Fall

I know it's been a while since I've posted here, 

but I'm feeling the need to do it now. 

Every year towards the end of September,

I begin a process.

It's like the Grieving process all over again. 

Every. Year.

It takes about an hour for me to drive to work every week.

I work every Friday night and for the past two weeks,

just minutes into the drive,

I have ended up crying my eyes out. 

Let me explain.

October 11th 2008, 

Keltson died

October 28th 2008, 

Avery was born.

I have come to one conclusion. 

This year, my grief has been significantly different for both subjects.

You'd think that since it's been 4 years,

I'd have come to terms with the fact that Keltson is gone.

I mean,

I'm happily married and I have a beautiful family.

I'm SO incredibly in love with my Husband.

Seriously,

he was made for me.

He gets me and understands me more than anyone else in this world.

Even ME sometimes.

So please don't take it the wrong way when I talk about Keltson.

Keltson was my very best friend back in '08.

He was there for me during the time I needed a friend the most.

He made sure I had a friend during the most difficult time in my life. 

I can't even begin to express what an incredible person he was.

I know I know,

when someone dies, 

people tend to put them on a pedestal.

I know that I do that to a degree sometimes,

but every fall, 

I think about how I was able to spend he last few months of life with him.

and I'm not putting it on a pedestal. 

I just remember our conversations or our adventures at 2 am. 

I'm SO Grateful for him.

I needed him SO MUCH.
I was going through such a hard time in my life and I needed a friend JUST LIKE HIM.

I just hope it's normal that I'm having such a hard time accepting his death.

He was my best friend when he died. 

I'm sure I wasn't his, but he was mine.

He was my ONLY friend for a long time throughout my pregnancy with Avery.

He helped me through and I am so grateful to him for that. 

I just miss my friend. 

I really do. 

Tonight however,

I cried because of Avery.

It was different though.

Avery is where she is supposed to be and I have no doubt about that.

But feeling the crisp air on my face,

or the chill in the wind.

even the SMELL of fall,

brings back those memories of my days in the hospital with her.

I cry because I remember my heart breaking when I signed those papers.

When I left that hospital.

I remember the two months afterwards when every part of my motherly instincts were screaming and begging me to just go get her. 

But it always ends with me thinking

"At least I can say I still get to hug her, talk to her, hold her and play with her"

I love that.
I am SO glad we have an open adoption. 

I'm SO glad that I still get to see the little angel that made me who I am. 

She seriously opened my eyes to what's most important in life.

Even though she's not MINE,

she left her hand print right smack dab in the middle of my heart. 

Seriously. 

Avery is my little Angel and her hand print on my heart will never ever ever leave.

So as fall continues to bring back those feelings of my heart shattered on the floor,

with Avery, I don't think that will every leave.

To be honest, I don't really want it to.

That was such a spiritual time for me that when I think of it,

I remember what peace I felt through all of this.

as for Keltson...

well, I KNOW I'll never forget him.

ever.

But I do hope that one day I can accept the fact that he's gone.

I'm grateful for...#14

I'm grateful for Adoption Advocates.

If you're friends with me on facebook,

you may have seen recently that I posted about the wife of a birth father,

who was being attacked by a birth mother/Adoptive mother.

She was telling her that because she wasn't a part of the adoption triad,

she should not be blogging about adoption.

That is absurd to say the least.

I was fuming angry at this nasty commenter.

How could she say that to someone that is only supporting her husband and adoption!?

I said some harsh words (which maybe I shouldn't have...but boy did she hit a nerve).

I just have to say that I'm SO grateful for those that haven't been affected by adoption first hand,

yet they still support it just as if they were.

Because they want to share how much they have been blessed by it through other people.

I'm grateful for...#13

I'm grateful for Other birthmothers.

Knowing that there's other women out there that can relate to everything is a HUGE blessing.

They have helped me get through some times that I wasn't quite sure how I was going to do it.

They've helped me know that I definitely was not alone and that there are other who have gone through it just like me.

I love that I have been able to interact with them,

one of which, has become an incredible friend.

<3 

I'm grateful for...#4

I'm grateful for good Communication.

Without it,

Open Adoptions would be a mess.

I strongly believe that Communication is #1 in having a successful Open Adoption.

I'm so grateful that Dustin, Andrea and I have learned how to communicate,

and that if there is any miscommunication,

we're able to talk about it and get it resolved so so quickly.

<3

I'm grateful for...#2

I'm grateful for Dustin and Andrea.

They have made the entire adoption experience so much easier than I could have ever dreamed.

