Andee Leigh

I'm grateful for...#19

2011-11-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

I have saved this one for last for a reason,

I'm grateful for Avery Leigh.

She is the reason that I am who I am today.

She is the reason I have grown the way I have.

She is the reason that I cherish Every moment of every day being a mom.

She is the reason that I look at motherhood with a whole new meaning.

Nobody else in this entire world could do to me what Avery has done.

I believe that her first mission on this earth, was to help me learn what it means to Sacrifice and what a blessing it is to be a mother.

I remember the day that I had with her in the hospital when it was just me and her.

I sat there holding her,

and she was staring up at me with what was most definitely,

a smile on her face.

I knew that she was aware of what I was doing and that she was grateful for it.

It was like she was speaking to me through her eyes.

I knew that I was doing the right thing for her.

I know her Spirit was speaking to me that day.

I just love her so much and I am so eternally grateful for her.

She changed my life forever,

and I am forever grateful for it.

I'm grateful for...#18

2011-11-29T14:15:00.002-07:00

I'm so grateful for The Gospel.

Without it,

I know without a doubt in my mind,

that I wouldn't have been able to get through this whole experience as well as I have.

The Lord carries me through every step.

The process has gone so much more smoothly with His help.

I'm so grateful that I have been raised in this Church.
There is no way that you can experience what I have,

and not KNOW that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true.

I know it with ever Fiber of my being.

and I'm so grateful for it.

I'm grateful for...#17

2011-11-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

I'm so grateful for Eternal families.

Although Avery is a part of D&A's family here on this earth,

and I know that without a doubt;

I also know that we are all an Eternal Family.

I know that we will all eventually be a family,

because she was sealed to D&A in the Temple.

If I hadn't placed her for adoption,
she wouldn't have been sealed to me because her birthfather and I,

wouldn't have been sealed in the temple.

Adoption makes it so she is still able to be sealed to her parents.

I just love this Gospel.

If this post is confusing beyond belief, try reading THIS.

I go into more detail and explanation there :)

I'm grateful for...#16

2011-11-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

Although Adoption has helped me come to understand many things,

I think one of the most apparant and incredible things it has taught me,

is what a blessing it is to be a mother.

My whole life I have always wanted to be a mother,

but it wasn't until I was faced with the decision to place Avery for adoption,

that I really came to understand what an honor it really is.

Being a mother is the greatest gift God has given me.

I thank Him every single day for this wonderful blessing.

I thank Him for allowing me to go through this Adoption experience because it really has opened my eyes to what an incredible blessing it is.

Thinking of this brings tears to my eyes.

I'm grateful for...#15

2011-11-26T01:54:00.002-07:00

I'm grateful for all around, Adoption blogs.

I know I've mentioned two in this list,

but it wouldn't be right to not mention all of the adoption blogs out there.

Every single one of them have an impact in one way or another.

I'm grateful and blessed to say that I get to be a part of all of this.

It's an incredible thing. It really is and I am certain that reading some of these adoption blogs,

have helped me heal in ways that I can't even explain.

I'm grateful for...#14

2011-11-25T13:45:00.006-07:00

I'm grateful for Adoption Advocates.

If you're friends with me on facebook,

you may have seen recently that I posted about the wife of a birth father,

who was being attacked by a birth mother/Adoptive mother.

She was telling her that because she wasn't a part of the adoption triad,

she should not be blogging about adoption.

That is absurd to say the least.

I was fuming angry at this nasty commenter.

How could she say that to someone that is only supporting her husband and adoption!?

I said some harsh words (which maybe I shouldn't have...but boy did she hit a nerve).

I just have to say that I'm SO grateful for those that haven't been affected by adoption first hand,

yet they still support it just as if they were.

Because they want to share how much they have been blessed by it through other people.

I'm grateful for...#13

2011-11-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for Other birthmothers.

Knowing that there's other women out there that can relate to everything is a HUGE blessing.

They have helped me get through some times that I wasn't quite sure how I was going to do it.

They've helped me know that I definitely was not alone and that there are other who have gone through it just like me.

I love that I have been able to interact with them,

one of which, has become an incredible friend.

I'm grateful for...#12

2011-11-23T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for FSA conference.

The first time I attended FSA, I was pregnant with Avery.

Dustin and Andrea made me aware of it and brought me with them.

I've been in love ever since.

The FSA Conference, to me is like an EFY for Adoption.

I love the way I feel about it.

I love the way Adoption makes me feel and the Spirit is always so apparant through the entire thing.

I'm grateful for...#11

2011-11-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

I'm so grateful for a Supportive Husband and Family.

Tyson has been supportive towards me since day one.

Since the moment he discovered I was pregnant, not only was he so forgiving,

but he made me feel like I was still important and that this did not define who I was.

He wrote me all through his mission and still helped me feel like I was wanted.

He was so forgiving I just can't believe how incredible he was and has been.

He continues to support me through everything and even comes with me to the adoption presentations (when he's not working) and shares his thoughts and feelings.

I just love him!

My family as well.

If it hadn't been for them,

I can honestly say I would have died.

I was so depressed numerous amounts of times and I could always count on my mom, dad or sisters to cheer me up. My mom was especially supportive and helped me through the entire pregnancy/labor.

I'm so grateful for each and every one of them.

I'm grateful for...#10

2011-11-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for Mrs. R.

I learned about her Through Andrea right towards the end of the pregnancy.

She has done so many things for the adoption world.

She has organized events, done everything she can to help birth parents and is an all around incredible woman. She helped me get through some tough times too and her blog has done so much good.

I'm grateful for...#9

2011-11-20T22:08:00.001-07:00

I'm not only grateful, but it was just an all around great feeling,

to know that I was placing Avery with a family that was financially stable.

They are so so great at saving their money and have always seemed like they can afford the things they need.

It was comforting to know that,

because at that time of my life, I was ANYTHING but financially stable!

haha My parents might have been,

but I wasn't even close to financially ready to raise a child.

I'm grateful for...#8

2011-11-19T12:00:00.001-07:00

I'm grateful for Supportive Blog readers.

It felt SO GOOD to receive comment after comment from people that gave me support.

Most of them I didn't even KNOW and it was soo helpful to hear the kind words.

Not only did it help confirm to me that I did the right thing,

But it helped my self esteem too.

So,

Thanks to all of you that have been so supportive.

I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am for that!

p.s. I received a question on the post I did about music.

Besides Michael Mclean, Cheri Call (I think that's her name) sings a song called "Delivery" aboud Adoption which is SO good.

There's also a song by a man named Mark Shultz who sings a song called "everything to me"

Other than that, the song "One more Day" By diamond rio really hit home for me.

I loved all those songs. They really helped :)

I'm grateful for...#7

2011-11-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for pictures.

Not only is it so good to be able to see pictures of Avery,

but it's fun to show others that I'm close to.

Especially the ones that want to know how she is doing,

but haven't ever seen her...or only saw her in the hospital when she was born.

It's so great to have pictures where I can show others beautiful Avery.

Including those I give Adoption Presentations to.

I'm grateful for...#6

2011-11-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for Music about Adoption.

There is something about words and music together that is so comforting.

Music was something that helped me during and especially after placing Avery for Adoption.

I would listen to it all the time and even cry with it sometimes.

It was therapeutic.

It also helped me realize that someone else in this world had experienced what I'd experienced.

It helped me to know that I wasn't alone.

It also helped me express how I was feeling.

I'm grateful for...#5

2011-11-15T11:11:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for the Foster to Adopt program.

Without it,

I wouldn't have my cute little brothers in my life. They are so sweet and bring such a joy to everyone in the family.

I also wouldn't be married to Tyson.

It's because of Foster to adopt, that I met him.

He is the Love of my life and I am so grateful that I'm married to him.

I'm grateful for...#4

2011-11-14T11:06:00.001-07:00

I'm grateful for good Communication.

Without it,

Open Adoptions would be a mess.

I strongly believe that Communication is #1 in having a successful Open Adoption.

I'm so grateful that Dustin, Andrea and I have learned how to communicate,

and that if there is any miscommunication,

we're able to talk about it and get it resolved so so quickly.

I'm grateful for...#3

2011-11-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for LDSFS.

The way they treat Birthmothers is so awesome.

They give us free counseling for life and not once have I ever felt like I was bugging them.

They treat Birthmothers like Gold.

It's been 3 years and I still feel like they would be there in a split second if I needed it.

I'm grateful for...#2

2011-11-12T07:47:00.002-07:00

I'm grateful for Dustin and Andrea.

They have made the entire adoption experience so much easier than I could have ever dreamed.

Both of them always know exactly what to say when I come to them about something.

Whether it's adoption related or not,

they are incredible at getting through to me about anything.

I feel so blessed to have them in my lives.

Adoption brought them to me and I'm so grateful for it.

I have received lifelong friends through this experience.

Andrea and I have this relationship that I don't think anyone else in this entire world has.

It's brought me so much peace.

Our relationship goes so much further than just adoption and I know that not everyone can say that.

I don't know what I did to deserve the honor of knowing them,

but I'm so grateful for it.

I'm grateful for...#1

2011-11-11T11:43:00.002-07:00

I'm so grateful for Open Adoption.

Without it,

I don't know where I'd be in my life.

Especially Emotionally.

I know without a doubt that if Open Adoption had not been available for me,

I would not have healed as well as I have.

I am 100% certain that Open Adoption is one of the biggest reasons I have been able to move on with my life.

I'm so grateful for it and I am constantly thanking my Heavenly Father for this opportunity.

November is good at trying to escape...but I have caught it just in time

2011-11-10T11:32:00.001-07:00

I am very fully aware of the fact that November is National Adoption month.

I feel terrible for failing miserabely at posting about it so far. It's already the 10th!

There has been so much going on in my life that I've completely lost track of time.

I can't believe that this month is already 1/3 of the way through.

I've been trying to decide what to do about this since it's way too late to do what I usually do.

(unless you're aware of what I usually do and you want to quickly shoot me an email, I can spotlight you :))

I've decided,

that although it's going to be short and sweet,

at least it will be SOMETHING,

I'm going to post about one thing I'm grateful for everyday for the rest of the month and why.

Of course it's going to all be adoption related,

because lets face it,

Adoption has changed my life and made me who I am today.

I'm so sorry for my lack of posts.

My daughter has been experiencing some medical problems and we found out recently that she is going to need surgery; which has resulted in me feeling all sorts of emotions and being very distracted.

I hope I can make up for it somehow!

2011-10-14T16:26:00.000-06:00

I entered Kalista into a model search for a Baby Store.

They win based on how many likes HER PICTURE receives on their Facebook page

So I have a favor to ask of all of my followers.

Will you PLEASE go HERE and like their page first, (the vote doesn't count unless you're a fan of their page)

and then go to Kali's picture and Like it?

I would be forever grateful.

I am hoping to get to 200 likes!!

Time for an apology

2011-10-06T22:57:00.000-06:00

Here's another post, with my poor, very poor writing skills.

But I"m gonna try k? haha

When I'm pregnant, I'm so much more moody than anyone can even fathom.

I've been feeling pretty bad about this for quite some time,

but now I'm going to just suck it up and admit that I was wrong.

THIS is the post I'm talking about.

I don't take back the way I feel about the subject,

but I do take back the way I went about writing it.

I understand that there are good and bad ways to go about things and I know I went about this the wrong way.

I could have been more sensitive to other peoples feelings.

But in all honesty,

I have the HARDEST time understanding how someone can sit there and think Abortion is okay.

I don't get what goes on in their brains and I never will.

Here's the thing.

I get my point across when I keep my temper under control.

When I get angry about something,

I can be MEAN.

Not just rude, downright mean. Not on purpose.

I just get so frustrated that I say EXACTLY what is on my mind.

Yes I'm one of those people.

I don't really sugar coat anything. When I feel a certain way, I just say it.

That get's 10x worse when I'm pregnant.

I understand that it's bad but in all honesty, I would LOVE if people were always completely honest with me.

That way, if they didn't like me, I wouldn't have to waste my time. Plus can you imagine that great communication!?

haha I'm serious.

Sometimes I just hate it when people don't tell me if I'm bugging them, or if they like something I said, or anything like that. I just would absolutely love it if everyone just always said what was on their mind. BUT. That's not how the world is and everyone wants to think that everyone thinks they're perfect.

Crap. I did it again.

Sorry.

Anyway,

back to why I am making this post.

That Abortion post I made was very blunt and not sugar coated at all.

