Friday, April 9, 2010


Remember this post?

I've had a lot of negative comments relating to this specific part:

5. Don't complain about being a mother

I'm sure this goes for adoptive parents too. I know that when the time is right for me to have my own kids, I will be so eternally grateful that I can be their mother. I will cherish every moment with them. So don't complain to me about how hard motherhood is. It's harder to give birth to your child and then willingly relinquish your rights as a mother. Until you have done that, don't complain.

After reading it again, I realize that I put this a little harshly...I do understand that being a mother is an incredibely difficult job. I was not trying to say that I'm better than you because I placed my baby for adoption (obviously not..considering I was in that situation in the first place!) I wasn't trying to say that at ALL...I think I was just a little bothered about someone complaining to me before...but I really did not mean to sound so harsh. I have a lot of respect for mothers...but I'm also VERY envious. That is what I was trying to say.
To Elaborate a little, I want to just give an example of a mother that, has no personal experience with Adoption, yet is still SO grateful to be a mother.

My coworker and friend Krista.

She is a mother of one going on two and she has a blog.
THIS particular post is what I would like to focus on.

This post explains her frustrations.
It's HARD to be a mother.
I understand that.

But there is a difference between letting out your frustrations
vs complaining about being a mother.

I hope this clears thing up.
I hope that those of you that were offended, understand a little better what I meant by this statement.

I also hope that everyone understands that I don't think I'm better than others, including other mothers, because I placed for Adoption.  I didn't mean to sound that way and I definitely do NOT think this about myself. 

Forgive me?


Hilarie said...

Oh Andee,
I loved that comment when I first read it because it gave me perspective. I was struggling with feeling so nauseated during my pregnancies, and hadn't thought about people who either can't get pregnant or struggle through pregnancy and then don't get the joy of raising beautiful (sometimes challenging) gifts from God. SO thank you!

brittany michelle said...

way to clarify. well done.

Michelle said...

I was not offended. We are all entitled to bad days, hard days and days where you just feel frustrated. You had one of those days. You are only human.

Bekah's World said...

I've had 3 miscarriages, and one amazing daughter. I just wanted to say that for those of us who have had motherhood denied to us - we know what you were intending to say in that. Thank you for help spreading the word on what not to say/do.

Krista Eger said...

Andee you're the best ever! I'm so grateful to have your influence in my life because you really help me get through the rough side of parenting!!! I don't think there is anyone in this world that will be more thrilled when you have a baby than me! :D And you can borrow mine whenever you want to (the new one. I mean you can borrow Nate too, but new ones are easier and more snuggly! :D). I'm SOOOOO grateful that you started working at IMC! And every Wednesday too! :D

The Millers said...

You didn't have to explain yourself, you have your right to your opinion. ON that note, I appreciated this post MYSELF, even though I am a birthmom, now that I am pregnant with baby #3 I have to put myself in check not to complain too much about my pregnancies, because although I lost a child (in a sense) to adoption, I still have no real right to complain.

This post (along with some life's experiences) has helped me to realize how truly lucky I am, and although I am a birthmom, I am still much more fortunate than a lot of women.

If someone asks me how I am doing, my answer usually goes like this, "I am feeling some pain and I have my days, BUT I am so thankful for the opportunity to have a healthy pregnancy, a lot of women can't get pregnant or can carry their babies to full term, so I really have nothing to complain about". No joke, this is usually my reply. I've always appreciated my situation but I now look at it with a much deeper perspective and appreciation.