Both of them always know exactly what to say when I come to them about something.

Whether it's adoption related or not,

they are incredible at getting through to me about anything.

I feel so blessed to have them in my lives.

Adoption brought them to me and I'm so grateful for it.

I have received lifelong friends through this experience.

Andrea and I have this relationship that I don't think anyone else in this entire world has.

It's brought me so much peace.

Our relationship goes so much further than just adoption and I know that not everyone can say that.

I don't know what I did to deserve the honor of knowing them,

but I'm so grateful for it.

FSA Conference

We Attended the Families Support Adoption Conference this weekend.

It was fun!

We spent most of the time with Andrea and it's always fun to catch up with her.

Another awesome suprise was running in to Tysons case worker from when he was in Foster Care!

We had a really good long talk.

My husband is so amazing.

I'm always so in Awe at how incredible he has turned out after living the life he's lived.

I'm so lucky :)

Unfortunately,

I'm so so bad at this lately,

and I didn't take any pictures.

I took a total of ONE and it was this:

An adoptive mother gave me this Binky, because she thought Kali was the little one I placed for adoption.

But you know,

Technically,

I AM her birthmom!

hahaha.

It was a really good experience.

I always love those conferences.

and I love Andrea.

I always feel so lucky after talking to her.

I don't think there is anyone else out there that I would connect with as well as I do with Andrea.

I seriously can talk to her about anything. 

Kalista's Blessing Day

Kali's Blessing was Sunday,and Dustin Andrea and Avery came.

They saw our new place for the first time.

It was so nice seeing them.

Avery is getting SOO big!

She loves Kali and is the funniest little girl ever!

She has the cutest personality.

It's so crazy how big Avery is getting.

I swear she was just born yesterday!

I love that girl.

Two little Angels.

April 15th

April 15th was the 3 year anniversary of when I met Dustin and Andrea!

That is so crazy to me. I can't believe it's been 3 years.

Andrea texted me on Friday (April 15th)

and just said that she pretty much can't believe it's been three years and we just talked about how grateful we were for meeting each other.

Then she said "Avery told me today that she is so happy"

She just randomly said that?

Coincedence? I don't think so.

I placed Avery for adoption because I wanted that for her.

I WANTED her to be happy and have every oppertunity in life possible.

That comment she made, makes me SO happy I can't even tell you.

She IS happy.

I feel like I WAS able to make her happy just like I wanted her to be.

It made me a little emotional when Andrea said that.

not that I didn't KNOW if Avery was happy or not, because TRUST me I knew that before. She is one of the happiest little girls I know.

But hearing that, means she RECOGNIZES it.

I absolutely love it.

While I was texting her I was driving in the car with Tyson.

I have been feeling so blessed lately.

Dustin and Andrea are so good to me. They have been amazing with helping me get through this.

I feel almost guilty for how good I feel about all of this and that's what I was telling Tyson.

I know quite a few birthmoms and I talk to a lot of them quite a bit.

and I feel like I am one of the VERY few that aren't...suffering anymore.

I think that's a good word for it.

I seriously don't even think of Avery as mine anymore.

Sometimes I even forget that I actually gave birth to her.

Everytime I see Her, Dustin and Andrea, it's apparant that they have always belonged together.

They fit together SO well.

Avery never was mine. She has always been theirs and I don't think of her as mine anymore.

I love her SO much and of course that will never change.

But I feel like I'm more content with this decision than a lot of other birthmoms that placed around the same time as I did are.

I know that eventually,

this point comes for most, if not all, birthmoms.

But I just feel almost heartless for feeling so content with this so early.

I told Tyson that I felt like there was something wrong with me.

He thought that was ridiculous. haha

He said that he thinks that it has a lot to do with my personality.

He said that because I'm so OCD about things; Like..I have to be organized,

I planned, even before Avery was born how this was all going to play out.

Since it all went just as I planned, I am content with it.

It went the way I wanted it to and Avery is just as happy as I always imagined her to be and she is with her family.

I understand that now a little.

Maybe it's because I knew how I wanted it to be before she was even born.

So I prepared for it earlier than most and since it turned out like I wanted it to turn out,

I'm just fine.

of COURSE, I still have days were I miss her,

but I don't feel even CLOSE to how I felt the first year.

I don't have the Mother-Daughter connection with her anymore.

it's a different connection and one that not very many people get to have.

But I'm just SO grateful for Dustin and Andrea.

THEY play a huge part in why I'm so content with everything.

They were so supportive, and helpful through the hard times I had after she was born,

that I was able to get through it so well and so quickly.

