I absolutely loved it and definitely recommend you go if you haven't already.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The weather here on Friday was to die for!
It was so warm,
OH SUMMER HERE YOU COME!!!!
Unfortunately, we did not know that it was going to be such great weather, so Elicia was wearing a hoodie!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
and they helped. Incredibely.
My mom's my best friend.
I don't know what I'd do without her.
I love her so much. She has been my biggest cheerleader.
My mom is literally there for me through everything. She talks to me when I'm sad, and laughs with me when I'm happy.
She is amazing.
I don't know how she does everything she does.
I can't say enough good about my mom.
She helped me through both losing my best friend and placing Avery all in the same month.
If she hadn't been there, I don't think I would have made it.
Thank you mom! I love you.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
1. Avery Leigh and her absolutely Amazing parents!
2. My little brother Joey!
3. A view of city lights, sunrise and sunset
4. Chicken Salad and croissants from Costco...best food EVER
5. the letter A when I look at my grades
Mandy, BreeAnn, & Jamie
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
So I finally got Elicia back for the little prank she played on me a few weeks ago. Isn't the video awesome?
(I was sick, so my voice sounds worse than normal)
I stole her keys one night (without her noticing) and when she went to bed I put them in the Jello.
Mandy was there to watch, and was quite proud of me :D So we took pictures.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Why wasn't she coming?
Why was she taking so long?
That night, while I was laying next to my mom and complaining, (this had been a regular occurrence lately) She got up and said "I'm hungry. Let's go to Mcdonalds" I looked at her, confused. "Okay..."
she then told me to put on some tennis shoes because we were walking there.
Normally I would have been against this little idea, but I knew that it would have to do SOMETHING for me to walk that far. It was at least 3 miles away.
We walked all the way, my mom was so patient with me. I complained about my situation the whole way there and cried. She simply just listened and talked to me about it.
When we got to McDonalds I had blisters on my feet. My mom called my dad & had him pick us up so that we didn't have to have to walk all the way home.
The next day, Dustin Andrea and I decided to meet for dinner and then go to my house afterwards to play games. We did this every week. For dinner, we decided to go to the little Chinese restaurant by my house.
While we were eating I had my first real contraction.
I wasn't sure if I should get excited or not because I had been getting contractions for weeks and nothing was happening.
On the way back to my house I had another one. These contractions were all a lot more intense. When we arrived at my house, we started setting up the game. This was when I started having them close to 5 minutes apart.
My mom kept saying that I was faking it. I began trying to convince her that I really was having them. "you told me earlier today that you were going to fake it." she said.
That was true. But I wasn't faking it.
My Dad on the other hand said he believed I was going to have her by the next day. My mom decided that we would go for a walk in the park, and if I was still having them we would go to the hospital.
Dustin and Andrea pulled out their camera and started taking pictures. They didn't want to miss anything if this was for real.
We walked to the park and back. Sure enough, I was still having them. The feeling that surrounded us was so intense. You could feel every one's excitement, and anxiety.
When we finally decided to go to the hospital, Dustin and Andrea followed behind us all the way there. At one point they called and asked if we thought this was really it.
When we arrived, the nurse checked me and announced that I was dilated to a 1 and 70% effaced. I was SO HAPPY. Even though it was only a 1, at least it was something! She then proceeded to tell me that if it's not a three, they have to get permission from the Doctor to keep me there.
We were so anxious. I was praying that they would admit me. It was 11:00 pm, so they had to ask the doctor working the graves that night.
When he finally came in,
he said that because I hadn't been thinned at all at my last appointment,
he would admit me and start me on medicine to speed up the process.
I looked over at Dustin and Andrea. I couldn't help but feel excited for them. They were grinning. I couldn't believe that it was finally here!
The Doctor proceeded to tell Dustin and Andrea that it would be a while until I had the baby, and recommended that they go home and get a good nights rest, because it would probably be their last. They gave me a hug, wished me luck, and left.
That night was painful. The medicine they gave me was definitely making my contractions extremely painful. I couldn't sleep. My mom was there with me sleeping on the little bench by the window. I tried really hard to be quiet because I knew that she needed her sleep, but I was in pain. I cried a lot. I wanted the epidural, but every time the nurse would come in and check me, she would say that nothing had changed. I had to be dilated to a 3 in order to receive an epidural.
at around 7 am, they checked me again and told me that I was dilated to a 3 and that my doctor would be there in an hour. what?? no I wanted the epidural NOW.
They explained that before I received my epidural, my Dr. had to check me and approve.
It was the longest hour of my life.
Once he came he checked me, and confirmed that I could proceed with the epidural. Within minutes the anesthesiologist was in my room.
The second the pain was gone, I wanted to hug him.
I thanked him, and fell right to sleep.
I was in and out of consciousness the whole day. I was so tired, but Dustin and Andrea were there, and so was my family. I didn't want to just sleep. At 2 pm, the nurse came in and checked me. She told me that I was dilated to a 9!
I was so excited!
She then checked to make sure Avery was facing the right direction.
She wasn't. She was facing up instead of down.