I don't sugar coat the way I feel about adoption, so I figured I shouldn't sugar coat anything...cause it's the way I am!

But I am writing to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for the Harsh words. I'm sorry for being so blunt.

I know this is my blog. I know I should be able to say what I want, but I have not been able to get that post off of my mind since I posted it. It's the reason I stopped writing on here so much.

It was because I was so hormonal and pregnant.

That's not a good excuse, but seriously. I'm mean when I'm pregnant.

Ask my husband. Bless him for putting up with me.

Nobody is perfect okay?

But this is my sincere apology.

I'm sorry for offending those that I offended.

I'm not saying that I agree with you, but I am saying sorry for the words that I said and the way I went about it. I should not have been so harsh.

Eternal Writers Cramp

2011-09-03T02:02:00.000-06:00

I was just reading some of my posts from 2009,

and I gotta say...

I've really lowered my writing standards since then haven't I?

I feel as though I am not even the same person as I was back then.

Which, I'm not...

but can't I still have my same writing techniques?

I'm so BORING now and I just barely realized it!

I apologize to everyone for this mishap.

It's disappointing to the max.

Pretty sure college was helping me sound intelligent.

Maybe I should go back...

haha

I feel like my life has changed so much since then and I've had so much going on,

that I've put my blog on a back burner.

So when I DO update,

it's more like word vomit.

It's not pretty.

I hope that everyone can forgive me.

I'm really not the grumpy girl that's been updating the last year...

I've just lost my writing inspiration I guess :(

Wish I have parented?

2011-08-19T11:11:00.000-06:00

I received a question on my last post,

that is a question I have also been asked a lot so I decided to answer it in a post as well.

The question was:

I can't help but wonder, now that you are married and a mom do you ever wish you could have parented Avery since now you have a two parent household for her? In hindsight, do you regret it or do you (or her adoptive parents) worry she might wonder why she was adopted and her sibling (through birth/blood) was not?

Short Answer: No.

Long Answer:

For those of you that are also LDS,

it's probably easier for you to understand this.

But I will try my best to explain it if you are not.

We understand that families can be together forever. The way to do that is to be sealed together for time and all eternity in the Temple. When we are married, instead of parting at death, we are sealed together for Eternity. Even After death.

This is something that I have a strong Testimony of. I am so grateful that we can be together forever. I can't imagine thinking that if my Husband or Family Member or Child were to pass away that we wouldn't be a forever family! It is so comforting to know that when a family member passes on, we WILL see them again and we WILL be a family forever.

So now let me explain something as far as Avery goes.

Avery's Birthfather and I would not have stayed together.

Our marriage would not have lasted.

We wouldn't have been sealed in the Temple, which means we wouldn't be a forever family.

How do you think Avery would feel,

if she was the only one that was not sealed to her family?

Because Tyson and I were Sealed in the Temple when we were married,

Kalista was born into the Covenant which means she was born already sealed to us.

When Dustin and Andrea adopted Avery,

they were able to take her to the Temple and be sealed to her.

The only way that Avery would have been able to be sealed to us,

is if her Birthfather allowed Tyson to adopt her and let me tell you right now,

I know for a FACT that he would not have allowed that.

So that is one Major reason that I still know that Avery is where she is supposed to be.

Not once have I wished I had parented her now that she would be living in a stable environment.

Another reason is that just because she would still have a two parent home,

she would still be going to her birthfathers home every weekend.

She would still be passed back and forth.

I gotta say,

I'm having a hard time leaving Kali at my parents house over night for mine and Tysons Anniversary...

I would DIE having to do it every single weekend!

I hope this makes sense and that I'm not just rambling,

but marrying Tyson just confirmed to me that Avery is in the right place.

She is sealed to her parents.

and I know that as long as you are sealed to your family,

that everyone is a family in heaven anyway.

We're all brothers and sisters.

SO no,

I don't wish I had parented her.

not for one second.

But I love that girl so dang much!!

Which is why I don't regret placing her.

She is better off!

and when I see a post like THIS,

it just confirms my feelings even more :)

Understanding what Adoption REALLY means.

2011-08-15T22:10:00.002-06:00

I've been having numerous conversations,

with many different people lately about Adoption and what it means once a birthmom signs those papers.

After making the difficult decision to place her for Adoption and finding Dustin and Andrea,

I never once referred to Avery as my daughter.

Not once did I think of her that way.

I believe with 100% of my heart that Avery is and always has been Dustin and Andrea's Daughter.

She had to take a detour to get to them,

but she is NOT mine.

Signing the papers makes it so,

Even when you look at her,

it's so obvious that they are her parents.

If I didn't know any better, I would think that she was biologically born to them.

She resembles them SO much.

Nobody in my family thinks of Avery that way.

Kalista is my first child, My parents first Grandchild and my Siblings first Neice.

It's not to say that we don't love Avery.

We all do.

SO MUCH!

But it's a different kind of love.

Avery and I don't have the mother-daughter bond.

The love I have for her is unlike any love that many people will never experience.

I can't explain it.

But it's different because I know that she is Dustin and Andrea's daughter.

She was always meant for them.

So I guess the meaning for the post is this:

A lot of people misinterpret this.

A lot of people have made comments to us about how Kali isn't my only daughter, or my parents only Grand-daughter.

For those that don't understand this about Adoption,

they probably don't understand that this is very close to annoying.

haha

It kind of frustrates me when I'm talking to someone about Kali and they refer to her as a 'little sister' or when they refer to Avery as my daughter.

She's not. I have a hard time explaining this because It's hard to make not sound like I don't love Avery. I DO! I absolutely Adore that girl! But I just feel like some people need to understand the way my family and I see this Adoption.

Once I signed those papers, she was no longer my daughter.

The papers clearly state that.

I willingly did that because I always knew that Avery was going to the right place.

FSA Conference

2011-08-15T15:50:00.000-06:00

We Attended the Families Support Adoption Conference this weekend.

It was fun!

We spent most of the time with Andrea and it's always fun to catch up with her.

Another awesome suprise was running in to Tysons case worker from when he was in Foster Care!

We had a really good long talk.

My husband is so amazing.

I'm always so in Awe at how incredible he has turned out after living the life he's lived.

I'm so lucky :)

Unfortunately,

I'm so so bad at this lately,

and I didn't take any pictures.

I took a total of ONE and it was this:

An adoptive mother gave me this Binky, because she thought Kali was the little one I placed for adoption.

But you know,

Technically,

I AM her birthmom!

hahaha.

It was a really good experience.

I always love those conferences.

and I love Andrea.

I always feel so lucky after talking to her.

I don't think there is anyone else out there that I would connect with as well as I do with Andrea.

I seriously can talk to her about anything.

Kalista's Blessing Day

2011-08-09T14:48:00.002-06:00

Kali's Blessing was Sunday,and Dustin Andrea and Avery came.

They saw our new place for the first time.

It was so nice seeing them.

Avery is getting SOO big!

She loves Kali and is the funniest little girl ever!

She has the cutest personality.

It's so crazy how big Avery is getting.

I swear she was just born yesterday!

I love that girl.

Two little Angels.

Private no longer.

2011-07-16T17:10:00.000-06:00

Okay,

I've done it.

I've made my other blog public.

I don't know why I let the rude people get to me so much.

I can't believe I am admitting this to everyone,

but pretty sure,

my Pregnancy hormones had a lot to do with it.

I talked to Tyson and he told me that he made an excuse about wanting our new blog to be private,

because he was tired of hearing me complain.

haha

SOOO,

now that I'm back to myself again,

Here it is:

My Family Blog

Contest

2011-06-15T22:06:00.002-06:00

I'm entering a contest and I have to post a picture of her on my blog.

except, I can't do it on my private blog because they don't have access to that.

and I REALLY want to enter the contest.

So I have no other choice, but to post it here! haha

plus,

I'm feeling kinda mean and I think she's dang cute and I want to show her off! :D :S

So until July,

here's a picture I took of Kali last week.

This bow cracks me up because it's SOO huge.

It's the biggest one she has.

ha I love this picture.

The contest is filled with professional pictures.

taken with the nice cameras and such.

But we can't currently AFFORD a camera like that,

plus I'm not very talented in that area nor do I know anything about it!!

I still wanted to give it a try though!

compromise

2011-05-27T01:56:00.001-06:00

I know a lot of people have been asking me to put pictures of our baby on this blog.

Well,

my husband has a say in it too and has been pretty against it.

I've agreed with him when hearing his arguement...

but have felt kinda guilty about it.

SO,

we came to a compromise.

ONE picture,

and

The videos of her and Avery when she came to visit in the hospital :)

Surprise

2011-05-14T10:05:00.002-06:00

We have a suprise over on our private blog.

Check it out!

April 15th

2011-04-17T18:35:00.001-06:00

April 15th was the 3 year anniversary of when I met Dustin and Andrea!

That is so crazy to me. I can't believe it's been 3 years.

Andrea texted me on Friday (April 15th)

and just said that she pretty much can't believe it's been three years and we just talked about how grateful we were for meeting each other.

Then she said "Avery told me today that she is so happy"

She just randomly said that?

Coincedence? I don't think so.

I placed Avery for adoption because I wanted that for her.

I WANTED her to be happy and have every oppertunity in life possible.

That comment she made, makes me SO happy I can't even tell you.

She IS happy.

I feel like I WAS able to make her happy just like I wanted her to be.

It made me a little emotional when Andrea said that.

not that I didn't KNOW if Avery was happy or not, because TRUST me I knew that before. She is one of the happiest little girls I know.

But hearing that, means she RECOGNIZES it.

I absolutely love it.

While I was texting her I was driving in the car with Tyson.

I have been feeling so blessed lately.

Dustin and Andrea are so good to me. They have been amazing with helping me get through this.

I feel almost guilty for how good I feel about all of this and that's what I was telling Tyson.

I know quite a few birthmoms and I talk to a lot of them quite a bit.

and I feel like I am one of the VERY few that aren't...suffering anymore.

I think that's a good word for it.

I seriously don't even think of Avery as mine anymore.

Sometimes I even forget that I actually gave birth to her.

Everytime I see Her, Dustin and Andrea, it's apparant that they have always belonged together.

They fit together SO well.

Avery never was mine. She has always been theirs and I don't think of her as mine anymore.

I love her SO much and of course that will never change.

But I feel like I'm more content with this decision than a lot of other birthmoms that placed around the same time as I did are.

I know that eventually,

this point comes for most, if not all, birthmoms.

But I just feel almost heartless for feeling so content with this so early.

I told Tyson that I felt like there was something wrong with me.

He thought that was ridiculous. haha

He said that he thinks that it has a lot to do with my personality.

He said that because I'm so OCD about things; Like..I have to be organized,

I planned, even before Avery was born how this was all going to play out.

Since it all went just as I planned, I am content with it.

It went the way I wanted it to and Avery is just as happy as I always imagined her to be and she is with her family.

I understand that now a little.

Maybe it's because I knew how I wanted it to be before she was even born.

So I prepared for it earlier than most and since it turned out like I wanted it to turn out,

I'm just fine.

of COURSE, I still have days were I miss her,

but I don't feel even CLOSE to how I felt the first year.

I don't have the Mother-Daughter connection with her anymore.

it's a different connection and one that not very many people get to have.

But I'm just SO grateful for Dustin and Andrea.

THEY play a huge part in why I'm so content with everything.

They were so supportive, and helpful through the hard times I had after she was born,

that I was able to get through it so well and so quickly.

If they had tried to push me out of their lives in the first year because I was seeing her so much,

I am SURE I wouldn't feel the way I do now.

Instead, they were SO patient with me while I was slowly able to break that connection and move it to something better and healthier. My heart is filled with so much gratitude for them and this experience.

I couldn't have BEEN more blessed through all of this.

I love them and I love adoption!!

Bad Dream

2011-03-04T17:01:00.000-07:00

WOW,

I was planning on updating this blog WAYY more than I have been.

Life has been BUSY getting ready for baby and all!

Anyway,

Last week,

I took a nap.

(I've been doing it more frequently lately due to a passing out episode I had a couple weeks ago)

and I had a bad dream..about Avery.

It's been a long time since I even had a dream about her.

But this was a bad dream. I HATE those so much.

Anyway,

After waking up from it, ALL I could think about was that dream.

I missed her so much.

You know how when you have a bad dream about someone, you feel like you have to see them just to make sure it wasn't true?