If they had tried to push me out of their lives in the first year because I was seeing her so much,

I am SURE I wouldn't feel the way I do now.

Instead, they were SO patient with me while I was slowly able to break that connection and move it to something better and healthier. My heart is filled with so much gratitude for them and this experience.

I couldn't have BEEN more blessed through all of this.

I love them and I love adoption!!

< 3

I have had a REALLY hard time doing this.

Every single comment I received on my last post,

made it harder and harder to just abandon my blog.

After reading all of the advice,

I feel like I've put all of them together and made a decision.

Before I received the 30+ comments on my last post and on formspring,

I was going to just completely move this blog to private and not allow any access...

then once we had the blog published,

I would delete it completely.

But...

now I feel like I'm being selfish.

It means a LOT to me that so many people have benefited from this

and to be honest,

I didn't realize it.

Since I still feel like it would be best for my family to have a private,

less controversial blog,

I have already created a new one and began making my personal posts there.

But I don't think I'll delete this blog.

At least for now.

HOWEVER,

I am going to moderate ALL of the comments I receive.

I will NOT publish the hurtful, mean comments.

I won't even finish reading them if I feel that they are moving to negativity towards who I am.

I CAN'T deal with those kinds of people anymore.

And,

this blog will be about Adoption.

So,

I probably won't post very much.

The only times I will is whenever I do something pertaining to adoption,

AKA speaking at high schools, on panels, attending an adoption related event, etc..

If you want to access my private blog,

comment on this post/send me and email with your blogger email address.

I can only have 100 readers on that blog.

I am HOPING I can keep it private.

I'm not sure how it will work so that my entire family can read it,

but I do NOT want negative comments on it.

We'll see how it works :S

But again, that blog will just be about my family and our lives.

I will post on there a BUNCH!

This one,

will not have as much activity. 

But I feel too guilty deleting it completly.

Especially if there are still other people out there that can benefit.

I honestly LOVE all of my readers.

I can't explain how helpful and sweet you all are to me.

I don't wanna just abandon you!!

I'm hoping this works.

If not,

I'm going to have to completely quit posting to this blog.

and I will only keep it up until I have it published.

I am grateful for all of the comments and advice received from my last post.

It really has helped me decide...

plus it's alot less painful for me to do it this way. :)

I didn't like my last decision and was having a REALLY hard time with it.

So,
I'm not going to completely delete it.
At least for now.
But if you want to read my personal blog,
comment/email me with your blogger email address
< 3

When the time is right...

I have a really good friend.

We met through blogging.

I feel like we've become pretty good friends

especially since we both got married about a month apart.

I'm sure most of you know her or at least her blog.

I've mentioned it before.

Stefanie.

Yesterday she made a post that really affected me.

Please read it before continuing to read this.

I can honestly say I never experienced this desire so strongly.

Granted,

after Avery was born,

I couldn't wait for the day that I could get married and have Children.

But I think after I got my job at the hospital,

that feeling was greatly 'watered down'.

It was still there, just not as strongly.

I think mostly because when I felt like I wanted a baby,

I would just go cuddle one of the babies in the nursery and get my fix for the day.

(I hope that doesn't sound wrong or offensive. I don't know how to explain it any other way. I pretty much just needed to at least cuddle a tiny body in my arms, feed them or change their diaper. After that the intense urge/pain simmered) 

This wasn't because I remembered how hard it would be, but because I was able to do just a small amount of what a mother does. Which is what I so badly wanted/want to be.

So,

I did feel this pain to a degree, but I never experienced being married and wanting a baby SO BADLY, but knowing it wasn't the right time.

I haven't told very many people what I'm about to say.

I have told very very few,

but after Stefanie's post, I've decided that I want to share it.

This is why I KNOW that even though it has happened very quickly,

I know that this baby is supposed to come right now.

I KNOW that this pregnancy was no "accident".

A couple of weeks after getting married,

Tyson and I went to the temple.

We went because we wanted to specifically pray about a concern of ours.

We weren't sure what to do as far as housing and most importantly,

his job. I'll leave it at that. It was just something we were stressing about immensely.

While sitting in Celestial room,

we both started praying, pondering and asking about this issue we had.

About five minutes later,

I just couldn't figure out why, no matter what,

I could only think about one thing.

Starting a family.

I thought that maybe, it was just because it's me

(and everyone knows how I feel about wanting to be a mother.)

SO,

I leaned over to Tyson and whispered

"What do you think?"