The nurse got my doctor and for the next few hours they worked on turning her around. They thought they had gotten her turned, and by about 5:00, the doctor came in and she had flipped back around completely. Finally he just turned her really quickly, and then left to go help perform a c-section.
I wanted Dustin and Andrea there to see their daughter born. They stood up by my head and watched as Avery was born. It was the most spiritual experience I have ever had in my life.
It all happened so fast.
I remember looking over at Dustin and Andrea as they walked in. Within minutes Dr. Terry held up a beautiful baby girl, and she started crying.
born at 5:17 pm, on October 28th 2008.
I sat in awe and stared at her. She had ten fingers. Ten toes. She had 2 arms and 2 legs. What a miracle she was.
They then laid Avery on my chest. I held on to her. I couldn't stop crying, or staring at her. Dustin and Andrea cut the chord and the nurse wrapped her in a blanket. I immediately pulled her to my chest. I couldn't stop staring at her. Her beautiful eyes.
I didn't ever want let her go.
I looked up for the first time since she was born. Dustin and Andrea were standing there with tear stained faces just staring at her. I looked at my mom. She was crying.
I asked Andrea if she wanted to hold her. "no, you can hold her." she said. I could tell she was just aching to hold her daughter. I looked down at my beautiful Angel again, and then gave her to Andrea. "You can hold her."
Watching Andrea gently take her from my arms and hold her for the first time was amazing. I will forever remember that moment. She was so in love with this little Angel. This was her daughter.
Andrea and Avery both just stared at each other the whole time. The spirit was so strong. We all just sat and watched this tender moment.
The next person to hold her was Dustin. If anyone has ever seen a new father hold his little girl for the very first time, you can comprehend maybe a little as to how touching this was. What an amazing father Dustin was. They stared into each others eyes forever. Avery knew this was her dad.
They placed her back in my arms after this, and I just stared at her again. She was beautiful.
The next day, exactly 24 hours after Avery was born, I signed relinquishment papers. Normally you do this when you are placing her, but because of issues with the birth father, I didn't want to risk anything. I signed them as soon as possible.
This was the hard part. Listening to every word they would read, and signing all of those papers killed me. I held Avery in my arms while I did this. I never wanted to let her go. They read every word out loud. They said things like,
"After signing these papers you will no longer have any rights to this child."
"Signing these papers indicate that you will no longer be her mother."
"This takes every right you have to this baby away"
"All your rights will be terminated. Relinquished."
It was like they were looking for every word they could possibly think of that would rip my heart out. It killed me. At the very end, they asked me to explain why I was doing this. are you serious? I thought. "Is that really necessary?" my dad asked. They explained that it was because I had to show that I was not being coerced into doing this.
I was crying, bawling. I could hardly talk and they wanted me to explain to them why I was doing this!? All I could say was, "Because I love her. and I want her to have a mom and a dad that love each other." I hugged her tighter.
Once that was over I took a deep breath. Considering the situation, I could not believe how calm I felt. I knew what I was doing, but it was okay. I knew without a doubt that this was the right thing. I didn't have any second thoughts. Not at all. I couldn't believe it
The next day I had all to myself. I asked that I have no visitors. I wanted to spend time with her. Just me and Avery. I wanted to hold her and be her mom for one day. I can honestly tell you that I hardly slept the entire time I was at the hospital. I probably had about 3 hours of sleep all together. I didn't WANT to sleep.
I wanted to look at her.
Play with her.
Sing to her.
I didn't have time to sleep. I could hardly tell that I was even tired.
On October 30th, 2008 at 5:00 pm Dustin and Andrea Arrived to pick up their baby girl.
I felt at peace with all of it. I was so calm. There were tears, throughout my entire hospital stay, yes. But when it came the time for me to give her to them, I was okay. I was at peace. The spirit was strong. I felt Angels surrounding all of us.
Watching her mom and dad hold her the day we left was even more comforting.
They loved her so much. I Knew she was in the best hands, and would be loved unconditionally, just like I had hoped for.
About an hour after they arrived, I gave Avery another big kiss and huge hug, and placed her in Andrea's arms.
Andrea put her in her car seat. I stood up gave both her a Dustin a huge long hug, and sat in the wheelchair outside my door.
On the car ride home, I cried. I cried for days. But I never second guessed my decision. From the moment I met Dustin and Andrea I knew she was theirs. From the moment she was born, I knew she was theirs. I love Avery more than I thought I could ever love someone. She is my little Angel. She has truly changed my life for the better.
These things that have happened to me are pieces of me. They have made me who I am today.
I am truly blessed to have met such amazing people. I am so happy to have found the perfect couple for Avery. I am so happy that through adoption, I have a relationship that will last forever
Dustin and Andrea are not just friends. They are like family.
I am so grateful to them for being so willing to have an open adoption with me.
It's so wonderful to always know how Avery is doing. It's so great that I can watch her grow up. She is truly my Angel sent from heaven, and the most loved and spoiled little girl I know.
Wanna know our story from her parents point of view click HERE?
wanna see how big she is getting?
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
"I just wanted to let you know that I always told Andrea that when she got pregnant, I would get her anything she was craving at any time of night. The same goes for you."
