Sunday, February 28, 2010


I was reading Stefanie's blog and she has this thing.
I thought it was weird, but after I clicked on it I thought it was a pretty good idea!

So I signed up.
You can ask me anything you want.
I won't know who you are, and I will be completely honest.

Just Click HERE
Ready, GO!

Saturday, February 27, 2010


Wednesday was my Favorite Brother in Law's birthday.

Blake turned 24.
I felt kind of bad on Wednesday though because none of my family (apart from my sister of course) wished him happy birthday.

Because my sister was planning a suprise party for Friday (yesterday).
we all kind of forgot about his real Birthday.

I think (at least I'm hoping)
we made up for that yesterday.

We all met at TGI Fridays.
When I say all, I mean all 22 of us.

Blake only thought it was him, my sister and my parents.
(My parents always take us out to dinner for our birthday)

Little did he know,
there was about 18 others coming a long.

After dinner,
we all went back to BreeAnn and Blake's house for Ice Cream.

It was fun...
and so was this!

haha mmm....

and I hope my only big brother can forgive us for not talking to him on his actual birthday.


Friday, February 19, 2010


If you didn't notice,
I've changed my blog layout again.

I don't really like any of them
and if I was creative..and smart enough,
I would make my blog unique.

since I have absolutely no idea how to do that...
I just changed the layout again.

Anyone want to show me how to give my blog 'Uniqueness'??
(yes I'm aware that uniqueness may or may not be a word...)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


This week I had a lot of 'getting organized' plans

I feel those plans are going to be put on hold for yet, another week.

I am SICK.
I haven't been this sick since...before Avery.

Fever and all.
Please excuse me now while I go to sleep.
I wish to not wake up until I am better.

wish me luck!!

Sunday, February 14, 2010


10 Reasons why it's better to be single on Valentines Day

1. The invitations you receive are because they like you not your significant other
2. Your spare time is your spare time. You never have to share it with anyone else.
3. You save money.
4. There's no need to dress up. You can sit around in your sweats all day and enjoy the comfort
5. Plans are constantly in Flux
6. You get one on one time with Ben and Jerry
7. You won't receive roses that will only die in a couple of days
8. You can have more than one Valentine ;)
9. No emotions are involved. You will always know how you feel.
10. You can laugh at all of the cheesy, puke inducing things people say!


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Adoption is hard, but worth it.

Today I was reminded of experiences that lead to my decision to place.

I began really thinking, in depth about what led me to call off the wedding,
and to decide on adoption.

I got very choked up while remembering.

Throughout the whole engagement,
it seemed that everything pertaining to the wedding plans were working out perfectly.

Let me just name a few:

* My uncle and his family had just moved from their house in Provo to Oregon.
He had been renting his Provo house out to his Brother in law, who miraculously wouldn't need it anymore and would be moving out just weeks after our wedding date. My uncle told me he would let us live there for only $500/month. This house was huge. It had 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, an office and many other luxuries that were way more than what we needed. It was so generous. So, we already had a house.

* I went shopping for my wedding dress.  I found the perfect one at the first store, on the first day of shopping. It was a good price and we purchased it that day. There's my dress

* We found a church that is gorgeous.  Since we wouldn't have been able to marry in the temple, I wanted to do the ceremony there.  It was seriously the most beautiful church I have ever seen. Unfortunately, so many people wanted their wedding/reception there, that the stake had recently made a rule that only people in the stake could use it for weddings.  Well, my dad went in and talked to the stake president.  My dad had lived there when he was younger and he was hoping he could talk him in to letting us use it.  He succeeded.  We got the church and the day we had set for our Wedding, was one of the very few days that the church wasn't being used. So, we had a place set for the wedding.

* we needed furniture for the house and there was no way we could afford buying it all.  a couple of days after realizing this, my uncle called and told me that his Brother and law was going to leave his furniture in the living room because he wasn't going to need it for a few months.  So, there we had our furniture.