Well,

that's what this was like.

I cried everytime that dumb dream came to my mind.

Finally I texted Andrea and asked if there was a way I could come visit them for a couple of minutes...so I could put my fears at ease.

She said that I could and she would text me when they got home.

About two hours later,

She called me and asked if I just wanted them to come over to my house because they were already out this way.

And they did!

They came here and were here for about an hour or so.

I am SOO grateful for them. It meant more to me than I can express.

I LOVE open adoption.

It makes things so much better.

The SECOND I saw Avery I forgot all about the dream and didn't think about it again.

It's so wierd how big she is getting.

While they were there I observed something.

Unless you KNOW Avery is adopted,

you'd never guess.

She looks a lot like Dustin and Andrea it's so crazy.

They just 'fit' together so well.

I love seeing that.

It's SO obvious they were meant for each other.

It's SO obvious that Avery always was and always will be THEIRS.

When she was here, she was introduced to all of the animals my parents have...haha

Bird, Dog and Snake.

She kept holding the bird..and then she would get nervous and want me to take him off...and then she'd want him again. It was so funny.

She even sat by the Snakes cage with her head right next to it, and when my brother took it out, she went to grab it!

She is definitely very outgoing. NOT SHY at all.

< 3

2011-01-20T21:29:00.001-07:00

I have had a REALLY hard time doing this.

Every single comment I received on my last post,

made it harder and harder to just abandon my blog.

After reading all of the advice,

I feel like I've put all of them together and made a decision.

Before I received the 30+ comments on my last post and on formspring,

I was going to just completely move this blog to private and not allow any access...

then once we had the blog published,

I would delete it completely.

But...

now I feel like I'm being selfish.

It means a LOT to me that so many people have benefited from this

and to be honest,

I didn't realize it.

Since I still feel like it would be best for my family to have a private,

less controversial blog,

I have already created a new one and began making my personal posts there.

But I don't think I'll delete this blog.

At least for now.

HOWEVER,

I am going to moderate ALL of the comments I receive.

I will NOT publish the hurtful, mean comments.

I won't even finish reading them if I feel that they are moving to negativity towards who I am.

I CAN'T deal with those kinds of people anymore.

And,

this blog will be about Adoption.

So,

I probably won't post very much.

The only times I will is whenever I do something pertaining to adoption,

AKA speaking at high schools, on panels, attending an adoption related event, etc..

If you want to access my private blog,

comment on this post/send me and email with your blogger email address.

I can only have 100 readers on that blog.

I am HOPING I can keep it private.

I'm not sure how it will work so that my entire family can read it,

but I do NOT want negative comments on it.

We'll see how it works :S

But again, that blog will just be about my family and our lives.

I will post on there a BUNCH!

This one,

will not have as much activity.

But I feel too guilty deleting it completly.

Especially if there are still other people out there that can benefit.

I honestly LOVE all of my readers.

I can't explain how helpful and sweet you all are to me.

I don't wanna just abandon you!!

I'm hoping this works.

If not,

I'm going to have to completely quit posting to this blog.

and I will only keep it up until I have it published.

I am grateful for all of the comments and advice received from my last post.

It really has helped me decide...

plus it's alot less painful for me to do it this way. :)

I didn't like my last decision and was having a REALLY hard time with it.

So,
I'm not going to completely delete it.
At least for now.
But if you want to read my personal blog,
comment/email me with your blogger email address
< 3

I think I've made the decision...

2011-01-15T21:48:00.003-07:00

I'm 99.9% sure I'm going to delete this blog...

and create a private one for my family.

I will make that final decision by the end of next week.

I think I'm done dealing with all of the negativity that comes with blogging Publicly.

When I first created this blog,

it was SOO helpful.

A lot of healing took place.

A lot of growing and learning did as well.

But I've noticed,

as time has gone on,

it's turned in to something that I don't really care for.

Something that I don't want to be involved with anymore.

I don't like feeling attacked.

I don't like feeling the way I feel when I decide to "blog stalk",

and discover things in this world that are so evil I get physically ill.

THEN,

when standing up for my beliefs,

beliefs of mine that are SOOO obvious...

I'm criticized for THAT.

A blog is supposed to be like a journal.

It's supposed to be something I can write my thoughts and feelings on.

It's what I made it for in the first place...and it's no longer that.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to constantly stand up for things that seem so obviously right...

but for some reason,

aren't to other people.

I can't live of this world anymore.

I can only live my life,

with my family,

knowing what I know to be true.

I am just so focused on what really matters in my life,

which is my family and what is best for them,

specifically my sweet daughter that will be entering this harsh world soon.

I can't continue to take part in that.

As I write this blog,

I think that I've already made my decision.

It's just getting myself to do it that is difficult.

This blog has been my life for two years.

Almost exactly.

It's going to be really hard to just delete it all and create my own private one.

But I think I've come to the conclusion that it is what's best for my family.

I really appreciate the people that support me.

I really love the people I've met through blogging and I wouldn't change it for the world.

But it's what's best for me and my family.

So it will be deleted by next week.

This is really hard to do and is not an easy decision.

But I believe it is the right one.

Oh.
and
Promoting adoption?
well,
that's being done just wonderfully.

I don't need a blog to do that.

20 weeks

2011-01-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

HALF WAY!!

Yeah,

that's crazy.

I feel like it's taken forever,

but at the same time...

thinking that I only have that same amount of time to go...

seems like it's come really fast!!

We are all ready to meet our little girl,

but then again...we are SOOOO not ready!!

haha

We still need to get into our house,

set up the nursery,

and finish buying all of the stuff we need for her!

Good thing we still have 20 weeks right??

Slowly but surely things are moving along with this house.

Once we get in,

I feel like we are going to have to hit the ground running to prepare for her.

I gotta say,

I don't think I stress more in my life than I do when I'm pregnant.

Maybe it's just the hormones...

but seriously.

I feel like everything is like...WAY worse than it is.

I'm hoping that is normal!

My Aunt MJ told me that fish oil pills or whatever those are...

are supposed to help calm you down a little.

I'm going out with her on Monday and she's going to bring me some.

I'm hoping those work!

I seriously feel so stressed out ALL OF THE TIME!!

It's starting to really make me forget about everything that is working out RIGHT...

because I'm focusing so much on all of the negative.

I hate it.

But at least I'm recognizing it right?

....I think?

haha

Things are going really well for us actually...it's just a lot at once!

The one thing I am more passionate about than Adoption...

2011-01-11T10:21:00.002-07:00

The incredible Stefanie made a post yesterday.

I gotta say it hit home for me more than ANY other post I've ever read.

If you want me to lose complete respect for you in less than 10 seconds,

just say these four word to me:

"I've had an Abortion"

I in no way see my losing respect for you as judgemental.

WHY?

Because if you have had an abortion,

it seems quite obvious that I care more about that Child you've killed more than you.

Which is quite sad.

I can't imagine someone loving my child more than me.

Abortion is the one thing that I can honestly say I am more passionate about than Adoption.

Adoption is the BEST option!

I love it SOO MUCH!

But I would never ever say that someone was wrong,

or being selfish if they chose to single parent.

That is there decision and that is them doing what they think is best.

and it very well could be.

But Abortion??

There is NOTHING anyone can say that will make me think that is a good option to choose.

It is NOT best for that child they are carrying.

That Child isn't even being born!

Instead they are bruttally murduring it.

yeah,

I gotta say,

I don't know anyone that wants to be murdered.

Do you?

has anyone walked up to you and said

"I wish someone would murder me today."

Or better yet,

has anyone ever said

"I wish my mom had just had an abortion when she was pregnant with me."

yeah,

didn't think so.

Before I go on,

I would like to admit that my writing skills have hit the toilet.

I don't know why but I can't seem to write what's on my mind as well as I used to...

I'll call it pregnancy related. ha.

Because of this,

I've decided that I'm just going to show this video.

I am SO passionate about this that the best way for me to state my feeling is by showing this chilling video.

I watched it when I was pregnant with Avery.

I cried all day after watching it.

I couldn't believe that someone would do this to a child.

I am pregnant again.

I gotta tell you now that I can't watch it.

I have a child inside of me right now.

She is moving as we speak.

She is playing around in my belly and getting bigger every day.

It kills me to even entertain the thought that this happens to other baby's like her.

I am getting emotional just typing it.

It kills me to think that when I was pregnant with Avery,

people chose this option over Adoption.

I can't imagine EVER doing this to Avery,

to my CHILD.

To something that is COMPLETELY depending on me...

and this is how you show them that you care?

The video is long, but it's facts. WATCH IT if you don't believe abortion is murder.

After watching this,

you tell me if it's still just TISSUE that you're getting rid of.

19 Week Ultrasound

2011-01-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

I'm 19 weeks.

(almost half way!!)

We had our 19 week Ultrasound on Thursday and things look great!

Kali hates Ultrasounds.

She's turned her back towards us in both of them, little stink!

Nonetheless,

the Ultrasound tech got what she needed and Kali is completely healthy.

and yes it's still a girl!

haha

With my dang belly getting so freaking big,

you'd think that Tyson would have been able to not only feel her kick,

but SEE her as well.

But,

my uterus just likes to grow!

However,

Kali is growing and I'm feeling her more and more.

and YESTERDAY,

Tyson finally felt her kick!

We were waiting to be seated at Chilis,

and were sitting in the front,

and all of the sudden she started moving around a whole bunch.

So I put Tysons hand on my Belly

and he finally felt her!

I was so glad.

:):)

Then,

that night,

I was taking a bath and she started kicking a whole bunch again.

and I actually saw my belly move.

I was so excited.

But it only moved the skin once so Tyson hasn't seen THAT yet.

I felt her move more than I ever had before yesterday

and today I've been feeling her a lot more...

which means she's growing...

which means it's getting closer.

In other news,

I got my hair done on Thursday too.

I changed it a lot...

more than I have in years!

It's closer to my natural color.

I little darker,

but this way I decided that if I'm unable to go get it done again,

(because we are trying to get a house...which we'll know for SURE if we are approved in less than 60 days)

Then it won't be obvious or look bad when my roots come in.

I've had a hard time getting used to it,

but most every else seems to like it...

especially Tyson. and he's really the only person I care about liking it!

19 weeks.

Christmas 2010

2011-01-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a little late doing this.

But

I've been REALLY sick,

as well as my whole family.

Tyson ended up taking me to the instacare on Thursday night.

We were there for 4 long hours

because not only did they put me on a Saline IV,

they gave me TWO bags.

Apparantly I was dehydrated!!

It made me feel way better than I had all day that day,

but turns out,

I have Strep Throat + the Flu.

Not fun considering I'm not over morning sickness yet either.

After the Dr told me he was sure that was what was wrong,

My mom called me the next day saying that my little brother

(who had strep throat a couple of day before,)

was just diagnosed with the Flu as well.

My voice has been gone since Friday.

I really cannot miss anymore work.

I've missed enough with this morning sickness.

I am not going to have ANY time left to take off for Maternity leave!!

Anyway,

enough of that.

Christmas was really fun!

We went to my familys annual Chrismas eve party

and ate lots of food and had a lot of fun there as usual.

My aunt gave us a REALLY comfortable blanket.

After that we went home,

opened our Pj's and sibling presents.

Tyson got a shirt from my little sister

and

I got a gift card for Maternity clothes from my BIL Blake!!

Kali is already getting Christmas presents too!

My mom got her an adorable bracelet and a matching binky holder

and my dad

got her a UofU hat (of course! haha)

On Christmas morning

We opened presents with my family.

I got maternity clothes from Tyson

and

my parents gave us a Wii!!

Afterwards,

we went and visited Dustin Andrea and Avery.

It was the CRAZIEST thing.

I know it hasn't been that long since we've seen Avery,

like less than two months,

but I swear she got a TON bigger all of the sudden.

When we knocked on the door we heard little feet running to answer it.

and When she opened the door,

it was like she had grown two inches.

She's talking like a champ too.

It's so wierd!!

She talks to you in full on sentences.

From what I could tell,

she can pretty much carry on a conversation.

I know she's two,

but it's just wierd!

We also got a video camera,

so while I thought I recorded way more than this,

I'm glad I at least got her saying "Hi"

Even though,

she spoke a LOT more than that.

She's so funny.

Dustin and Andrea gave us a really cute blanket for Kali,

and the game Transamerica

(which is what we played in the hospital while I was in labor with Avery)

and of course Sour Patch Candy!!