I laughed, and thanked him.
These really were some AMAZING people.
A couple of days later, I asked them if they wanted to come to the Doctor Appointments with me. I wanted it to seem like Andrea was the one pregnant. I wanted her to experience the pregnancy with me. It made things easier for me. It helped me feel that she would bond with the baby as much as me. It made it easier for me to call her the mom and not me. So they did. I was only 14 weeks along when we met, so they only missed the very first appointment. When we got to the hospital, and went back into our room, our nurse told me that we were going to hear the heartbeat. I was So excited. When the doctor came in and put the monitor on my stomach, it became silent.
As she went on to look at the profile of the baby, my throat became really tight. I could not believe that there was a little child inside of me. I looked at Dustin and Andrea, and their eyes were fixed on the screen. They were seeing their baby for the very first time. All of the sudden the Ultrasonographer said
"okay it looks like you're having a little girl."
When we were done, we went back to the waiting room while they created the video and printed off the pictures. I sat on the couch. Andrea sat next to me on one side and my mom on the other. "how are you doing?" my mom asked. That was it. I couldn't hold it in anymore. "This sucks." I said as I burst into tears. Andrea began to cry as well and put her arm around me.
I couldn't stop crying. I tried as hard as I could to stop. I didn't want them to worry about me. They were supposed to be enjoying the moment. They had just found out they were having a girl. I didn't want to ruin the moment.
"I hope she looks just like you" said Dustin.
I looked at him and smiled. "thanks." I said. Here they were trying to make me feel better. They didn't have to do this. I wished I could stop. I didn't want to make them feel like they couldn't be excited. They needed to be excited.
When they finally brought the pictures and video out, we walked out the door. Andrea hugged me again and we stood there for a while. I was crying. She was crying. These people were amazing.
When I got in the car I looked at my mom. I knew she was trying to be strong for me. We both began to cry and gave eachother a hug. My mom is a strong person.
I worked at eBay, and after about a month, Dustin and Andrea started bringing me dinner. They did this almost every night. We talked about everything during these dinner breaks, and learned so many things about each other. These were amazing people.
Leigh is my middle name.
He said that they wanted to give meaning to her name, and they wanted her to remember her birth mom. I didn't know what to say. All I could do was thank both of them through text, and cry.
The months went on, and by the time I was 9 months along I was ready to have the baby. I was getting so anxious, and felt as ready as I would ever be. My due date was October 25th. I got to my weekly checkups, and everytime I would leave in a bad mood. Every appointment they would tell me that nothing was happening. I hadn't even started thinning.
Let's just say, the people that I came in contact with the last few weeks of my pregnancy... I owe each and every one of them an apology.
I was in a bad mood everyday.
I didn't know why this baby wasn't coming. I was an emotional wreck.
I felt fat,
I felt like It would be easier to cope if I could deal with all of it at once; especially when I knew I was going to have to soon.
October 25th came and nothing.
was I ever going to have this baby?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
A couple days after I called off the wedding, we met with LDSFS to start the adoption process. My case worker asked me to write a list of the kind of family I wanted my baby to go to. I remember writing a huge long list. I wrote in many different ways that I wanted them to be in love.
Monday, February 9, 2009
"wow. okay, well you're pregnant. There is no need to come in. Is this a good or a bad thing?"
After telling him the news, I grabbed my keys and went to my car. I had to get out of my apartment.
That was when my dad called.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Thanks Aunt Natalie for the kind Award!!!
4. Jamie Taylor
5. The R House
(I don't even know her personally but I LOVE her blog)
10. Megan & AJ
This is what you need to do. Thank the person who gave the award to you, post the award on your blog or on a post, nominate 10 blogs which show great attitude/gratitude, link to the people you chose on your post, and comment on their blogs to tell them about the award!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I just finished talking to a guy about the church
I was pretty upset when I finally ended the conversation because of some of the things he was saying.
How can someone have such hard feelings towards the church?
I then started talking to Lance about it.
he said that he had people say things to him like that all the time on his mission
(he came home just 6 weeks ago)
I really wanted so badly to just prove this guy wrong, but Lance finally explained that there is nothing we can do with people like that. He said he tried to at first, but realized that there is nothing we can say or do to change minds of people like that. It is up to them.
This guy I was talking to kept saying things like
"you feel that way based on false information, fake experiences, and lies founded by someone who was completely untrustworthy"
WHAT????? No, I feel this way based on experiences this past year that I couldn't have gotten through without the gospel. I feel this way based on how I felt in the hospital with Avery. Based on how extremely calm I felt when signing relinquishment papers. Based on Family. Based on the overwhelming feeling I felt when I met Dustin and Andrea.
I wouldn't have gotten through any of this without the gospel. It kills me when people don't feel the same way. I wish they did.
and on top of the whole adoption,
I wouldn't have gotten through Keltsons death. He died two weeks before Avery was born. I wouldn't have lived without the gospel and knowing I will see him again. I wouldn't have gotten through anything without the priesthood blessings I received.
I wish he understood.
I wish everyone understood.
I love this gospel.