After sitting there for a few seconds,

her turned to me and whispered

"I don't think we should wait until we're 'ready' to have kids."

keep in mind,

that this was the FARTHEST thing from our minds when we entered the Temple.

I was suprised by his answer because it was EXACTLY what was going through my mind.

On the drive home,

our conversation consisted of one thing

Starting a family.

My concern kept turning to what other people would think.

Yes, I know. That shouldn't matter.

But I worried that we would be seen as irresponsible,

or that people would think I talked Tyson into it because I wanted to "replace" Avery.

It sounds ridiculous,

but sure enough, some have already said this to me.

When I would say this to Tyson, he would say what is so obvious

"who cares?"

He was right.

It's our decision. WE are the only two people that can receive an answer for our family.

When we were almost home,

we decided that yes,

we shouldn't stress so much about birth control or anything.

Two weeks later,

I found out I was pregnant.

I STRONGLY believe that the Lord was preparing us for this moment.

He was telling us that our family needed to start.

This child needs to come now.

I know that because of that experience in the Temple,

I was prepared to see the positive pregnancy test.

That experience helped me to know that we will be able to provide for this baby now.

It helped calm my nerves.

That doesn't mean that I never stress, it just means that I know the Lord will provide a way for us to have what we need to raise this baby.

So,

Stefanie,

although I know that you're aching so immensely to have a baby,

just know that the Lord will tell you when the time is right.

and when the time finally IS,

you will be so happy you waited until you were an eternal family.

I just know it.

and I cannot wait for that day to come for you.

National Adoption Month.

November is coming up and we all know what that means...

National Adoption Month!

Like Last year,

this whole month,

I'm going to be making "hoping to adopt posts"

But this time,

I need your help!

if YOU or someone you know is hoping to adopt,

send me an email to andeeleigh05@hotmail.com with,

a few pictures,

information about yourself/or the person you know that is hoping to adopt (With their permission of course),

and anything else you would like to add about your self (i.e. Your blog address, website, Profile etc..)

I LOVE National Adoption Month

and am so excited to meet new couples!!

CRAZY BUSY!

I have completely abandoned my blog lately.

I have hardly had any time so, my apologies!! :D

So we've been married for almost a month

and it only feels like a week!!

We have been so incredibely blessed through all of this and I really don't know how I'm going to thank everyone.

We weren't sure how we were going to afford everything we needed for our house,

but after the wedding we discovered that we didn't need to purchase ANYTHING that we needed.

It's amazing how generous people are and I am SO GRATEFUL!

We are currently looking for a house.

Right now we're living in an apartment,

and feel like we're just throwing our money away!

So we'll see how this all plays out.

I will update soon with pictures from the wedding!

MARRIEEDD!!!

I married my soul mate on August 20th, 2010.

It was THE BEST day of my life.

The day started off amazing.

I woke up around 6:30,

and left for my hair appointment.

From there,

Tyson and my AMAZING Maid of Honor Keara

met me and we drove up to the Salt Lake Temple.

Because our Ceremony wasn't until 1:40,

We decided to do our pictures around temple square before so that we could still have our Luncheon before the reception.

(which, by the way, I would HIGHLY recommend)

We had our Photogapher and Videographer there at the same time

and I was so happy to see how well they worked together.

I LOVED it

It couldn't have been better!

Unfortunately, we don't have our pictures from the wedding day back yet,

but FORTUNATELY,

our amazing videographer posted our same day edit on Facebook,

so,

I'm posting it here:

Andee & Tyson SL Same Day Edit from Matthew Baker on Vimeo.

They did SUCH a good job!

I love them.

After the pictures,

we were able to go right in to the temple.

I can't even explain how amazing it was.

The happiness I felt while I was in there,

while being sealed to my Husband FOREVER,

was so amazing.

Words cannot express what an incredible experience it was.

After we were married,

we were able to go out for pictures with our family.

That probably took a total of an hour at the most and then we were able to get dressed,

and go right to the luncheon we had at the park.

The Reception was at 7 pm in my parents backyard.

Ask Tyson his favorite part,

and he'll tell you....

We jumped in the pool at the very end.

It was WAY better than I thought.

we were able to leave right after that.

My amazing aunt MaryJane, sent us to Park City until Sunday morning,

and then we went to MAUI until Friday Morning.

It was amazing.

I wouldn't change a THING about our wedding day.

I'm SO SO SO grateful for all of the amazing people in our life that helped make my day the best EVER!

Including the people that just came to the reception.

we were SO SPOILED through all of this.

