October.

This time of month brings back so many memories and emotions.

Everytime I go outside,

I am reminded of two years ago...

When Avery was almost born.

I am overcome with such a peaceful, quiet, sacred feeling everytime I feel the cool air hit my face.

I want to cry when I smell the crisp fall weather settling in.

The way I felt at this time two years ago,

is unexplainable. 

I will not ever be able to find the right words for it.

The Spirit was with me so strongly.

The things that happened during the month of October two years ago were the most sacred, spiritual, hardest things in my life.

It proved to me how strong I can be when I have to be.

It proved to me how much the Lord loves me.

It proved to me that with the Lords help, I can honestly do anything.

When the weather starts to change from summer to fall,

I feel it almost immediately.

The peaceful feeling I had with me during October of 2008,

 is brought back whenever I walk outside and I just want to sit outside, close my eyes and remember it all. 

Last year,

this feeling was hard for me.

Even though it was a peaceful feeling,

all I could think about was what a difficult time it was.

My heart still ached tremendously.

Now,

it's a different feeling.

I want to, and sometimes do, cry when I feel the cool fall air on my face, 

but it's not of pain.

It's of peace.

It's of amazement.

It's of LOVE.

COMPLETE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

This year,

I am pregnant again.

BUT,

Instead of the end of my pregnancy this month,

I'm at the beginning,

and

Instead of carrying someone else's child,

I am carrying MINE.

MY CHILD.

Although I believe that hormones have a lot to do with crying so easily this month,

I don't think it's JUST hormones.

This month will always be the most life changing month of my life.

October is always a month I look at with such peace.

My best friend passed away this month,

and I placed the one person I loved more than anything,

with another family.

It's something I will always always remember this way.

whenever the weather changes to fall,

I don't think I will ever look at again as I did before 2008.