For Christmas.

We love them and really enjoyed the visit!

After that,

we went to Tysons Great Grandmas house

and had dinner, opened presents and played games with his whole extended family.

I knew I married into the right family when they pulled out the games.

if you know me at all,

you know I'm a HUGE fan of playing games.

We were spoiled by his family too.

His great grandma gave us candles and $$,

his Grandma and Grandpa gave us a gift card to the movies and $$ as well

and his parents gave us a Chili's gift card.

MMMMmmm!!

We love our families

They spoiled us!

It was so fun

and even though we received so many generous gifts,

we truly felt the true meaning of Christmas

and it was definitely a great first Christmas together!

18 week Dr Appointment and the Best husband ever

2010-12-29T21:57:00.002-07:00

I had my 18 week appointment yesterday

and I have my 20 week Ultrasound next week

(I'll be almost 20 weeks by then)

Everything looked good and good news,

my heartburn has lessened quite a bit within the last month!!

It was pretty bad,

but now it's pretty bearable.

Kali was hiding from the Dr when he tried to find her heartbeat.

It took a bit to find it and I'm not gonna lie,

I panicked just a bit when that happened.

But that's pretty normal. Especially for me.

I seriously worry about EVERYTHING.

It really is such a miracle that my little girl is growing in my belly...

it doesn't feel possible so I constantly worry that something is going to happen to her!

(It's apparant that it doesn't get better with each pregnancy. haha)

So,

things went well with that.

Then,

when I got home, I began feeling incredibely sick.

My little brother just tested positive for strep throat...

so I'm thinking it could be that.

I have a sore throat and everything,

but I also have a headache,

nausea

and extreme congestion.

I'm sure the Nausea is pregnancy related,

and I've had headaches before,

but NOT like this!!

Anyway,

the point is I was feeling sick

(and it's only gotten worse today)

I got home around 4:30,

and Tyson got home at about 5:30.

When he got home,

he seriously waited on me more than ever.

Not only had he been working hard at work all day,

but then he comes home,

makes me a grilled cheese sandwich and soup

tickles my back,

gives my Tylenol,

prepares a bath for me

and makes sure I have everything I need.

Then,

when I remember that I made plans with Keara to play games with her and some other friends,

he drops what he's doing to relax,

and says we should go.

So,

he tells me I look beautiful,
(When I have wet hair flailing everywhere, no make up on and I'm in ugly pj's

It's obvious that's not the case! haha)

He tells me not to change,

and we go play games until we decide we need to go home to go to bed so we won't be tired for work.

THAT was only yesterday.

Today,

he worked way late,

in the freezing cold, on the roof of a store, in a blizzard.

He calls me when he's driving home and knows i'm sick so he picks up some dinner,

brings it to me in bed

and

makes sure I have everything.

Just like he did yesterday.

I absolutely LOVE him.

I definitely don't deserve someone so incredible.

He's gonna be an incredible Dad.

I love you Tyson!

I'll post another pregnancy picture next time :)

Just in time

2010-12-24T11:25:00.001-07:00

I'm back!

Turns out,

the WiFi on my computer decided to break.

Fixing it was cheaper than we thought though.

It just took a bit to figure that out!

and we did.

Just in time for Christmas :)

Not much has been going on with the pregnancy.

Everything it pretty much the same.

Our next Dr Appointment is next week.

For now,

we are going to enjoy the Holidays this weekend!

I'll update more afterwards.

Merry Christmas!

Broken

2010-12-15T15:43:00.000-07:00

So my goal has been to get better at blogging.
I've been HORRIBLE at posting since I got married.

Unfortunately,

my computer decided it didn't want to connect to the internet as of two days ago.

SO,

I am going to have to postpone blogging at least two or three times a week even MORE

until we miraculously figure out how get a new computer.

as a word of advice,

don't EVER get HP,

or even more don't ever get a Windows Vista.

THEY ARE HORRIBLE!!!

I called them yesterday to see if they could help me figure out the problem.

They said in order to help,

they were going to charge me $170.

That's customer service!?!?

SHEESH!!

haha. So yeah.

Enjoy the Holidays everyone!

Hope I can update sooner than later!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

This will be our only Christmas with just the two of us in the family :)

It's a...

2010-12-10T22:27:00.003-07:00

15 weeks.

I really don't look forward to what I'm going to look like at 40 weeks!!

SOO,

We found out what we are having today!

According to the poll on this blog,

the # of votes for a boy won with flying colors!

72% voted BOY!

and

27% voted GIRL!

I myself predicted boy as well.

We got to Fetal Foto's a 6:30

and when they brought us into the room,

I felt like I was going to throw up.

I was SO nervous and SO excited all at once.

Tyson and I had gone out to get Mexican food right before.

I hoped that eating spicy food would make sure the baby wasn't shy enough to hide their Gender!

haha.

Not sure if that was the reason or not,

but once she put the Ultrasound recorder on my Belly,

the first thing the baby showed us was its cute little booty.

Something about seeing our baby for the first time,

on the screen,

caused me to want to cry of amazement.

The Ultrasound tech moved the camera around just a bit and there it was.

The result of our babys Gender.

We are having a.....

GIRL!!!!!!

When this result was made known to me,

I immediately started bawling.

I couldn't BELIEVE IT!

I still am having a hard time coming to terms with it.

We are having a girl!!

I was SO convinced that it was a boy.

She was up on that screen posing for a few minutes,

but kept turning her body so we could only see the back of her.

She started getting a little shy :)

We already had her name picked out.

Our little girl is going to be

Kalista Jean.

We'll call her Kali for short.

So,

Kali Jean

I can't even begin to express my excitement.

Tyson can't stop smiling and we are just the happiest people on the planet right now.

After seeing our sweet baby,

we are actually realizing that we are

HAVING A BABY!!

I'm already so in love with her and can't wait to cuddle her!

When the time is right...

2010-12-05T11:07:00.001-07:00

I have a really good friend.

We met through blogging.

I feel like we've become pretty good friends

especially since we both got married about a month apart.

I'm sure most of you know her or at least her blog.

I've mentioned it before.

Stefanie.

Yesterday she made a post that really affected me.

Please read it before continuing to read this.

I can honestly say I never experienced this desire so strongly.

Granted,

after Avery was born,

I couldn't wait for the day that I could get married and have Children.

But I think after I got my job at the hospital,

that feeling was greatly 'watered down'.

It was still there, just not as strongly.

I think mostly because when I felt like I wanted a baby,

I would just go cuddle one of the babies in the nursery and get my fix for the day.

(I hope that doesn't sound wrong or offensive. I don't know how to explain it any other way. I pretty much just needed to at least cuddle a tiny body in my arms, feed them or change their diaper. After that the intense urge/pain simmered)

This wasn't because I remembered how hard it would be, but because I was able to do just a small amount of what a mother does. Which is what I so badly wanted/want to be.

So,

I did feel this pain to a degree, but I never experienced being married and wanting a baby SO BADLY, but knowing it wasn't the right time.

I haven't told very many people what I'm about to say.

I have told very very few,

but after Stefanie's post, I've decided that I want to share it.

This is why I KNOW that even though it has happened very quickly,

I know that this baby is supposed to come right now.

I KNOW that this pregnancy was no "accident".

A couple of weeks after getting married,

Tyson and I went to the temple.

We went because we wanted to specifically pray about a concern of ours.

We weren't sure what to do as far as housing and most importantly,

his job. I'll leave it at that. It was just something we were stressing about immensely.

While sitting in Celestial room,

we both started praying, pondering and asking about this issue we had.

About five minutes later,

I just couldn't figure out why, no matter what,

I could only think about one thing.

Starting a family.

I thought that maybe, it was just because it's me

(and everyone knows how I feel about wanting to be a mother.)

SO,

I leaned over to Tyson and whispered

"What do you think?"

After sitting there for a few seconds,

her turned to me and whispered

"I don't think we should wait until we're 'ready' to have kids."

keep in mind,

that this was the FARTHEST thing from our minds when we entered the Temple.

I was suprised by his answer because it was EXACTLY what was going through my mind.

On the drive home,

our conversation consisted of one thing

Starting a family.

My concern kept turning to what other people would think.

Yes, I know. That shouldn't matter.

But I worried that we would be seen as irresponsible,

or that people would think I talked Tyson into it because I wanted to "replace" Avery.

It sounds ridiculous,

but sure enough, some have already said this to me.

When I would say this to Tyson, he would say what is so obvious

"who cares?"

He was right.

It's our decision. WE are the only two people that can receive an answer for our family.

When we were almost home,

we decided that yes,

we shouldn't stress so much about birth control or anything.

Two weeks later,

I found out I was pregnant.

I STRONGLY believe that the Lord was preparing us for this moment.

He was telling us that our family needed to start.

This child needs to come now.

I know that because of that experience in the Temple,

I was prepared to see the positive pregnancy test.

That experience helped me to know that we will be able to provide for this baby now.

It helped calm my nerves.

That doesn't mean that I never stress, it just means that I know the Lord will provide a way for us to have what we need to raise this baby.

So,

Stefanie,

although I know that you're aching so immensely to have a baby,

just know that the Lord will tell you when the time is right.

and when the time finally IS,

you will be so happy you waited until you were an eternal family.

I just know it.

and I cannot wait for that day to come for you.

14 Weeks

2010-12-02T23:58:00.001-07:00

I'm hoping it's just my computer because it has a wide screen...but I AM aware that my belly looks way to big for only being 14 weeks.

or maybe it's the shirt.

I'll keep making excuses to feel better.

haha

I had my Dr Appointment today.

I gained 1 pound!!

(haha yeah I was suprised it was only that much as well)

My feeling that this baby is incredibly active

was most likely presumed correct.

When the Dr was getting ready to listen to the heartbeat,

I told him that I've already been feeling the baby kick.

Just little flutters every now and then.

The Dr seemed suprised,

and I could tell he was thinking "that's just gas"

(ha)

But after setting the doppler on my belly,

the baby started kicking the thing like crazy.

I think he believed me after that.

Since I work there,

I listen to the heartbeat when I'm working.

and the last few times I've tried to hear it,

the baby would kick the doppler and move.

So I wouldn't be able to listen to it for very long cause the baby would move out of the way.

I've decided,

whatever the gender

(even though I'm pretty set on what I think it's going ot be)

This baby is going to have Tysons characteristics as far as energy goes.

If any of you know him,

you'd know exactly what I'm talking about!!

Anyway,

Things are going well.

I love seeing Tysons face when he hears the heartbeat.

8 more days until we find out...

BLUE OR PINK!?!

Baby Update

2010-11-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

I received a question on Formspring asking me why I don't update about my pregnancy on my blog.

I wasn't going to for several reasons,

but after a lot of thought,

I've decided that this is my blog.

It's like my journal.

I know I will want to tell my baby about the experience.

So I'm going to start doing so.

and I have a bit to catch up on!!

I know it's still November,

but as of now, I don't have any other "Hoping to Adopt" requests so I figured I should probably start keeping this pregnancy up to date! :)

Since a couple of days before finding out I was pregnant,

I've been sick.

It's gotten worse as time goes on which is completely normal.

I'm told that being REALLY sick like this, means the baby is healthy!

So that's helping me a bit.

It wasn't like this with Avery.

Granted I was sick, but nothing like this.

I have been so sick, that I've lost weight.

I lost 5 pounds at my 10 week appointment.

The Dr. Said that if I lose anymore, he's going to put me on an IV.

I would really prefer to NOT be on an IV, so I've been desperately trying to gain weight

(first time in my life I've had to do that! ha)

Not sure if it's working.

I throw up a lot.

I threw up blood a couple of days ago

because my Esophagus is SOOO raw.

I just started taking medicine for that so I'm hoping that gets better.

We find out on December 10th what the baby is!

As you may or may not have noticed,

There is a poll on the right side of my blog.

VOTE!
I want to see what the results are.

The poll ends the day we find out.

We're so excited!!

I'm now 13 weeks and counting.

I've already starting feeling the baby kick.

Just little flutters every once in a while.

I can't WAIT until it's hard enough to nudge the skin!!

I can't wait until Tyson can feel it!

My next Dr appointment is December 2nd,

so pray that I have at least not LOST more weight!!

Hoping to Adopt: Jared and Mary

2010-11-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

Jared and Mary were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend and have been married for ten years. They have been foster parents to four children and were blessed to adopt their daughter three years ago thanks to a birthmother's love. They are hoping to add more children to their family through another adoption miracle.