We probably paid for 10% of the things we have been so very blessed with.
We have our apartment (which obviously we are paying for ;)!!)
We have everything we need already.
We received SO MUCH money in cash/gift cards,
that it paid for our entire honeymoon.
AND for all of the other things we needed for our apartment
(and there was quite a few things)

Avery was my Flower girl!

I will have those pictures posted when they come back,

there ARE a few on Dustin and Andrea's blog though :)

She was SO adorable.

I'm so grateful to them for letting her be part of the wedding.

I never posted my Bridals.

We got them done on July 21st at the Great Salt lake.

Tyson came cause I wanted him to be in most of them..cause a marriage equals TWO..not ONE!!

So here's just a few of those:

(I'll post the ones from our actual WEDDING DAY when I get them back!! :D)

Here's to an amazing forever with my incredible Husband.

I LOVE YOU TYSON!!

10 days!!!

I can't believe there's only 10 days left until our wedding!!

We've gotten a lot done...

but we still have a LOT to do.

I never have time for anything anymore.

I can't even go to work without stressing about everything I need to do when I go home.

But it's okay,

cause it's going to be worth it!

We got our apartment :)

Tyson moved into it about two weeks ago.

I LOVE it.

It has two bedrooms and two bathrooms

and is furnished with:

a washer and dryer,

a diswasher,

and of course a microwave and fridge!

We have a pantry and both bedrooms have walk-in closets.

I'll post pictures sometime!

I'm getting my endowments out THIS SATURDAY too :)

I hope that most everyone can come to the reception!

It's in my parents backyard.

I'll get better at blogging once things have settled down a bit after the wedding ;)

PLUS,

there will be lots of pictures!!

Friends with my mom on FB?

If so,

you may have seen this post from her:

"Bye Bye Andee Aguirre...hello Andee O*****"

[I thought it'd be best to leave out the new last name...since this blog IS public!!]

and then her response to the comments saying:

"I am referring all questions to Andee and Tyson...haha"

So,

I thought that now would probably be the best time for a blog update explaining this.

YES,

it is true.

My last name is changing...and my fiance's name is also changing!

HAHA confused?

allow me to explain.

Ernesto is amazing.

I have said this many many times before, but I haven't really explained some of the reasons why.

When he was 11 years old,

him and his 5 other siblings were pulled out of there homes and placed into foster care.

They seperated everyone but his two younger sisters.

They were pretty young and were adopted together.

From what I understand, they converted to the church shortly after.

Ernesto and his two brothers were all seperated.

He had an older sister that was pretty much on her own at this point.

him and his younger brother 's' went from Foster home to Foster home.

After about 4 years of this,

Ernesto was placed in a boys group home since they couldn't find another place for him to go.

His younger brother 's' was placed with foster parents named 'M' and 'R'.

after 's' told 'M' and 'R' about his older brother Ernesto,

they decided to go find him so that 's' could have his older brother back.

When they asked him to come and live with them and his little brother 'm',

of course he said yes and him and 's' were reunited.

When 'M' and 'R' introduced Ernesto to the church, he became immediately interested

and was converted to the church at age 16.

I met him about a year later.

At age 18,

Ernesto and 'M' got in a huge fight.

he was a teenager so obviously he wasn't thinking clearly and he left 'M' and 'R's' home.

He had become very close to my young woman leader through me so he went straight to her home.

They took him in for 8 months while he prepared for his mission.

In the mean time, 'M' and 'R' wanted him home to them. They ached for him to come home because he was their son. Although it wasn't official, they still saw him as their son. 

He loved this family he lived with. They have become very close friends through all of this, even more than before. He left for his mission in April of 2008. 

While he was out, 'R' wrote him constantly. He began looking forward to all of her letters and started realizing while on his mission that 'R' was his mother and had been from the start.

During his 2 year mission, 'M' and 'R' adopted 's'.

When Ernesto came home from his mission, him and 'M' and 'R' went to the temple. 

They all felt this day like Ernesto belonged in their family...but they did not communicate this to each other...

until last Wednesday the 21st. 

Ernesto and I were talking. He was talking about how much he wanted Eternal parents. We were getting married so he was going to be sealed to me and we were going to be our own Eternal family. But who wouldn't want parents to be in their Eternal family?  

So, after a long talk, he decided that he was going to ask 'M' and 'R' if they would adopt him. 

he did it that night.

The second he brought up adoption, 'R' started crying. 

They started telling him how long they have been waiting for him to ask this. 

They couldn't contain their excitement.

SO, while they were talking, Ernesto decided that because his last name was changing, 

he might at well change his first name too! (he wanted it to go with the last name) 

I am SO excited for them!

