Saturday, November 3, 2012


Okay here's a post that I hope I can put into words.
I really really have been struggling with how to put these emotions into words and I'm going to do my best to get them out once and for all right here!
First things first,
I'm pregnant.
8.3 weeks to be exact.
We were trying this time and the excitement overwhelmed the both of us!
Smiles were glued to our faces for days!
We are so excited to welcome this next little one into our family!
while all this excitement has been going on,
in the back of my mind there's been one thing.
Something that came completely to the surface today and it's to the point where my excitement and joy of being pregnant is being overcome with guilt and unworthiness.
I'm surrounded by many people in my life who struggle with infertility.
many INCREDIBLE people.
We announced our pregnancy on facebook on November 1st.
It's now the 3rd and I'm feeling really guilty about doing so. 
Not because anyone has said anything, because they haven't!
But because everytime I read a blog post from one of my incredible friends about their infertile struggles, or everytime I talk to a loved one who struggles with this, I feel like my telling them or even TALKING about my pregnancy only reminds them of these struggles. I don't want to be that person!
I think about how incredibely amazing this people are and I just keep wondering why??
It doesn't make sense why this happens.
I seriously could not thank the Lord enough for the tremendous blessing I've been given, but I feel guilty because there are MANY people out there much more deserving than me.
I feel almost like I'm flaunting it in everyones faces.
Like, whenever I say anything about my pregnancy on facebook or anywhere for that matter, that I'm showing off something that only hurts them more.
I don't want to be the reason for pain or heartache.
I don't want any of my friends to get on facebook and feel a stab of pain because of something I've posted. I don't want that!
I broke down tonight after reading a friends blog and I tried to run upstairs before Tyson could see me because I didn't want to admit out loud why I was really crying...but he caught me and forced it out of me. 
He proceeded to tell me that the Lord gives us our blessing and trials for a reason and that I shouldn't feel guilty because it's not my fault...
but I already know that! I know it's not my fault...but I still feel like I'm a constant reminder of what infertile couples don't have and refraining from talking about it to them or on facebook, would prevent any unneccesary kind of pain.
I'm just writing this point because I really need to get my feelings out.
I don't know what to do...
If anyone has suggestions for me, I would be MORE THAN GRATEFUL to hear them.
I need to know if there's anything that is said by someone who is pregnant that only causes pain to those dealing with infertility. I need to know if it would be better if I didn't post anything else about my pregnancy, cravings, etc on facebook.
I'm SO SO excited and I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to bring another child into this world. I really don't know how to make that more clear, so I hope that whoever reads this, doesn't take it in thinking that I'm not realizing what I blessing this is, because I do!! I just don't want to hurt anyone in the process of enjoying and experiencing my blessing...