Mary is a full-time stay at home mom and would like to go back to school for a Master's Degree in Social Work or Marriage and Family Therapy after her children are raised.

Jared works as an investigator for a government agency and enjoys spendng his free time with his family camping, traveling, and watching movies.

To learn more about their family see their adoption profile HERE

Hoping to Adopt: The Bias Family

2010-11-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

Shawn and Alicia are high school sweethearts!

They've been together for 12 years (married for 9).

Alicia is a stay-at-home mom and a photographer.

Shawn is a police officer.

They have two adorable little boys, Blake (7) and Cole (6).

They live in Utah, but are California natives so they love taking trips to Disneyland and the beach when they can.

Blake and Cole are so excited at the idea of bringing home a new little one into their family. They will be AMAZING older brothers and have been waiting for a long time.

To learn more about this incredible family,

you can visit their blog by clicking HERE

You can also visit their Adoption segment on facebook by clicking HERE!

If you or someone you know are hoping to adopt,

email me at andeeleigh05@hotmail.com

Send me some info about you with pictures,

and I will spotlight you!

Hoping to Adopt: Patrick and Nicole

2010-11-17T09:41:00.001-07:00

(I apologize for the amount of time it took to make this post! My computers charger broke so I had to wait for the new one to come in the mail!)

Patrick and Nicole have been married for nine years.

They were, and still are, high school sweethearts.

Some of their biggest challenges have come with the heartbreak of infertility and longing to have their family grow.

In September 2007 theye found, and hope to continue to find, the answer to their prayers through adoption.

Eli was placed into their lives and they witnessed and felt the Gift of pure love

To read more about Patrick and Nicole,

you can visit their Adoption blog by clicking HERE

or You can view their adoption profile by clicking HERE!

If you or someone you know are hoping to adopt,

email me at andeeleigh05@hotmail.com

Send me some info about you with pictures,

and I will spotlight you!

Hoping to Adopt: Sandra and Ben

2010-11-12T09:44:00.001-07:00

Ben and Sandra have been married for 5 years.

Ben has been working for insight for 6 years now

and Sandra is a Stay at home mom!

Autumn is 4, but will be 5 in September.

She is their little wannabe popstar, always singing and putting on Concerts for them.

Benjamin is a 3 year old who thinks he's a superhero, and changes everyday which one he is.

This cute family is looking for another addition to their family!

They are unable to have anymore kids and would love to have more.

you can read more about them on their blog HERE

or you can find them on facebook HERE

If you or someone you know are hoping to adopt,

email me at andeeleigh05@hotmail.com

Send me some info about you with pictures

and I will spotlight you!

Hoping to Adopt: Tyler and Kenia Ann

2010-11-09T14:29:00.001-07:00

This Adorable couple has been married for 6 years!

They're still so very much in love that their families tease them that they are still newlyweds!

They love being together and have so much fun. They are so excited to add a little one to their lives and their home.

They are currently working on setting up their own Adoption blog.

In the mean time, you can find their profile on itsaboutlove.org or by simply clicking HERE!

If you or someone you know are hoping to adopt,

email me at andeeleigh05@hotmail.com

Send me some info about you with pictures

and I will spotlight you!

Hoping to Adopt: Shelby and Kyle

2010-11-05T22:58:00.000-06:00

Kyle and Shelby have been married for 11 years and have 2 adopted boys, Kaden, 5 and Bosten, 2.

They have open adoptions with their birth moms. (yay!) They live in Utah and are big sports fans.

They Love to travel and Disneyland is their current favorite spot

Shelby and Kyle are both college educated, but Shelby stays home full time with the boys.

For more information about Kyle and Shelby,

you can visit their regular family blog HERE

their Adoption blog HERE

BEAUTIFUL family.

Those kids are adorable.

If you or someone you know are hoping to adopt,

email me at andeeleigh05@hotmail.com

Send me some info about you with pictures,

and I will spotlight you!

Hoping to Adopt: Dustin and Andrea

2010-11-02T18:00:00.003-06:00

I've decided to start off with Dustin and Andrea since THEY are the people I placed my baby with!

Dustin and Andrea have been married for 7 years.

Two years ago, they adopted their first.

all three of them are anxiously looking for the next member of their family.

Andrea is a stay-at-home mom and loves it

and

Dustin is a web developer

Avery LOVES babies and will be an incredible big sister!

To read more about Dustin, Andrea and Avery,

you can visit their Adoption blog HERE

If you haven't read my blog,

READ IT!

It tells you even more about them!

If you or someone you know are hoping to adopt,

email me at andeeleigh05@hotmail.com

Send me some info about you with pictures,

and I will spotlight you!

National Adoption Month.

2010-10-30T11:01:00.000-06:00

November is coming up and we all know what that means...

National Adoption Month!

Like Last year,

this whole month,

I'm going to be making "hoping to adopt posts"

But this time,

I need your help!

if YOU or someone you know is hoping to adopt,

send me an email to andeeleigh05@hotmail.com with,

a few pictures,

information about yourself/or the person you know that is hoping to adopt (With their permission of course),

and anything else you would like to add about your self (i.e. Your blog address, website, Profile etc..)

I LOVE National Adoption Month

and am so excited to meet new couples!!

2??

2010-10-28T17:17:00.002-06:00

Little Avery Leigh is 2 years old today.

(this is probably one of my most scatterbrained posts yet...bear with me. It's exactly how I feel today!)

I've been thinking about what to do for a post all day long,

but couldn't think of anything.

It's hard to explain how I feel about it this year!

Avery two years ago..

Avery Now...

wow.

I had work today.

Since I work at the hospital she was born in,

all I could think about was the events leading to her birth.

It doesn't seem like all of that was two years ago. at all.

This year is also a lot different than last year.

Last year was a lot more difficult.

It was hard for many reasons. I cried of not only remembering her birth,

but also of saddness. I missed her. It was hard.

But this year,

the emotions are different.

I've never once even been sad because I miss her, or because I'm not her mother,

I've only shed tears when thinking about her birth.

It was such an incredibely spiritual time for me.

The Spirit comes back so strongly whenever I think about it.

and this year,

I'm pregnant again.

Tyson and I are Celebrating with her and her family tonight.

words don't describe how grateful I am to Dustin and Andrea for allowing me this.

It's been such an incredible blessing to watch her grow up,

and I don't think I would feel as peaceful and confident about all of this if it wasn't for them allowing me this open adoption. I love them!

I decided that for her 2nd birthday post,

I'm going to post this when she is EXACTLY two years old.

By the minute.

She was born at 5:17.

1717 in military time.

(WHICH,

by the way,

the numbers 7 and 17 have been my lucky numbers since I was 13 years old.

Avery was born at 1717 and our hospital bands,

which had to have matching numbers,

were 7777. :))

Avery is a miracle.

She saved my life.

She's a blessing to so many.

I love her so much.

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY SWEET ANGEL!!

I love you!!

Being a grown up

2010-10-18T22:59:00.001-06:00

So I guess,

Since I'm [supposed to be] a grown up now,

I have apparantly,

subconsciously of course,

placed blogging in the 'non-grown up' category.

I'm totally SLACKING in this area.

I love blogging,

but sometimes,

it's a huge pain!!

One reason,

because whenever I read someone else's blog I think to myself,

"how do they make their blog so cute? I want that."

and then I become discouraged.

haha, but lusting is bad.

So I will work on that :S

Here is an update on married life:

We are still trying to qualify for a house we found.

It's taking a while because,

since Tyson pretty much changed his entire identity,

he has absolutely no credit.

Which means,

we have to find a lender that is willing to just go off of my credit.

Which is kinda difficult if you've ever bought a house before.

BUT,

since we could no longer tolerate the HORRIBLE management at farmgate/timbergate apartments in Herriman Utah (i'm telling you the name of the apartment complex as a warning. do NOT consider living there. They are horrible),

hahaha..but seriously.

My wonderful parents,

have agreed to let us stay in the mother-in-law apartment in their basement until we can qualify for that house/find another apartment if we cannot qualify.

So,

this weekend we moved in.

We're hoping to get in to a house quickly, but you never know!

Which is another reason we moved in with my parents instead of getting another apartment.

We don't know how long it will take and we don't want to sign any contracts.

We also got our pictures back from our wedding.

If you're friends with me on facebook,

they're all there.

If not,

I posted a few here.

LOVE this picture. He is one years old and going to be an uncle just a month after turning two!!

Need a flower lady? Mine was completely AMAZING!

My beautiful Flower Girl

LOVEDDD our cake!!! I've got her number too!

Yes we did jump in the pool!!

Sorry such a short random post!

I have to work tomorrow and it's late :)

October.

2010-10-07T19:36:00.003-06:00

This time of month brings back so many memories and emotions.

Everytime I go outside,

I am reminded of two years ago...

When Avery was almost born.

I am overcome with such a peaceful, quiet, sacred feeling everytime I feel the cool air hit my face.

I want to cry when I smell the crisp fall weather settling in.

The way I felt at this time two years ago,

is unexplainable.

I will not ever be able to find the right words for it.

The Spirit was with me so strongly.

The things that happened during the month of October two years ago were the most sacred, spiritual, hardest things in my life.

It proved to me how strong I can be when I have to be.

It proved to me how much the Lord loves me.

It proved to me that with the Lords help, I can honestly do anything.

When the weather starts to change from summer to fall,

I feel it almost immediately.

The peaceful feeling I had with me during October of 2008,

is brought back whenever I walk outside and I just want to sit outside, close my eyes and remember it all.

Last year,

this feeling was hard for me.

Even though it was a peaceful feeling,

all I could think about was what a difficult time it was.

My heart still ached tremendously.

Now,

it's a different feeling.

I want to, and sometimes do, cry when I feel the cool fall air on my face,

but it's not of pain.

It's of peace.

It's of amazement.

It's of LOVE.

COMPLETE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

This year,

I am pregnant again.

BUT,

Instead of the end of my pregnancy this month,

I'm at the beginning,

and

Instead of carrying someone else's child,

I am carrying MINE.

MY CHILD.

Although I believe that hormones have a lot to do with crying so easily this month,

I don't think it's JUST hormones.

This month will always be the most life changing month of my life.

October is always a month I look at with such peace.

My best friend passed away this month,

and I placed the one person I loved more than anything,

with another family.

It's something I will always always remember this way.

whenever the weather changes to fall,

I don't think I will ever look at again as I did before 2008.

Sick Night

2010-09-25T22:29:00.001-06:00

Last night at about one in the morning,

I woke myself up because I was crying in my sleep.

As I sat up to recognize my surroundings,

a wave of nausea came over me and I quickly laid back down.

Tyson was up, sitting next to me in a split second.

He asked me if I was okay.

I could hardly speak because I knew that if I did, I would throw up.

After taking a couple of minutes to breath,

I told him that I was feeling really sick.

"What can I get you?"

He asked me in the sweetest voice ever.

I just looked at him again, trying to catch my breath again...

and explained that I had heartburn.

He was up in a second

and came back almost immediately with Ginger ale and tums.

After taking a few sips of the ginger ale and popping a couple tums in my mouth,

the nausea began to subside.

While I laid down trying to fall back asleep, trying to ignore the want to puke,

Tyson laid down besided me,

and tickled my back until I fell asleep.

This wasn't the first time I've been sick.

I was sick before I even found out I was pregnant.

But it was probably the worst it's been.

I'm not complaining.

In fact,

I'm SO GRATEFUL.

Being sick is proving to me that I'm pregnant.

if I wasn't sick,

I think I'd be worried.

I'm SO GRATEFUL for this experience

and

I'm SO GRATEFUL for my husband.

I have an incredible husband.

Someone that is there for me when I need him.

When I was carrying Avery,

I didn't have someone to tickle my back as I tried to fall asleep after waking up sick.

I didn't have someone there for me to grab me tums, or something to help my nausea.

I did have Dustin and Andrea.

They were there for me as much as they could be,

and were SOO AMAZING with helping me with anything they could during the pregnancy.

but having a husband,

that can be there when I need something in the middle of the night,

That can help me when I'm sick,

that's how it should be.

I'm so so grateful for him.

I'm so grateful for this child.

I'm so grateful to the Lord for giving me them both.

I'm so grateful for Adoption.

For it tought me to be grateful.

I know for a fact that if I didn't experience Adoption,

I wouldn't appreciate these experiences,

the small things,

and being sick...