The Adoption was finalized on Friday!!

He was going to come to the FSA Conference with me...but we decided his adoption was a little more important!!! haha.

I was extremely disappointed that I couldn't be there. They were happening at the same time.
But at least I was promoting what an amazing thing adoption is!

I LOVE ADOPTION!!!

As of  Friday, Ernesto is not longer Ernesto.
He is now Tyson :)

He loves that name and I love it too.

I think he even looks like a Tyson.

It's really hard for me to get used to calling him Tyson...but I'll get it eventually.

SO! If you're coming to the wedding, please don't be confused when some stuff says Ernesto and some says Tyson...we had the announcements and sign in book made before all of this happened!!

So yes,

my fiance's name is different.

but NO, I'm not marrying someone else!!

haha ever.

FSA 2010

Are you going to the FSA conference this year?

I hope so!!

Regster online HERE if you haven't already.

(birthparents admission is free)

and I would love if you came to the "Why Adoption?" class at 9:30.

(first class on the first day)

I'm going to be one of the presenters.

I'd love to have your support..since I've never done this before!

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!!

June -- Funny Conversations

Cassidy - Cathy, you have beasts as kids

Mom - I know Cassidy, I know. It's beauty and the beasts

Emilee - Mom, you had to ADOPT a child to even get your eye color...

Me - yeah...and you had to adopt two to even get that.

Mom - What does that have to do with anything?

***

Me: Mom you have the wierdest facebook profile

Mom: Why

Me: this quote you have "As I lay in bed at night staring up at the stars, I can't help but wonder "where in the heck is the ceiling"

Mom: It's the story of my life! Seriously. Everytime I go to bed, I lay down and go "Ahh" and then I open my eyes and think "wait a minute..."

***

(While writing our guest list for the wedding)

Mom: did you invite Dudu?

Ernesto: What did you just say?

Mom: haha it's my Grandma

Ernesto: You call her Dudu?

Mom: Yes, someone called her that once and it just stuck

Ernesto: Bless her heart.

***

SORRY! Not very many funny ones this month...but only because I forgot to write them down!!

The Proposal: Our Story.

So,

We decided to get married after picking out the ring. 

However,

I did not get the ring until yesterday!

(now you know why I didn't want to wait until I received the ring to start planning the wedding!)

It was being custom made.

So that was going to take a couple of weeks.

PLUS,

We talked about it and we didn't want to have to make payments on the ring.

He wanted to pay for it in cash.

and because I wanted a summer wedding, with the reception in my backyard and all,

it would have been FOOLISH to wait for him to propose!

SO,

here we are,

47 days before the wedding,

and I FINALLY have my ring!!!!!

Anyway,

To the story.

I was at work on Friday.

At about 5:00, I called Ernesto.

I missed him and because I didn't get off work until 7,

I wanted to talk to him on the phone.

Here's how our conversation went:

Him: Hello?

Me: Hi, whatcha doin?

Him: Driving home

Me: From where? I thought you got off work at 4:30

Him: I did

Me: ...okay...then why aren't you home yet?

(he works about 3 minutes away from his house)

Him: (obviously smiling) ...Don't worry about it,

Me: haha DUH!!

....

I figured,

after this phone call,

(he's not very good at lying/keeping secrets! haha)

That he OBVIOUSLY was on his way home from picking up my ring.

(which made me EXTREMELY excited. I have been waiting for this thing for like...EVER it feels like!!)

So,

out of excitement,

I texted my mom telling her that I was 99% sure he had my ring,

explaining why I felt this way.

About 45 minutes later,

and after telling my co-workers how anxious I was,

he called me back.

When I answered he immediately said:

"Hey, I'm about 99% sure you're WRONG about me having your ring"

I was SOOO Mad at my mom!!

So,

when I got home from work,

I decided to pretend that I completely forgot about the whole ring conversation...

but then he brought it up!

he did a pretty good job at making me believe he didn't have it this time.

He told me that he did drive out there,

but they were closed.

He said he called the guy and he said that because of the Holiday weekend,

they would be closed until Tuesday.

I was pretty disapointed about this.

I told him to just call him and tell him that Monday was my birthday and he really needed to propose before then...and that my coworkers told me that I couldn't come back to work without a ring. All of this was true.

haha.

But I knew that it wasn't possible at this point, so I just accepted the fact that he wasn't going to get it until at least Tuesday.

Well,

about 5 minutes later,

He walked up, kissed me, said he couldn't lie to me and that he had the ring.

haha,

because I'm a brat,

I was SOO Mad at him for telling me the truth!