I could go on and on, but to save space, I won't. 
Everything and I mean everything  was working out.

because of this, I began telling myself even more that this was supposed to happen.
That I was supposed to marry him.
It wouldn't work out the way it was if I wasn't supposed to.

during all of this I was in the worst mood.
and it got even worse whenever Kris was around.
I wanted nothing to do with him and we argued every time we were around each other.
We couldn't even agree on a song to dance to at the wedding.

We went to IKEA one day to look for some things,
and we did not agree on ANY style.
he ended up leaving and doing his own thing while I complained about him to my aunt the rest of the time.
(who, I'm sure, regretted coming with us)

Does that sound like a happily engaged couple?
yeah, definitely not.

Here is where I get emotional.
This is the part that everything started turning around and I began realizing that I was not supposed to marry him.

It's where I began realizing that adoption was the best thing...
and, although I was not aware of it at the time,
this is also where Dustin and Andrea come in.

March 17, 2008.
was Kris's 19th birthday.

We spent most of the day together since it was his birthday.
We spent most of the day arguing and disagreeing on just about everything. 

Around 5:00,
we drove to the temple.
He got out and walked around the temple grounds.
I drove to the edge of the parking lot,
where no cars were parked,
parked my car,
and cried.

I remember staring out my window and praying that I know what to do.
I wanted so badly for this to work out. 
I wanted my baby to have everything. 
I was lost and I didn't know what to do. 

It was the first time that I decided that I was going to really try and listen for an answer. 
I was going to try to set aside the answer that I wanted, and try to listen for the right answer. 

I personally think that this was the day we both began realizing that getting married was not the right thing.
we were both having second thoughts.
(whether he admits it or not) 

My pondering and looking for an answer was cut short when Kris's mom pulled up next to me.

In the meantime,
on this same day,
Dustin and Andrea were finally approved for adoption and their profile went up online.

About a week later,
Kris and I were driving home from getting our marriage license.

About 5 minutes before we pulled in to his neighborhood,
we began a serious talk.
a talk that ended with me giving him back the ring.
I was bawling.

I was crying so hard that I couldn't move.
at that moment I realized something that deep down,
I always knew was the right thing.
I knew what I was supposed to do and it was painful to think about.

I was supposed to place this baby for adoption.

When Kris got out of the car, I pulled out of the drive way, and my phone beeped. 
It was a text message from my mom that said "Do you need me?"

I began crying even harder.
I couldn't understand how she knew I needed her.
But she did.

I replied yes,
and we met at the park. 

you know the rest of the story.

This story is so vital in my life. 
It is something I will always remember. 
It's hard to explain, 
but I know Adoption was the right thing plainly because of this story. 

because of the way I felt. 
I felt so at peace and finally calm after giving Kris the ring. 
I felt like a mountain was lifted off of my chest. 
and that was the reason I was crying.
Because I didn't want it to be right.
Many couples say,
Adoption is hard, but worth it. 

That goes for birth parents too. 
it's very very hard.
the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life.

But in the end,
seeing the joy Avery brings to Dustin and Andrea,
seeing her complete happiness,
and knowing that she is better off, 
is so so worth it.

Friday, February 5, 2010

My list Update

Sorry about the lacking on my blog.
I have one of the worst computers on the planet,
I have been SOO busy.
I have accomplished many of the goals on my list so far this year.
I've been really proud of myself actually!
here are just a few of the things I have done in the past month (give or take ;))
*Learn how to make Cafe Rio pork (Which I did today. It is SO much more work than expected)
*Dye my hair and include the color red
*Befriend a complete stranger
*make a CD of all of the pictures on my computer
and I also went to IKEA today.
To find a desk
I'm moving in to a house with 5 other roomates in May
 decided that is the perfect oppertunity to "remodel" my bedroom!!
I'm really sorry I'm slacking on my blog lately.
My life has been pretty uneventful lately
(which is NOT a bad thing!)
I'm speaking at a middle school about adoption on Monday.
It will be the first MIDDLE school,
Usually it's high schools.
Hopefully it will go well!!