Like I should.

I blame Nuva Ring!! :)

2010-09-21T23:19:00.001-06:00

This post is officially life changing.

This post may also be a little TMI for some,

but I have to include it all so that it's understandable.

So,

let's go back to about June of this year.

I had been to my Doctor appointment and we had decided on the Nuva Ring for birth control,

and

I started it just a couple of weeks later.

At the beginning of August,

I took it out for my period,

and

a week later,

I replaced it with another one.

That week I began spotting.

That spotting turned in to bleeding.

That bleeding turned into..bleeding harder than even a normal period.

So,

I began freaking out and called the Doctor on Call.

He told me to take out the nuva ring and he would call in something to stop the bleeding.

Well,

I went to take out the Nuva ring...and it wasn't there.

SO,

I called the Doctor back and he told me to make an appointment with my doctor as soon as I could.

When I went to the Doctor,

he told me that it probably fell out with the bleeding.

HOW WOULD I NOT NOTICE THAT!?!?

Anyway,

at this point,

it's a week before the wedding...

I discussed my options with the Doctor and he said that because it was so close, nothing would be very effective.

SO,

we decided that we would just use Condoms until I started my period again.

THEN,

I would try the Nuva Ring again.

SO,

for the first month of our marriage,

we were going to use Condoms.

YEAH RIGHT!!

a whole month?

who were we kidding?

haha.

So,

we pretty much decided to risk it for a month.

Well,

Yesterday morning,

before I went to work,

I took a pregnancy test.

Here was the result:

My reaction was not how I expected it to be.

I started smiling and I couldn't stop!

(I was expecting more of a HOLY CRAP THAT WAS FAST reaction ;))

It was 5:30 in the morning,

but I didn't care.

I ran in to Tyson and and woke him up and made him see it for himself.

After that,

I couldn't stay with him.

I had to go to work!!

The whole day at work was crazy!

I couldn't concentrate and all I could think of was how we were going to tell our parents!

After much help from my co-workers,

we decided to give them a bouquet of flowers, with a card with baby footprints on them,

saying congratulations Grandma and Grandpa!

and then the pregnancy test.

It worked out pretty well!!

We recorded it,

but for some reason, my computer won't accept the memory card it's on.

Hopefully I'll figure it out eventually.

So,

The point of the story,

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!!

Can you believe it??

We hardly can!!

According to the 'due date finder' or whatever it's called,

(I got it as a gift when I was pregnant with Avery,)

We are due May 30th!

I honestly don't think it's hit me yet.

We found out we were pregnant on our one month anniversary....!!!

Happy Birthday

2010-09-18T11:23:00.002-06:00

Tyson and me on his last Birthday we spent together before his mission.

Today is Tyson's Birthday!

He is 22.

Happy Birthday Babe!!

I love you and I'm so lucky to spend the rest of Eternity with you!! :)

CRAZY BUSY!

2010-09-15T09:22:00.001-06:00

I have completely abandoned my blog lately.

I have hardly had any time so, my apologies!! :D

So we've been married for almost a month

and it only feels like a week!!

We have been so incredibely blessed through all of this and I really don't know how I'm going to thank everyone.

We weren't sure how we were going to afford everything we needed for our house,

but after the wedding we discovered that we didn't need to purchase ANYTHING that we needed.

It's amazing how generous people are and I am SO GRATEFUL!

We are currently looking for a house.

Right now we're living in an apartment,

and feel like we're just throwing our money away!

So we'll see how this all plays out.

I will update soon with pictures from the wedding!

MARRIEEDD!!!

2010-08-29T13:33:00.050-06:00

I married my soul mate on August 20th, 2010.

It was THE BEST day of my life.

The day started off amazing.

I woke up around 6:30,

and left for my hair appointment.

From there,

Tyson and my AMAZING Maid of Honor Keara

met me and we drove up to the Salt Lake Temple.

Because our Ceremony wasn't until 1:40,

We decided to do our pictures around temple square before so that we could still have our Luncheon before the reception.

(which, by the way, I would HIGHLY recommend)

We had our Photogapher and Videographer there at the same time

and I was so happy to see how well they worked together.

I LOVED it

It couldn't have been better!

Unfortunately, we don't have our pictures from the wedding day back yet,

but FORTUNATELY,

our amazing videographer posted our same day edit on Facebook,

so,

I'm posting it here:

Andee & Tyson SL Same Day Edit from Matthew Baker on Vimeo.

They did SUCH a good job!

I love them.

After the pictures,

we were able to go right in to the temple.

I can't even explain how amazing it was.

The happiness I felt while I was in there,

while being sealed to my Husband FOREVER,

was so amazing.

Words cannot express what an incredible experience it was.

After we were married,

we were able to go out for pictures with our family.

That probably took a total of an hour at the most and then we were able to get dressed,

and go right to the luncheon we had at the park.

The Reception was at 7 pm in my parents backyard.

Ask Tyson his favorite part,

and he'll tell you....

We jumped in the pool at the very end.

It was WAY better than I thought.

we were able to leave right after that.

My amazing aunt MaryJane, sent us to Park City until Sunday morning,

and then we went to MAUI until Friday Morning.

It was amazing.

I wouldn't change a THING about our wedding day.

I'm SO SO SO grateful for all of the amazing people in our life that helped make my day the best EVER!

Including the people that just came to the reception.

we were SO SPOILED through all of this.

We probably paid for 10% of the things we have been so very blessed with.
We have our apartment (which obviously we are paying for ;)!!)
We have everything we need already.
We received SO MUCH money in cash/gift cards,
that it paid for our entire honeymoon.
AND for all of the other things we needed for our apartment
(and there was quite a few things)

Avery was my Flower girl!

I will have those pictures posted when they come back,

there ARE a few on Dustin and Andrea's blog though :)

She was SO adorable.

I'm so grateful to them for letting her be part of the wedding.

I never posted my Bridals.

We got them done on July 21st at the Great Salt lake.

Tyson came cause I wanted him to be in most of them..cause a marriage equals TWO..not ONE!!

So here's just a few of those:

(I'll post the ones from our actual WEDDING DAY when I get them back!! :D)

Here's to an amazing forever with my incredible Husband.
I LOVE YOU TYSON!!

10 days!!!

2010-08-10T13:16:00.001-06:00

I can't believe there's only 10 days left until our wedding!!

We've gotten a lot done...

but we still have a LOT to do.

I never have time for anything anymore.

I can't even go to work without stressing about everything I need to do when I go home.

But it's okay,

cause it's going to be worth it!

We got our apartment :)

Tyson moved into it about two weeks ago.

I LOVE it.

It has two bedrooms and two bathrooms

and is furnished with:

a washer and dryer,

a diswasher,

and of course a microwave and fridge!

We have a pantry and both bedrooms have walk-in closets.

I'll post pictures sometime!

I'm getting my endowments out THIS SATURDAY too :)

I hope that most everyone can come to the reception!

It's in my parents backyard.

I'll get better at blogging once things have settled down a bit after the wedding ;)

PLUS,

there will be lots of pictures!!

Friends with my mom on FB?

2010-08-01T20:00:00.002-06:00

If so,

you may have seen this post from her:

"Bye Bye Andee Aguirre...hello Andee O*****"

[I thought it'd be best to leave out the new last name...since this blog IS public!!]

and then her response to the comments saying:

"I am referring all questions to Andee and Tyson...haha"

So,

I thought that now would probably be the best time for a blog update explaining this.

YES,

it is true.

My last name is changing...and my fiance's name is also changing!

HAHA confused?

allow me to explain.

Ernesto is amazing.

I have said this many many times before, but I haven't really explained some of the reasons why.

When he was 11 years old,

him and his 5 other siblings were pulled out of there homes and placed into foster care.

They seperated everyone but his two younger sisters.

They were pretty young and were adopted together.

From what I understand, they converted to the church shortly after.

Ernesto and his two brothers were all seperated.

He had an older sister that was pretty much on her own at this point.

him and his younger brother 's' went from Foster home to Foster home.

After about 4 years of this,

Ernesto was placed in a boys group home since they couldn't find another place for him to go.

His younger brother 's' was placed with foster parents named 'M' and 'R'.

after 's' told 'M' and 'R' about his older brother Ernesto,

they decided to go find him so that 's' could have his older brother back.

When they asked him to come and live with them and his little brother 'm',

of course he said yes and him and 's' were reunited.

When 'M' and 'R' introduced Ernesto to the church, he became immediately interested

and was converted to the church at age 16.

I met him about a year later.

At age 18,

Ernesto and 'M' got in a huge fight.

he was a teenager so obviously he wasn't thinking clearly and he left 'M' and 'R's' home.

He had become very close to my young woman leader through me so he went straight to her home.

They took him in for 8 months while he prepared for his mission.

In the mean time, 'M' and 'R' wanted him home to them. They ached for him to come home because he was their son. Although it wasn't official, they still saw him as their son.

He loved this family he lived with. They have become very close friends through all of this, even more than before. He left for his mission in April of 2008.

While he was out, 'R' wrote him constantly. He began looking forward to all of her letters and started realizing while on his mission that 'R' was his mother and had been from the start.

During his 2 year mission, 'M' and 'R' adopted 's'.

When Ernesto came home from his mission, him and 'M' and 'R' went to the temple.

They all felt this day like Ernesto belonged in their family...but they did not communicate this to each other...

until last Wednesday the 21st.

Ernesto and I were talking. He was talking about how much he wanted Eternal parents. We were getting married so he was going to be sealed to me and we were going to be our own Eternal family. But who wouldn't want parents to be in their Eternal family?

So, after a long talk, he decided that he was going to ask 'M' and 'R' if they would adopt him.

he did it that night.

The second he brought up adoption, 'R' started crying.

They started telling him how long they have been waiting for him to ask this.

They couldn't contain their excitement.

SO, while they were talking, Ernesto decided that because his last name was changing,

he might at well change his first name too! (he wanted it to go with the last name)

I am SO excited for them!

The Adoption was finalized on Friday!!

He was going to come to the FSA Conference with me...but we decided his adoption was a little more important!!! haha.

I was extremely disappointed that I couldn't be there. They were happening at the same time.
But at least I was promoting what an amazing thing adoption is!

I LOVE ADOPTION!!!

As of Friday, Ernesto is not longer Ernesto.
He is now Tyson :)

He loves that name and I love it too.

I think he even looks like a Tyson.

It's really hard for me to get used to calling him Tyson...but I'll get it eventually.

SO! If you're coming to the wedding, please don't be confused when some stuff says Ernesto and some says Tyson...we had the announcements and sign in book made before all of this happened!!

So yes,

my fiance's name is different.

but NO, I'm not marrying someone else!!

haha ever.

FSA 2010

2010-07-14T11:37:00.000-06:00

Are you going to the FSA conference this year?

I hope so!!

Regster online HERE if you haven't already.

(birthparents admission is free)

and I would love if you came to the "Why Adoption?" class at 9:30.

(first class on the first day)

I'm going to be one of the presenters.

I'd love to have your support..since I've never done this before!

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!!

June -- Funny Conversations

2010-07-06T09:00:00.001-06:00

Cassidy - Cathy, you have beasts as kids

Mom - I know Cassidy, I know. It's beauty and the beasts

Emilee - Mom, you had to ADOPT a child to even get your eye color...

Me - yeah...and you had to adopt two to even get that.

Mom - What does that have to do with anything?

***

Me: Mom you have the wierdest facebook profile

Mom: Why

Me: this quote you have "As I lay in bed at night staring up at the stars, I can't help but wonder "where in the heck is the ceiling"

Mom: It's the story of my life! Seriously. Everytime I go to bed, I lay down and go "Ahh" and then I open my eyes and think "wait a minute..."

***

(While writing our guest list for the wedding)

Mom: did you invite Dudu?

Ernesto: What did you just say?

Mom: haha it's my Grandma

Ernesto: You call her Dudu?

Mom: Yes, someone called her that once and it just stuck

Ernesto: Bless her heart.

***

SORRY! Not very many funny ones this month...but only because I forgot to write them down!!

The Proposal: Our Story.

2010-07-04T21:45:00.002-06:00

So,

We decided to get married after picking out the ring.

However,

I did not get the ring until yesterday!

(now you know why I didn't want to wait until I received the ring to start planning the wedding!)

It was being custom made.

So that was going to take a couple of weeks.

PLUS,

We talked about it and we didn't want to have to make payments on the ring.