I was like "this is the one time you can lie to me...DANG IT!!"

(yes, I do understand that I'm a brat)

So, for the next almost 24 hours,

I worked on trying really hard to forget that I knew he had the ring.

I wanted it to be a suprise proposal.

On July 3rd,

We were celebrating the 4th.

We had a bbq and then we were going to go to Riverton park to watch the Fireworks.

While we were eating,

my mom says:

"So Andee, we were thinking of hiking up Ensign peak tomorrow. What do you think?"

I sat there for a second.

This was totally obvious.

I didn't think it could BE any more obvious.

Why would we go hiking?

On a Sunday for that matter?

After Church??

Our family doesn't really do that..haha

At first I oppossed.

being the brat that I am (again),

I didn't want to KNOW that he was going to propose.

But,

then I started feeling guilty so I agreed with it and that was that.

About an hour later,

I went up to my Aunt MaryJane and told her to try to talk Ernesto in to proposing that night instead because I really wanted the ring and I knew that he was going to propose when we were hiking anyway.

She laughed,

told me I was a brat,

said no,

and I just decided to give up.

About 2 hours later,

we left to the fireworks.

It was my family,

My aunt MaryJane and Uncle Scott,

My Cousin Brandon and his kids,

and my sisters friends.

My Aunt found an AWESOME place right in the front behind the line we couldn't cross.

We had the front row of the fireworks.

The fireworks were supposed to start at 10:00.

At about 9:15,

I decided that I should probably run to the bathroom before the show started.

I told him this,

he said okay and I began walking.

On the way out of the park to the gas station behind us,

I ran into my cousin.

I started talking to him for a sec, then looked back at Ernesto who was motioning for me to hurry.

I thought he was being a little strange,

but just turned and proceeded to walk to the bathroom.

When I got into the gas station,

I saw the line.

It was WAY long just to get to the bathroom and I didn't want to wait that long..by myself.

Yeah yeah I know,

I'M A BRAT!!

So,

I decided to just go back to our blanket.

When I got there,

I told ernesto the line was too long,

then my Little brother Told me he REALLY had to go to the bathroom.

Well,

HE was a good friend to stand in line with,

and it was only like 9:30,

So I told my mom that I would just take him and we would go together.

While I was explaining this to her,

The people came on the speakers and began stating the rules.

He talked about how we can't cross the line and blah blah blah.

I wasn't paying attention because I was too busy listening to my mom tell me that it was too dark and she didn't want me taking him to the bathroom....

I was REALLY annoyed at this point.

I was like "What!?? I'm like...21 mom! You don't trust me to take your 5 year old to the bathroom!?!?"

She just responded "not right now".

I sat down,

rolled my eyes

and began scooting in to cuddle with Ernesto,

when the guy on the Intercom said...

"Can we get Ernesto Aguirre up here please?"

I looked at him as he stood up,

then at my parents....

at this point,

I started realizing what was going on!

I started laughing as he walked the VERY long walk up to the Microphone and Speakers.

When he got there,

He said "Andee can you come up here please."

I didn't know what to do at first.

my shoes were off so I stood up and looked at my family.

I knew my face was red at this point, and I began trying to get my shoes on.

My parents started yelling no and said to just go up there.

So,

I ducked under the "do not cross" line,

just as a Golf Cart came up.

the guy looked at me and said "here, let me give you a ride"

I got in the car and him and the four golf carts behind him followed as we drove up to my Sexy fiance.

When I got out,

I was shaking of...I guess...nervousness??

haha

Hundreds of people were watching!!

When I walked up to him,

he began speaking in the microphone.

I wish I could write what he said word by word,

but I can't because I was too busy staring in his chocolate brown eyes.

All I know is that he said the cutest things ever.

Then,

he got down on his knee pulled out the most beautiful ring ever and asked me to marry him.

I was so mesmorized by the GORGEOUS ring he had in front me that I said yes quietly.

He asked me to say it in the microphone and my response was

"Uh, YEAH!"

haha.

I guess I didn't sound very enthused about it.

but I WAS!!

So if you were there,

I'm sorry that I sounded so unenthusiastic!

haha I really was SOO in love with my ring that I couldn't speak.

When I finally got the beautiful ring on my finger and kissed him,

they gave us a golf cart and told him he could drive us back.

haha it was the most

awesome,

sweetest,

BEST way to propose to a bratty girl that was pretty much impossible to hide things from.

Cause I honestly had NO idea he would do it that way!!

