats Husband died about 2 years ago.

They were only able to have one child on their own, so they adopted their other two.

Since her Husband died,

she said that she doesn't know what she would do without her kids.

they have kept her going.

She is SO Greatful to be a mother

Not one person said something negative about being a parent.

I am SO LUCKY to be surrounded by those kinds of people all the time, instead of people like you, Anonymous.

You say that I'm being self-righteous for asking others not to complain to me about being a mother?

HOW is that self-righteous???

I placed Avery with Dustin and Andrea WILLINGLY, because that was what was best for her!

It in NO WAY was what I wanted.

I want to be a mother, more than ever now because of this experience.

DO NOT criticize me and make me (and other birthmoms) feel the way you have made me feel for the past 24 hours unless you have been in my shoes.

Unless you have experienced what I have experienced, DO NOT judge me.

You don't know me.

I never said that being a mother isn't hard,

but I do know that it is a lot more rewarding.

I don't care if I have never experienced it, I know that much.

I can't believe I contemplated never blogging again because of you.

I don't know why I allow people like you to make me feel the way you have.

Quite frankly,

I recommened you be grateful for what you have.

It seems you have children of your own.

Be grateful for them.

Some people would die for what you're so unappreciative of..

Mary's Dream

I've had a harder time than usual getting in to the Spirit of Christmas.

I don't know why, but it was really starting to bother me.

Then, the other day in Institute,

I had sort of a harsh reminder.

A girl got up and read something that really got to me.

I want to share.

Mary's Dream

I had a dream, Joseph. I don't understand it, not really, but I think it was about a birthday celebration for our son. I think that was what it was all about. The people had been preparing for it for about six weeks. They had decorated the house and bought new clothes. They'd gone shopping many times and bought elaborate gifts.

 It was peculiar, though, because the presents weren't for our son. They wrapped them in beautiful paper and tied them with lovely bows and stacked them under a tree. Yes, a tree, Joseph, right in their house. They'd decorated the tree also. The branches were full of glowing balls and sparkling ornaments. There was a figure on the top of the tree. It looked like an angel might look. Oh, it was beautiful.

 Everyone was laughing and happy. They were all excited about the gifts. They gave the gifts to each other, Joseph, not to our son. I don't think they even knew him. They never mentioned his name. Doesn't it seem odd for people to go to all that trouble to celebrate someone's birthday if they don't know him? I had the strangest feeling that if our son had gone to this celebration he would have been intruding.

 Everything was so beautiful, Joseph, and everyone so full of cheer, but it made me want to cry. How sad for Jesus - not to be wanted at his own birthday celebration. I'm glad it was only a dream. How terrible, Joseph, if it had been real.

Christ is the reason for the season. It's not the presents, the lights, or the shopping.

It's about giving, helping others and remembering the birth of our Savior.

It's hard for me to remember sometimes and I am so grateful I heard this when I did. 

It really put things into perspective for me.

Really??

I don't understand people sometimes.

My What Not to Say to a Birthmom post has really upset some people.

I don't know what it is.

maybe it's hard for them to accept that complaining about being a mother is offensive/hard for some people to hear?

I don't know,

but I just want to clear something up.

5. Don't complain about being a mother

I'm sure this goes for adoptive parents too. I know that when the time is right for me to have my own kids, I will be so eternally grateful that I can be their mother. I will cherish every moment with them. So don't complain to me about how hard motherhood is. It's harder to give birth to your child and then willingly relinquish your rights as a mother. Until you have done that, don't complain.

This number has really upset a few people.

I want to say right now that I did not make that post to cause angry feelings.

I made that post to help others understand what is hard for birthmothers to hear.

I can't emphasize enough that hearing someone complain about being a mother is hard to hear. It's simple enough.  I'm not saying that it's horrible to complain about it because I know it is not an easy job.  I never ever said it was.

I'm saying I don't like to hear it.

So don't complain to me.

It's as simple as that.

I just wanted to make that clear.

The last comment I received about that issue has really offended me.

I feel like this person really misinterpreted what I'm saying.

It upsets me that people can't understand how that would be hard to hear.

But apparantly I have offended them.

So, I wanted to clear it up.

If they still don't understand,

then they don't have to read my blog...or talk to birthmothers.

It wasn't me.

I had a conversation with my mom today while were running errands.

I have been trying to figure out how to respond to all of the compliments from people telling me that I'm amazing for placing Avery for adoption...especially when it's face to face.

It's hard to come up with a response to that.

They are the sweetest comments I have ever recived,

and believe you me, I am very very flattered and feel good hearing it,

but it's hard to respond because of the way I feel about the whole thing.

After talking to my mom though,

I was able to find the words I needed,

and I'm going to try to explain here.

There is so much I want to say...but here is my attempt.

It's not me that is amazing.

It is This Gospel.

I was carried through the entire adoption process.

I look back today and think "How did I do that?"

But then again,
I know how.

It wasn't just me doing it alone.