He wanted to pay for it in cash.

and because I wanted a summer wedding, with the reception in my backyard and all,

it would have been FOOLISH to wait for him to propose!

SO,

here we are,

47 days before the wedding,

and I FINALLY have my ring!!!!!

Anyway,

To the story.

I was at work on Friday.

At about 5:00, I called Ernesto.

I missed him and because I didn't get off work until 7,

I wanted to talk to him on the phone.

Here's how our conversation went:

Him: Hello?

Me: Hi, whatcha doin?

Him: Driving home

Me: From where? I thought you got off work at 4:30

Him: I did

Me: ...okay...then why aren't you home yet?

(he works about 3 minutes away from his house)

Him: (obviously smiling) ...Don't worry about it,

Me: haha DUH!!

....

I figured,

after this phone call,

(he's not very good at lying/keeping secrets! haha)

That he OBVIOUSLY was on his way home from picking up my ring.

(which made me EXTREMELY excited. I have been waiting for this thing for like...EVER it feels like!!)

So,

out of excitement,

I texted my mom telling her that I was 99% sure he had my ring,

explaining why I felt this way.

About 45 minutes later,

and after telling my co-workers how anxious I was,

he called me back.

When I answered he immediately said:

"Hey, I'm about 99% sure you're WRONG about me having your ring"

I was SOOO Mad at my mom!!

So,

when I got home from work,

I decided to pretend that I completely forgot about the whole ring conversation...

but then he brought it up!

he did a pretty good job at making me believe he didn't have it this time.

He told me that he did drive out there,

but they were closed.

He said he called the guy and he said that because of the Holiday weekend,

they would be closed until Tuesday.

I was pretty disapointed about this.

I told him to just call him and tell him that Monday was my birthday and he really needed to propose before then...and that my coworkers told me that I couldn't come back to work without a ring. All of this was true.

haha.

But I knew that it wasn't possible at this point, so I just accepted the fact that he wasn't going to get it until at least Tuesday.

Well,

about 5 minutes later,

He walked up, kissed me, said he couldn't lie to me and that he had the ring.

haha,

because I'm a brat,

I was SOO Mad at him for telling me the truth!

I was like "this is the one time you can lie to me...DANG IT!!"

(yes, I do understand that I'm a brat)

So, for the next almost 24 hours,

I worked on trying really hard to forget that I knew he had the ring.

I wanted it to be a suprise proposal.

On July 3rd,

We were celebrating the 4th.

We had a bbq and then we were going to go to Riverton park to watch the Fireworks.

While we were eating,

my mom says:

"So Andee, we were thinking of hiking up Ensign peak tomorrow. What do you think?"

I sat there for a second.

This was totally obvious.

I didn't think it could BE any more obvious.

Why would we go hiking?

On a Sunday for that matter?

After Church??

Our family doesn't really do that..haha

At first I oppossed.

being the brat that I am (again),

I didn't want to KNOW that he was going to propose.

But,

then I started feeling guilty so I agreed with it and that was that.

About an hour later,

I went up to my Aunt MaryJane and told her to try to talk Ernesto in to proposing that night instead because I really wanted the ring and I knew that he was going to propose when we were hiking anyway.

She laughed,

told me I was a brat,

said no,

and I just decided to give up.

About 2 hours later,

we left to the fireworks.

It was my family,

My aunt MaryJane and Uncle Scott,

My Cousin Brandon and his kids,

and my sisters friends.

My Aunt found an AWESOME place right in the front behind the line we couldn't cross.

We had the front row of the fireworks.

The fireworks were supposed to start at 10:00.

At about 9:15,

I decided that I should probably run to the bathroom before the show started.

I told him this,

he said okay and I began walking.

On the way out of the park to the gas station behind us,

I ran into my cousin.

I started talking to him for a sec, then looked back at Ernesto who was motioning for me to hurry.

I thought he was being a little strange,

but just turned and proceeded to walk to the bathroom.

When I got into the gas station,

I saw the line.

It was WAY long just to get to the bathroom and I didn't want to wait that long..by myself.

Yeah yeah I know,

I'M A BRAT!!

So,

I decided to just go back to our blanket.

When I got there,

I told ernesto the line was too long,

then my Little brother Told me he REALLY had to go to the bathroom.

Well,

HE was a good friend to stand in line with,

and it was only like 9:30,

So I told my mom that I would just take him and we would go together.

While I was explaining this to her,

The people came on the speakers and began stating the rules.

He talked about how we can't cross the line and blah blah blah.

I wasn't paying attention because I was too busy listening to my mom tell me that it was too dark and she didn't want me taking him to the bathroom....

I was REALLY annoyed at this point.

I was like "What!?? I'm like...21 mom! You don't trust me to take your 5 year old to the bathroom!?!?"

She just responded "not right now".

I sat down,

rolled my eyes

and began scooting in to cuddle with Ernesto,

when the guy on the Intercom said...

"Can we get Ernesto Aguirre up here please?"

I looked at him as he stood up,

then at my parents....

at this point,

I started realizing what was going on!

I started laughing as he walked the VERY long walk up to the Microphone and Speakers.

When he got there,

He said "Andee can you come up here please."

I didn't know what to do at first.

my shoes were off so I stood up and looked at my family.

I knew my face was red at this point, and I began trying to get my shoes on.

My parents started yelling no and said to just go up there.

So,

I ducked under the "do not cross" line,

just as a Golf Cart came up.

the guy looked at me and said "here, let me give you a ride"

I got in the car and him and the four golf carts behind him followed as we drove up to my Sexy fiance.

When I got out,

I was shaking of...I guess...nervousness??

haha

Hundreds of people were watching!!

When I walked up to him,

he began speaking in the microphone.

I wish I could write what he said word by word,

but I can't because I was too busy staring in his chocolate brown eyes.

All I know is that he said the cutest things ever.

Then,

he got down on his knee pulled out the most beautiful ring ever and asked me to marry him.

I was so mesmorized by the GORGEOUS ring he had in front me that I said yes quietly.

He asked me to say it in the microphone and my response was

"Uh, YEAH!"

haha.

I guess I didn't sound very enthused about it.

but I WAS!!

So if you were there,

I'm sorry that I sounded so unenthusiastic!

haha I really was SOO in love with my ring that I couldn't speak.

When I finally got the beautiful ring on my finger and kissed him,

they gave us a golf cart and told him he could drive us back.

haha it was the most

awesome,

sweetest,

BEST way to propose to a bratty girl that was pretty much impossible to hide things from.

Cause I honestly had NO idea he would do it that way!!

I love him

and my ring...

is BEAUTIFUL!

The picture,

is what we gave them to make it look like...but we added our personality to it.

The picture doesn't do it justice AT ALL.

This the PRETTIEST ring I've ever seen in my whole life.

I LOVE it.

By far the PRETTIEST RING IN THE WORLD!!

Afterwards,

my mom did end up letting my take my brother to the bathroom.

and I guess the reason Ernesto was motioning for me to hurry the first time I tried to go, is because they were going to call him up any second.

So the second I was out of sight he ran as fast as he could up to the guys and told them to wait. haha. again. I'm a brat!!

OH and if you didn't figure it out,
Hiking up Ensign Peak was a Decoy...
They know me well. haha

SNEAKK PEEEKK

2010-06-24T17:51:00.002-06:00

I only put one on my facebook.

But I like my blog more than facebook.

So I'm putting a couple more on here.

Here is an engagement picture Sneak Peek. :)

We already chose the announcement pictures.

So the announcement pictures aren't on here...

photos by AndreaTuftPhotography

Isn't my fiance hot?

I can't get enough of him.

Protected

2010-06-24T16:25:00.005-06:00

Today while at work,

I received a call from Ernesto,

15 minutes before I was supposed to get off work.

Here is about how the conversation went down:

Him: "Hey, I'm probably not going to be getting off work on time tonight."

Me: "Why?"

Him: "because, there was an explosion in one of the apartment complex's. The one that we just left 15 minutes ago."

[he does maitenance at apartments...he also had nothing to do with this explosion. He was painting some walls in an empty unit when he was there]

Me: "What!? how!?"

Him: "I don't know what happened, but people got hurt. I saw a little kid run out with his flesh burned off"

Me: "oh my gosh!"

Him: "yeah I have to go. it's crazy here, but I love you. I'll talk to you later"

I was freaking out at this point and I had a hard time focusing on my job.

I almost started crying on the drive home.

Especially because I couldn't get ahold of anyone in my family.

When Ernesto finally called me back,

He explained to me that they think there might have been a gas leak, but they weren't sure about the cause.

He said that there were a couple people life flighted to the hospital and that there were only a couple of units that had been affected.

I calmed down a little after that.

I can't believe how lucky Ernesto was.

If he hadn't left the apartment when he did,

he could have been injured.

If he had gone BACK like he had been planning to,

He could have been injured.

I know that wasn't just coincedence.

I know he was being protected.

I know that the Lord watches over us.

That is proof.

Please pray for that mother and her son that were taken to the hospital.
I can't even imagine.

I just had to let off some of my thoughts.

That is all :)

**UPDATE: they found the reason for the fire. The little boy was playing with matches while his mom was asleep. The explosion was probably from all of the pressure.**

I blame him!

2010-06-17T00:09:00.000-06:00

It's funny.

I've really had a hard time blogging lately.

You can't blame me though.

I'm planning my wedding and all of my free time consists of...Ernesto.

I don't have TIME to blog!

I have to say though,

I was telling him tonight about all the bad luck that I had when I was dating.

and remembered,

for the second time since he came home,

WHY I had such luck.

I didn't date one decent guy since Before Kris.

(and I started dating Kris right before Ernesto left on his mission)

I will just give you the first letters of their names while I tell this story...since these are not good things,

but I will go into a little detail of the history.

L-- The first guy I dated after Avery was born. She was four months old. We dated for approximately 3 weeks. My roomates, specifically ONE, HATED him. I couldn't figure out why at first, but quickly realized what kind of guy he was and broke it off. The way he treated me afterwards wasn't what I would call nice. I ended up crying because of it, but quickly realized he wasn't worth it and moved on.

J-- He was very soon after L. We became pretty serious. I thought I was in love with him. We went ring shopping on the 4th of July, then, on the 5th of July (my birthday), he Broke up with me. I was COMPLETELY heartbroken. He was the first guy I've ever had break up with me and I don't think that helped the situation at all. However, now that I look back at it, I realize I only dated him because I wanted to be married. I thought that once I was married, dealing with Avery would be easier. I realized a few months after we broke up that this was not true. I also realize now that I was DEFINITELY not in love with him. Not even close. He wasn't my type, and he has his priorities messed up. I feel sorry for him, but I hope that one day he can figure it out. I really do.

A-- After J, I quit dating. I was done with guys and planned on just never dating again. I didn't want a boyfriend. I knew that one day I wanted to be a mom, but for about 8 months, I didn't think it was worth the pain. I went on a few blind dates here and there, but never really made an effort with them. Then, one day my aunt said some things that made me decide that I should probably start dating again...even if I wasn't ready to get married, dating was the only way I would find my future husband when the time was right. SO, I put myself out on the market. A, was the first guy I started dating after this. I kept telling him that I didn't want anything serious, but he didn't get the hint. I told him that I wanted to date other people, but he still didn't get the hint...THEN, the day before Ernesto came home from his mission...was the day I found out he was coming home. A asked me if he should be worried, since Ernesto was an Ex and immediately my response was "NO!" I didn't think there was anything there between me and him anymore so I seriously didn't think he had anything to worry about. Obviously I was wrong. A didn't take it well. I didn't end things very well with him, but I know that he is find now so it's okay :)

I'm sure you're wondering why I tell you this.

WELL,

Ernesto told me that while he was on his mission, he prayed that I wouldn't get married while he was out. He PRAYED for this. I blame HIM for my bad luck while he was gone. Seriously. I BLAME HIM!!

haha.

He's sitting here,

waiting for me to stop typing cause he wants to cuddle.

SO please excuse me,

I would like to cuddle with my future husband.

But,

Blame him for my bad luck these last two years.

Because it's seriously ALL HIS FAULT!!!!

It's okay though.

Cause in the end, he was worth it!

I'm slow...I know

2010-06-09T00:08:00.000-06:00

Sorry ...I know I take forever to blog lately.

LIFE IS BUSY!!

Okay,

So we're getting married August 20th.

We seriously considered waiting until next summer...but then I decided that's stupid.
I don't want this extravagant wedding.