I love him

and my ring...

is BEAUTIFUL!

The picture,

is what we gave them to make it look like...but we added our personality to it.

The picture doesn't do it justice AT ALL.

This the PRETTIEST ring I've ever seen in my whole life.

I LOVE it.

By far the PRETTIEST RING IN THE WORLD!!

Afterwards,

my mom did end up letting my take my brother to the bathroom.

and I guess the reason Ernesto was motioning for me to hurry the first time I tried to go, is because they were going to call him up any second.

So the second I was out of sight he ran as fast as he could up to the guys and told them to wait. haha. again. I'm a brat!!

OH and if you didn't figure it out,
Hiking up Ensign Peak was a Decoy...
They know me well. haha

Okay, here we go!!

Let me tell you the story.

It's kinda long, but it's a good story.

A story that I will tell forever :)

I met him my Senior year of high school.

He had been in my ward for a year at this point but I never paid much attention.

I don't know why, but I didn't.

The first time I actually saw him,

I liked him.

The first time I actually looked at him,

I wanted him.

His name?

Ernesto :)

It wasn't until our Senior year that I actually started talking to him though.

We were at a mutual activity.

I started the conversation.

It was lame. He remembers how it went,

but I'd prefer to block it out ;)

By February of 2007,

we were dating.

We dated throughout the rest of high school

We walked at graduation together.

Then,

in about July of 2007,

I broke it off.

He had a mission that he needed to prepare for.

I wanted him to focus on his mission.

I felt like dating more,

and I didn't want to distract him anymore from his mission than I already was.

So I broke up with him.

In late September,

I began hanging out with Kris.

and in October,

I began dating Kris and Keltson.

Ernesto didn't know about this.

I didn't want him to know.

I didn't want him to think I was over him.

I didn't want to hurt him.

He was still in my ward.

We still saw each other every now and then when I would come down from school.

By February of 2008,

Ernesto had his mission call to Houston, Texas.  

a few days after telling my parents I was pregnant,

Ernesto found out as well.

I was terrified of his response.

I didn't want to know how he felt.

I didn't think he even knew I was dating anyone.

I discovered about a week later,

that he didn't have hard feelings towards me.

He still talked to me every now and then

and he even hung out with my sister at my house sometimes.

He watched as I got engaged to Kris.

He sat upstairs as I brought Kris over to meet my old young womens leader who lived in his basement.

I was supposed to get married on April 18th.

He was supposed to leave on April 16th.

After calling off the wedding,

he seemed to talk to me even more.

He invited me to his farewell bbq

and he was so forgiving.

I couldn't believe how forgiving he was towards me.

He acted as though I hadn't completely betrayed him.

After leaving on his mission,

I received a few letters from him during my pregnancy.

I didn't write him back ONE TIME throughout the pregnancy.

I was stressed, and I honestly felt like there was nothing there between him and I.

I had no feelings for him.

After placing Avery for Adoption,

I began writing him back a little more.

I knew he needed the support and I felt wrong to just ignore his letters.

He got home in April of this year.

the day before he came home I was dating someone.

The guy I was dating asked me if he should be worried and without even skipping a breath I replied "NO!"

However,

the day after he came home,

I saw him for the first time in two years.

There was definitely something there.

he gave me a hug and I could feel the sparks.

I wanted to talk to him more,

but couldn't because I only saw him as I was leaving the restaurant Chili's with my Friend

 (my old young womens leader living in his basement!)

a couple of days later,

He texted me.

a couple of days after that,

he called me.

I broke it off with the guy I was dating the day before Ernesto and I went on our very first date in two years.

and now...

we're getting married!!!

I'm so in Love.

He is THE MOST amazing man I have ever met in this world.

The things he has overcome in his life are incredible.

Anyone that has had any type of interaction with him loves him.

I'm so grateful to be his future wife.

I'm so excited.

This has all seemed so fast.

After my experience Last year,

I swore to myself that I would not let myself rush into a marriage.

But,

I know Ernesto.

I've known him for Three and a half years.

I know everything about this amazing man.

and

from his past,

there is no better man out there that could relate better to how incredible my situation is with Avery.

I just feel like he already belongs to my family.

He fits SO WELL.

I love him SO MUCH.

I can't wat to Marry this man.

I can't wait to be sealed to him for ETERNITY!!

He is my other half.
He is THE ONE.

We want a summer wedding.

I want the reception to be in my backyard.

So,

it's going to be a short engagement.

But, that is OKAY!! haha probably better in fact.

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

p.s.
I saw a rainbow today.