The minute I realized that adoption was the right decision,

The minute I met Dustin and Andrea,

I was carried through it all.

Prayer.

without it, I wouldn't have felt the peace I felt.

I just want to quote a scripture.

1 Nephi 18:3

And I, Nephi, did go into the mount oft, and I did pray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord showed unto me great things.

Not only was I constantly praying, but other were praying for me. 
I was told that all of the time and I have so much gratitude for all of them.

I think back to how I felt during the whole process.

the peace that was in my heart,

the surety that I was doing the right thing.

I wouldn't have felt that way if it was just me doing it alone.

This Gospel was my help.

I couldn't and wouldn't have done it without it.

I wouldn't have had the strength.

I asked, and I received this strength.

3 Nephi 14:7

Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened.

Prayer is such a powerful thing and so is This Gospel.

Dustin and Andrea don't have me to thank,

they have The Savior; The Gospel.

The love I have for Avery is so real.

I love her more than anything else in this world.

But I know she is not mine.

She is, and always has been, Dustin and Andrea's Daughter.

She was meant for them and their family for eternity...

and thanks to The Atonement and This Gospel,  she is.

It is so hard to explain how I feel about it.

Don't get me wrong,

It makes me feel good when people tell me I'm amazing!

I helps the self confidence a little.

But I just felt like I needed to make this clear.

I am a different person because of this experience,

but I am in no way amazing.

I didn't do it alone.

I couldn't have done it alone.

So those of you that think you could never do it,

I assure you that if you allowed the Spirit into your heart,

you could.

Because with the Saviors help,

We can overcome anything.

When it rains, it pours, and then...

SO,

this has been a very crappy week.

(and it's only Tuesday!!)

VERY.

I have had the worst car trouble.

seriously.

Let's just say,

the car I was driving, has died.

When I say died,

I mean it broke down at a stop light in the middle of the road.

and I was freaking out and scared and by some miracle, it moved just barely in order for me to get it to the side of the road.

The clutch went out.

That was the car I was driving.

The car that is currently under my name,

that I have a loan under,

has been kidnapped/stolen.

It's a long story though and I really don't want to go into it

(mostly because I would be really negative and mean about the suspect...and I don't want to go there...she was a 'friend' of my moms.)

anyway,

I am currently hitching rides from my parents and others.

sounds pathetic right?

it is.

Okay so back to the point of this post--

I was on the verge of tears tonight after work.

I had gotten a ride home from my parents (who had just been out searching for my stolen car :'( )

I was realizing that I don't know WHEN I will get my car back

and

I was realizing that I will not be going out this weekend.

all the while knowing that I can't just go get another car, because I already have a LOAN under my name.

I was pretty upset.

I was on the verge of tears,

when I got on my computer. (which is also breaking down...not sure how much longer it's going to work).

It all seemed to happen at once

I had emails, facebook wall posts/messages and all together just a lot of good things from people I love.

Then I started realizing what GOOD things have happened this week.

I passed my math class.

I wasn't cancelled from work.

I was blessed to have the most AMAZING family become a part of my life through adoption.

(seriously. I'm not kidding. I'm SO lucky)

((well, that didn't just happen this week, but they have all done things (even Avery's Aunts, and Grandma) this week that have helped tremendously with my mood/sanity))

So,

even though I'm stranded,
and have to use my parents and their cars, (and I'm 20. yes, 20. pathetic)

and even though my credit is in the hands of someone that could care less,

I'm blessed.

and that's really all the matters.

Now excuse me while my little sister and I go rent a chick flick and eat a gallon of ice cream.

She had a bad day too...and even though we're both blessed, Ice cream and a chick flick won't hurt. ;)

(apart from the weight gain. Don't worry, we are aware of this...!)

FINALS!!

I have my last final on Monday!!

then,

hopefully,

I won't be such a slacker with blogging!!

It's my math final.

I'm super nervous.

Let's hope I pass!!!

P.S.

I want to just say,

Carrie Underwoods new CD is amazing.

(play on)

I love it!

If you haven't heard it yet,

I highly recommend you get it. 

now. :)

She is amazing!

"Nanee"

Dustin Andrea and Avery came over yesterday.

My family hadn't seen them in a while, so they were all shocked at how big Avery is!

13 months!? crazy.

While she was here we kept telling her to say different things (cause she is talking a bit too!)

She was saying things like Wow, pretty, doggie (we have a dog), daddy, mommy, etc..

Well, about 10 minutes before they left, my sister was holding her and showing her the ornaments on the tree, and she kept saying "pretty".

So I said "Avery, say Andee"

and she looked at me said "Nanee"

Awesome huh!?

I was so excited, so I brought her to Dustin and Andrea and had her say it again.

I LOVE THAT LITTLE GIRL!

You should see her dance too...that girl's got some moves!

I'm so blessed to have an open adoption with them.

I Love Dustin and Andrea and am so grateful that they are willing to have an Open Adoption with me.

THEY ARE AMAZING.