I just want to get it over with.

I HATE planning weddings.

They're WAY too stressful thanks :)

Then we thought maybe we'd wait until like October or November.

That's about as long as I think engagements should be.

But,

I don't want it to be cold!

August is the warmest month here in Utah.

I want a backyard reception.

So,

we're doing it in August.

for the right reasons.

If he had come home from his mission in January,

The wedding would have STILL been in the summer.

July or August.

Just so you all know.

We're getting married in the Salt Lake temple.

That is also something that took us a while to decide on.

It was originally Oquirrh Mountin Temple...

But my whole life I've imagined myself getting married in the Salt lake Temple.

and Ernesto doesn't care either way.

So we changed it :)

I'm Just SOO thankful that we CAN get married in the Temple.

It's a goal that I've had since I was a little girl.

That will NOT change.

It's important to us both and it will stay that way!

I know a lot have asked for a picture of us.

I put one up a couple of posts before...but none of you knew that was him!!

So,

I'll add some others.

We tried playing in the rain a couple of days ago.

That's what these are from.

(Sorry...this one is kinda blurry)

May - Funny Converstions

2010-06-05T18:17:00.001-06:00

This is a little late!

ha but it's better late than never right!?

***

Ernesto: Hello?

Me: Hi are you on your way yet?

Ernesto: Are you guys ready for us already?

Me: Yeah, it will be ready in like 10 minutes

Ernesto: Okay we're just leaving the couch.

Me: ....The couch?

Ernesto: Yes

Me: (Laughing) You're just leaving the couch. You're not just leaving the house, you're leaving the couch.

Ernesto: (also laughing)(to someone else) No, she's laughing at me (to me) We have to stop at the bank and then we'll be there.

Natalie: (yelling so they can hear) Hurry up losers!

Me: Natalie says hurry up...but I'm not going to say what she called you cause it was rude.

***

Through text:

Me: Mckenna! Happy Birthday!

Mckenna (who just turned 12): Thank you!

Me: I wanna take you out for this. When the Heck are you free?

Mckenna: Idk i'm pretty booked. lol I know a lot of people. maybe next week

Me: hahaha you're pretty booked? I feel honored to know you. So...how about next tuesday?

Mckenna: Fo SHO! After school?

Me: Sounds good! What time are you done with school?

Mckenna: I get home about three

Me: Okay let's do...four or five?

Mckenna: okay

Me: You ARE aware that you just Butt called me right?

Mckenna: no i am not lol sorry darlin

Me: Oh well. I guess I'm used to it :( this happens regularly man

Mckenna: hahaha I'll "accidentaly" call you soon.

Me: fine.

***

Trying on wedding dresses:

[Emilee and Cassidy are both zipping the dress up]

Me: I'm not even sucking in with this one

Emilee: Well maybe you should! I'm getting blisters!

sad huh? hah

***

In the Burger King drive through:

Mom: Emilee, what do you want honey?

Emilee: Well, they don't have light lemonade, so I guess I'll just get...water

Mom: Okay can we get one Ice water.

(while waiting for our food)

Emilee: They're probably gonna give me a little tiny cup. They ALWAYS do that. Mom will you ask them what size it is?

Mom: (to the BK Worker) What size is the water?

(BK worker shows us the cup)

Mom: Is that good Emilee?

Emilee: Oh my! That's the kids size. Seriously (Mimicking the fast food restaurants everywhere) 'can I get a Diet Coke?' 'Would you like a Biggie or extra Biggie?' ...'Can I get a water?' 'Would you like a Extra Small or Extra Extra Small?' This is why America is Fat!!

***

Driving

Cassidy: What is in the guys hair!?

We all look ahead of us

Me: Is that a napkin??

Mom: (laughing) No! That's a toupe (sp?)

***

Cassidy: I'm so sad I failed my Audit

Emilee: Mom, Cassidy let Timmy Drown!

Me: Who the heck is Timmy?

Cassidy: a Dummy at work (she's a lifeguard)

(all of us laughing)

Mom: You said that WAY too casually

Emilee: Well it's okay, yesterday she made up for it by giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to an ant.

Me: What?

Emilee: yeah, She put it in the hot tub and then felt bad so got it out with the net thing

Cassidy: I'm the one that put it in there! I just kept remembering. I knew it was small but I still remembered, 30:2!

Emilee: She was freaking out and wanted to save it

Cassidy: yeah and then I sprayed Victoria's Secret Perfume on it.
(we were all laughing hysterically for about 20 minutes)

Okay, here we go!!

2010-05-23T19:57:00.003-06:00

Let me tell you the story.

It's kinda long, but it's a good story.

A story that I will tell forever :)

I met him my Senior year of high school.

He had been in my ward for a year at this point but I never paid much attention.

I don't know why, but I didn't.

The first time I actually saw him,

I liked him.

The first time I actually looked at him,

I wanted him.

His name?

Ernesto :)

It wasn't until our Senior year that I actually started talking to him though.

We were at a mutual activity.

I started the conversation.

It was lame. He remembers how it went,

but I'd prefer to block it out ;)

By February of 2007,

we were dating.

We dated throughout the rest of high school

We walked at graduation together.

Then,

in about July of 2007,

I broke it off.

He had a mission that he needed to prepare for.

I wanted him to focus on his mission.

I felt like dating more,

and I didn't want to distract him anymore from his mission than I already was.

So I broke up with him.

In late September,

I began hanging out with Kris.

and in October,

I began dating Kris and Keltson.

Ernesto didn't know about this.

I didn't want him to know.

I didn't want him to think I was over him.

I didn't want to hurt him.

He was still in my ward.

We still saw each other every now and then when I would come down from school.

By February of 2008,

Ernesto had his mission call to Houston, Texas.

a few days after telling my parents I was pregnant,

Ernesto found out as well.

I was terrified of his response.

I didn't want to know how he felt.

I didn't think he even knew I was dating anyone.

I discovered about a week later,

that he didn't have hard feelings towards me.

He still talked to me every now and then

and he even hung out with my sister at my house sometimes.

He watched as I got engaged to Kris.

He sat upstairs as I brought Kris over to meet my old young womens leader who lived in his basement.

I was supposed to get married on April 18th.

He was supposed to leave on April 16th.

After calling off the wedding,

he seemed to talk to me even more.

He invited me to his farewell bbq

and he was so forgiving.

I couldn't believe how forgiving he was towards me.

He acted as though I hadn't completely betrayed him.

After leaving on his mission,

I received a few letters from him during my pregnancy.

I didn't write him back ONE TIME throughout the pregnancy.

I was stressed, and I honestly felt like there was nothing there between him and I.

I had no feelings for him.

After placing Avery for Adoption,

I began writing him back a little more.

I knew he needed the support and I felt wrong to just ignore his letters.

He got home in April of this year.

the day before he came home I was dating someone.

The guy I was dating asked me if he should be worried and without even skipping a breath I replied "NO!"

However,

the day after he came home,

I saw him for the first time in two years.

There was definitely something there.

he gave me a hug and I could feel the sparks.

I wanted to talk to him more,

but couldn't because I only saw him as I was leaving the restaurant Chili's with my Friend

(my old young womens leader living in his basement!)

a couple of days later,

He texted me.

a couple of days after that,

he called me.

I broke it off with the guy I was dating the day before Ernesto and I went on our very first date in two years.

and now...

we're getting married!!!

I'm so in Love.

He is THE MOST amazing man I have ever met in this world.

The things he has overcome in his life are incredible.

Anyone that has had any type of interaction with him loves him.

I'm so grateful to be his future wife.

I'm so excited.

This has all seemed so fast.

After my experience Last year,

I swore to myself that I would not let myself rush into a marriage.

But,

I know Ernesto.

I've known him for Three and a half years.

I know everything about this amazing man.

and

from his past,

there is no better man out there that could relate better to how incredible my situation is with Avery.

I just feel like he already belongs to my family.

He fits SO WELL.

I love him SO MUCH.

I can't wat to Marry this man.

I can't wait to be sealed to him for ETERNITY!!

He is my other half.
He is THE ONE.

We want a summer wedding.

I want the reception to be in my backyard.

So,

it's going to be a short engagement.

But, that is OKAY!! haha probably better in fact.

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

p.s.
I saw a rainbow today.

mmmhmm

2010-05-19T00:28:00.001-06:00

I've got another rainbow going on.

But this time,

a bright, amazing, lovely, never ending rainbow.
(and it even actually POURED rain today)

100,000,000,000 times better than the last.

You're gonna have to excuse me.

I'm basking in the moment.

I will tell you the story....

Soon :)

This is why I love Carrie Underwood.

2010-05-13T11:51:00.000-06:00

Such an Amazing, Talented, AWESOME Woman.

She's my Idol.

HEART IS FULL

2010-05-12T13:54:00.003-06:00

I was going to write this post the day after mothers day,

but my life is so busy that I never had time to finish it.

SO I'm sorry.

In all honesty,

I was expecting birthmothers/mothers day to be BAD.

I was not looking forward to either of them and almost started crying everytime I would think/talk about it.

Here is an example of how my day actually went:

* I woke up.

[The night before at like one in the morning I posted my Adoption Video on facebook.

I felt like I should do SOMETHING for birthmothers day. Especially since it seemed most of the other birthmom friends I have on facebook were already doing it.]

I got on facebook before getting ready for the birthmom walk.

I had received probably 8 comments on my video from different people wishing me a happy birthmothers day and saying the SWEETEST things to me.

* One of my very good friends was coming with me to the birthmom walks. He brought me candy, gerber daisys, and a card wishing me a happy birthmothers day. I was SO grateful for that. It wasn't expected and I couldn't stop smiling when he gave them to me.

*We go to the birthmom walk and about10 minutes after getting there, Dustin Andrea and Avery showed up. We were there for probably a good hour and a half. Avery was ADORABLE and we played with her forever. She is such a light in my life. I felt so peaceful after leaving. I'm SO glad that I can be a part of her life.

* When we were leaving Dustin Andrea and Avery gave me the SWEETEST gift. I got another Willowtree statue that I can add to my collection, Sour patch kids and the CUTEST cards. Avery drew me a picture. Just looking at it melts my heart. Few people can understand how much a picture like that means.

* When I got home from the Walk, I got back on facebook. I had 20 notifications! All of which were from people wishing me a happy birthmothers day and giving me SO much support. I couldn't even believe it. I had SOO MUCH SUPPORT. I got really emotional as I read them all. I can't even explain how grateful I am for all of you. Your support means more than words could ever express.

* I went to work my night shift at work that night...and my COWORKERS were the same way. MAN I love my job. I am SO lucky.

* The next day, Mothers day, Was my good friends homecoming. He just came home from his mission. He is in my ward too! So, I went to Sacramant. I was VERY worried about this to be honest. I wasn't planning on going because it was mothers day and I knew all of the talks would be on mothers. So when I found out his homecoming was this day, I was dreading it. I got there late because I knew his talk would be last and I thought that might help ease the pain a little. The last speaker before him was speaking. Her talk really got to me. She explained in her talk that she understand that mothers day may be a difficult day for some. She made sure to be very sensitive towards this, while still explaining what a gift it is to be a mother.

*When Sacrament was over, they passed out the Annual mothers day gifts. The bishopric stood up and asked that all of the women 18 and graduated stand because they were going to receive that same gift. I LOVE my ward. They are so sensitive to my situation. I don't think the bishopric even realized how much this meant to me. But I had a really hard time with this last year. and even then, an amazing woman in my ward got a gift and gave it to me last year. She told me that I was still a mother regardless of whether or not I had a child that I was raising.

*At about 6 on Mothers day I brought Andrea her mothers day present. Avery was there and she was SO sweet. I seriously love the relationship I have with Dustin and Andrea. Thank you Dustin and Andrea. If it wasn't for you, I would not be where I am right now.

I would like to thank EVERYONE that helped me through this. Most of you don't even realize that you contributed. I LOVE everyone in my life. So if you're reading this, consider yourself one of those people.

I hope that your mothers day was as peaceful as mine. I hope that all of the women out there that are in a similar situation as me, or if your someone that feels mothers day is one of your LEAST favorite holidays, I hope you felt the peace that I felt. You deserve it.

I felt so bad the next day. I was planning on doing the same for all you mothers/expectant/hoping to adopt mothers...but that day was busy. and now I feel kind of selfish. So consider this, a HAPPY BELATED MOTHERS DAY to all of you!!